Oh, my lovelies, I'm so terribly sorry it's been so long! I've been writing a lot, just not anything that actually could be a complete story. Anyway, I'm feeling under the weather as I type/write this, so I'll try my best anyway.
Okay, working on this again after like a week and a half. I'm seriously high on OBSCENE amounts of chocolate and freedom, sitting in my best friend's bed, thinking that I somehow need to thank her for being so awesome.
Hey, anyone got any cute oneshot ideas? Any series is fine, i've seen/read a lot. I'm on a quest for more inspiration.
I dedicate this chapter to Accomplice, who is my bestest friend.
Chapter 4
Ichigo stared at the therapist. "You can not be serious."
"Of course I am!" snapped the woman. "I'm in charge of your recovery."
Ichigo laughed in her face. "Ha, that would only count if there was actually something wrong with me."
The woman looked down her nose at him, and whipped out a file. "Kurosaki, Ichigo. Admitted to camp for debilitating dependency and an unhealthy relationship with your brother," she sneered. "Oh, a relationship? Incest, maybe?"
Ichigo tipped his head to the side and gazed at her in wonder. "Wow. You're really stupid."
Even Ulquiorra couldn't help but snort at the shocked and innocent-but-not-quite tone he used.
The woman, flustered, stammered as she tried to find an appropriate insult. "You unnatural little-"
Splat.
A banana peel stuck to her face.
"I'll be thankin' ya not ta insult mah bitch's brother," warned Gin, peeling another banana. The woman just looked at him, gob-smacked.
Ichigo laughed, and started juggling some oranges. The rest of the class just stared as Lilynette started adding more oranges.
Slowly, Ichigo stood on his chair.
Approximately one circus routine, five guards, and forty-five minutes later, the therapist was now being recommended to one of her colleagues, and the class was standing out in the woods.
"Okay kids," tried a counselor. "We're going to do a group bonding game. Partner up."
Grimmjow went to stand with Nel, understandably wary of the identical creepy smiles Ichigo and Gin were sporting.
"Alright, now, one of you leans back until they fall, and the other catches them."
An eerie wail went up, and Ichigo spun, hand clasped to his heart dramatically as he collapsed into Gin's arms. "Gah! They got me!"
Gin played along. "Oh, tell me it isn't so!"
"My love," Ichigo gasped, cupping Gin's face with one hand. "Go on without me."
"I cannot! You are the love of my life, the most beautiful being I have ever seen. Do not ask me to leave you at the end."
"But you must!"
This was the point when all hell broke loose.
Lilynette kicked Gin in the head. "HEY! YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME SICK WITH YOUR LOVEY-DOVEY SHIT!"
Ichigo flopped to the ground, laughing.
Gin leapt back up to his feet and started to run circles around the camp as Lilynette chased him, shouting obscenities in long strings that didn't even make any sense in context. (Ulquiorra expected it was just for his own entertainment.)
In any case, Ichigo was in serious need of oxygen, and the counselor was trying to stop Gin and Lilynette. This was, of course, a futile attempt, not to mention a very bad idea. The poor soul was soon kneed in the balls when he made the mistake of grabbing Lilynette's shoulder.
Ichigo just started laughing even harder, making weak, wheezing gasps for air between peals of laughter.
Ulquiorra twitched, annoyed by the fact Gin and Lilynette were making so much noise. He'd had a headache since he woke up, and he'd gotten his favorite laptop confiscated for antisocial behavior. He had several others, but his favorite was now in a vault in the administration building, and he hadn't had a chance to steal it back yet. Thus, Ulquiorra was in a very, very, bad mood.
Wham!
Ichigo choked as Ulquiorra clothes-lined Gin with a laptop, slamming the flat of it into his face. He went after Lilynette then, who screamed, which angered him further. The chase began all over again. Just with different people.
Stark decided to take a nap. This was all very amusing, but kind of monotonous after the last week. Apparently having Ichigo around and/or in close proximity with Gin basically meant anything that could go wrong, would go wrong, but in the most spectacularly, unexpectedly, unrealistically, insane way possible. Half the things Ichigo did, Stark didn't think were even possible. Maybe Ichigo could even bend the laws of physics. Who knew?
"Alright everyone," started the instructor, looking around at everyone's 'smiling faces'. (Clearly the poor woman was delusional.)
She clapped her hands together cheerily. "Sit down, and let's get started!"
The chatter died down, and everyone took their seats. Partial cooperation was a requirement. (Anything more, and it was just used to manipulate the counselors. )
"Okay, we're going to go clock-wise," the woman announced cheerily. "When it's you turn, I want you to introduce yourself and tell us why you're here. The first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem!"
Unforutnately, she didn't notice ichigo's very evil grin. Poor unobservant thing. A tragedy, really.
Right.
Ulquiorra started it off. "Ulquiorra Schiffer," he announced in an emotionless monotone. "My parents had nowhere else to leave me for their vacation."
"Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. My old man is an asshole," Grimmjow declared.
"Nnoitra Jiruga. Foster famly got sick of me real quick."
"Nelliel tu Odelschvank. Grimmy's my big brother, so I go with him."
"Tia Hallibel. Same as ulquiorra." Her tone was flat and just as emotionless (perhaps even mroe so) as ulquiorra's.
"Coyote Stark. I'm a narc..." his head dropped onto his chest before he could finish, and he let out a soft snore.
"Syazel Apporo Granz," greeted the pink-haired male. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. My blood relations find my love of the sciences a tad perturbing."
"Lilynette Gingerback," the girl grumbled. "I'm Stark's cousin, so I'm stuck with the lazy bastard.""
"Gin Ichimaru," the silver-haired fox said, far too happily for anyone's good. "I smile to much."
Everyone just sort of looked at him then, and if they scooted thier chairs a little faither away, who could blame them?
"Mila Rose Franceska. I got left here," she shrugged off.
"Sung-sun Cyan. I'm afriad I'm in the same situation as my dear cousin."
"Apachi Emilou. Apparently hating stupid people makes me a sociopath."
"Yammy Llargo. Anger management. Bulshit if you ask me," he growled, cracking his knuckles.
"Renji Abarai. Um, a lack of self-pereservation instincts?" he read off the nametag, shruggin.
"ikaku Madarame. I love fighting." He cracked a huge grin.
"Byakuya Kuchiki. I am looking after my younger sister."
"Rukia Kuchiki. I apparently suffer from an inferiority complex."
"I-Izuru Kira," he stuttered. "Social anxiety."
Ichigo liked the blonde instantly.
"Toshiro Hitsugaya," the youngest male in the room drawled. ""Supposedly, I'm supposed to be curing my antisocial behaviour by minlging with others my age, but as Ms. Gingerback is the only one even cllose, that's obviously not going to happen."
Ichigo marked Toshiro up as one of those misunderstood child prodigies, and resolved to ask him for help in his heists.
"Yumichika," twittered the- male? airily.
Ichigo just stared at the male sitting next to him for a long moment before introducing himself.
"Ichigo Kurosaki, serial killer."
There was a disturbed silence.
Ulquiorra's mouth twitched up at the edges as he caught on.
"O-okay then," stammered the startled woman. "L-let's try another game. When the ball gets thrown to you, catch it and tell us something about yourself. Throw it to whoever you want, it's more fun that way." She was still pale, but recovering.
She passed the ball to Syazel, who winked at Ichigo. "I would be positively delighted to dissect you and use you in my experiments, Ms. Summers," he flattered, smiling creepily.
The woman turned white as a sheet, but, unfortunately for her, the ball was headed towards ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra was smiling.
"I once hacked the American Pentagon and made them watch funny cat videos for a solid 24 hours."
It only got worse from their.
"I'm the reincarnation of a Death God."
"I'm the princess of a noble family."
"Ms. Summers, I am your father." The fact that Nelliel was both female and younger than Ms. Summers made it all the more disturbing.
"I enjoy kicking puppies."
"I write depressing poetry."
"I'm a vampire."
"I'm a werewolf, and Lilynette and I are star-crossed lovers from a past life," Toshiro suggested wickedly.
The mentioned girl snickered along with him.
Stark blinked slowly, somehow catching the ball without really moving. "I'm... Going back to sleep," he decided. "Don't pass me the ball again."
After a few more rounds, the counselor couldn't take it anymore.
"Th-that's enough. We're going to sing next, to improve your sense of community."
Ichigo twitched. No way in hell was he singing a friendship song.
"Holy shit!" He yelled, pointing out the window, away from the door. "It's the rare and elusive flying ratfish!"
Ms. Summers couldn't help it. She turned to look. "I don't see anything."
A loud slam made her whip back around. "Hey, where did everybody go?"
Ichigo crept through the dark, humming the Mission Impossible theme song under his breath for that extra 10% of sneakiness. he slipped behind the building, then hopped up a little to grab the windowsill. He shifted his gloved hands to even out his grip, then pulled himself up.
Smirking, he pulled the bobby pin he'd borrowed from Sung-sun out of his hair(In his defense, it was a really good way to keep trakc of something so small and losable.)
The black cap mashed onto his head only added to the fun as he crouched in the sill. Ichigo made quick work of the padlock in the window.
Next, he pulled the window up and open, and slipped thgouh, dropping to the ground with no more sound than a soft, muffled thump.
Grinning, he padded over to the toiletries section of the camp store. the first thing he grabbed was toilet apaper, half a dozen rolls to be exact. Just enough to cover a large statue. Heheheh...
Next was two sponges and a candy bar, and a pocket knige with all of the attachments but the kife and another candy bar, then another half a dozen, this time of smalle plastic flashlights, and apack of batteries to go into them. The money at the cash register was less than a hundred bucks, but anything helped in Ichigo's master plan.
A six pack of cokes and 2 refillable water bottles went in next, accompanied by a small, portable water filter. 2 boxes of cookies, some beef jerkey, a large bag of trailmix, and some granola bars went in next, in the largest pocket on top of the cokes. The wire, intended for arts and crafts, was snatched up as soon as it was spotted, as were the pair of rubber, insulated gloves- rarther fancy for gardening, irght?A snap decision garnered a handuful of sunglasse.
Ichigo looked around them, please with his... Acquisitions, and headed back out the window, locking it behind him. He headed out to his treehouse next, to stash the full backpack and grab the empty one before heading for the administration building. Ichiog stalked through the silent camp, grinning wolfishly as he approached his next vic- er, target. Brown eyes were bright with mischief as he tiptoed past the sleeping watchman.
Oh, this heist would be glorious.
Ichigo made it to the window with ease, climbed up, and got ready to pick the lock, but was delayed by the security system.
"Crap," he hissed.
Careful fingers disarmed the device relatively quickly, but had Ichigo not spotted the sheen of the wire-covers, he would have set off the alarm. And that would wreck his reputation, not to mention damage his ego. "Ulquiorra," he whispered into his walkie-talkie. "Loop the cameras, I've got the window free."
"...Alright, cameras looping."
"Thanks Ulquiorra," Ichigo returned, ending the call.
He dropped to the floor, happy he'd thought to ear gloves when he spotted the safe.
"Bingo."
He laid a gloved hand against the cool metal, twirling the dial with his other hand nad leaning in close to listen to the tumblers click.
To his credit, the safe only took him about 5 minutes to crack. He snickered uncontrollably as he leaned in.
The first thing to go into his pack was the small but disturbingly decked out laptop sitting on the floor of the safe. Next was the half a dozen cellphones of various colors and models, then a Nintendo, his Gameboy, a real knife, and a net-book.
Ichigo didn't take any of the scissors, sitting in a massive, multicolored heap, but took a picture of it with one of the phones and sent it to himself.
Done with his fun for the night, he closed up the safe, left through the window, and stashed the backpack in his 'lair', as he had started to fondly refer to it as. He headed straight back to his cabin to sleep after that.
It was, after all, three in the morning.