Note: Should I classify this as a drama instead of a humor piece? It's been pretty emotional these past few chapters. This one is kinda long. Thanks to all my reviewers! Your enthusiasm keeps me going!

Chapter Thirteen: Where in the World is Ray?

"Okay…I need to talk to someone," I sighed, pacing back and forth. "You know it's been like a week since I last saw Ray at the bar, right? Well, something must be wrong with me. I'm not sure why, but I really want to talk to him again. I know, I know, I'm terrible, aren't I? I mean, I just acted like a fishing jerk about him for these past twelve chapters, and now I suddenly want to see him again? What kind of a loser am I? ARGH! I'm a fishing hypocrite! Harley the Hypocrite…that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" I thought aloud.

"But I'm just completely confused. I mean, it's not like I love Ray or anything, right? Or do I? Or am I going insane? Maybe I should talk to a shrink…no, I've tried that. So, that's why I'm here, babbling to you like a psycho maniac. I really needed to blurt all this out to somebody. So, what should I do?"

Daisy just stared at me blankly and mooed.

Pathetic, I know. I'm complaining to a cow. But what else could I do? It wasn't like I could talk about this to Jamie. I didn't really have any close friends. And don't get me started on Maria! But something had awakened inside of me since I'd seen Ray: a conscience, curiosity, renewed love, call it what you will. I could just remember there had been something different about him since we'd last met.

There was this strange look in his eyes, an air of weariness and understanding. Before, all I had noticed was his idiotic dopey expression and bizarre fascination with fish. But now, I started questioning myself. How had Ray handled all my decisions? The separation? The pregnancy? The possible divorce? No wonder he had changed. It wasn't like I could expect him to remain constant all this time. I mean, I had changed; why shouldn't he? Suddenly I was realizing that I wanted to know what he had thought about all this, what he thought I should do. And that's when the madness started.

After my morning chores had ended, I'd wander about aimlessly, following rivers and heading towards Sunny Lake with my fishing rod in tow. I insisted that I was simply getting into fishing again. Of course, that was a lie. Duke saw me constantly at the Moonlight Café. I could tell he was getting suspicious, though: why would I hang around there when I couldn't drink anything alcoholic?

He wasn't the only one to notice my strange behavior.

"Harley, what have you been up to?" Jamie greeted me, kissing me on the cheek.

"JA-MIE!" I shouted in horror. "I'm still married! You can't, like, kiss me!"

"Oh, come on," Jamie laughed. "I can't be the first man to kiss someone else's wife."

"You're sick, you know that?" I spat.

"You look so funny when you're angry," he laughed. "You couldn't possibly intimidate anyone with that chibi face of yours."

"SHUT UP!"

"Oh, did I offend you? Well, it wasn't the first time, anyway," Jamie grinned. "Have you considered my proposal any more since I last saw you?"

"Actually, I've been thinking about it a lot," I admitted.

"And?"

"Oh, I don't know!" I shouted in exasperation. "This really isn't a good time, Jamie—"

"Hold up," the farmer exclaimed suddenly. "Is that… a fishing rod?"

I put it away hurriedly.

"Maybe…"

"I thought you hated fishing!" he accused.

"I thought you hated cowboy hats!"

"Don't change the subject," Jamie interjected. "Why are you fishing?"

"Maybe I won't tell you!" I retorted.

"Maybe you're looking for Ray."

"Maybe I'm not."

"Maybe you should answer me directly."

"Maybe you should go back to your stupid Harvest Goddess."

"Don't insult her!"

"I'm not!"

"Look!" Jamie shouted. "I don't care anymore! Just take your stupid rod and go fishing. It's not like anyone cares about you, anyway."

"Fine."

"Fine." He started off towards home. "Oh, and Harley?"

"What?"

"It's not a cowboy hat. It's a fedora."

"Like I care."

Okay, so maybe I'm not the nicest girl in Flower Bud. But Jamie isn't all sunshine and roses, either. And maybe I didn't want to admit that I was trying to find my husband. Which sounds really stupid, if you think about it. I mean, he's my husband. You wouldn't think I'd have to look for him, or be sneaky about it either. I have such a weird life…

But I didn't see Ray that day. Or the next. Or the next. Not for lack of trying, I can tell you. I searched every fishing spot I could think of. It was like he'd disappeared or something. And then it hit me.

Ray must be having an affair with Maria.

EW! I shuddered at the thought. Ray, with that creepy librarian zombie girl? Disgusting. But it made sense. He had to be somewhere, you know? I thought long and hard about it. I wanted to see him so badly! But I couldn't just walk in. After all, I had broken Maria's nose. There was no way she'd let me back into her sterile little library. So, I had to be sneaky. A clever little plan formed in my head, and I grinned.

Oh, it was on.

"Ann, how've you been?" I greeted the red-head with a smile.

"Alright, I guess," she shrugged. "Haven't seen you in a while, Harley. You been okay? I heard about you and Ray--"

"Hey, you still doing experiments?" I interrupted her.

"Of course!" she bragged. "Now that we've got Louis working here, I can experiment all I want! Isn't that right, Louis?" She elbowed him sharply, and he nodded sadly. Poor little guy, being bossed around. Kinda like Ray when we still lived together. Irony, irony.

"I was wondering if you could give me that chicken feed manufacturer you made a while back," I requested.

"Um, Harley? It didn't work, remember?" Ann reminded me.

"It's dangerous," Louis added. "It got blown up—"

"Do you have an extra one?" I inquired.

"Uh, yeah, but—"

"Can I have it? Please?" I used my darn cutest puppy dog face I could. Thank you, chibi face!

"Well…" She exchanged a look with Louis. "I guess so. Just don't let the mayor know, okay? He kinda…banned it."

"No worries." I shouldered the heavy device and smiled.

"That looks heavy, Harley," Ann worried.

"I'm okay."

"Louis!" Ann barked.

"Uhhh, yes?" he managed meekly.

"Carry this for Harley!" she commanded.

"But—"

"Do as I say!" she growled, staring down little Louis with her scary obey-me-or-perish eyes.

Next thing I know, Louis is staggering along beside me, carrying the outrageously heavy machine.

"It's not far," I assured him. "We're just going to the library."

"Someone shoot me!" he sobbed. For the next few steps I contemplated how dangerously assertive we women can be.

"Here we are!" I announced. "Now, put this behind the library."

"About time!" he moaned, dropping it with a loud ker-plunk behind the little building. That nauseatingly cozy little building.

"You can go now," I told him.

"I intend to," he huffed indignantly, running back to the shop, no doubt to complain to Ann's father about job abuse. Or to start a labor union. Who knows.

Anyway, back to my dastardly plan.

I sat myself down beside the machine and gazed at the bright buttons silently.

"So…if I push this red button, then it will probably take ten seconds for the thing to blow up into a pile of chicken feed," I mused. "Just enough time to get out of the way."

So, with light-headed giddiness (is that a word?), I placed my finger on the red button.

And ran for my fishing life.

I hid behind a tree to the side of the building, and listened to the ear-splitting KA-POW! of the machine blowing up into tiny bits. There was no way Maria couldn't have heard that.

I wasn't disappointed. I could hear the dainty sound of Maria running to the back of her precious library to check out that "awful, earth-shaking sound," as she called it.

The library was now officially empty. Whoo-hoo.

I raced inside and looked about frantically for a hiding place. I could just hide behind a big shelf…

The sound of footsteps reached my ears. She was coming back! In panic, I threw myself under her counter (talk about a lame hiding place) and shook in fear. Fear of what, I'm not really sure. I mean, I could probably take her on again. After all, I had broken her nose.

I was so fishing proud of that.

The footsteps got closer, then stopped. I caught my breath as I realized this person wasn't Maria. For one thing, those shoes were scuffed up beyond repair. There was no way prim Miss Maria would wear shoes like that. Or pants.

More footsteps came in from the outside. This new person was undoubtedly Maria.

"Oh, I've never been so frightened!" Maria cried out. "That was absolutely awful. Dreadful, dreadful!"

"Did you happen to see what it was?" a male voice replied. Whoa, I recognized that voice. Could it be--? No, there was no way I could be this lucky.

"All I saw was a pile of chicken feed. I'm so terrified, what should I--?"

"Go home and rest," the other speaker instructed her.

"Good idea," she sighed in relief. "Will you close the library for me?"

"Sure," he told her. I could hear Maria leaving. I sighed in relief. Finally, she was gone. Now I had to sneak out somehow…

"Well, Harley?" Ray announced finally. "What are you doing under Maria's counter?"

Oh, fish. He saw me.

"Heh-heh," I chuckled nervously, crawling out in embarrassment. "We've got to stop meeting like this, huh?"

"You think this is funny?" he accused. "You just scared that poor woman out of her mind! That was you who used that ridiculous machine, wasn't it?"

"Maybe…" I muttered, standing up.

"Harley, you have to be weirdest person I've ever met," he sighed. "Why on earth would you sneak into Maria's library and hide under her desk?"

"Uh…pregnant-woman stress?" I suggested lamely.

"I don't understand you," he groaned.

"And I don't understand you," I replied.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Maria," I explained blatantly. "I don't understand what you see in her."

"What the--?"

"I mean, sure, she's smart, not hard on the eyes, but come on! She's neurotic! And she's soooo smug and know-it-all like, and—"

"Harley!" Ray gripped me by the shoulders. "You have two problems: you don't listen and you have an over-reactive imagination!"

Silence.

"So is that why you like Maria?" I asked finally.

"…You can be really stupid sometimes, you know that?" he laughed. "Maria's nice, but I don't like her or anything. She's just…Maria."

"So why are you here?" I challenged.

"I heard your machine blow up. I happened to be nearby at Carl's."

"Carl's? Why?"

"I was hungry. Pancakes can really fill you up."

"So…you've been at Carl's all this time?" I exclaimed in shock.

"Well, that and my secret island."

"SECRET ISLAND?!?"

"Aren't we inquisitive today?" he commented. "You know, I have an idea."

"Huh?"

"Why don't we go to Carl's together, and you can interrogate me all you want," he suggested.

"Really?"

"Really."

It wasn't like I hadn't done that before when we were married or anything, but things were different now. I needed to know what had been going on in Ray's head. I needed to know how he felt. It wasn't just a desire anymore, it was a longing.

"Okay," I smiled shyly. And together, we walked to Carl's.