Note: AH! Can you believe we have over 100 reviews? Over 110 reviews?! You guys totally rock! If I could, I'd bake you all muffins. (Actually, I have no clue how to make muffins, so maybe that's a good thing.) So...I've really wanted to try this, and finally in this chapter there's room for it! I won't spoil, but...it hints at a pairing that I think would be cute/funny. I wonder what you reviewers would think of it? (I bet you'd love it. Seriously.)

Chapter Seventeen: Beware the Broken-Nosed

I won't deny it; the walk towards the Clinic was long and awkward. There I was, fat and pregnant, relying on my husband, who pretty much hated me now. Yeah, not fun in my book. I'd try and strike conversation or say a joke (which wouldn't seem all that funny) or be totally silent. After a few attempts at socialization, I opted for silence. Besides, Ray had a lot to think about. And I did, too, for that matter.

So, I loved Ray. There was no changing my mind now; I was certain I loved him. Maybe I hadn't when I first married him, but now I did. He used to love me when we were first married, but now…I was just the mother of his child. That was it. Nooo! Why couldn't he figure out that Jamie had been a fishing jerk and totally twisted the truth? I mean, sure, I had kinda liked the fact that Jamie wanted to marry me and that he was jealous (what girl doesn't like to know a guy loves her?) but this was insane. Honestly, why did he have to kick me? That HURT. And besides, things were going so well with Ray, too! (And did I mention he is one excellent kisser? Er, moving on…)

But no. A certain purple-haired someone just had to fish things up, didn't he? We couldn't have a happy ending on Chapter Fifteen, noooo, he had to mess up everything, didn't he? That loser. I was glad Ray punched him in the nose. I would have done it, but I was recoiling from pain on the ground. Because he kicked me. Me, a pregnant woman! How incredibly evil can you get?!

Even if Jamie's ranting had clearly ticked off Ray, at least he was taking the time to help me get to the Clinic. Granted, it was probably just because I was carrying his child, but I liked to think that he cared about me deep down. Deep down. Waaay down. Okay, at the bottom of the deep dark well. Let me dream, okay?!

So. The Clinic. Right.

We got there, obviously, and it was no picnic, I can tell you. I kept dragging my leg along the ground, which hurt, or holding myself at a funny tilt, which hurt, or supporting my pregnant self with both legs, which hurt the most. But we got there, so it's all good.

Gina opened the door to greet us.

"Doctor Alex is quite busy this evening," she smiled. "May I tell you to come back at a later date?"

"Harley is hurt," Ray tried to explain. "You see, Jamie kicked her in the shin, and—"

"Oh, Jamie?" Gina perked up. "Yes, he arrived shortly before you did. He's in the waiting room. Care to chat with him while you wait?"

"Not really."

"That's too bad," Gina sighed, "because we only have one waiting room. So, you're just going to have to deal."

"Thanks," I remarked dryly. "You've got some great service here."

"Anytime!" she exclaimed, totally missing the sarcasm. "I'm going to go assist the doctor, so please just wait over there."

"But—" Too late, she had left. Dang it.

"I'm going to talk to Alex myself," Ray told me, starting towards the exam room. "I want to make sure he has time for you, seeing as I think you take priority here."

"Okay," I grinned. How sweet of him! Maybe he did like me…no, that was stupid. Or was it? GAH! I was so confused!

I awkwardly sat myself down in the waiting area. Across from me, I could see two people in a quiet conversation. Noticing my arrival, their conversation stopped completely as they turned to glare at me head-on. I froze as I recognized the two people: Jamie and Maria. Oh, fate, fate, why couldn't you have pity on me?!

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the cause of our misfortune," Maria accused me, crossing her arms. She didn't look all that intimidating with her bandaged nose, so I laughed freely.

"That's a good look for you, Maria," I smirked.

"The same goes for you, Harley," Jamie replied coolly. "That figure suits you; swollen bellies are definitely your style."

"Shut up!"

"Hee-hee, ha-ha, that was a good one," Maria giggled.

"You laugh like a freak," Jamie said, rolling his eyes.

"A freak? Ha-ha, did you hear that? I laugh like a freak!" Maria chuckled. "Isn't he absolutely witty?"

"You're both absolutely annoying," I retorted.

"And you're not?" Jamie snapped. "Honestly, you whine more than anyone I know."

"You whine more than my father!" Maria added.

"You're as ugly as the Gourmet Chef."

"Your clothes are atrocious."

"Your pigtails annoy me."

"Your husband hates you."

"The world hates you."

"So, HA!" they said together, very immaturely I might add.

So, of course, I was mature and stuck my tongue out at them.

"At least my nose isn't covered in bandages," I taunted. "Now you can't do scratch n' sniff pages!"

"Big deal," Jamie shrugged. "I never used those anyway."

"Only losers actually like those things," Maria agreed.

"Shut up!" I retorted. "I'm not a loser!" Geez, these two were even more obnoxious together.

"Oh no, are you getting upset?" Jamie smiled wryly.

"I do believe the poor fool is feeling a little hurt," Maria agreed.

"I can thank Jamie for that," I muttered. "Thanks for your kick. Pregnant women just love getting kicked, you know."

"You kicked her?!" Maria's eyes turned to gaze on Jamie in admiration.

"Why, of course," he shrugged. "Don't tell me you think what I did was wrong?"

"Not at all! You…you're my hero, Jamie!" Maria exclaimed, hugging the farmer.

"Don't touch me," he groaned, prying her off of him.

Ew…I was getting weirded out. If Maria was flirting with Jamie—NO! I wasn't even to going to imagine what might happen. There are some things you just don't think about. Ever. Unless you like having disturbing nightmares for the rest of your life.

"Harley?" Ray was coming towards me. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What is it, Ray?" I replied, glad for any excuse to ignore dumb and dumber over there.

"I told Alex what your condition was. He wants to see you in the back room."

"Okay!" I started to get up, then fell and let out a started yelp of surprise. Maria and Jamie found this very funny, and laughed their fishing heads off.

"Watch your step, hahaha!" Maria chortled.

"You're as clumsy as you are ugly!"

"Ignore them," Ray instructed me quietly. "Just ignore them." He extended his hand towards me, and I grasped it gratefully. As he helped me up, I enjoyed the look of surprise on Jamie's face. Yeah, Ray didn't completely hate me! Take that, Jamie!

As we entered the back room, I figured things would quiet down a bit. I was wrong.

"It's the boyfriend thief!" Katie screamed, her nose thoroughly bandaged.

"We need to work on your people skills, Harley," Ray sighed.

"You need to put her on a leash," Katie corrected him. "Do you know how many moves she's made on my darling Joe?"

"How about none?" I countered.

"Oh, shut up! You just think that since you have you have a crummy love life, you have to take everyone else's!" Katie hollered.

"You have a crummy love life?" Ray accused me. "And what am I exactly?"

"Don't listen to Katie," I groaned. "She's high on corn."

"WHAT!"

"Settle down," someone called from behind us. Alex yawned and came forward, rubbing his eyes. "It seems we're awfully busy lately."

"Yes, Doctor!" Gina piped up, following closely behind.

"Oh Harvest Goddess, please don't let it be another broken nose," he begged. "We've had what, three of those already?"

"It's a new record!" Gina smiled.

"Urgh, I don't want to touch someone else's nose ever again."

"Harley's nose is fine," Ray interrupted. "You were going to take a look at her shin."

"Ah, yes." Alex scratched his chin thoughtfully. "How did this happen again?"

"Jamie kicked me," I informed the doctor.

"That's evil, kicking a pregnant woman!" Gina gasped.

"Hm, well, hopefully it's nothing serious," Alex sighed, gesturing for me to sit on the bed. He then knelt down and placed his hand on my shin.

"Does this hurt?" he asked as he pinched the back of it.

"Um, not really," I replied.

"How about here?"

"Nope."

"Here?"

"OUCH! What the fish are you trying to do?!" I shouted.

"Interesting," Alex murmured. "Let's try an X-ray."

"We don't have an X-ray," Gina chirped.

"Ah, I forgot," Alex sighed. "I guess we'll have to determine the injury by different means."

"Ann invented an X-ray, once," Gina said thoughtfully. "Of course, it might need some adjustments, but—"

"That's fine," Ray nodded.

"No it's not!" I protested. "I might get electrocuted and die!"

"Do us all a favor and do it, then," Katie told me.

"X-rays are nothing to be afraid of, Harley," Alex assured me with a smile. "They're harmless."

"I know that…but this is Ann we're talking about!" I insisted. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Don't be silly!" Gina smiled. "Who would suggest doing such a thing?"

"I can give you a hint: they all have broken noses!" I shouted.

"Calm down," Alex instructed us all. "I'm going to go get the X-ray."

"I'll come, too!" Gina exclaimed, following the doctor like a puppy.

"This will be…interesting," Ray said finally, clearing his throat.

"She just bruised her shin, you idiots," Katie muttered. "It'll go away in a few weeks."

"No one asked you!" I snapped.

"Harley, calm down," Ray urged me gently. "Hold your breath and count to ten."

"Hold your breath and don't let go," Katie suggested darkly.

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No, you!"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"This isn't getting us anywhere," Ray interrupted. "Can't we all just be quiet?"

"NO!" Katie and I shouted together.

"…Women are so confusing," Ray sighed.

Fortunately for Ray, the doctor and Gina had arrived with Louis in tow. The inventor carried a funny-looking machine on his back, and his face was red from the effort.

"They seriously don't pay him enough for this," I sympathized, eyeing the weight of the machine.

"You aren't kidding!" he panted, unstrapping it from his back with a groan. "Here's your X-ray. If this blows up, Ann and the rest of the shop take no responsibility. Just so you know." And with that, he scampered off to the shop where he worked.

"That's comforting," I said sarcastically.

"What's comforting is that if you blow up, I'll never have to see you again," Katie retorted.

"No one is going to blow up," Alex and Ray spoke simultaneously.

"Of course not!" Gina echoed.

"We'll test it first, obviously," the doctor decided.

"Obviously," Gina nodded.

"Stop replying each time I speak," Alex ordered.

"As you wish," Gina nodded.

"…That means stop talking."

"Right. Stop talking," Gina repeated.

"As in now."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"Right now?"

Alex slapped himself.

"Just count to ten," he muttered to himself. "Just hold your breath and count to ten."

Once he'd calmed down a bit, Alex turned to the rest of us and said, "Let's begin the procedure."

"Okay, if we're testing psycho-Ann's machine, then I am leaving," Katie announced. "There is no way Joe will date a blown-up chick."

"Suit yourself," Alex shrugged as the waitress left.

"The sad thing is, Joe would probably date a blown-up chick," I muttered under my breath.

"Can someone get me a test subject?" Alex asked, putting the machine together.

"There was a super-cute bunny outside!" Gina exclaimed.

"Perfect. Bring it in here, would you?"

"Sure!" Gina left then returned quickly, holding a snow-white bunny. Hey, I knew that rabbit! I'd fed him weeds on the weekends when I was bored. I'd named him Bobo. Because, I'd already named my chicken Bob. And Bobo was the closest thing to Bob I could think of. I'm just creative like that.

"Put him under this light, please," the doctor told her. The bunny smiled as it sat patiently.

"Okay…everyone, back up," Alex commanded us. We all did so.

"One…Two…Three!" The machine was turned on. We all ducked, and we weren't disappointed.

KA-POW!

We all glanced up. There was no innocent little white bunny under the machine. Instead, there was a scorched mark on the ground and a lot of smoke.

"He…blew up!" Gina cried, kneeling by the marked floor. "No, Fluffy, no! Oh, why?! He was so young…"

"Well, at least we know it's not safe," Alex responded stoically. "Perhaps if we alter it…"

"No, that's not necessary," I laughed nervously. "Suddenly, my leg is feeling better. Really."

"I won't hear of it. You'll stay here overnight just to make sure," Alex told me matter-of-factly.

"But--!"

"No buts. I'll have Martha prepare a room for you."

I turned to Ray and sighed.

"What should I do?" I asked him.

"Obey the doctor's orders," Ray shrugged.

"But who will watch my animals? And my crops? And check my mail--?"

"I'll take care of it," Ray muttered.

"Wh-what?" I stammered, taken aback. "No, I couldn't make you—"

"Who else would watch them for you?" he replied. "Face it, Harley, you have almost no friends. Besides, I already have a key to the house."

"Okay…" I sat on the bed and watched Ray start to leave. "Um, Ray?"

"What?" he called, turning around.

"Thanks. For…everything," I smiled.

"Just get better," Ray told me. "I'll see you tomorrow then, during visiting hours."

"Yeah," I grinned. "I guess you will."

And in the background, Gina could be heard arguing with Alex about the ethics of animal-testing.