Five
I could stay with you forever
And never realise the time...
"It's a small crush. Just a tiny, eenie-meanie crush. Nothing major."
He huffs out when the only sound that comes bouncing back to him is his own voice, and even that comes in a distant echo (almost as if the whole universe is emphasising on how pathetic he's being, not that he is willing to admit that). He slightly glares at the sky - now glimmering with hint of the ever-so-beautiful pattern of the aurora australis - as he sits at his mother's spot, his fingers brushing on the ice numbly, unconsciously, the memory of his mother's eyes play on dully - and despite the ache he's feeling spreading across his chest at the realisation that (once again) the woman was no longer with him physically, he smiles.
Sokka likes to think that Kya is up there somewhere, probably smiling down at him as she dances along with the southern lights - she's probably even trying to give him advices on how he's feeling, but alas, there's nothing neither could do. He just hopes his mother, or her soul or whatever, is at peace, wherever she may be.
"Yeah. Nothing to worry about," he mumbles, dropping his chin nearly to the hollowness between his clavicle.
He closes his eyes as the coldness start to take its effect on him - it always happen at one point, if he stops moving and his whole body just doesn't seem all too bother to emit enough warm - and he feels as if ice are beginning to form by the edge of his lips, collected around his lashes and brows. He wonders how the Princess would have been like, if she were here - and that image brought a (not that he's enjoying the feel of it on his face) grin, because that girl can't stand these weather.
But, he thinks almost sadly to himself, looking back at the aurora - nearly wishing that somehow he could see his mother among those beautiful light - these beauty is worth it.
Sokka lets the silence envelops the whole atmosphere and he spends the next few minutes - really, he convinces himself, it hasn't been an eternity although strangely, yes, it awfully feels like it - just staring up, somewhere in between, he'd even concentrate on his own breathing; the loud heave of breath here and there. He suddenly feels his whole muscle shifts and tenses and thinks to himself of how long it was since his last practice, since he last casual spare.
His whole situation doesn't seem like it's going to go any less crazy than it already has been, so might as well find a way to let it all out, huh?
His mind slowly deflects to his memory of the evening, and he actually feels how his stomach just sinks, just a little bit, at the memory of a certain Fire Princess - and just, the whole evening you know? He realises that, yeah, he likes her - but what could he do with that? He can't just buy flowers, put on some fancy suit, and kiss her, or something. Because first, she'd burn the flowers down. Second, she'd probably spit on his suit. Third, she'd zap him with her lightning if he ever much as touches her and then, probably cowers herself in one dark corner for the rest of her life.
Azula... he realises, isn't well enough for a relationship.
He brushes his face - and if there's any collected snow on the corner of his lips or in between his skin, he doesn't see it falling. He merely push himself to stand, give a last glance at the aurora, and closes his eyes just for that one short second because he swears (he swears) he could feel his mother's beaming up at him. "I know, Mom," he says to the wind, opening his eyes once again. "I won't."
He isn't entirely sure what he means by that, or why he says it aloud to the wind - but he knows the reassurance act he's trying to pull? Yeah, not exactly working.
Next morning comes soon enough - or rather, near-afternoon.
Once he realises his sleeping pattern has finally revert to its original schedule, Sokka honestly doesn't know if he should be relief, or wholly disappointed by it. He's never enjoyed mornings before (wouldn't be enjoying it so much now), but getting up in the morning for the sake of meeting his friends at breakfast (or at least Aang, and Zuko if he ever gets just enough sleep) won't be all much of a grieve experience to go through. It would feel like old times. Back when they're just scrawny kids trying to get the Avatar ready (trying to get everybody ready, really) for the ultimate battle.
Sokka refuse to indulge in past memory when he stands up and get himself clean. He is still groggy when his fingers fold over a pocket of a coat, and his eyes are hazy when he ties his hair behind, but he still pushes himself out of his room anyway; a duty is a duty (whatever that has become over these past few days), and he's not a man to just skip his responsibility. Plus, Katara says that it's medically impossible to sleep for three days (unless of course, you're under a coma) - so he shouldn't even try.
Whatever. He skips down the stairs, and lifts his chin up when he's a few steps away from ground level.
He's actually surprised to see Zuko, Katara, Aang and Toph around the dining table - and (okay, roll the drums - the most unexpected thing ever) Azula present, although immerse in some book that must have been filled with puzzles of sort, because she has a quill in one hand, and she is most definitely not giving him as much as even a bat of an eye - unlike other people on the table, who seems to be showering him with attentions.
It's Katara who quips, "You're up early."
Aang greets him from besides Zuko (who oddly sits across his sister, instead of next to her) - his face all warm and soft, and Sokka immediately remember the embarrassing anger (jealousy) he has over the poor dude, regretting it for the umpteenth time and mumbles his greeting back.
He brushes past the Fire Princess (keep cool, keep cool, don't act all weird) and momentarily glances at her book - a sudoku puzzle - before he makes his way to boil the water. Katara's commenting again about how he should consider waking up earlier, or train his body to, or whatever (it's a problem they have - he has more sleep than he really likes to, she has less sleep than she's supposed to), but he just can't deal with Katara right now and so his only reply is, "My biological clock sucks. Deal with it."
She doesn't seem fond of the answer, but doesn't has a smart retort - so that's how the conversation quickly drifts to tomorrow's Breakfast Meeting (that's where all the Ministers come together to 'fill in' Zuko of what happened and discuss future plans over breakfast) and this weekend's Loki Challenge, an ancient Earth Kingdom game that came from a story Sokka never really pays attention to.
It's actually based on this one God - Loki - who is the Lord of Mischief, or something, who is trying to kill a king - therefore, he invent this thing, where he keeps challenging everybody into a quick sparring and makes it look fun and harmless, and in the end, killing the king. Whoever that may be. The story is too old now and people twists it in various ways to fit their versions of what happened - some say Loki was trying to kill another God, some say that he killed everybody who played, not just a man with a throne, some even say that it wasn't Loki at all, but just an ordinary vengeful man - either way, it involved challenging and killing, in the end.
But because the game was too thrilling, they managed to look pass the gory details and continued the game - without any real killing, of course. You can challenge just about anybody to fight for three minutes, before the winner challenge somebody else into a quick sparring. Sokka remembers witnessing one right after the war - in fact, Qu even once participated in it. He could only last about two sparring, which is good for a non-bender and a young one at that, before he steps down and let the winner challenged somebody else. It's actually how he first recognised Qu.
The Loki challenge has never been a serious battle (well, not like the original) - no one dying, no more blood spilled than necessary - it's actually, if you view it just in the right way, a dance. A fast-tempo music will play and encourage the audience to clap and cheer along while two men (or sometimes, even women) spar, flexing their bodies to avoid attacks and laughs when the opponent manages to strike; the winner usually has to buy drinks to all of the participants in the Loki challenge - probably why most of everyone who participates in the challenge would willingly give up after a three-minute sparring, or two.
They only insert this event into the schedule for the Prince and Avatar's return because the people think it would be cool if someone were to challenge any of those two. And personally? Sokka has every intention to participate in it (he has to make a deal with Qu to challenge him though) just so he could challenge Zuko. It would be nice. Especially when Zuko seems like he's not all too fond about this whole Loki Challenge.
"Catching a bad case of cowardice, Zuko?" He teases the older man and Zuko could only glare, his pale cheeks taint with the smallest hint of pink. The water is boiled and Sokka has already stirred two mugs of Hot Cocoa - sliding one towards the Fire Princess, who accepts without much of anything besides from a small nod of the head, her fingers soon curling around the mug gingerly.
Katara, Zuko and Aang who watches the exchange raise their eyebrows in surprised - Aang looks more pleasant than ever, as if the small interaction is another achievement for him, while Zuko and Katara seems more awkward than anything. But Sokka changes their attention when he lays down his opinion on the Loki Challenge, opposing to the fact Zuko has given: that the game supports violence. "It's tradition, Zuko. You don't refuse tradition. It's practically taboo."
Then, Zuko and him go head-to-head into trying to win their little debate; Zuko jabbing him with many more reasons why he doesn't support the game while Sokka calls on his faults bravely - "Oh come on, that's stupid man. That ain't a legit reason." - just to spite his older friend. The frown etching on Zuko's face when the older man realises he's losing the argument almost makes Sokka misses the slight admiration glazing his sister's eyes at his triumph. Almost.
When Toph finally calls Zuko a "wuss" after all of their opinions have been washed up, used, tossed out in the open, considered, debated over - Sokka knows he's won. Zuko doesn't say his peace and heats up his tea.
Katara gives a small reassuring smile towards the Prince's way, "S'okay. It's just a Loki Challenge. Not another Hundred Year War."
"Thank Spirits for that," Sokka mutters, finishing the last drop of his Hot Cocoa. Deciding that they need a new topic to discuss, Sokka asks, "So, what are you discussing at the Breakfast Meeting tomorrow?"
"Security and military defences mostly. We'll go through the reports of the last three years first - I'll have to comment, or/and praise on everyone's effort because based on the earlier, quick report I've gotten, our army has not been disappointing. The amount of crimes aren't necessarily lowering to the point that it has cease its existence altogether - but it isn't anything out of control. New game plans will be introduced and discussed over - and Toph, you said you will be joining me?"
Toph beams, "It will be boring, no doubt - but yeah, I am! I have a game plan of my own, Sparky. Just you wait."
Sokka smiles - she's probably talking about the police army she's been thinking of building. "And then, the next day, you'll have the second Breakfast Meeting right?"
"Yeah, that one is mostly to discuss over welfare of the four nations - what needs rebuilding, which places need developing. The Men have already created a vision, and we're all expected to live up to it," Zuko sounds bitter at the mention of the Councilmen and Sokka could feel how the air shifts, just a little bit.
"Is it true that they're thinking of building a new city?"
"They're considering it," Zuko nods and looks at Aang, "I think this is where Aang is requested the most. Because if we're building a city - and I'm pressing on the if - I sure as hell hope it's not a shitty one. Nothing that will disturb the peace again."
Aang looks determined, a straight, tight line on his lips, "I'll do anything I can."
Toph grins, "If you're building a city, Twinkletoes - make sure to invite me, or we'll do an experiment on how high exactly you can fly with the help of my rock-to-the-butt-kiss."
The child in the Avatar glints by the corner of his smile as he looks at the young earth bender, assuring her that of course he's going to invite her, like it's the most obvious thing in the whole wide world. Sokka smiles as the Blind Bandit punches Aang on his arms, muttering something about him getting too "soft" and have Katara scolds all-motherly because "punching someone for no reason is no way acceptable" and then Toph responds something witty about Katara missing a period (ew) and laughs when Zuko has to restrain the waterbender from pouncing on her.
And Azula? She turns to the next page without even glancing up; her quill seems dry and her Hot Cocoa half-finished.
All and all, Sokka can conclude it's a better day than some.
"Oh, and hey Zuko?" he asks, when Katara has to accompany Aang and Toph out of the lodge (Toph can't sit still, and she's always dragging the Avatar because she loves being carried, and Katara is on her way out anyway) and Azula has retreated to her room (her sudoku puzzles completed).
The slightly older man doesn't answer, but he lifts his chin up.
"I, uh," he wipes his hand with a warm cloth before the water starts freezing his whole hand up - he's just finished washing the two mugs - and looks back at the Fire Prince, suddenly nervous. Damn anxiety. "Just wanted to ask if I can take your sister out tonight."
"What," is his curt respond - unwelcome and harsh.
Sokka definitely cringes. Chill, man. He wants to say, but feels his tongue freezing up instead of his now-completely-dry hands. He bites his inner cheek, calming every nerve that's jumping all over the place on the moment, "It's not like, a date or anything. I just, I have something to show her."
Zuko doesn't look pleased - his hands crossing over his chest sternly, his stony stare urging (no wait - "demand" is a better word for it) for an explanation.
Okay, what's up with the sudden three-year-old fear crap? This dude's not the Spirit of Death or anything, he assures himself, daring to look and matches up to his friend's sharp (totally unfriendly) gaze. "Look, I won't ... like, get her caged up in some cat-wolves trap or anything, so you don't have to worry about your sister being eaten anytime soon."
"That... is not comforting."
"Yeah, okay. I admit; not the best thing to say." He sighs, rubbing the side of his neck and just... get his thoughts straight. He's a brother, Zuko's a brother. They both have a younger sister. He should know how to do this. S'not like he's asking permission to have sex, Spirit's sake. What - why did he have to think about that now?! Sokka grits his teeth. "What I meant is - I want to take her out - not a date though, so don't get your overprotective-brother shield up and attack me. It's just... there's this thing I saw that I thought she'd really like, and um, why not? She doesn't, exactly, have anywhere to go."
Zuko stares long and hard - and man, this dude can be tense when he wants to - before sighing out, "What do you suggest we're to do about the ... bond Azula and I share? Call the Spirits up and ask them if they could make it disappear long enough for you two while you're out on an... adventure?"
"That's why I'm asking you if I could take her out, I wouldn't want you to worry. I'm not asking your permission or anything, because you don't own Mad Princess and I'll be damned to think that she'll ever let me live thinking like that - I want to assure you that if Azula feels even a slight pain in any way, I'll take her back to the lodge, no hesitation, no question-asked, no nothing. I'll take her back and cancel my whole idea. I won't hurt her."
Oh wow, Sokka. Nice speech. Might as well throw in your confession, huh? Since you're in the mood to do so - what, with the whole "I won't hurt her" thing - you might as well say about your plan to marry her and drive off to sunset or whatever and make babies and grow old together! Something bitter barks at the back of his head (that sounds awfully like Toph - that girl!) but Sokka pushes it far, far behind (not before he adds "I do not want to marry her and drive off to sunset and make babies and grow old together!" helplessly).
Zuko shakes his head subtlety, "I don't - I - " another sigh, "Is it far?"
"The place I'm taking her? Not really. It's not half-way across the world, that's for sure."
"If half-way across the world is what it takes for her to finally feel her muscles clench, I wouldn't be worried. Much." There's a smile on Zuko's face that lacks humour, his stance giving away how truly tired he is. Sokka watches on awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. His older friend doesn't need pity, or a comfort gesture. He needs answers and conclusions - and Sokka? He can't give him that.
"Fine. But as soon as she - "
"I will," he promises and doesn't waver.
The Prince nods, "I believe you."
"So what, are you in, or are you out?"
Sokka watches his two friends (he had just gotten permission from Katara to go out right after lunch, and they have come to a conclusion that he must be back within one hour - with the look she gave still ingrains in his mind, Sokka has no intention on breaking this deal) and the reactions that's playing on their faces. Qu looks thoughtful (which is very, very much rare) while Tovakk looks unconvinced. He chews on his lips. "Are you sure we can do this?"
"Of course, he won't suspect a thing." Sokka answers, grinning sorta madly (he personally blames Mad Princess - she's really been rubbing off on him).
"I think this just might have a chance to work," Qu voices out, finally, his eyes focused and Sokka's know he is already picturing the whole idea panning out. "I mean, if we could just convince everyone else."
"That's where you two come in," Sokka nods. "C'mon, isn't this the whole purpose the Party Committee allows this into the schedule? So, we could see some action?"
Tovakk narrows his eyes, "But, you'll be the one who - "
"Yes."
His friend shrugs then, "Then I don't see the problem. If he'll ever want to murder someone, he won't be coming at us."
"He has a strange temper," Sokka waves. "Don't count on it."
"So... we're practically handling a suicide mission?" Tovakk doesn't sound too happy.
"It's not - it's just a scheme to make Zuko fight in the Loki Challenge, and have him win the entire thing, and then maybe I could feel the satisfaction of ripping some of his money from babysitting his sister when he buys us all a drink. And make sure to tell Kaoka to bring on the biggest glass they could offer."
Qu smiles even broader, "I'm totally in."
"Do you not get the part where the Fire Lord-to-be could have our heads if he ever finds out?" Tovakk spares a glance at the man besides him.
"If he ever finds out," Qu points out. "We just have to make sure he doesn't."
Tovakk rolls his eyes. "You guys are crazy."
"Just make up your mind, brah. You're either in, or out." Sokka's now doing the thing where he makes nervous move with his knee, moving it in small gesture, up and down, up and down. Spirits, his deal with Katara is burning and he'd really like it if he could see the next dawn. Gritting his teeth, he ushers, "Quick."
"Fine. I guess I'm just as crazy as you two."
"You won't regret it," Sokka laughs, clapping his friend on the arm - Qu joins in and hugs Tovakk. "I fucking swear."
Tovakk gives him a look, "You better."
He has her in more layer of clothing than it's really necessary - he has make sure of that.
So when his fingers are grasping on her arm and pulling her closer to him, he could feel thick fabrics underneath his fingers (almost as if it's mocking him now on the fact that he can't feel the real her) - she isn't shivering like she was the other day (and thank Spirits for that), but she isn't exactly warming up either. The snow is already catching on the edge of her dark eyebrows, making his fingers twitch to just brush it away (or kiss and laugh at her because she looks kinda adorable with snow caught up on her face) but with all the power he could summon, he doesn't move a muscle besides from keeping her closer to him.
"You holding up okay?" he asks her, smiling down - because he feels giddy, like a child, excited and way-too-happy.
She doesn't smile back, but her gloved-fingers are grasping onto him - a tug - and she answers, "This better be worth it, Water Tribe Boy."
He doesn't know why - usually when it's her, he never needs a legitimate reason - (and although his cheeks are kinda numb from the weather), but he can feel his grin growing bigger. He steps forward, and makes sure to note on how she's not complaining in pain or anything, and says, "I hope so."
She stumbles when they are near it, but he catches her and he's holding her by the forearm, and she snaps her head towards him, glaring darker when she sees the big grin on his face. He doesn't wait for her to snarl out some nasty comment, because they're there and he could feel something pulsating in his ears (he doesn't do sappy and admits it's his heartbeat) and cocks his chin to the sky, "Look."
She does look.
And he's smart enough to tear his eyes from the aurora australis to look at her, and just... watch her (he realises he's been doing a lot of that lately, and yes, it's very creepy). The glare she has vanishes and her eyes are wide and suddenly - suddenly - everything is clear. The colour of her eyes, the sharp fangs of her teeth, the chapped lines on her lips, the little scars between everything, the curl of her lashes, the amazement in her every features - and he sees him, and he sees her, and he sees the two of them, and how fine that situation really is. He lets a gentle smile escapes, "Mom introduced this place to me."
She looks at him, eyes no longer holding a threat, and he gazes back at the aurora, at the edge of the cliff where he always sit. "Come on," he tugs her, "Let's get closer."
She doesn't argue - wow, he must have outdone himself; she has never not argue - and follows him steadily. They never really let go of each other; she still needs him to walk straight, and he doesn't really mind holding her close. He doesn't lead her close to the edge of the cliff, just near it - he wouldn't risk it - and helps her sit down. When he situates himself next to her - not too close that he'll chase her way, but not too far either - he glances back up at the aurora; tonight, it's more greener than any other colour.
"Your mother?" The Fire Princess asks, her voice is in a lower volume than usual. But she isn't snarling, so that's okay.
He nods his head, "Uh-huh. Her name's Kya."
Hey Mom, he wants to say but doesn't risk it. He doesn't want the Fire Princess thinking that he has finally join the Crazy Town, or something. Yeah, I brought a friend to our place. I hope you don't mind.
The aurora seems to be dancing, twirling, blending with each other and Sokka pretends that Kya is questioning her son: Who is she, Sokka? Tell me. That voice is gentle (always gentle), not a command - more of a curious tone. Oh, how he wishes he could just talk freely - tell his Mom everything about this woman next to him. She's the one I have a tiny, eenie-meanie crush on, Mom. It's super weird, because she's supposed to be super crazy, and it doesn't make sense and I wish you were here - I wish you could tell me what you think of her.
And then, suddenly, Azula speaks up, "I read about this beforehand."
He looks at her, impressed. "Really?"
She nods her head, and there's a (rare) soft smile on her face - that if Sokka doesn't look too close, he might not even notice it at all - and her eyes are trained on the sky. "I never thought I'd see it this close."
"So, you've seen it before?" There's something which feels awkwardly like disappointment crawling up on his skin, but he refuses to let it show (although he's fairly certain that his voice give it away).
"I have the view from the window."
Oh. "Oh," he says, that makes sense. He turns his gaze back at the sky.
They sit like that, for a while, calmly (never thought he'd have a night like this with her), peacefully. Until there's a nudge on his elbow and he looks at the Manic Princess, blinking up. She looks (almost) bashful, and her eyes are on the snow besides him. She looks like she's wincing, like she's thinking hard or doing something extremely difficult, and then she blurts out, "Tell me - about... about your mother."
He stares at her - what - and, are you real? but he doesn't poke her or pinch her (yeah, he has a crush on her - but he's not ready to lose a finger) and clears his throat. "I, uh - okay. If you're sure."
He takes a deep breath, looking down at the pile of snow underneath him and looks back up at the sky - trying to catch a star or a thousand behind the southern lights - and slowly peels his memory box back to just fill in the silence, "She's ... oh Spirits, she's amazing. I mean, she and I - we're never very close - she's always closer to Katara, but... we have our moments. And she ... oh man, where do I even start?"
He laughs (but it's in a way that he never really means it) and looks on sadly, until he feels another tug on his coat. "Her looks," Azula says, her face set in a serious expression but there's a scratch of softness hidden there - Sokka just doesn't know where to point it out. So, he just stares at her blankly. Slower, she repeats, "Begin with how she looks like."
"Oh well," He nods his head, now practically rummaging through that memory box empty. It's been so long, he dully thinks. He knows how his mother looks like - sometimes in crucial details (like a small mole under her right ear, or a faint scar on her hairline) and sometimes even in foggy picture (like he knows she has brown hair, but never knows how dark or how light her hair really is) and sometimes, she's just a figure with soft voice and eyes - but it has been years, and he doesn't know how to describe. He purses his lips, trying to find something - anything - to say.
"I have her nose," he says in the end - because that's the best option he could think of.
And then he pauses because oh, wow I just realise how stupid that really sounds, before Sokka starts again, "But Katara mostly inherits everything from her. I don't really care - I guess I was always a daddy's man anyway, than a mommy's boy. But... she has, like, crazy blue eyes that, even under the dark and no lights on, you can still see the blue, and she almost always never complain whenever I call her out at nights."
"Why do you call her out at night?" Azula suddenly asks, but her tone is quick and the curiosity is overwhelming. She nearly sounds... desperate.
"Sometimes you have frostbites," he shrugs, then quirks a grin and leers at her. "Sometimes you're scared of monsters."
The Princess rolls her eyes, "Monsters don't exist."
Sokka sighs, and turns his attention up ahead and his eyes travel over the ices that's floating over the deep blue sea, and some ice lands that they rarely venture to because the ice is thin there. "Yeah," he hears his own voice replying, "Not in the childish forms you think they are."
He stops then, knowing exactly who he means by that (Ozai!) and prods Azula, "Hey. I- I don't mean - "
"I understand," she responds with a clip tone, her eyes are glaring - but not at him. "Just... continue."
He nods awkwardly and thinks again - did I just almost apologised to the fact that I called Ozai's a monster? I shouldn't - he was a monster. A scary one. Yeah, he's a father too, sure, but that didn't... Sokka clenches his fist, but it's not as effective when all you could feel is comfortable fabric in between your slender fingers. He exhales, "She's always gentle. She's always - she just knows - I used to think she could read minds, you know? Yeah, it's stupid, but I believed that. She could tell whenever Dad was having a rough day, although to Katara and I, he was fine, or she could always point out if I was ever sad."
There's a long pause, and a short memory passes through his mind. He sighs, and shakes his head.
"She's always strong, somehow too. She never gave up when she wanted something. And she never always know what to say, but when she holds you - oh Spirits, it's like everything is perfect. Nothing is out of place. But I guess that's a mother, huh?" He feels how dry his lips are, "And she loves us. She loves too much, I think. I don't know if you know this, but she sacrificed herself for Katara when the Fire Lord wanted to kill the only waterbender in this village. I hate that day. I hate most days during the war - but I hate that day the most, besides from when Dad had to go away and fight."
He feels the anger seeping up from his core, feels the way his fingers are clenching more rapidly, feels the roar of a wolf rising up inside of him to lash out - and he bites on his inner cheek until he's sure he tastes blood. "She brought me here when I was five. Katara was with Gran Gran then. She said it was her secret place - and then she repeated, our secret place. And we just sat here, just for a short while, and it was... good. It was like this. It was - "
He turns to look at Azula, who has her eyes perfectly on him - and he swallows. " - peaceful," he finishes lamely, when she breaks eye-contact and looks back at the aurora.
Sokka shifts uncomfortably, feeling his nerves vibrating under his epidermis, as if it's screaming at him - but he doesn't know for what, or why. He recalls a hazy memory from three (or, maybe, it's four?) years ago, hearing Zuko muttering on how Azula has never been fond of their mother. He hears the bells ringing inside, but he couldn't stop himself when he finds himself asking, "How... about your mother?"
Dangerous territory, his mind goes on full-panic mode when he could see how she sets her jaw and ducks her head lower.
Extremely, one-hundred percent, dangerous.
"She...," her voice is strain, and Sokka knows - he knows - he's fucked. Her shoulders are tense, but soon enough (after a millennium, that is) she drops it distinctly, "... I've been told I resemble her more than I resemble my father." She says it in a breath, barely a whisper. But he hears it. "She had always favoured Zuko, perhaps, more than she should. But I didn't let it bother me - as you might put it, I'm more of a 'daddy's girl' than I am a 'mommy's princess'. Though, I can't deny it, we do have our moments."
She seems to be holding her breath, "It was good while it lasted. But I've never ... come to like her. Never like a daughter should, I would have guessed. I don't... I see her sometimes." That last part is even more of a whisper and Sokka has to lean in just to hear her. "I... Not lately, though. Not lately."
"Is that... why you have night terrors? Her?"
She takes a deep breath, and lifts her chin up - but doesn't look at him. "I dream about lots of other ... horrific things. But, yes, she appeared. She, when she's there, I will - it's impossible... I could never get away from her." And on that moment, Sokka sees something entirely different with Azula - she's not smirking, or leering, or even evil, or the post-trauma Azula that usually gives him look but doesn't eat him or anything - this Azula has real madness behind her eyes, real anger; this is not Azula.
"Mad Princess, hey." He says, and her expression doesn't change. Firmly, he grasps his shoulders and tries again, "Azula."
Nothing.
"Azula."
She drops her head and her gloved-fingers reach up to touch his extended arms, "I'm sorry." She says, like she's out of breath. He waits for her (and is it possible for a sweat to actually trickle down one's face in this cold atmospheric condition?) and she gasps again, "I'm sorry. I didn't - "
"It's okay," he ushers out. "Are you in pain?"
"No," she presses on firmly. "I'll be fine."
She's back. Sokka lets out a deep, relief sigh - the pressure he puts on her lessens, but he doesn't let her go. "What happened? Are you okay? Like, is that a side-effect, or something? From the... thing that the Spirits did to you?"
She moves her shoulders from him, and he takes back his hands. "Sometimes it's hard to tell."
"To tell what?"
"Between what the Spirits did to me, and my own madness."
"What..." his tongue suddenly tastes bitter, "... did the Spirits do, Azula?"
Under the darkness, she has the deepest frown any person could muster. Maybe he asks too soon - she did say that she will tell him someday, and yeah, maybe she won't, but who is he anyway to pry in? Ugh. Too confusing, too confusing! He feels himself huffing and he looks up at the sky, silently praying for help (c'mon Mom, don't leave me hangin') when she suddenly says, "Given what happened - the recollection of my punishment," venom is dripping with each word and Sokka secretly shudders, "is itself a tattered thing that if I were given any option, would rather not repeat. Or live through."
Sokka takes a deep breath, and holds it (although he doesn't know why).
"But, since you insist." She lets her eyes drag over to him briefly, almost in accusation. "The Avatar informed you what transpired when he was trying to take my bending away, and you saw the aftermath." He nods at that, even if it isn't a question. Yes, he saw. He saw a very much crippled (he cringes at that word) Azula, a broken one (this woman next to him is the aftermath of that Azula - broken still, but managing through). "It happened a few days after I was... after I lost - when you were debating among one another what to do with me - if you were to refresh your memory, you would know I wasn't ... precisely sane.
"I think it was because I have hurt another guard when it ... captured me into its grasp. Cahaya. That was its name. It was a disgusting creature - everything strange about it, and it was too... bright." She stops (for a long time), then rubs her cheek. "As a more creative story-teller might told that our conversations were a rushed one, with it trying to - I suppose - made me realise my wrong doings, while I argued that I wasn't doing anything wrong for me to realise anything."
"I'm gonna take a leap and guess you lost the argument?"
"I didn't allow myself to concede its point, no," she looks up back at the aurora, before dropping her gaze away. "Before it ... released me, it extracted all my memories of things positive. The good, the happy, all of the pieces of my success, victorious moments, every pleasure, every point I have pride to store for myself. And with that, my memories of being a child prodigy gone - as if washed away and all its left was just a meaningless white blank page to stare upon."
Sokka gasps and looks at her (she, of course, remains stoic - posture slightly rigid, and expression a little harsher than before), "So what? You're trying to say that he took all your memory of nice things? How does that... not make your more insane?"
"It said to me, 'Foolish, girl. You are surrounded and blinded with the darkest of dark it could be, and seize hold of it and take it deep within the hearth of your being, constructing a wall that shield you from the beauty, the compassion, the love that is around you. If it's the misery, the grieve that you crave, then that's what I shall give you.'"
He watches her more intently than he ever has - and tries to catch a glimpse of - of - of anything, really. Just to wonder how everything works - how she sees things now - in that head of hers, now that it's all really (extremely) jumbled-up. "That's horrible," he mumbles and sees her shrug, although it seems more forced than anything.
Her left thumb brushes over her right knuckles, and for a moment, it's what they both are staring at. He wishes he could pin-point how she's feeling right now - sad? confused? angry? - just so he could arrange his words to say something. It feels wrong (dirty, even) to sit there, being all perfect with complete memory intact, while she's... just not. Azula lifts her chin back up, "But it wasn't a perfect process. The dark and the light, the good and the bad are often bound together. And so, to retain the miserable memories, it was forced to leave some good ones as well."
"So... you do remember some good memories?"
"Yes," she says with a hiss, a disgust in her voice. "But it's often useless memories. Nothing to improve on... on my bending."
He knows he's pushing it, but, "Like, what kind of good memories do you remember?"
Her shoulders tense, and she moves her gaze (far, far) away from him. There's a hitch when she's trying to reply, but she does anyway, "The one where my mother lets me feel the bending signature. Sometimes just a smile. Or a laughter. Or the feeling - it all came in quick flashes, like an incomplete pieces. I had to fit it all together myself."
He takes a moment to take it all in, "Does the... good memory ever increase? Like it comes to you all so suddenly?"
"It doesn't happen very often, but yes."
"That's good, right?"
She sets her jaw again, "Hardly. I am still bending as I did when I was a toddler - childish and tiring. With my memory impaired, I am struggling at my best."
He thinks again of her words, "But you read a lot of books. You even sometimes accompany Aang at a medical centre. Doesn't it help?"
"Not very much," she answers. "Its... It's difficult."
"I could imagine," he mumbles.
"Could you?" Her remarks are sharp, angry - and he wants to say, no, really, I can't but that doesn't mean that I like it happening to you - or anybody else but he only swallows it down, returning his gaze back at the aurora.
"Does Zuko knows?"
She grimaces, "He's more thick than you could ever be, but he does notice, yes. Unfortunately."
Having nothing to say, Sokka lets the air drifts through, carrying the silence (and sometimes, even the distant howling of a cat-wolf). He thinks about the information she has given him - just how valuable it truly is - and for a short second, he thinks about why in the hell did she just tell me all of this? Because by telling him about her diminished bending abilities, she has given him a form of power over her - that, in a battle strategy, could benefit him more than anyone could think. Before he could stop it; his minds are forming all sorts of plan to uncover whatever else are lacking in Azula's ability; where to strike, how he could strike - but he stops because, he realises, Azula is not the enemy here.
At least, he hopes not.
Maybe she tells me this because she knows I'm too useless to do anything about it, he concludes and sighs, rubbing his face because he knows snows are catching up to him, and shakes his head. When he looks at the Fire Princess, he finds that she has already been staring up at him. Her expression are calculating; as if, she's trying to figure something out of him. He lets a crooked grin pass by his lips, "We should get back before your brother throws a tantrum."
She doesn't say anything, but follows his steps as he stands. Their fingers are catching together and her force is strong when he's trying to haul her up. She stands, and glances back at the aurora. He smiles gently when he sees the southern lights are reflecting on her eyes.
"This place...," she starts and looks down - at their connected hands. "I'm glad you take me here."
He smiles wider, and nods. "Yeah," he tells her, "I'm glad too."
Bye Mom, the words thud in his head as they turn around and he leads her out of there. Looking back for the last time that night, he feels a sudden pang of sadness. Like, it's actually the last time he'll see it. He tries to give the whole memory a smile (Kya was kissing his temple while five-year-old him shrieked in delight, trying to get away from her) and sees the way the aurora gives a last twirl - a last wave. He doesn't think much of it and pulls the Princess closer.
She doesn't glare up at him.
"Thanks, man."
Zuko looks up, unblinking. "For what?"
He rolls his eyes at that, but doesn't let his grin disappear. "For following me and Azula, but still keeping your distance, tonight."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." He answers, looking back at a piece of scroll in his hand - probably a report for tomorrow's Breakfast Meeting - but Sokka doesn't miss the slight turn-up by the corner of the Fire Prince's lips.
"Yeah, sure you don't," He says, making his way upstairs. "And I totally don't see your hide-out with Katara and Toph and Aang."
This time, there's a visible smile on Zuko's face. He lowers his scroll down, just slightly, and lifts his eyes to meet with Sokka's, "Thank you."
He grins back, thinking back of the night, and nods, "Don't mention it."
And the night passes.
7,794 words. In which, Sokka and Azula are trying to be fluff, but gets too emotional (or serious). Whaaattt. Oh my gosh, but honestly though, I'm sorry for the late update (I've always vowed that if I were ever up for a multi-chap, the update between one chapter to another must be like, the most, a week apart) and obviously, I've exceeded my own deadline. For that, I apologise.
And, ARGH - I've gathered new readers. Welcome on-board my fellow friends, and let's visit the museum of my mind, where I have specifically build a new floor specially for Azula/Sokka and whatever comes with it. Seriously though, thank you for giving my fiction a chance. I've never been one for review responds (and I did it in the last chapter, but that was an exception) but I just... I feel like I need to respond to some. Specifically those who holds a question in their review.
Exoduss: You mention a beta, or someone to proof read my story. Which I totally agree, like one-hundred percent, but the problem is (takes a deep breath because this is embarrassing) I don't know how to reach for a beta. I mean, I've seen a lot of people do it - but I never know... how. And ugh! I wish I don't suck in English, but I do, and ... you see my problem? (please help).
IntelligentPrincess: Oh my gosh, I haven't even thought of Ty Lee. But now that you mentioned her, I totally am sketching up a new plan to fit her in somehow (I don't know, maybe a Ty Lee-Azula-Sokka triangle or something? wink, wink, nudge, nudge) lol. But seriously though, thank you sooo muccchhh for telling me your opinion. And, yes, for leaving the review. I appreciated it.
Soulhope The Wolf: You asked if they ever tried throwing Azula in the spirit healing water? I'd like to think that, yes, they have. I mean, they've been travelling for three years to search for a cure - the spirit healing water must be one of the first few places they visited. But I think I can fit this information into the story (in up-coming chapters), so maybe you could understand better of what I'm trying to explain. The curse, unfortunately, will not shift anytime soon - nor will it vanish. But that was a good idea, I have to admit. Thank you for asking me.
RJCA27: (shrieks until the paint on every wall of my house sheds off) HOW IS YOUR FAMILY DOING?! oh my gosh, are they in Philippines? Are they okay? Are they holding up? And how are you? How about your extended family, or something? Do they also live in Philippines? Are they alright? oh my gosh, I'm crying - I'm crying. ARE YOU ALRIGHT! You have to know that I'm praying for you and your family, alright - and the rest of the country. I just... I can't believe (resume crying hysterically) ugh, I'm a mess. I'm sorry for ... the whole unnecessary wailing.
Slyshpuppy234: I just can't with your review. When I first read it, I was like, super pumped, before I was high by it - and I saw bunch of unicorns pooping rainbows and it was awesome. Oh my gosh, seriously. You have no idea how much how review means to me. Thank you (and my story totally has a crush on you too - but shh, don't tell it).
Tha' Drac Lord: Another reader with a really cool name. Wow. Honestly though, that name. I'm digging it (do people still say 'digging', idk). But, really, thank you for your review. I know my English sucks ( I'll try to find a beta, or track down my English teacher, or something) and I seriously apologise for that. 9/10, huh? Okay (smiles evilly) let's see about that. Maybe I could make you change your mind (now, I'm laughing maniacally with thunders zapping randomly in the background).
Lord Annaymoss: I died with your review (in a good way). I mean, like - wow. I totally have a crush on your review. I enjoy reading everything from your perspective. It's - it's - mind-blowing. I can't even word it out. But - lets not get into the mess that is my head (I totally suck at trying to give my own opinion back) and, you wondered if we're ever going to get anything from Azula's point of view. The answer is yes. Although I can't exactly tell you when - but it will come. And I hope, when it does, you'll still be sticking around.
For the rest of the reviewers: Iskandar06 (also a new reader! Welcome, welcome!), tone (always straight to the point), john (my favourite one-syllable named friend), Ecomadness (one of the most faithful readers I've ever seen in my entire existence), and also the one who's favoriting and alerting it and just reading through it: I thank you.
And if you guys have anymore questions, or just want to check if I'm still alive, just reach me out through PM or my tumblr account (puckering-gustin).