Author notes: I LOVED writing this chapter. I can't begin to tell you what fun it was. You'll note that it must have been because it's rather long in comparison to the other chapters. I guarantee you'll enjoy the ride. The only part that was really difficult was the action portions. I had no idea how awkward that would be. … In retrospect, that's probably why I can't write smut.

White had arrived at Gotham Zoo earlier than he needed to for a number of reasons. He wanted to get a pretty good feel for the layout, plan the best escape routes, and he'd honestly rather not travel here with the boss if he could avoid it.

The zoo was kind of creepy after hours. The animals were more active and alert to his presence. Then again, he was probably just on edge thinking about what was to come. He absently wondered why these things could never take place somewhere normal. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned bank robbery?

As 'showtime' approached, White knew he couldn't put it off any longer and groaned at the can of white grease paint in his hand. He heard some of the guys approaching just as he finished applying the makeup. They were here to set up before the Joker arrived but many of them looked as though they had already had a run in with the Bat and were nursing some wounds. Henshaw, who was even larger than White, had an unconscious woman in a black body suit draped over his shoulder.

White tossed a crooked smile at the group. "Haveta admit, didn't think you guys would be able to pull it off."

"It was a choice between takin' her down or comin' back to the boss empty handed. No way we weren't gonna pull it off," Henshaw grunted back. At that moment, the woman started to groan as she tried to lift herself up, but Henshaw quickly gave her a blow to the head and she slumped over again silently.

"Let's get this over with. I'd rather not have to deal with her awake," White stated wisely.

They reached the area of the zoo reserved for African habitats and halted at the Lion exhibit, which was a large pit with high walls. Thankfully none of the animals were present at the time having been placed in their evening enclosure. After entering the pitted area, they tied the woman to an exotic-looking tree that had obviously been placed there for realism and double-checked the bonds to ensure improbability of escape. White moved around toward the back of the tree where her hands were locked together.

"What're ya doin'?" Henshaw asked.

White emerged with the woman's black gloves. "Just makin' sure she don't get away by removin' these." He waved the clawed gloves at the others. "…Or do you wanna tangle with Catwoman again?"

"How's it coming, boys?" the Joker bellowed above them from the wall, having just arrived.

"All set boss!" Henshaw yelled back.

"Actually, um, we may have a problem," another member of the group shouted up after entering the pit from the back, where the animals were kept.

"Didn't I say this had to go off without a hitch? I swear to God I said that! HARLEY! …Where'd that fool girl run off to now?" Joker looked around furiously but she was nowhere to be seen. "I don't have time for this! What seems to be the problem down there?"

"Well, sir…I was just checkin' the lions…they're not…ya really should come see…"

The others followed the bearer of bad news to see what seemed to be the hold up, except for one who stayed behind to keep an eye on Catwoman. Joker angrily stomped his way down to the evening enclosure, grumbling all they way, and arrived to find many lions waiting for him, but they were hardly what he had envisioned. Instead of ferocious beast, they appeared to be nothing more than overgrown housecats. Most were just sleeping.

"See what I mean, boss? They don't look like the man-eatin' sort." The henchman cautiously reached between the bars of the cage and stroked one of the large animals. It didn't seem to notice. "Hey! Check me out!"

"Cool! Let me try!" Another member of the group knelt down to make an attempt.

"What are you, FIVE?" the Joker shouted at them, now completely at wits end. Both henchmen quickly retracted their hands and stood up.

Joker stalked around the perimeter of the cage. "This is indeed a problem. Look what society has done to them!" he began, dramatically. "These wild beasts were never intended to be locked in a cage. It's taken the fight out of them. I should know! That is why it is essential to become that much more difficult after being placed under lock and key. You have to make up for what has been taken away from you. You must stick it to the man!" He was preaching his heart out to the animals, but all he received was a yawn from one of the larger females.

Then he snapped. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!"

He jabbed his foot between the bars and kicked the nearest animal. It quickly jumped to its feet and growled, very unhappy at such a rude awakening. The Joker's grin grew immediately. He dashed to the other side of the cage and reached in, yanking the nearest tail he could find, his hand ducking out before the tail's owner could take a swipe at him. Now the cage was becoming alive. All the animals had awoken and several were pacing back and forth, eying those on the outside.

"Boys, I think they just lacked the proper motivation. Just…poke them with sticks or something until the Bat gets here," the Joker instructed vaguely as he made an exit.

Joker found Harley wandering around, obviously looking for where she had misplaced him. He whistled for her and she made her way to him excitedly.

"Everything is right on track, no thanks to you. Where've you been anyway?" he asked as she bounded within earshot.

"I got distracted. You haveta-"

"Distracted? But that's so unlike you, Harl," he interrupted sarcastically.

Undaunted, she started pulling on his coat. "Please Puddin'! You haveta come see!"

He surveyed the area and saw no sign of Batman. Everything was in place already… "Alright Harley, but it had better be quick."

Harley led the Joker by the hand past several exhibits until she reached her destination. Joker found himself in front of a pack of cackling hyenas with Harley bouncing on the balls of her feet pleading, "Can I have one? Can I have one? Oh please, please, please!"

He gave her an affectionate pat on the head, replying in a honeyed voice, "We'll see, sugarlips. Maybe if you're a very good girl today."

"Oh, I will be Mistah J! I promise!"

Back at the enclosure, several of the Joker's henchmen had taken his orders literally and picked out a few long sticks from the pitted area to jab at the cats with. This worked for a while until the animals started reaching through the bars with their paws, trying to put an end to their frustration. After one of the boys was actually clawed in the arm a new tactic was decided on.

They each gathered a number of stones and returned to fling them at the animals. Somewhere along the way it had developed into a game where you got a certain number of points depending on where you made a hit. White landed a blow to one of the beasts' noses. "TWENTY-FIVE POINTS!" everyone roared, including the lion.

At that moment, one of them stopped, a grim realization set on his face. "One of us," he began slowly, "is going to have to open the door between this enclosure and the outside." They all stopped as this revelation sunk in and the guy continued, "So…which one of us is it going to be?"

"I nominate you," said Henshaw.

"WHY ME?" he shot back and was offered many answers from several of his teammates including: "Because the lion's like you better", "Because nobody likes you", and "Because I'll kick your ass if you don't!"

He gave each remark a proper response. "The lion's don't like me better; I just nailed that one in the eye. I don't care if nobody likes me, and I'd rather you kick my ass than get mauled."

In the end it was decided that Joe, the member of the crew watching Catwoman, would be the lucky guy to open the door. The reasons behind their decision were quite logical: After all, they were doing the work while he got to stare at a chick with a nice rack. That and he wasn't around to defend himself.

At that moment, Joe had just poked his head in. "The boss said to get out here quick. It's the Bat."

Everyone immediately dropped the stones they'd been hurling at the lions and rushed out, White stopping just long enough to tell Joe the bad news. "You have to stay here and release the lions," he imparted, and quickly made his exit before Joe could protest, only to find the guy following him.

"Why me?" Joe pleaded.

White shrugged. "Hey, don't if you don't wanna, but you'll have to deal with the boss afterwards."

Joe was stuck.

Joker's goons had all gathered together in front of him and were obviously antsy.

"We saw him swoopin' this way. …He should be here soon…" Harley reported nervously. Suddenly her first encounter with Batman didn't feel as exciting as it did a few minutes ago.

She wasn't worried about getting wailed on. Lord knows that happened to her enough as it was. The prospect of being locked up and separated from her Joker did bother her some, but that was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. Nothing could be done about it. What really bothered her was the sheer importance the approaching figure had in Joker's mind. As his doctor, it hadn't taken long for her to see just how obsessed he was…probably as obsessed as she was about him. What if she didn't make the impression Mistah J wanted?

Her stomach started to swim. In fact, she felt downright ill. Joker glanced over at her and could see what was coming. Harley suddenly turned and hung her head over the pit. She desperately hoped her nerves had gone out with the other contents of her stomach.

She lifted her head again and found a very pissed off Joker glaring back at her. He was already fed up with the delays today and he did indeed want to make a certain impression on Bats, one that did not include a frightened little girl for a sidekick. She recoiled as he lifted his hand, waiting for the strike, but his expression immediately softened instead.

He patted her on the back. "You're going to do just fine, pumpkin pie," he consoled her. After all, if he wanted her to straighten up for Bats' arrival, making her more nervous was counter-productive.

His encouragement, however phony, made Harley feel like she could take on anything. And no sign of fear showed through as she put her best game face on when Batman approached.

"You found me! How about that!" Joker remarked with a laugh as Batman stalked toward the group.

"You didn't exactly make it difficult," Batman responded. He had received a message moments earlier from Gordon that simply read: Meet me at Gotham Zoo. See if you can wrap your detective skills around that. –J

"Yes, well, it's not easy constantly coming up with new material for you. Besides, I put all my thought into this set up." He spread his arms in a wide gesture.

Batman looked at Harley Quinn inquisitively.

"I see you've noticed my new counterpart," Joker continued. "Well, you know what they say: Behind every great homicidal man, there's a great homicidal gal. Of course, it would be impossible to find someone that matched my greatness, so I had to settle for Harley here."

Harley kept her best face on, but grimaced inwardly. She hated that part in the script, and had tried to get him to change it repeatedly without result.

Batman was obviously through talking and charged the twenty-odd henchmen protecting the Joker, White gritting his teeth as the fight began.

White had done this enough times to know that he was not going to be giving Batman anything to worry about. At one point, he had considered faking his attempts to hopefully save himself from a beating. After all, who would know the difference? Somehow though, it didn't feel right. He had never been able to figure out why he was willing to do so many of the things he did, but this particular issue was crossing some line.

Batman didn't give White much time to think about it. He was knocked unconscious fairly quickly.

When the troops were beginning to run thin, Harley entered the fray. Batman wasn't expecting her to be so athletically gifted and she was able to land some substantial blows. As Batman stepped up his game, the fight drifted father and farther away from the Joker.

Joker frantically waved and jumped up and down, trying to remind everyone he was still there. It didn't seem to do any good though. Apparently Batman considered Harley the bigger threat at the moment. Well, he'd just have to change that.

Joker pulled out his gun and pointed it at the caped crusader. As Joker was lining up his shot, it occurred to him that he had not even gotten to Catwoman or the lions. It would be a shame to waste all that ingenuity. He sighed, pointed his gun nonchalantly into the air, and pulled the trigger.

The sudden blast echoed across the zoo and caused many animals to vocalize in protest. Both Harley and Batman froze.

"Nice to have your attention," Joker drawled, not hiding his disgust. He snapped his fingers and Harley cart wheeled immediately to his side. "I know it is often awkward for such old friends to introduce new ones. We are so set in our ways after all. I thought it'd be easier if we doubled!" Joker turned to the pit behind him. "Down there is your kitty. She's stuck up a tree and doesn't look too happy about it."

He was quite right. Catwoman, by this time, had woken up and was struggling against her restraints. "You had better hope I don't get free, clown!" she screamed up threateningly.

Joker rolled his eyes.

Batman was rushing to her aid as Joker sat himself on the edge of the wall, trying his best to cast a regal demeanor. Harley sat next to him as they surveyed the scene and nodded to each other. Joker thrust his arm straight out in front of him and dramatically gave a thumbs down.

Joe released the lions and ran screaming like a maniac, arms over his head. A few of the guys lying on the ground behind Joker and Harley had come to at this point, including White, and were giving him encouragement from above.

"Run Joe! Run!" yelled White.

"No! Play dead! I saw that on TV once," said Henshaw.

"I think that's for bears," added another.

Batman, ever the hero, moved to save Joe from his plight. After catching the fleeing man, he used his grapple to reach the top of the wall and deposited Joe on the ledge. Joe fell flat on the ground, panting, while White and the others circled around him.

"You okay, man?" White asked.

"I hate all of you," he panted.

The lions were momentarily at a loss at the disappearance of their prey, but Catwoman's struggling caught their attention rather quickly and they headed for her. She instinctively closed her eyes and pushed herself further against the tree as the first lion was about to make its attack, but Batman threw his entire body at the animal, slamming it into the ground. Following this, he attempted to free her from her bonds, but it was difficult trying to ward off the animals' attacks and release Catwoman at the same time.

Joker was above, calling the show before him as though he were a sports caster. Harley was getting into the spirit of things as well and started pulling a cheerleading act for the lions. That's when it happened.

Harley was doing various cartwheels and wishing she had thought to bring some pom-poms when she innocently shouted to those below, "Whazza matta? Cat got your tongue?" It was simply one of the many things that had come to mind while she was performing on the ledge and she spout it out, thinking it was rather funny given the situation.

Joker instantly got to his feet and spat, "We're leaving! NOW!"

Everyone was fairly confused given the situation. Joe was taken back the most based on the ordeal he just suffered through. "But boss…why?" he asked, still lying on the ground.

Joker shot the man without a second glance as he stalked toward the exit. No one else asked any questions.

White was the driver for the Joker and Harley, as it was his turn to keep watch tonight, and he couldn't help but hear what was being said in the back of the car.

Harley was still oblivious to her boss' anger and pleased with her first performance. She was going over pieces in her mind and out loud, trying to decide what went well and what she could improve on. The Joker sat in dark silence.

"…Cat got your tongue? …Bat got your tongue?" she mumbled to herself, mulling it over. "Well, I guess either would have worked tonight, huh Mistah J?" she giggled.

He hit her over the head with the butt of his gun and the rest of the drive was in silence.

End Notes: This is a bit of a different take from comic canon…okay, a lot different. Ya'll know me and I hate that, but I can't help it! I love Dini's intro to Harley in the comics, I truly do. But there was absolutely zero oomph to the first meeting of Harley and Batman. I did it a little differently so sue me! I should point out that if I actually posted stories as I wrote them, you'd have been waiting at least four months for the next chapter. I dropped it for a long time at this point for some reason.

Also, I've gotten some little bit of heat in the past for writing animal cruelty so, while I think it goes without saying, I do not condone tormenting animals on any level. These are the bad guys, people. They do not so nice things.