I left the squirrel there until Greasy Sae came over. She didn't bring it up at all, so I figured Katniss had talked to her about it before coming over. Lately, it seemed like everyone knew my secrets before I did.

That afternoon, I decided to muster up my courage to ask Greasy Sae about Katniss. She was another one of the people who dodged pressing topics, afraid to say the wrong thing to me. Sometimes, I could even see a look of pity in her eye as she served my food. It didn't bother me much; it's just human nature to feel bad for a crazy boy with a prosthetic leg who's lost nearly everything he cares about.

"So is this the same thing you made Katniss? I bet she would like this," I said after swallowing a bite. It was a stew with the squirrel from that morning, as well as chopped onions, potatoes, and spices. When he looked back at me, her face said it all. There was a sense of nervousness in her gaze, as well as some pride. But mostly, there was an understanding.

"No, no, Katniss didn't have this. She didn't have another squirrel. She's having some pasta tonight," Greasy Sae told me. She smiled after that. A real smile too- not the polite ones I'd grown used to. So, out of habit, I smiled back.

"Well I know how much she loves your stews. It would be a shame for her not to have any of it. Mind if I take her a bowl?" I asked.

"Yes, here's a bowl. A spoon too. I'm sure she'll appreciate it," she said. After the bombing, Greasy Sae hasn't quite been the same. Her granddaughter was fine (she was in 13 at the time) but it just disturbed her that people would do such a thing. I can't really blame her, either. And I think that's what troubles her most these days. I can't help but wonder if she has nightmares, too.

"Thank you," I reply, taking the bowl, "Feel free to have some yourself." She nodded at me, and I walked out the door. The Victor's Village had remained unscathed by the bombings. I found that very suspicious, but I as nonetheless glad because it gave Greasy Sae, Katniss, Haymitch and me a private place to stay.

Katniss' house was only right across the sidewalk. I suddenly wished that I'd brought my jacket, as it was mid-winter and below freezing, but it wasn't long of a walk at all and I quickly found myself knocking on her door.

After 4 knocks, she answered. I thoroughly expected to see a look of shock on her face. Maybe even anger. But instead, she greeted me with a warm hug and a smile.

I loved seeing her like this. This was the Katniss I tried so hard to remember... The one that the Capitol took away from me. But at that very moment, nothing seemed more real.

"Peeta." She stated. I loved hearing her say my name. It sounded so different- so happy- and I wanted her to say it countless more times.

"Katniss," was all I could manage to say. I wanted to spiel on about how beautiful she looked and how Greasy Sae had treated her well and how worried I was when I hadn't heard from her in a month. But I didn't. My mouth remain curved into a smile, and I let myself take everything in.

Finally I could see her grey eyes. Finally I could be told what was real or not. Finally I could relax, and be comfortable. But not until I was sure that she could too.

"Uh- here," I said, handing her the bowl, "Greasy Sae made it from the squirrel you brought me this morning. It's stew. I thought you might like it, so I brought you a bowl."

"Thank you,"she smiled, still not breaking eye contact. I hadn't seen her this happy in... Well, ever. It actually made me a little suspicious.

"Katniss, are you feeling okay?" I asked. She gave me a puzzled look and nodded before inviting me to sit down with her at the table.

"Sorry, if I'd known you were coming over I would have saved you some pasta." She added.

"Don't worry about it," reassured her, "I already ate."

The rest of the evening revolved around her eating, making small talk, and then us sitting on her couch to watch TV. I wished that I could just freeze that moment. I was completely at ease, and it felt almost like the Games and the rebellion never happened. That was how she made me feel.

You don't know the effect you have on people. I wanted to tell her that so badly. I wanted to just scream it so she would understand.

She looked over at me again, and that's when it clicked.

The happiness, the appreciation, the lack of deep conversation. It was all a facade.

Because now I knew- she was afraid of me. That I'd snap at any time and try to kill her. That I'd see the Katniss who the Capitol programmed into me, instead of the one sitting right in front of me with a smile.

She was tiptoeing around me. She was scared of me. The boy who too a beating for her so she could eat. The same one that risked everything so that she could survive in the arena not that long ago.

She'd forgotten all those things and now saw only the Peeta who was giver Tracker Jacker Venom to kill her.

I missed her trust. I missed being her safe haven. I missed being her friend.

It felt like we were more distant than before this morning when I found the squirrel, and I hated every minute of it.

The Rebel leaders had given her a dose of their own venom. Telling her to be careful of what she said in case she set off a trigger.

Nothing- not the near death experiences I'd been through nor the abuse from President Snow- felt worse than this.