Note: This chapter kind of appeared in my head and replaced another one I had planned to do. In fact, I hadn't expected the story to skyrocket in this direction. However, I'm still the author, and I'm still (kind of) in control. Eh-heh… I wonder what the reviewers will have to say about this one?

Chapter Eleven: Just Lonely

Summer was ending. I sighed as I harvested my last crop of the season and started to head towards the barn. My pregnancy was becoming more apparent; the baby within me was definitely growing. I had to choose looser clothing now to fit over my swelling belly.

The cows, sheep, and chickens were fed quickly. Except now, I had no one to talk to at the end of a long day's work. I went inside and opted to read another one of those What to Expect About Motherhood books.

It seemed so strange, so surreal. I was going to be a mother. Me, Harley! For some reason, that realization hadn't truly hit me until Ray left. Would someone like me actually make a decent mother? This was a child we were talking about, not a baby cow or sheep! If I messed up his life, he could end up like…like Jamie! Mean, grouchy, and alone.

Which, I figured, is what I was right now.

I stole a glance at the divorce papers still on the desk. Still unsigned. Still glaring at me with their mockery. It struck me that I was taking longer to decide about the divorce than it took me to decide about the marriage. This should be such an easy decision. I fully believed there was a time when I could have signed them without hesitation. But somehow, the playing field had changed. Suddenly, it wasn't all about me anymore.

I reached over to the bowl of blueberries beside me and crammed my face full. My stomach was aching for these things constantly. According to my book, it was because of the cravings I was supposed to be experiencing when pregnant, but whatever. I was just insanely hungry for blueberries.

I was startled out of my thoughts as there was a knock on the door. My heart skipped a beat. Oh, fish…is it Ray? Does he want a divorce? I'm not ready to decide…But I can't leave him hanging there. I have to be polite. Or maybe he'll just go away…

"Harley, I know you're in there," a male voice called.

Dang it.

I walked over to the door and opened it. And, surprise surprise, it wasn't Ray who stood before me. It was Jamie.

"Wow, I guess this baby thing is either going to happen soon or you've been bingeing like crazy," he greeted me, staring at my obvious pregnancy.

"What the fish do you want?" I retorted.

"Can't a guy talk with his ex?" he asked.

"No."

"You've gotten cold, Harley," he replied with a shake of his head. "I guess that's what happens when a marriage goes sour."

"If you ever talk about my marriage again, I'll smack you so hard you won't see it coming," I warned.

"If you want to threaten me, Harley, do it when there's not blueberry smeared around your lips," he advised me.

"Shut up! I'm pregnant, give me a break," I groaned, wiping it from my mouth.

"Oh, you think you can use that as an excuse? Being pregnant didn't stop you from punching Maria in the nose. Yeah…Alex told me it was a bad break. I'm surprised she didn't sue," Jamie laughed.

"I'm the one that should sue, after that ridiculous counseling session she put us through," I grumbled.

This caused Jamie to laugh even harder.

"Oh, you--haha! You asked Maria--hahahaha!" Tears were coming to Jamie's eyes as he doubled over laughing. "That's---haha!---the funniest thing---haha!---I have ever heard!"

"Go ahead. Get it all out of your system," I muttered. Jamie wiped his eyes and smirked.

"I had no idea you would actually take my advice," Jamie admitted. "And to go to Maria—does she know anything at all about psychology?"

"I doubt it."

"Haha, I might have guessed so. What on earth possessed you to go to her for counseling? Well, you were awfully desperate, weren't you?"

"Story of my life," I sighed. "Done laughing?"

"Almost."

After another five minutes of laughter, Jamie got serious.

"There's something I need to ask you, you see," he began.

"You're not just here to bother me?" I exclaimed in surprise.

"Well, originally I was, but… I need to know something for certain." He stared at me intently. "Harley, did you or did you not sign the divorce?"

I hesitated.

"Why?" I questioned him finally.

"You and Ray are the center of town gossip," Jamie explained. "Everyone's placing bets on whether you'll stay together or break up."

"You want to know if we're divorced so you can win a BET?" I shouted. That was low, even for Jamie.

"What do you think?" Jamie retorted. "I'm rich enough that I don't need to bet on you. This is more of a…personal undertaking."

"Personal?" I repeated.

"Do you remember our relationship in college?" Jamie asked me. I was stunned by the randomness of the question.

"Of course, but—"

"I remember it perfectly." A reminiscent look appeared in his ice blue eyes. "You had a class with me on Thursday afternoons. When I first saw you, I thought you were one of those smart, determined girls with pride to spare. You were one of those girls, Harley, but…you were always alone."

I wanted to shout something or to protest, but no sound came out of my mouth. I could only listen to Jamie while I desperately tried to fight against the memories he was returning to me.

A smile played on his lips. "Now I thought to myself, someone with a one-track mind like that would be easy to annoy. Yeah, it'd be fun to mess around with a girl like that. So one day, I asked you to be my girlfriend. And you acted like you'd never been asked out before."

"I hadn't," I whispered.

"That made this even more fun for me. I could make the most casual comment about your hair and you'd change its style the next day. If I got on you about your weight, you'd start dieting. If I told you that you talked too much, you'd only talk to me when I asked you a question. I enjoyed dating you immensely. And then, the impossible happened."

He turned to look into my brown eyes directly.

"You broke up with me."

"I did," I agreed softly, startled by the passion in his voice.

"Once you moved here to Flower Bud, I thought, 'this is the perfect opportunity for revenge!' Then you married Ray, and it felt so…perfect. I could get on to you about that for the rest of your life. But, one question always nagged me. What did this fishing bum have that I didn't? Why would you dump me, but go for him?" He chuckled to himself. "And then I understood. You were doing to Ray exactly what I had done to you."

"I—that is—what do you think you're talking about?" I sputtered, shocked.

"You found fault with everything that he did. It's only natural that you would do so, I suppose. But I found it, well, flattering," Jamie continued. "It seemed I hadn't realized how alike we truly are until then."

"You and I are nothing alike!" I protested. "My marriage was doomed from the start. Ray was just too different from me, too obsessed with fish, and I—"

"So you signed the divorce?" Jamie inquired hopefully. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Well…not exactly," I managed.

"Then what are you waiting for? Sign." Jamie picked up the papers and shoved them in my face.

I stared at them uncertainly.

"I'm not ready for this, Jamie," I told him.

"You said yourself that you're too different from Ray. Why not break away from him and find someone who is like you? Or are you going to live as a coward for the rest of your life?"

I shook my head.

"I can't sign. Not yet."

"Harley, can't you make up your mind about something so simple? Take the blasted pen and SIGN!" Jamie shouted, jamming a pen into my hand. It trembled in my grip.

My heart beat faster and faster as I held the pen suspended over the paper. I was so close to signing. Even so, the thought of making the divorce real, breaking the marriage so completely, frightened me. Something didn't feel right about all this, but I couldn't put my finger down on what.

"Why do you care what I do?" I accused him suddenly. "Why should it matter to you if I sign or not? What do you get out of this?"

Jamie's blue eyes glared at me in fury as his hands clasped onto my shoulders.

"Harley, are you really so dumb as all that? Can you really not understand why I'm doing this? You'd rather be with me than Ray, right? Well? Wouldn't you?"

And then, as I stared into his cerulean eyes, everything became painfully clear.

"You…like me?" I breathed, my head dizzy. I was actually happy he was gripping me so tightly; I felt like I was going to faint.

"It took you this long to realize that?" he hissed. "Do you think I'd pay you any attention otherwise? Think about it, Harley. You're miserable and alone. So am I. Together, we could make a new start. We could make our lives worth something!"

He shook me vehemently, as if he meant to force me to sign by sheer force. My brain was trying to register all this information a mile a minute. Jamie wanted me to get a divorce so I could marry him? Jamie, the one man I had sworn to hate forever and always, thought he could appear out of nowhere and be my savior?

No, I corrected myself, not a savior, but a husband. I shuddered at the thought. Living with Jamie, working with Jamie, raising children with Jamie!—oh, that was too much. Was such a marriage possible? Would it fall apart, just like mine had with Ray?

"Have you decided?" Jamie insisted.

"You just proposed to me, Jamie," I whispered. "I think I have a right to think it over."

"What's to think over?" Jamie protested. "Either you want to escape a marriage with Ray or you don't."

"You've complicated it!" I snapped. "Now if I divorce him, I have to decide on whether or not marrying you would be a good idea! And let me tell you, confusing me like this does not help your position."

"…I see," Jamie stated, releasing me from his grip. "I suppose I should go."

"I think that's a good idea," I replied quietly.

He started out the door, then turned to me with a hurt expression.

"You didn't need this much time to think about marrying Ray," he told me bitterly.

"I'm wiser now," I responded softly. "Good-bye, Jamie."

The door shut. I sat down on my bed and cradled my head in my hands.

"Great," I moaned. "Now what do I do?"