Claim: Characters belong to the Naruto series!

Tobi's Buffet

Chapter 4: Grocery Adventure

A half-an-hour later and the dishes where magnificently painted. Tobi tried to give everyone a congratulating hug but ended up with bruises in inappropriate spots. Now Tobi sat alone, looking at all the plates, each one matched who it now belonged too.

Tobi's dinner wear was orange.

Kakuzu's painted with coins and jewels. Obviously.

Hidan's printed with swear words, Jashin praises and his real blood. Which he would explode later when Tobi washes it off after he ate off of it. Tobi shuddered.

Zetsu's was slashed with many colors, the two sides of him arguing what colors to use.

Itachi's painted sharingan, but missing the plate he sold to Kakuzu.

Kisame's with sharks-but Tobi thought they still looked like blue gold fish.

Blue-chan had flowers painted just like her hair accessory.

Leader had black and red clouds, just like their cloaks.

And finally-Deidara-sempai who had his designed clay birds on them. Tobi told him it looked like a girl painted it and got his head wrung. He rubbed his bruised head at the thought.

Now he had to move the plates to the kitchen. Picking up loads, he cheerily stuffed them in the coverts. It took a few minutes, because he knew if he broke one he would be struck dead. Especially by his "man-woman" sempai.

He went to the hallway. His plate plan was finished! He marched down through the headquarters looking for the tempered Kakuzu, now making his next move to save his table.

He found Kakuzu outside, plucking flowers from Blue-chan's garden and stuffing them in his bag.

"What are you doing? Kakuzu-sama?" Asked Tobi skipping (even though the bruises hurt a little) over to him.

Kakuzu whirled around, shocked to see Tobi. He was caught in his act of theft, but Tobi remained oblivious. "None of your business." Kakuzu sneered. "What do you want?"

Tobi scratched his black and blue bottom, and then grinned at Kakuzu. "When are you going to the grocery store?"

"In a few hours, why?" Answered Kakuzu, adjusting his robe-with a few clanking noises in the process.

"I need to come with!" Tobi insisted.

Kakuzu snorted. "No way. Last thing I need is some snotty kid tagging along."

"I'm a good boy!" Chorused Tobi-his favorite phrase.

Kakuzu sighed. "No Tobi. Now evaporate before I slice that little head off!"

"Please Kakuzu-sama! I'll do anything to go with!"

"Why? First tarps then paint plates." Asked Kakuzu.

"You'll see if you take me shopping!" Cheered Tobi. "I'll do anything."

"Anything?" Kakuzu echoed.

"Uh-huh"

"If you go shopping were buying with your wage then." Answered Kakuzu, looking grumpy.

Tobi jumped up and screamed for joy while Kakuzu clapped his hands to the sides of his head mumbling. Tobi followed then followed obediently, happy that his next step worked. To the grocery store!

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"Are we there yet?" Tobi squawked for the bazzilionth time.

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Tobi."

"Are we there now?"

"No."

"Are we there now, now?"

"Damn Tobi, shut your trap or you'll loose your limbs to cook!" Hissed Kakuzu and Tobi suddenly fell silent behind him.

The Akatsuki pair made their way into a village now far from headquarters. It was bustling today, to Kakuzu's disappointment on staying low. Tobi waved merrily to everyone, oblivious to the strange stares he received.

After awhile of walking and Tobi's whining they had reached the super market. Tobi looked up at hit. "Man, that's a big grocery store."

"Yeah so shut up and don't you dare get lost in there!" Warned Kakuzu. "Stay close."

"Got it." Tobi saluted and they walked in.

Tobi was in heaven as they entered the busy grocery store. Food stalked the shelves, fresh or canned. Tobi's eye glittered with delight. "Kakuzu! Let's get going!" he began walking off into an isle with Kakuzu pushing a cart at his heels.

"What a pansy. Hidan would be cracking up at me if he saw me like this." Mumbled Kakuzu.

The first isle was a dairy isle, jammed pack with milk and cheese. Tobi headed for the milk, Kakuzu behind. "Look, Kakuzu-sama," Tobi got a gallon of low fat milk and pushed it into Kakuzu's face. "Itachi-sama will like this; it'll keep his figure in shape!"

"No get the skin milk," ordered Kakuzu. "It's ten cents less."

"Kakuzu-sama." Frowned Tobi. "I' am the captain of this mission. We will get what I say." He sounded so serious Kakuzu's jaw dropped. Tobi grinned, pleased, and dropped the milk into the cart. "Don't worry Kakuzu, I was just playin' with you!" And patted Kakuzu's shoulder, making him scowl.

"Swiss cheese, white cheese…cheese cheese." Tobi was dumping several of cheese into the cart.

"What's the cheese for?" Asked Kakuzu.

"Mac and Cheese." Answered Tobi and floated off to another isle.

"Damn pansy." Swore Kakuzu, running after. "Why does he have to run off so fast?"

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Later on, the cart was half-filled.

"Kakuzu, what are these?" Tobi held up a box of pads (Coughyou know Cough) gingerly in the hygiene isle.

Kakuzu turned red, with embarrassment and anger. "Jackass," he hissed in a low voice. "Put that back, those are for women only."

"Then I'll get it for Deidara-sempai, he'll appreciate it." And Tobi tossed the box of pads into the cart, leaving a stunned Kakuzu.

"Tobi! Wait a minute!"

"Yes Kakuzu-sama?"

"You don't understand, Deidara doesn't need those. That's for…for…for a woman's…a woman's…natural problem." He concluded, turning shades of colors on his face.

"Oh then Sempai really needs it! It's not good to ignore problems!" Said Tobi, then skipped off.

"Oh lord, how am I going to explain this at headquarters?" Whimpered Kakuzu, following the oblivious bliss Akatsuki companion.

"Tobi we have to get Kisame his raw fish, remember that." Kakuzu said once he was finally at Tobi's heels. "And Itachi needs his jello, Zetsu his raw meat and already cooked chicken breast for Leader and Blue…"

"Actually Kakuzu-sama, we're eating what I make tomorrow." Said Tobi stopping in the meat section.

Kakuzu blinked. "Tobi, the other members will be pissed when they don't get what they want."

"They'll want what I eat! Because I'm a good cook!" Tobi stood on his tip-toes leaning over the butcher's counter.

"I know that but-" Kakuzu was cut off however when a greasy butcher came to the counter.

"Hello, what would you like?" The butcher seemed completely unfazed on how creepy the two cloaked men looked.

"Uh…" began Tobi. "I'll have…"

"Fresh duck? Salmon? Sardines?" Asked the butcher.

"Uh…."

"Turkey breast? Pig's ears? Cow tongue?"

"Uh…."

"We'll take raw squid." Put in Kakuzu.

The butcher nodded and was about to reach for his gloves when Tobi shouted "WAIT!"

The butcher froze. "Yes?"

"Not squid. I'll take a pound of everything." Squawked Tobi.

Kakuzu's jaw dropped again. "No way! That's way too much-"

"Who's the captain?" Asked Tobi, facing him.

Kakuzu grimaced. "You are."

"Yay! Kudos for Kakuzu-sama!"

Once the butcher loaded the meat into the cart Tobi bid him good bye and ran off to another isle, Kakuzu pushing the cart behind much slower. He had a feeling this shopping trip wasn't going to stay in Tobi's budget.

Slowly walking in the isle, drowned in thoughts on how Tobi will die he was interrupted with a gruff voice clearing itself. Kakuzu blinked to see an old woman wearing a blue vest, obviously a grocery store worker, with her hand on her hip glaring at Kakuzu. "Sir, is that your child?" She pointed to a giant pile of cookie boxes, which fallen off the shelves (since those shelves where clean empty) and people running off. Kakuzu also noticed an orange head popped out of the pile.

His eyes widened. He didn't even hear a crash! For the love of-

"Look, Kakuzu-sama chips ahoy! Should we get peanut butter or cho-co-late chunkies?" Yelled Tobi holding up two boxes.

Kakuzu groaned and buried his face in his hands. After a moment he looked turned to the old woman, feeling angry. "Whatever your thinking lady, we are NOT cleaning those cookies up."

The lady gave a mean frown. "Then you will have to-"

But she never finished, Kakuzu's threads shot out and snapped the old lady's neck so fast, her eyes lolled and she slumped to the floor. Tobi cheered and jumped from the dump of cookies.

"Let's hurry up Tobi." Murmured Kakuzu.

"Okay!" And Tobi loaded some cookies into the cart.

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Cart is now full. I repeat the cart is now full. But it doesn't end here.

"Soba noodles, Ramen, sushi…they'll be good Kakuzu-sama, I'm making them from scratch." Explained Tobi when he tossed noodles into the cart.

"Are we done here?" Asked Kakuzu, sick of Tobi's babbling.

He blinked and suddenly Tobi had vanished. "DAMN IT!" He swore loudly, getting the feeling that Hidan was rubbing off of him.

He looked to see a mother clasping her child's ears, who happened to look like a ninja with the head protector on, glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu glared back then continued on, now scouting for Tobi.

"I told him not to run off! When I get my hands on him I'll tear out all his fingers…" Kakuzu mumbled lazily. Not being in charge of shopping made him sleepy.

Then he wandered into the wine section. He hoped Tobi wouldn't be in here. Alcohol was the last thing that boy needed. But unfortunately, he did hear mad giggling. Tobi's giggling.

He found Tobi alright, carrying an armload of wine bottles, laughing at one on the shelf. "Tobi, finally I found you! Hey what are you staring at?" He came over and leaned forward to see what Tobi found to funny.

"Look, Kakuzu-sama they put a naked lady on this bottle!" he pointed to the bottle.

"Pervert." He scolded, tugging on Tobi's collar. "Put that wine back. It's too pricy."

"Pervert?" Asked Tobi, allowing himself to be dragged away. "My face is a pervert!" He exclaimed blissfully.

Kakuzu squinted. "Who told you that?"

"Itachi-sama. I asked what a pervert is and he said it's my face!" he pointed to his mask in glee.

Kakuzu let go. "Hmph."

Tobi cocked his head at Kakuzu, and then said. "Wine makes the Leader be happy!" He then loaded the wine up and sprang up and down, examining the overloading cart. "We're done!"

"Finally. Let's pay and get out." Said Kakuzu.

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Tobi was very satisfied as the food was being put into millions of bags, he watched amazed at how fast the cashier checked the food out and squealed every time there was a beep, and no matter how many times Kakuzu strangled him or told him to shut up.

Once everything was in bags, the cashier glanced at the cash register screen and said, "Your total amount Sir is ---------------------."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Author's Note: Uh-oh, looks like Tobi has gone overboard. I wish I knew what the price was sigh I'll ask Kakuzu later…

Speaking of Kakuzu he's probably crying in an emo-corner.

Huh, the subject of Tobi being a pervert is not over yet! I think the next chapter out favorite pansies get into a "perverted discussion" while Tobi get's cookin that mac and cheese.

Tobi would love some reviews, he asks why wine makes the leader go loopy over Blue-chan —grin—

See U next chappi!

Thanks for loving this fic by the way! I love all you guys:) Here's an update:

UPDATE! If you like NejixTenten I got a new fic! If you don't well -- don't hate me, and just ignore my taste in pairings...and the story. --pets fic-- It's sooooo fluffy XD NejiTenten galore!