Chain Reaction

Chapter twenty-one – the stars are old my friend

What if, in the escape of '09, Max hadn't escaped with the others? What if Jondy had tried to save her when she fell in the ice, but in the end, they both got caught?

…

'13

Zack stood on the edge of the Space Needle, thinking. The sun had gone down many hours ago, but he couldn't sleep. He rarely did sleep now, because whenever he did, his sleep was plagued with nightmares. Nightmares of what Manticore was doing to Max, and Jondy. And how it had been his fault that Star had nearly been caught just weeks ago. She had already been caught once, trying to save Tinga.

He wasn't supposed to know this, because Star still considered him to be a liability, but he had known. He would always know when one of his siblings was in trouble. It came from being CO. And maybe now that Star was CO, she would feel it too.

Sitting down on the edge, Zack dangled his feet over the edge. He knew that it was immature, but there was a certain feeling of freedom when you could wave your legs around in thin air. Sort of like the feeling you might get if you could fly, but muted.

Staring out over the skyscrapers Zack tried to make out something, anything. But there was nothing that he could see, even with his night-vision. So instead, he just concentrated on the streets surrounding him. So many people were still out, even though it was nearly pitch black. Most people couldn't afford homes these days, not after the pulse, and so they lived in the streets. Those who were lucky lived as squatters in abandoned buildings, but those were few and far between at the moment, and you also needed money to bribe the sector police.

Thinking of homes made Zack realize that he ought to get home soon. Otherwise the guy he roomed with, Donovan, might get worried when he woke up and Zack wasn't there. After all, Zack was only 15, and Donovan was nearly 20. Standing up again, Zack paused for a moment to look out as the sun began to rise.

…

Star wandered down one of the many alleys in Seattle, Micah by her side. They had arrived two days ago, and were planning on leaving in the morning. There was nothing for them to do in Seattle, except check on Zack. And they couldn't do that too much, or else he would realize, and get suspicious.

It wasn't that they didn't trust Zack, just that they worried about him. He had never again shown any sign of the madness that had overcome him three years before. If anything, he had become quieter, more drawn in. It was like he was afraid of them, afraid that he would hurt them. But for some reason, Star didn't think he would. Maybe it was because he hadn't shown any sign of it again, or maybe it was just that gut feeling she got sometimes. Usually when someone was in trouble, but often just when she knew she was right about something.

She had gotten that gut feeling just four weeks before, and come to Zack's rescue, when he was being chased by some of Manticore's men. She had saved him, like she had done so many times for the others, and then left him to be on his own once more. That was how it went, feel, save and then leave. Maybe take a trip with them first, to get them somewhere safe, but always leaving them. Leaving them alone. Because that was how it went. Instead of safety in numbers, for them it was safety in being alone – you had less chance of being noticed.

The only possible exception was herself and Micah. Try as she may, she could not get Micah to leave her by herself. She had lectured him so many times about the danger he would be in, about the amount of times he would risk his life, but he wouldn't listen. He would just nod his head and say that some one had to do it, so why not him? And even when she told him that she could do it by herself, he would shake his head and tell her that he was protecting her. When she asked what from, he wouldn't say. Just looked away from her, and changed the conversation.

So that was how it was, Star knowing when to save people, and Micah there to help her, to provide the backup. And to nurse the wounds that she nearly always received. It hadn't always been that way, Star knew that much. She thought it had started the year before, when she had gotten captured by Manticore, and had escaped with the help of Jondy. But, even though she would never admit it aloud, Star was glad to have Micah with her.

…

Watching Star as she walked along, Micah knew that she was thinking of something. She always got a look in her eye, like she was in a far off place, where no one could disturb her. And he would not disturb her when she was thinking, not ever. Instead, he watched the road ahead of them, to make sure that they ran into nothing, and nothing ran into them.

Glancing up, Micah saw the Space Needle, with someone sitting on it. Zooming in on the person, he saw that it was Zack. Typical. For some reason, all of the X-5's liked to go to the highest place possible, to think, or seek refuge, or just to look out over the world. It probably came from the High Place, the altar to the Blue Lady, and the feelings that came with that. The feeling of being a family, of being normal, and being loved.

Love. That was a word that they hadn't been taught, or had really known about at all. While they knew a little about it before the escape, it wasn't until after that they had discovered what it really meant. That they felt that warm feeling inside of them, and knew what it was.

Micah felt that feeling every day now, and was glad for it. He would never speak of it though, because that was not what Micah did. Unless he had to, he wouldn't speak, especially about things like feelings. And who knew what she would say to him if he told her what he felt. Better to just let that feeling live inside of him, than to let it out, only to be crushed.

Walking along, just thinking, Micah didn't realize that he and Star had come to the base of the Space Needle until they stumbled upon the base of it. Micah paused a moment, wanting to go up and look out over the world, but stopped himself. Pulling at Star's arm, he drew her away from the Needle, and headed in the direction of the bus station. They could spend the rest of the night there, and get on a bus in the morning. Where they were going to go, he didn't know, just that Star would decide and he would follow. Always follow. He would never leave her side, not ever.

…

Tinga sat in her room, looking out of the window into the streets of Portland. There was no one about, because it was night, and the streets looked empty and desolate. There was nothing for Tinga to do but think, or let sleep take her. But she knew that if she did sleep, she would not sleep peacefully. It seemed that all of them, all the rogue X-5's, were plagued by nightmares of some kind. Of course, they hadn't told her themselves, but she knew. When Star had last come through, Micah had come with her. It seemed that Micah was looking after her, though Star did not acknowledge it herself.

It had been Micah who had told her of the others nightmares. Micah didn't talk much, not to anyone but Star usually, but when Tinga had woken in the middle of the night from a nightmare, Micah had been there and comforted her. He said that he was used to comforting others when the nightmares came, and that it made him feel better, knowing that he had helped them in one small way. And he had told her that he was worried, worried sick about Star, because she wasn't sleeping at all, and was wearing herself out.

The only advice Tinga had give Micah was to help her get to sleep. Tinga could feel that there was something between Star and Micah, something neither of them would talk about, and that Micah could heal any wound Star had, be it physical or mental. And that by being there with her when she went to sleep, Star would sleep easier, because Micah was there with her, watching over her.

Tinga herself knew how much easier it was to fall asleep when you were being watched over by someone you loved, for that was what was between Micah and Star, love. How many nights had Tinga herself watched over her fellow brothers and sisters, and seeing how much easier they slept? And even now, out in the real world, she still looked after people.

Right now, she was living in a foster family, and was acting as nanny to the younger two children. The youngest, a girl of only one, was often waking in the night, and needing calming before she could sleep again. Tinga would go to her, and pick her up and rock her in her arms. She would take her over to the window, and let her see the stars outside, and she would sing to her, so that she might sleep once more.

The words that she always sang came to her head, and Tinga began singing them out to the night.

The stars are all my friends, till the night time ends
So I know I'm not alone, when I'm here, on my own
Isn't that a wonder, when you're alone
You're not alone. Not really, alone.

She didn't know where she had picked up the song from, but it was engraven into her memory, and would remain there forever.

…

Lying on the empty beach, Krit waited for sleep to come and claim him. He would have nightmares, he knew, but he needed the rest. He wanted to be gone in the morning, and on his way to god knows where. He was looking for Syl, and he wasn't going to stop until he found her. He wondered again why he and Syl had agreed to split up when Star had found them. They were a team, partners, and they needed each other.

And if he couldn't find Syl, he would have to find Star and get the information out of her. After all, Star had a voice-mail account set up, so that all of them could tell her where they were, and if they were in danger, they could tell her so. They didn't always use it like they were supposed to, but in the end Star always found them and gave them a lecture about being safe.

It had been Star's idea to split him and Syl up, for safety. Personally, Krit thought that when he was with Syl, he was safer than when he was alone. And the same went for Syl. They protected each other, and made sure that they other was always alright. But when Star ordered you, how could you say no? She was, after all, their CO.

Krit wondered what the others were doing. Syl was probably looking for him, hopefully, they would find each other soon. Tinga had been in Portland the last he knew, and was looking after some little kids. How she could stand those annoying little brats, Krit didn't know. Star was probably out rescuing someone, and most likely, Micah was there beside her. They were just like himself and Syl, perfect partners. As for Zack, Krit had no idea. He knew that he was still in Seattle, but that was it.

Zane was working in a mechanics place somewhere near the Canadian border; Cass was most likely just wandering from place to place, enjoying whatever he found. Ben, well, no one had heard from Ben except Star, and she refused to tell anyone. But Krit thought that Ben would be chasing after every scrap of information he could find about anything and everything. Cali was probably living with some family, playing the part of the innocent young girl to perfection. And Brin, she was probably trying to do as many things as possible at once.

And the ones that had been left behind, Krit knew what they were doing. They were training, fighting, learning, spying and so much more. No doubt Manticore was harder on them than they had ever been before. Krit felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of what they must be going through, the ones they had left behind.

Just as the sun started to rise above the ocean, Krit fell asleep, his last thought that he would find Syl even if it took him the rest of his life to do it.

…

Syl wandered down the road that was lit by the occasional streetlight. After leaving Krit in Memphis, she had wandered around, not really going anywhere in particular, for nearly a year. Truth to tell, Syl felt empty, hollow. It was like a huge part of her was missing, and that the space it had left was not going to be filled easily. Unless she found Krit again, that was.

And that was what she had been doing for a year now, unconsciously looking for Krit. He would make her feel whole again, and they could wander together. If Star thought that two X-5's staying in one place was unsafe, then they wouldn't stay in any one place. As long as they were together, Syl didn't care where they were.

As she walked along, Syl looked around her at the houses. These people had everything, a normal life, friends, a place to sleep at night, and they didn't have a secret government agency out looking for them. What she wouldn't give to have that kind of life with Krit, one of security, of promises kept, and hearts unbroken. Of innocence and childishness, of love and compassion. If she had that kind of life, Syl would be very happy.

As she came to the end of the road, Syl looked out over the beach that lay in front of her. She loved beaches, and the peacefulness that came with them. While she didn't like the water, Syl loved listening to the sound of the waves lapping on the beach, and often fell asleep listening to it. She thought about going down to the sand, and as she was thinking she spotted someone lying asleep on the sand. The sin was just rising, and in the dim light, Syl could make out Krit's distinct features.

Running down the beach, Syl paused just as she reached Krit. He looked so peaceful that she decided not to wake him up. No doubt he hadn't slept in ages, and if he had, it was probably filled with the same nightmares that plagued her. Instead, Syl laid herself down beside him, so that they lay face to face, and curled her arms around him. He moved in his sleep, instinctively curling up against her. Resting her head on his chest, Syl closed her eyes and let sleep take over.

…

Max and Alec sat on top of the altar at the High Place. Max was curled up against Alec's side, his arm around her shoulder. Max watched as the moon continued on its way across the sky, and saw that the eastern sky was tinted a slight red. The sun would be up soon, and they would have to go back down to the barracks.

Max didn't want the night to end. This morning Alec was going away, with nine others, to do some training in the field. Max and Jondy's group would go out the day after they came back, and the third group would go out after them. Max didn't like the thought of two weeks without Alec, but was glad that she was in Jondy's group. Much as the thought of no Alec made her sad, Jondy was much closer to Max than Alec would ever be. There was a bond between herself and Jondy, one that they could not explain if they tried.

Looking down at her arms, Max could just see a faint scar in the crook of her elbow. It had gotten there during one mission, when Max was partnered with Zack. They had been in a tree, and Max had fallen out, and somehow, something had punched right through her arm. The doctors thought it might have been glass, but as there was none left in there, it was anybody's guess. After she had fallen, Zack had picked her up and carried her all the way back to the barracks, and showed her injury to the Colonel. Max had been in the infirmary for three days, because she had lost so much blood from the wound, but Zack had stayed with her every night, only going during the day when he had to be at classes.

Remembering what Star had told Jondy, Max suppressed the urge cry out. Zack was no longer really Zack, not CO Zack anyway. No doubt he still looked like Zack, and spoke like Zack, but who knew how much different he thought now.

When Max felt Alec lightly squeeze her shoulder, she looked up at him. He wasn't looking at her, but was looking out at the horizon, with a look of dread on his usually unemotional face. She knew what he was thinking, that he did not want to leave. They all knew that they had to, because to disobey orders was life threatening now. Max gently brought up her hand and gently let it rest on Alec's face. He smiled down at her, before looking away again. In a few moments they would have to move, but for now, they would stay there, silent in each other's warm embrace.

…

Alec sat with his arm around Max's shoulder, lost in his own thoughts. In a matter of hours he would be leaving this place for the first time since he had come here three years ago. It was a scary thought, because he was so used to this place now, and the people in it. And Max. He would not see Max for two weeks, and Max was all that he lived for. She might not realize it, but he was in love with her. He knew that he wasn't supposed to know what love was, but he did. He couldn't remember who had told him about it, but he sure was grateful to them for doing so. At least now he understood why he felt so drawn to Max, so compelled to hold her and heal her wounds.

Alec knew that in Manticore, love was a forbidden thing. To know about it was bad enough but to actually feel it, or act upon it was the worst thing you could do. He did not understand why that was so, but felt that it was a rule to be obeyed for now.

Alec could tell that Max was also lost in her thoughts, because when he looked down at her, she had a far away look in her eyes, that was all too familiar. He knew that she was probably thinking of her family, and most centrally, Zack. Alec hadn't known the concept of family until Max had introduced it to him, and so couldn't think over his family, because they were all here, and he knew what they were doing.

Instead, Alec thought of the life that he might someday have, if he managed to escape this place. He knew that on the outside he was the perfect soldier, as too were Max and Jondy, but on the inside, all he could think of was getting out of this place. With Max and Jondy beside him of course. And oh, what a life they might have then. They could travel far away from here, and be a family. A family who were allowed to show their love for each other, and could talk to each other whenever they wanted, about whatever they wanted, without getting punished.

Just thinking of this life made Alec think once again of the task that awaited him, and he unconsciously gave Max's shoulders a squeeze. He didn't realize what he had done until she placed her warm hand against his face, and made him look down. Seeing the look on her face, of joy and sadness combined, Alec gave her a smile before looking away again. They would have to go in soon, they both acknowledged that, but for now, they would just remain silent in each other's company.

…

Jondy stood on the middle section of the roof, watching over Max and Alec. She knew that she shouldn't be up here, because they had a right to be alone, but she just couldn't let Max go. Max was her partner, her best friend in the world, and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Alec for taking Max away from her, even thought it wasn't that often. Max was hers, and had always been, but Jondy could see that someday, maybe soon, that would change.

Jondy knew how Alec felt about Max, and knew that Max felt the same way back. And though they would not admit it to each other, a small part of their conscious acknowledged that the other felt the same way. Soon one of them would say something, they weren't able to keep things from each other for long, and the secret would be out. The only problem then would be the Colonel finding out. And if he did find out that there was something between them, it could have disastrous results.

Instead of dwelling on such horrifying thoughts, Jondy thought of the coming two weeks. She would have Max all to herself for two weeks. She knew that it was selfish to think that way, but she couldn't help it. They had been through too much together for her not to be jealous and therefore selfish. And even though Jondy knew that Max would be thinking of Alec quite often in the two weeks, she still couldn't help but smile.

Seeing that the sun was about to rise, Jondy silently started back across the roof, toward the edge. Climbing down the drainpipe, she then entered hers and Max's room. She climbed into the bed, and pulled the thin sheet up to her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she pretended to be asleep.

It was only minutes later that Jondy heard Alec and Max come in through the window. They said nothing to each other, but once Max had closed the door behind Alec after he left, Jondy heard Max give a small sigh. She waited for Max to climb into her bed, but was surprised when she felt Max stand next to her. She waited, still pretending to be asleep, not sure what Max was doing. After a minute or two, Max bent down and hugged Jondy around the shoulders and placed a sisterly kiss on her cheek, before standing upright again and walking back to her own bed.