AN: I don't own Naruto. Sorry for the late update. This chapter was literally written five different ways. It is also unedited because I wouldn't have posted otherwise. I'm not sure if I hate it or not. It practically drove me insane. Wait... nevermind.

Chapter 5

Lesson 5: Ninjas. Are. Crazy. Period.

When I had asked the Hokage to contact Itachi, I wasn't expecting him to call me back into his office a week later, actually have a solid contact with Itachi, just happily say "Here you go." and then pull out a ratty messenger dog from underneath his desk as if he had been saving it for right then. But that is essentially what happened.

I know. I think the Hokage has secretly gone insane.

He just said, "Oh, I just remembered." Cue appearance of emaciated messenger dog. "Just give me a letter once a month or so and it will be coded and sent to him. I'm glad I kept him for a bit longer."

What. The. Fuck.

I looked at the poor stick of a pooch and it gave me a look of insanity only matched by purple Minions. It looked like it was disease ridden or at least flea ridden but the crazy look it gave me was a bit too creepy for my tastes. I gave the Hokage an incredulous look.

"Okay, I understand that the use of a deranged and diseased looking dog would be useful as I don't think even Orochimaru would want to touch it, but I'm kinda against the whole, experimenting on animals thing. Especially dogs."

The Hokage put the mutt in his lap and started petting it affectionately. "Oh, he's completely natural bred straight from the Inuzukas."

"Kakashi breeds mold in the fridge and it's completely natural too." I pointed out. I classified that as a science experiment. There was no way in hell I was buying that story.

"Gokiburi had rough childhood." The old man reasoned. "But he's the perfect messenger for you and Itachi to trade letters on."

I looked at the dog and then the Hokage and then back at the dog as I tried to comprehend how easily my plan was coming along.

Every single person I had talked to about the plan, including Inoichi and and Shikaku and their ridiculous mind reading abilities, was completely compliant and dealt swimmingly with my vague explanations and promises. They didn't even seem worried when all I told them was 'It all begins in stage two.' In fact, they seemed to just drink in every word I said.

But then I thought about everything that had happened up until now and my mind flashed back to my interrogation time with Ibiki.

Oh. Oh.

"You solved the part of the riddles didn't you?" It was more of a statement then a question. Te Hokage looked at me surprised, but then seemed to brush it off. I guess Ibiki really was listening to my maniacal ramblings and actually did out in the effort to make any and all connections to what was going on in the world at this time. He must have told the Hokage when he had figured it out and the Hokage had probably notified the people that I had asked for that I had actually spouted nonsense that made sense. "Why do I get the feeling that you have been planning things behind my back?"

The Hokage chuckled and smiled at me. "Because I have." Oh, so now I knew why he was letting me do this. Manipulative bastard.

I felt my eye twitch at the utterly unapologetic tone that the Hokage had taken. Now I know why Kakashi has been giving me these weird looks lately. I took a deep breath and calmed the simmering panic underneath my skin. By the way the Hokage was speaking to me, I was both an invaluable asset, and a growing threat in his eyes. Everything was moving so fast...

"Do you have anything else you want to tell me involving my meddling with the timeline?" I asked sarcastically. He could tell that I was upset about be kept in the dark like this and he just smiled at me evilly.

"You'll know eventually." He said.

"Remember to tell me things, or you'll end up being eaten by a hungry spirit god." I said at him half seriously. "And also remember that even though I am not from this world, I still keep grudges."

"Is that a warning or a threat?" He asked me.

"I want to say yes, because it is vague and answers nothing, but it's just the cold hard truth." I stated. "Now if you excuse me, I will now go and tell nonsense to other people and express my bad mood with complete and utter vagueness."

"Your words are both mysterious, and potent. You reveal nothing and everything at the same time. It is... unsettling that someone as young as you are has such a talent for the spoken arts." He said thoughtfully as I was leaving. I shrugged.

"People have always valued my opinion." I said vaguely. He just dismissed me.

I spent the entire next month panicking over the fact that everything I said or did, to myself or otherwise, was going to be analyzed for information. Kakashi watched me when he was home, Anbu were probably following me around during the time Kakashi couldn't, and the Hokage was watching me like a hawk to see if I would divulge any more information. Their damn ninja awesomeness made me almost completely withdraw from the world. It freaked quite a few people out.

Because for an entire month, I didn't say a single word. Not to Iruka-sensei, not to Kakashi, and most definitely not to myself. That's right, I was stuck in panicky silence for a month. Kakashi was worried enough to pull a stunt that fortunately broke my streak, though (which could have probably extended to the rest of the year), when he surprised me by slipping off his mask and doing an absolutely adorable Pakkun impression.

I pondered the ridiculousness of it after consequently cooing and laughing my ass off.

... A grown man with a mastery over the puppy dog face...

...

...

He has to teach me that.

Moving on, I was definitely more cautious about my interactions with people after that, not at all wanting something I said fall to the wrong hands (because who says Tobi isn't listening?) and I chose who I spoke with carefully.

Shikamaru and Chouji became by best friends within that time as I was afraid to talk too much and sticking to them made me practically disappear from the watchful eyes of randomly suspicious chūnin and jōnin. They were probably the only people who were actually doing something that was helping me stay sane. Shikamaru didn't mind hanging out with me because I cloud gazed with him. Chouji was won over when I gave him a bag of chips I didn't want.

Bless their unintentionally kind souls.

The only long winded conversations that I had with anyone at that time was, surprisingly, Itachi.

Every month or so, I would receive a letter from Itachi and write back to him. The dog, who I have creatively nicknamed Roach, would amble up to me at the most random times, drop a slobbery letter at my feet (or in my lap), and then continue on his merry way. Most of my letters consisted of answers to his curious questions about me, the occasional report on Sasuke, and hypothetical questions of my own for the ironically pacifist missing nin.

Getting honest answers from him was refreshing as he didn't even try to hide his intentions, but I didn't even attempt to suggest anything remotely related to something in the future. Itachi was probably just as good as Danzou when it came to manipulation and pulling answers out of people, so I just stuck with random questionnaires that would hopefully make him more reasonable about any negotiations I would later have to make with him. I was glad for the anonymity of my fake name (Suzu) and the fact that he thought of me as just some kid the Hokage thought would make a good pen pal.

My entire next year was absolutely crazy. Anbu Neko (Aka. Yamato) had joined in with my training with Kakashi, and they were having a great time torturing me with their training methods. Hiding didn't do any good either since both of them were tracking ninja, and they chased me all around Konoha with water balloons filled with bright pink paint (shiver) after every session; even after that grueling elemental affinity training session. It didn't help that I had the lightning affinity and Kakashi was the village's current master of lightning style or that he was a brother who never got tired of torturing his poor younger sister. His idea of zap tag was not fun since he was so much better at it and he had amazing dodge abilities.

Of course it would be his favorite time of the day.

It worked though, no matter how insane the training was. I mastered how to do the Academy basics as well as a few lightning ninjutsu and the replacement jutsu. I could unintentionally sneak up on chūnin of all sorts, find anything and everything using my nose, and escape from practically anyone and anything I wanted to.

However, I wasn't happy. I was, irritable. And cranky. And sarcastic. And jittery. And spastic. And worst of all, I was emotionally intense.

I finally figured out what was bothering me when I was walking home from the Academy and I squealed at an art store and bought all the painting supplies and musical instruments I could afford.

Yup. I had creative constipation. Something that had in my world that I seemed to have carried with me to this one. It's a bad state of mind for a creative nutcase like me to be in.

That's because my 'creativity' always ends up barfing on the wrong things. In this particular time, I ended up making my room look like I had a paintball fight with the wall and I broke three glass cups when I tried to play tubular bells with them. I drew mini Akatsuki chibis marching on the bathroom ceiling and Tobi's epic lollipop mask on the kitchen cupboard and a picture of old and new Team Seven on the back of the apartment door as well as a bunch of other Naruto related things.

I was just looking for a new wall to paint on when Kakashi came through the door.

I froze.

Fuck.

He looked at the mess and then back at me and then to the haphazardly decorated walls. I saw him freeze when his eyes landed on the Kyuubi and Naruto chibis in the hallway. Suddenly I was grateful for the curtains on the windows.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Kakashi demanded pointedly. I was still standing frozen in my tracks with my paint set and brush in hand. I probably had paint splotched all over my clothes as well.

"Well, I- um-" I stuttered. "Was being... spontaneous?" I supplied. I winced at the glare that Kakashi sent my way. "Okay! Okay! What did you want me to explain?"

"What do you mean 'what do I want you to explain?'?" He asked rhetorically. I stuck out a limb and answered.

"Which... one? Do you want me to explain?" I asked in a small voice.

He stared at me like I was crazy. Well, he was half right.

My mind went into overdrive trying to figure out a way to mend the situation without telling him everything. Well, I could tell him some of the truth and let him think it out on his own. I might regret this later, though.

"It's the timeline." I said. "Well, random parts of it." I added. He looked around the living room to the drying figures on the walls. "If... if it isn't something that looks familiar... it's something that will eventually happen... I think."

"I thought you said that you wouldn't reveal anything about the future." He stated in disbelief. "What the hell brought this on?"

I stared at him slightly, even though I knew that cussing was appropriate for the situation, because Kakashi rarely cursed.

My mind snapped back to what I was doing before he came in.

"Creative constipation." I stated succinctly. "If I had known I had brought it with me from before, I would have taken measures to prevent it, but seeing as it's bit too late for that..." I trailed off.

"Creative what?" He asked.

"The condition in which the subject spontaneously creates artistic works. The sufferer needs to vent out his or her creative tendencies to operate normally." I stated clinically as I tried to stall the inevitable. "Release can be through painting, drawing, writing, singing, dancing, or playing instruments. It is incurable but can be managed through periodic creation of art of some sort. If not managed properly..." I gestured to the paint splattered walls. "This happens." It did not help that it made me mentally unstable enough to make me susceptible to any and all influences, good or bad.

Good thing I had a well developed imagination and red crayons in the old world. I had no such possessions with me in this world though.

"You're serious." Kakashi stated a bit incredulous. I nodded and shuffled nervously, my creative high fading into shame and tightly controlled fear.

"I'd ask you to just ignore it and not tell the Hokage, but since you won't, could you just... help me get rid of it?" I asked desperately. "No one should be seeing this... if someone who is against us sees this stuff, we might have even less time than before..."

On the inside I was cursing myself for being so stupid. I had long since figured out that if a paradox with the timeline was going to happen it would have happened already so the only thing that would change anything drastically would be direct interference on my part. As far as the timeline went, the same people were still in the Akatsuki, and the same people would be attempting to destroy it and or the world within the next few years. If one of them found out about my information trove, things could go to hell oh so much quicker.

Kakashi was silent in thought for a moment before speaking again.

"You'll monitor your... condition? And you'll make sure that this information is kept absolutely secret from now on?"

I nodded vigorously.

He sighed and I waited in baited breath.

"We'll need a lot of thinner, but I've always wanted to find an excuse to repaint this place."

I let out the breath I was holding. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I liked his understated humor or not.

By the end of the year, I felt the frustration and slight anxiety of upcoming Exams. All major projects and homework assignments needed to be completed and turned in. I groaned at my epic procrastination issues. Not only did I have homework from the Academy, but I also had to make sure that everyone in my little circle of 'future knowers' (lame name I know, but what the hell was I supposed to call it?) was given homework for the preparations as well. Most of it was theoretical stuff and a bit of training assignments for Neko, Hayate, and Kakashi (though I don't know if he actually did any of it). I had stayed up really late for the last week before Exams to finish everything.

Playing student and teacher was absolutely exhausting. And dealing with strictly the male gender, all of who were at least a decade older than me, was particularly draining. I couldn't wait until Tsunade and Shizune appeared so I could have some conversations with women.

Speaking of the female species, I was also suffering from the childish condition of infatuation. That's right, I was so close to having a crush on someone that it was annoying. Of course I would be the one stuck between my dislike for the complications of crushes and wanting to absolutely gush over him. It was like being stuck between a rabid dog and an enraged bull.

Just another problem in the life of Hatake Ameko.

Evidently, when I came in to the Academy on Exam Day, I didn't even bother with an excuse for being late coming out of four hours of sleep and a spar with Kakashi. I dragged my exhausted body to my seat and put my head down on the desk.

I can proudly say that I was dead asleep for three fourths of the written exam (which I still managed to pass) and I passed back out after my practical exam. Since we had early dismissal that day, all I did was grab a headband, go home and slept.

I woke up the next day to Kakashi's finger prodding my ribs and the growl of a starved stomach.

I wasn't sure the 'Eep!' or the 'Grrrrwk.' of my stomach was louder.

"It's a big day today. You need to get up, Ame-chan." He poked me in the ribs again. I rolled over and rubbed my face in the pillow ignoring him. He poked me again.

"If you poke me in the ribs again, I swear I'll call you Kashi-niitan for the rest of the day." I threatened.

Silence.

I felt a poke on my cheek. Damn it.

"I'm up. I'm up." I said as I swatted away the hand and pulled myself out of my covers. "What time is it?" I asked with a yawn.

"You're stomach says its eating time. You should probably eat something." He said.

I frowned at him. That didn't answer my question. At. All.

"I heard." I deadpanned. He turned away and went to the kitchen as I gathered up my clothes for a shower.

I came into the kitchen to a surprise. At my seat there was a plate with three green tea ice cream mochi on it. It was my favorite dessert.

Not only that but Kakashi was sitting at the table eating his breakfast too, without his headband and his mask. He was eating like a normal person and he didn't even look up when I sat down, peeled off my own mask and began eating the mochi. A wave a warmth came over me as we both sat at the table eating. It was a familiar sensation, just eating in silence with someone else at the table with me. It reminded me of having dinner with my family.

"Happy Birthday." He said suddenly. I instantly paused mid-bite to stare at him. Was today really? I glanced at the calendar on the fridge and saw the date. October fifteenth. The anniversary of my sudden appearance in this world. I swallowed my bite.

"Two years, huh?" I asked, looking down at my food. I had been in his world for an entire two years and had survived. If someone had told me that two years ago, I would have told them they were crazy, but now...

I smiled to myself then quickly finished my breakfast and wiped the powdered sugar off my mouth. I put my dish away and grabbed my ninja gear. I turned and I hugged Kakashi for all it was worth.

"Thank you, Kakashi-niisan. For everything." I said. I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on his cheek before rushing out the door. I had felt him stiffen at the blatant affection and it made me smile. I was glad that I had someone like him to call family, even in a world that wasn't my own.

When I got to the Academy it seemed like Iruka-sensei had just finished explaining that we were to be organized into three man teams under a jounin, because people were whispering among themselves about 'I want to be with_' and '_ better be on my team.' I shuffled into the back row next to Shikamaru and asked him if Sensei had assigned teams yet.

"Nah," he answered. "He just gave us the graduation speech and then explained how teams work. If I didn't know you would be late, I wouldn't be paying much attention to what he's saying at all, you know." He drawled. I giggled slightly, in an oddly happy mood. He looked at me like I might be carrying a bomb. "What?" He asked cautiously.

"Thanks for always telling me." I said smiling.

"What's with all the mushy stuff? Where'd the sarcasm go?" He asked.

I giggled again, noting the panicked look on his face. "I'm just, really happy." I said lamely. "I got to eat ice cream for breakfast!"

"You had sugar and this is what happens?" He asked worriedly.

"Well, it's just..." I started. "Today's my birthday. Nii-san let me have dessert for breakfast!"

Shikamaru instantly relaxed, apparently no longer afraid that I was going to blow something up and sat back in his chair.

"You could have just told me that." He complained. "'Cause last time you were this giggly..."

The memory popped back in my head and my good mood shattered.

"Thanks for reminding me." I said sarcastically as I frowned. "You don't want to know what kind of punishment I received for it."

"Team seven," I looked up to see Iruka-sensei calling out to the class with a clipboard. He had almost shouted that one. Like he was trying to get someone's attention.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto looked up.

"Haruno Sakura," Naruto did a happy dance as Sakura slouched in sadness.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sakura then did a exclamation of joy as Naruto slumped. Sasuke just ignored them as usual.

I snickered from behind them. That was one dynamically challenged group that I would never want to be-

"Hatake Ameko." My thoughts stopped. Wait, what?

"Uh, Sensei?" I asked. "What-"

"Why do I have to be on a team with him!?" Naruto interrupted me. Sakura hit him on the head. I sighed.

"What was your question, Ameko-chan?" Iruka-sensei asked.

"How come I'm on this team? When there's already three people?"

"Well-"

"I demand an exchange!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs, cutting Sensei off. I could practically see the vein popping in sensei's head.

"To create a balanced team, we placed the best student, Sasuke, with the worst student, Naruto." Sensei seethed. Then he completely changed attitude directions and spoke to me instead. "To answer your question Ameko, there is an odd number of students who graduated and so you were put with on a team where the jounin in charge was felt capable of handling four students."

Translation? The Hokage wanted me to be put on this team specifically for reasons disclosed to me. I clenched my fists slightly at that. What the hell was he planning? And why now?

Sensei announced the rest of the teams, but I wasn't listening anymore. Quickly, my mood went from bubbly to broody and I disappeared from the classroom as soon as we were dismissed for lunch.

I went up to the roof and opened up my lunch, but ended up just eating a few bites before losing my appetite to the thought of my new life as a ninja. I doubted the Hokage would let me just drop out of the program, and I had put a lot of effort into becoming a ninja, even if it was against my will.

I sighed and stuffed another bite into my mouth. There was nothing I could do at this point but go with it, and not being able to choose where I was going, was an uneasy thought.

When I got back to the classroom, Iruka-sensei told us that our jounin senseis would come pick us up from the classroom to begin further training and knowing who team seven's sensei was, I just pulled out my favorite manga book and began reading it. It was a wise choice since the four of us waited for three hours before he sprung Naruto's trap and called us up to the roof.

As if living with him wasn't enough...

"Alright, why don't you introduce yourselves. One at a time." Kakashi said.

"Introduce ourselves?" Sakura asked stupidly. Yes, that is what he said. "Well, what are we supposed to say?"

"Things you like and things you hate." Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly. "Dreams for the future. Hobbies. Things like that."

"Why don't you tell us stuff first? I mean, before we talk, tell us about you so we can see how it's supposed to work?" Naruto asked. That, actually wasn't so useless. Nothing against Sakura, but what Naruto asked held more ninja potential. To know a bit about someone else before divulging any information yourself. Not to say that it wasn't useless too.

I hated to say it but Sasuke was being most ninja-like by keeping quiet.

"Me?" Kakashi asked, going along with it. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. Things I like and things I hate. Eh, I don't feel like telling you that."

Naruto and Sakura's surprise was visible. Their losing ninja points fast.

"My dreams for the future. Never really thought about it. As for my hobbies, I have lots of hobbies." Kakashi finished lazily.

"Well that was totally useless. All he really told us was his name." Sakura whispered. Something seemed to click in her head though.

"Wait a second! Hatake? You're related to Ameko?" She asked incredulous. Sasuke actually looked up from the floor at this. She looked at me surprised. "You know all about him don't you?" She snickered. "You could tell us all his dirty secrets!"

I blinked. Then I looked at Kakashi. Then I decided to mess with her a bit.

"I've never seen his face in my entire life." I lied, but Sakura didn't know that.

"That doesn't answer the question you know!" Naruto said.

"Even though it's probably true?" I asked.

I received three identical glares. I just shrugged them off.

"I can see how you're related." Sasuke scoffed. "Of course you know him."

"Never said I didn't." I shot back. He just hmphed and resumed brooding.

"Don't be rude to Sasuke-kun Ameko!" Sakura said.

At the same time Naruto said, "You are related!"

Ugh, this was going to be one hell of a team.

AN: Sorry again this is so late! I had summer school homework and stuff. Updates will be on Saturdays from now on too. Hope you like this!