Claim: Characters belong to the Naruto series!

Tobi's Buffet

Chapter Three: Akatsuki Bonding Time

At the end of Deidara's brawl let's just just say it's a good thing Tobi wears a mask, but Deidara did, unfortunately, get his hair bands back and strutted off in some dignified way.

But Leader did make Tobi clean the kitchen, thanks to Kisame. Bleh, Kisame-sama. Thought Tobi accusingly, mopping up the kitchen floor an hour after the fight. Now all Tobi could do was wait for Deidara with those plates and dinner wear.

Tobi sighed, thinking about all the work he was going to have to do before lunch time. Paint all of those plates. Maybe Deidara-sempai would help. He perked up a little bit and began to warble out a song.

Tobi

Obi

Mobi

Cobi

Tobi

Obi

Mobi

Cobi

Tobi

Obi

Mobi

Cobi

Tobi is a good boy!

He giggled, and looked at the new kitchen floor. All done. He put the mop away then skipped into the hallway, where Itachi and Kakuzu where talking.

"Garbage." Kakuzu was saying, his hands on his hips.

"It's the new Icha-Icha Paradise." Itachi said coldly. "And I'd like to have it. Just give me early wage."

"Waste of money!" Rang Kakuzu. "No. If I did that then the whole Akatsuki would want early wages. You pervert."

"Yay, Itachi-sama is a pervert!" Cheered Tobi, dancing up to them, trying to wipe off their tense faces.

Kakuzu shot Tobi a disapproving look. Tobi only grinned. "If-If I get early wage can you take me to the grocery store?" He pleaded.

"No. No early wages. And I do food shopping."

"Can I make a list, then? Kakuzu-sama?" Asked Tobi, crestfallen.

"No! I have counting to do!" He snapped his heels and stalked away. Itachi stood there, looking a bit fumed.

"Itachi-sama." Said Tobi suddenly.

"Yes?" he asked, forced to turn to him.

"What's a pervert?"

Itachi stood silent while Tobi waited patiently.

"Your face." He finally said and walked away.

Tobi touched his mask in stupid wonder. "My face's a pervert? I'm going to tell Deidara-sempai! Maybe he's done with those plates!"

He walked towards Deidara's room, fascinated by the new wonder, and happy that Itachi's face is a pervert too, made him feel special to have something in common with Itachi-sama (Other than being an Uchiha). He remembered seeing Kakuzu looking annoyed and Itachi looking irritated and then another idea struck him. And he didn't even have to think!

He wouldn't paint all the dinner wear by himself. He would make everyone paint some dishes! Yeah, that way they could all be friends with some time together. So then if Itachi is friends with Kakuzu, and he could give Itachi early his wage.

He giggled with glee and knocked on Deidara's door. Deidara opened it and saw who it was, frowning. "What do you want, un?"

"Are you done?"

"Yeah." He answered and beckoned Tobi in. "Don't do anything stupid Tobi." He growled.

To Tobi's delight there was a stack of plates, bowls and cups lying on the floor. Deidara smiled smugly. "Tobi, it was easy. Now take them and leave."

He began handing Tobi dishes, as he was doing so Tobi began babbling. "Sempai, I had an idea. I was thinking that we should all paint the plates and stuff!"

Deidara stacked the bowls in Tobi's arms and furrowed his eye brows. "Stupid, why would we do that? We have more important things."

"But Deidara-sempai if we paint then we could all be friends!"

"Bonding time you mean?" Grunted Deidara, giving Tobi the rest of the plates.

"Yeah! Can we do it Sempai? Please, please?!" He said whiney.

Deidara eyed Tobi disapprovingly and said. "Fine." Tobi cheered, making the dishes wobble.

"Watch it!" Hissed Deidara, holding his hands out to balance the dishes in Tobi's arms.

"Sorry Sempai." Apologized Tobi.

"Listen." Groaned Deidara, disapproving the lack of serious-ness from 'bonding time' "I'll bring Sasori's old paints. We'll paint in the eating room, right?"

Tobi nodded, being hustled out of the room by Deidara. "You take the plates, Tobi, and don't drop them! Dobe. You can get everyone to the room." He smiled as if it wasn't going to work. No way would anyone want to "bond."

But Tobi nodded, determined, remembering the sake of his beloved table. The he added, "Sempai guess what?!"

Deidara was already going down the hall; he sighed and unwillingly turned to Tobi, like Itachi had done. "What? Tobi?"

"My face's a pervert like Itachi-sama's!" he said proudly.

Deidara's eyes widened, then turned around and began walking off to get as far away from Tobi as possible.

Next thing he knew, Tobi had all the plates stacked in the middle of the tarp-covered table and paints ready to be used. Deidara slinked into his chair, rambling on the stupid idea. "What's the point in this art? If it can't last a moment and truly be appreciated."

"Uh-huh." Replied Tobi, half-listening, setting a paint brush in front of every seat.

Deidara mocked his deceased partner in a false voice. "True art is eternal beauty." He smirked. "How absurd. But since that girl killed Sasori, I suppose my way is the true way. What true art really is, is art the lasts a moment." He looked at his mouths, they gritted their teeth together.

"All done!" Said Tobi, never listening to what Sempai was saying. "I'm going to get the others!"

He ran out of the room and began to run around the headquarters, banging doors.

He only knocked on Leader-sama's door. The leader opened it, looking suspicious. "I have a surprise for you! Go to the eating room!"

The leader sighed. "All right."

Hidan threw his open with a furious crash. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Leader says go to the eating room." Lied Tobi and dashed off.

He knocked all the doors and repeated the fake orders, then huffed back to the room before anyone else.

He found Deidara in the same position. Deidara smirked at Tobi. "So, are they coming?"

"Yeah!" Warbled Tobi.

The leader came in, actually looking surprised to see the art supplies. "Sit down Leader!" Encouraged Tobi. Pein slid in his chair suspiciously.

The rest filed in. Kisame looked at the Leader, all of them surprised by what's on the table. "You called us, leader?" Asked Kisame, leaning Samehada-chan against the wall this time.

"No," Answered the leader, as they all sat into their seats. "Tobi has a surprise for us."

A few of them shot him glares. Tobi grinned and stood up. "Akatsuki, I have a job for youuuuu! You have to help and paint some dishes. The dishes you paint are yours for when you eat!" he grinned more excitedly. "You can paint whatever you want! Deidara-sempai calls this 'bonding time'."

Few members groaned.

The members, complaining that they had better things to do, took a fair share of dishes. Tobi got two plates, a bowl and a cup. Then took his paint brush enthusiastically and dipped it in orange paint. He began to smear the paint onto the plate in the skills of a five year old child, not that he was aware of.

"Dumb idea." Mumbled Deidara, painting a bird that resembled one of his explosives on his plate.

"That's pretty Sempai." Complimented Tobi.

The others chatted about the nonsense of the plates; only a few like Blue-chan looked content painting.

"Hey," Called Hidan. "What'dya a think?" he held up his plate.

So far it said, "Hidan's Fucking Plate You Bastard."

"It looks like crap, jackass. Put some effort into it." Said Kakuzu, gingerly painting in gold.

"What about yours?" Protested Hidan. "You just have to have fucking gold coins on yours!"

Tobi craned to listen to the others. Blue-chan leaned over to see Itachi's plate. "Good work, Itachi-kun," She said admiringly. "I like the sharingan."

Leader-sama flicked his eyes towards Itachi, giving a jealous look. Itachi just looked at her and nodded.

"Kisame, I like your gold fish!" Complimented Tobi, almost finished painting his whole plate orange.

Kisame fumed at Tobi, looking down at the blue sea creature. "It's supposed to be a shark."

"Looks like a fish to me." Commented Hidan rudely.

Tobi frowned, ignoring Kisame now. Then he remembered Kakuzu and Itachi's earlier unfriendliness and called, "Kakuzu-sama, isn't Itachi-sama's plate good!"

Kakuzu jerked his head up from concentration at the sound of his name. Then he looked over at Itachi's plate. Itachi, also looking slightly surprised, glanced at Hidan, who shrugged. Kakuzu glanced at the plate admiringly. "That would make me some money."

"To bad it's not for sale, right Itachi?" Asked Kisame, looking at his fellow partner.

Itachi looked a Kakuzu and said quietly, "You can have it if you give me an early wage."

"DEAL!" Roared Kakuzu, the same time Hidan said, "WHAT??!!"

"Yay! Friends!" Cried Tobi.

"What's going on?" Zetsu rasped.

Itachi did a few lasts strokes of red on his plate and lifted the sharingan plate to Kakuzu. Kakuzu's threads shot out and picked the plate in a matter of seconds. Putting it gently besides him, smiling greedily, he reached in his robe and produced a silk bag. He tossed it to Itachi, which caught it with a slight smirk on his face.

"Kisame, we're making a little trip tomorrow," he informed his partner. "Icha-icha Paradise is calling my name."

Kisame, who was fuming at his plate, turned to Itachi. "Of course, Itachi-san. We can get your perverted books-I'll come if you tell me why this looks like a damn blue gold-fish!" he pointed to his plate.

"It needs to be longer." Replied Itachi, cold again. "And a top fin…"

"I can't fucking believe you." Accused Hidan. "You only have time for anything with damn money! Not any respect for your own partner! "

"Your rituals are dumb and unnecessary," Informed Kakuzu stubbornly. He glanced at the plate. "This will be nice on the market. Besides Hidan don't make me take this outside." He gave Hidan a threatening look. "Or the head will come off." He made a slicing motion with his finger across his neck.

Hidan narrowed his eyes, raised his fist-in a tense moment, with the brush stuck in it. But then he dipped it in red paint and began scribbling swear words and Jashin praises on his mug, ignoring Kakuzu who shrugged and went back to painting.

Tobi finished two plates and a bowl, all trademark orange. He was so proud. He turned to his partner. "Like my plates Senpai?"

Deidara turned from Zetsu to Tobi, he frowned. "Even I can't call that art. Your skill is like an infant's."

"How about yours?" Asked Tobi unfazed.

Deidara sighed and gestured to the magnificently painted dinner wear. Tobi stared in awe. The plates where beautiful. They had painted explosives on them and clay birds. He turned to Deidara. "Sempai those look like the best ones!"

"And Kakuzu can't have them." Said Deidara smugly, he picked up a plate. "I like these…maybe…maybe Sasori was a little right on his theory." He sounded a tad shocked.

"Somethin' about long right?" Asked Tobi.

Deidara narrowed his eyes. "You weren't listening to me at all earlier where you!"

"Yup!"

"Why you-"But he was cut off.

"Tobi, tell me, is this good?" Came the leader's voice. The table fell silent.

Tobi looked over at Leader's painted dinner wear. It was the traditional black with red clouds. Tobi grinned and held up two thumbs. "Good leader-sama!"

The leader nodded. Then Blue-chan held up her own plate. "May I ask for opinion?"

Tobi very gladly looked at hers too. It was white with a blue flower imprinted in the middle. Tobi said, "It's pretty like you Blue-chan!"

Blue smiled, while the Leader almost glared at Tobi.

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Author's Note: Yay! Cliffhanger! Sorry if it took so long, I have been kinda busy. Tobi's determination leads to 'bonding time'! Its really isn't bonding if you ask me, lol. And what?! Deidara is actually realizing to Sasori's theory on art?????

Hmmmm, next chapter Tobi might take a trip to the grocery store….

So you next chapter!