Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Naruto series!
Tobi's Buffet
Chapter 7: Tobi's Buffet
Oh-my-gosh I finally got off my busy agenda and finished!
Sorry it took so long peeps.
So please, Enjoy!
Konan groggily opened her eyes with a flicker. She was staring fully at the painted ceiling. Yesterday was terrible. She never felt humiliated. Oh lord and when she found the box…
An uncontrollable rage had filled her. The Akatsuki had some really screwed up members. She always thought Tobi was retarded but not retarded enough…
Okay thinking about the mastermind like that was not a morning's start. She changed her mental topic and mentally complained on how awful Pein's hangover was. And Itachi's.
Honestly all the Uchiha had to do was stand up and walk away, but he seemed too scared to disobey the leader's orders, besides the alcohol level.
Above all Tobi was cooking madly yesterday. She didn't think he-both of his personalities-were the type to cook. Besides cooking…she suddenly whiffed the air.
Crisp sweet cinnamon apple.
She sat up and blinked. She hadn't smell anything sweet like that in an Akatsuki hideout (It's filled with sweaty dirty men and their horrid stench after missions) since she had once baked brownies losing a bet with Kakuzu.
Could that possible be…Tobi's cooking?
Impossible. The mental picture of Tobi setting a platter of burnt jiggly stuff in front of her was more likely than setting a fresh plate of pancakes down. Interested she slowly got out of her bed to put on her clothes, wanting to go down to the kitchen before meal time.
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Kakuzu clung tightly to his porcelain piggybank. His eyes were tightly shut and his screwed up mouth twisted into a horrified grimace. For some reason the nightmares of Nii Yugito and Hidan all returned.
All night he felt frozen stiff in his nightmare, watching the blonde being bloodied and her corpse being shredded-all caused by Hidan during his scarifies to the dogma or the whats-a-mahoosit. Or Jashin? He had no clue; he didn't follow Hidan's religion.
In result something like Nii Yugito being shredded apart wouldn't usually bother him. Especially if Hidan did it. But the first time he saw Yugito…it painfully reminded him of someone. But he couldn't lay his finger on it. He met him sometime a little before he joined the Akatsuki. It was indeed a young boy from Kumo. The face was blurry in his mind; the innocent boy's words were rolling over his mind.
"Sorry sir! I was looking for my cousin."
"You're that kid from the sushi stand."
"Yeah! M-Maybe you have seen my cousin around. She's in her early twenties. Tall with blonde hair. Kumo shinobi with cat eyes. Know her?"
"Why the hell would I know her?" Kakuzu remembered he somehow softened up after the kid's look and sighed. "What's her name?"
"Nii Yugito..."
"Why do you look so frantic anyways?"
"She was suppose to teach me a how to throw a shuriken. She's really good. In fact she's my best cousin ever! Probably a better shinobi than you."
"Why you little-"
His memories ended there. But the way he spoke about Yugito…so highly he even risked pissing Kakuzu off. For some reason he grew onto that boy like glue.
Suddenly his black colored eyes popped open. He sprang up and wiped the cold sweat on his brow. God why did that little kid make him feel so guilty?
He sniffled, a strong scent suddenly entered his nose and he chocked, dropping his piggybank. His thoughts and nightmare slipped away and the larger thought took over: Lord what was that smell?!
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Across the room from the choking Kakuzu was Hidan, snoring loudly in his bed. He snorted in his sleep as he heard the choking then a shatter of glass.
At the sudden noise like an alarm Hidan opened his eyes and sat up. What was Kakuzu trying to do? Piss him off? In the morning.
Mumbling a thread of swear words he looked over to see Kakuzu supporting himself, pinching his nose at the same time. Hidan looked on the floor to see the shards of a once porcelain piggybank. That was the third one.
"What the hell Kakuzu." Hidan said angrily. "Did you choke on your saliva or something?"
"No it's not that-"
"No wait! I know you're in shock that you broke another piggybank. Shame it was the pink one. Heh, you gotta stop sleeping with your fucking piggybanks!" He took a good mean look at Kakuzu.
"No I had bad thought." Grumbled Kakuzu. Then he groaned at the mess on the floor.
"Is it about that freakish cat jinchuuriki again?" Yawned Hidan. He ruffled his bed head. "Don't tell me you were fucking in love with her or anything…well she was kind of hot but still the bitch was pain in the-"
"Your way off Hidan." Spat Kakuzu. "Her damn cousin is drilling holes into my brain."
"Cousin?"
"Someone long ago. Doesn't matter." He cleared his voice, and inhaled largely.
What the-Hidan sniffed the air too. A sweet scent warm scent filled his nostrils. It smelled so artificial-like from a candle. "What the fuck is that aroma?"
"Tobi." Grumbled Kakuzu darkly.
"How possibly can retarded Tobi make such a nice smell?" Protested Hidan, sniffing the air again. "The only can that come from his is gas. And that does not smell nice."
"He's cooking moron." Kakuzu stepped up, ignoring his broken piggybank. He approached his dresser for his clothes.
"Hey, what are doing?" Asked Hidan.
"Getting ready. I'll leave you and your morning rituals alone." He had heavy distaste in his voice and he pulled out his clean Akatsuki cloak.
"Fuck you." Came Hidan's reply, making rude gestures at Kakuzu's back, even though he stood up to get dressed too.
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Itachi was already awake head start. He was sitting on his bed, his eyes scanning quickly across the print. For the s-class lethally cool shinobi his face was unusually flushed. That could only mean one thing:
Icha-Icha Paradise!
The new book, he had to admit, was freakin awesome. Just when he was sucked into the forbidden romance between the kunoichi from the Land of Honey and the Iwa shinobi it totally turned around to the point that they both were best friends with the same person, a Kumo shinobi, who coincidently was in love with the kunoichi, but truly belong with the other kunoichi that was the Iwa shinobi's cousin. Whew. Try saying that in one breath.
He inhaled sharply as he reached a max point in the book. The Iwa shinobi's cousin had just told the Kumo guy she was in love-
Wait.
His piercing sharingan appeared form the top of the book when he inhaled again. This sugary aroma fled into his insides. It smelt like warm cinnamon. How come he never noticed it before?
Curiously he dropped his book on his bed and left the room.
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Zetsu woke up.
For once him room didn't smell like human flesh.
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Unlike Zetsu, Kisame found the replacement smell quite nice. Reminded him the time Konan lost that bet. Those brownies tasted terrible…did Konan loose another bet?
Damn no one tells me what's going on anymore!Kisame leaped out of bed and too the door, not wanting to miss Konan in an apron.
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Deidara was up and moody. Tobi didn't clean up his bed. He glared at the messy side of the room. Tobi!
He snorted. Unlike the other Akatsuki members he smelled the air right away. It smelled nice and pretty but why? Did Leader finally get air fresheners around this smelly place?
He was pissed. The strong clay smell in the room was overpowered by the sweet smell. And the smell was making him hungry but of course…
Sweet stuff was for sissies. Not the Akatsuki.
---
Finally our dear leader, who was adjusting his piercings in front of his mirror in the largest finest room in the Akatsuki head quarters.
He of course knew who was causing the smell. He would have already been up earlier out and about but he had a little headache. All he could recall last night was Tobi with a shopping bag full of wine.
Ugh. He glanced at his clock. Five minutes until eating time. Might as well go see what Tobi did.
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Tobi himself set a platter down. Today was going to be the best day!
His table was glossy and clean, and the Samehada mark is totally covered up with the new mats! It was his dream.
The door suddenly opened, making him jump. Breakfast wasn't for a few minutes.
But his face lit up as he realized who it was. Blue-chan! "Hello Blue-chan!" He called waving madly from across the room.
Blue blinked and looked at the gourmet quality food that settled in the center of the table. Followed by everyone's personal dishes set up in a fancy way that only restaurants could pull off. Blue was in disbelief.
"T-Tobi you did this?!" She asked.
"Sit down Blue-chan!" he suddenly said, ushering her to her chair. She sat down before he could touch her.
Tobi took notice that Blue-chan's hair wasn't as shiny as it usually is. "Blue-chan, why is your hair not very shiny?"
She shot him a death glare. "Sama. Tobi. Not chan. Sama." She looked at the food in front of her. "Why did you do all of this?"
"Because people are messy eaters, and they where ruining my table. Like Samehada."
"Ah."
"Help your self Blue-ch-I mean Blue-sama! Just don't make a mess!" Tobi said cheerily, and then danced into the kitchen.
----
She noted mentally that Tobi is completely a freak. But at least his cooking was good.
The door opened and Pein walked in. His eyes shifted at the fancy-full sight. Good, he was normal again. Then he glanced at her, currently Konan's cheeks where stuffed with blueberry pancakes. The sight caused him to slightly smirk.
"Don't say anything." She said with a mouthful so it really sounded like this, "On ay amy'in."
"You look like a chipmunk." He commented anyways, making her narrow her eyes at him. "So this is what Tobi's been working for the past days?" He said tonelessly, taking his seat.
"Hmm.Hmm." She answered, finally swallowing the mouthful.
Just on cue Tobi came in with a full bowl of vanilla pudding. He saw Pein and jump with a start. "Y-Your early Leader-sama!" he gasped. Poor Tobi, he really wanted some more alone time with the prettiest Akatsuki member. He set the pudding someway away from the leader and turned to him.
"Leader-sama it's a buffet for breakfast!" he beamed proudly, waving his arms.
"I see that." He answered and began to help himself.
"Don't you like it?"
"…"
"…"
"Leader?"
"Answer Pein!" Woman wrath!
"Do you like my piercings?"
"Sure…"
"There's my answer to you." And Pein fell silent, leaving a very confused Tobi.
The doors banged open again. Hidan came in, his nose in the air like a little puppy discovering ham on the counter. He then glanced at the room.
"Holy Jashin."
"Holy Jashin? I never hear-" Kakuzu paused as he looked at extravagant feast. "Holy Jashin." He echoed.
Hidan's head snapped toward Kakuzu. "What the hell?! You can't say that you don't follow my 'stupid' religion!" He did air quotes on 'stupid.'
"Sit down." Pein said softly.
Hidan and Kakuzu immediately sat down in their usual chairs. "What the fuck happened?" he demanded.
"Tobi made us an unusually large breakfast." Konan answered.
"Hidan-sama, Kakuzu-sama, welcome to my buffet!" Tobi cheered, clapping his hand, which where temporarily covered with yellow oven mitts.
Kakuzu sweat dropped and Hidan slapped his forehead at the sight. Tobi only continued to grin under his mask.
"My God Tobi, take off the fucking apron." Hidan said.
Tobi shook his head gingerly. "I can't or I'll get burned! Now eat up! I made it 'specially for you! But don't make a mess."
"Why did you do all of this?" Kakuzu grunted, trying to hide the fact that he was satisfied.
"My table." Then he skipped back into the kitchen.
While he was gone Itachi wandered in. He made no comment as he sat down. But as soon as he did he began to fill his plate into a tower of chocolate pancakes.
Everyone gave him a questioning look. He looked up and explained quietly, "My Mother used to make these. It's been a long time."
Of course no one dared to answer.
Then Zetsu, both sides of the faces in a twisted smile as he noticed the roasted pig in front of his plate.
Deidara grouchy like, mumbling to himself. He sat in his seat. Finally he looked up and his blue eye went wide.
"Tobi." Everyone said (minus Itachi).
"Finally I can see what he's up to, un!" And began to frantically grab food.
Kisame soon skidded in, just as Tobi re-entered through the door. "Hey I sme-Holy Moly…" He looked at all the food. "What is this?!"
"Tobi's Buffet!" Tobi screamed.
And thus breakfast commenced…to Tobi's relief his table was securely safe. Until the very end…
"Hey what should we do with this food?"
"Save it for Tobi's Lunch Buffet!" Tobi answered cheerily, patting his now rounded stomach.
"We get three buffets a day?!" Kakuzu asked with the others grinned greedily.
"Hey I know what's better than saving it…" Kisame said, a smile spreading across his fishy face.
"What?" Hidan asked.
"FOOD FIGHT!"
The End
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Author's Note: Sorry it took so damn long. I'm so angry at myself. D:
But it finished with a splat!
Thanks for reading:D You've been a fabulous reader and I appreciate it.