Longing

"The winter has gone and the spring has come.

We wither away and our hearts are bruised from longing."

-Bingbang: Blue-

Blue ray adorned every bit of Balamb Garden. The giant ship stood proudly in the middle of small Balamb Island, but it was quiet, perhaps because of the chilly morning. This island had been covered by eery mist since the last Sorceress War two years ago. Although the mist covered the entire island, Balamb Garden shone brightly as if it was not effected by this strong and mysterious power. It was a naive lie to think like that. It was true that the blue Garden still possessed his grace, but nothing inside. The war was not over yet. It would never end as long as a Sorceress lived. A blaze could be hear from hundreds miles away from the city; a new campaign had arisen.

There was none in the long corridor of the first floor, but him. As expected from a morning person he had used to be it, sleeping late, and then waking up too early in the morning. It could not be said as habitual because it had been happening for six months. Actually, he had nothing to do in this early morning. He just couldn't understand himself. He didn't know what had been happening to him, either.

Lies.

His muscle screamed, begging him to have a rest; a couple hour were enough to ease his tense tendons, but his mind always rejected. Sleeping would bring his soul to the dream of the most regretful past. So, he decided to never close his eyes more than four hours a day. He was a hypocrite. He had no problem of hiding his emotion. It was a simple act as if putting an emotionless mask to his face and never show it's true color to anyone else. Only his heart knew the truth. But, then again, why even it matter. He could survive to any condition. At least that was what he'd been trained for; to never falter from any threat, as well as love.

He wanted to forget, everything about her. As many times as he said that he didn't care, he just ended up to remember every single memory of her. His mind was dying; it kept telling him to back to his former self, to hide in his cold shelter and never open up his heart to anyone forever. Then, what reason he struggled from this torment for. If he let her slip from his life, then what purpose left he had to maintain this agonizing life. His heart...yeah, the irrational and illogical part of his still cherished the memories, even though they are locked deep inside in the hollow of his painfully throbbing heart, treating them as the abandon treasure, hoped to never be discovered by anyone else, but himself. At least it was the only thing that made him still a sane human. At least it was a tiny ray that brightened and protected him from himself. In the end, as many times as he claimed that he had forgotten her, he simply denied that deep down inside his heart, he still honored the sorceress-knight bound. He could not and would not break it because that was his only guarantee to reunite with her; the bond was his only hope for living.

"Never know you'd be here. Selphie will be very happy, knowing you have interest in her work. She will insist to have you in the Festival Committee next year."

The man turned his head to the source of his morning disturbance.

"For Hyne's sake, I won't ask you about paperwork. Your glare almost kills me, Squall," a chuckle together with a teasing tone came out, lingering her feminine voice. Squall frowned; slightly annoyed that Xu could read his mind. He didn't like people to see him as if he was an opened book.

Finding that her joke was not funny to her only companion, she cleared her throat and composed herself in serious professional manner. "Look, it doesn't mean that I could read your mind or anything. It just appeared to your face. So, what are you doing here at this particular morning, anyway? Surely, you are not serious about joining the Festival Committee, right?" she smile at her last sentence, encouraging him to take the humor. Squall raised his eyebrow, staring at Xu as if she had lost her mind, and then turned his head, pretending to observe the decoration for the Graduation Ball.

Festival Committee? Tsk, as if I cared about that crap Selphie's doing.

A couple of minutes passed and Xu started getting uncomfortable of his silence. It feels like as if I was talking to a wall, she thought.

Knowing that she couldn't have managed to handle the silence anymore, she decided to leave him alone. It didn't look like the young Commander needed company. Even, if he did, she would be sure that she was not the one. "Alright, see you at the office, Commander." After giving a salute, she proceeded her way to the elevator.

Squall lifted his head, seeing his first companion of the day retreating herself from Quad. He glanced at his watch.

I am sure, I've been here longer.

A cafeteria was the first choice of most cadets, but still there were few of them having breakfast after training. A lonely figure sat in the corner of the most secluded place in the square dining hall of the room. It was not because of the location of this particular spot shunned by everyone, but the man who occupied it. None dared to take the spot as if it had been booked since beginning and none dared to take the seat with him either. He was an introvert and the introvert's privilege was never been questioned.

Squall was sipping his coffee when a beautiful ray coming from the window beside him caught his attention. It was baby blue, similar to the sky, very enchanting. Blue… always radiated tranquility to him. It was half an hour before he left for his office and he didn't have anything to do before then.

The brunet tore his gaze to the dark liquid swirling his cup. The bitter brew enabled him to make out his own reflection. He studied his facial feature; there were dark circle under his dull stormy blue eyes and his stubble pale face, let alone his longer hair only made his handsome face looked messier. He indeed looked awful. As he was studying himself, the rotation of coffee he was holding made him loosen up his tense muscle. He leaned further into the chair, silently lessening the tension he was unaware holding. He let himself immerse in the sensation of being hypnotize. His mind was lost and he let himself sunk deeper to the pit of unconsciousness. As he closed his eyes, his mind drifted back to the moment he cherished with the only person he ever loved.

Flashback

It was a peaceful day, not different from the other day, but for Squall it was the first time he ever felt content. He wasn't sure about the reason why he felt that way; perhaps it could be the nice weather, the peace, or the never ending party.

…Party. As if being cast by a spell, his mind wandered back in the past. Unlike everyone who was enjoying the party, he had been standing on the balcony since the time he arrived, observing people dancing. It was not that he wasn't happy after winning the war, but simply he disliked amongst people. He didn't use to get attention from everyone. Being called as hero was too much for him. Frankly, he didn't intend to save the world at the very beginning. But now, he was a celebrity. All of people in the world knew who he was. Absolutely, he would gain attention more than he needed.

"Guess who?" A pair of slimy hands covered his eyes. There was a playful tone lingering her voice. The brunet smiled, already had the answer himself. He could have guess right away, but he didn't want to ruin her little game; he would play along with her.

"How could I know? At least give me a hint." The knight couldn't fight the smile that had graced on his lips since the moment she blocked his sight.

A chuckle came out from his companion. "Alright," still the playful tone, "raven hair with slightly brown streak, deep brown eyes, pale skin, and absolutely beautiful."

"Beautiful? I'm afraid that I can't guess you right because there are many beautiful girls in Balamb Garden," he teased.

"Really? But not many of them can make the Commander infatuated."

At this, Squall broke down into laughter. He was trying to hold back his chuckle, but still he couldn't hold it any longer and ended up breaking into laughter. He held her wrists and circled them around his neck. Rinoa tightened her hug, not strong enough to choke him.

"You're right," Squall said softly. He turned his head, giving her full attention as he was guiding his lover to sit on the bench beside him. Her smile widened and he couldn't hold back his smile as though returning hers was an obligation. The brunet pulled his raven girl to sit on his lap and snaked his arms around her waist. The young commander was not the type of public affection but, the weather was nice and warm; he didn't want anything but to share with her. She was the only person he allowed to enter his life, let alone his heart. As cheesy as it might be, he no longer considered Balamb Garden as his home. It was true that he grew up there, but it was nothing compared to how she could make him felt content.

"What are you doing here?" she murmured while they were enjoying the shady afternoon. She leaned her body to him, letting his warm radiated to her.

"I'm clearing my mind," he whispered at her ear and inhaled her scent. He was intoxicated at how soft her scent.

Squall tightened his hold; she was everything he wanted.

"I'm not disturbing you, right?" A worry look was written on her eyes as if she had crossed the line.

Squall faced her fully and stared at her brown eyes, losing himself at the tranquility of her dark orbs produced. "My mind has never cleared around you."

A breeze bruised away her hair. Million petals flew as if they were dancing around her. He could tell that she was happy. A pair of wings, printed on her baby blue duster which flew freely whenever wind blew it, made her looked like an angle, flying and dancing around the field adorned with the blossoms. She seemed to let herself enjoying the nature despite of how cold it was.

"You sure are enjoying this vacation."

She turned her body, spotting Squall standing not three feet away from her. "So are you," she replied softly.

She extended her hand, offering him to come enjoying the peaceful evening with her and he took her invitation without second thought.

"You'll catch cold if you stay here all night. It's windy," he said that while his arms were snaking around her slender waist. She leaned her body to him, letting him to support her weight. They were simply enjoying their moment together.

A flash light crossed the sky …a shooting star.

"Let's make a wish," she said softly and began closing her eyes.

Squall was studying her. He didn't even bother to take off his gaze from this woman. She is beautiful.

The young Commander didn't realize when his lover had opened her eyes. A pair of almond orbs was looking back at his, as if they challenged the stormy blue ones in staring contest.

"What do you wish?" he asked after the moment of silence, losing himself at her darker eyes.

"I wish we could be like this often, having time together," she spoke softly, almost inaudible. She was shivering from the cold, making Squall tightened his hold around her to give her more warmth. "It will easily be granted if you don't let paperwork consuming you every day, you know?"

He tore his eyes off of her and let out a chuckle. The taller brunet snuggled his head in her hair and buried his face in the crook of her neck, purring like a cat; it was a habit and he loved doing this whenever he felt sorry for making her felt lonely. It was the paperwork that always made him exhausted. This vacation was his apologize and he would make it up to her.

"So, what is yours?" she asked, facing him, making him left his coziness.

He cast a mischievous smile. "They won't be granted if I tell you."

As if being cheated, she slapped his arm playfully and then pouted her lips. Squall couldn't help her cuteness and widened his smile. He turned her body to face him, before touching her cheek. His hand was callous, a result of always holding a gunblade, but she didn't care. As she was leaning to his touch, Squall studied her facial features. Her face was glowing. The moon illuminated her ivory face, giving her majestic aura. He could see her eyes glittering and immediately sank to these deep orbs. Every time she twinkled her eyes, he sank deeper and deeper into her. There was no logic to reason this sensation. There was no explanation about it and he needed not any of it. He let himself flow, like dancing petals which flew to everywhere wind took them. For the first time, he let his heart control his being. For the first time, he learned about tenderness. And for the first time, he never doubted about his feeling. Squall Leonhart was in love.

"You," he said with determination. "I wish I could have you forever."

She blushed at his confession, tearing her eyes off of him to hide her blush. Squall amused at her bashfulness, wondering why she still felt shy around him after all the time that they had spent together. He tapped her chin, making her looked at his stormy blue eyes. His expression was serious, making her to give him her sweet smile to ease his frown. Then, it hit her. It was not a confession, but he was asking her a question and he was anticipating her answer. It looked like he wanted to make sure that she would never leave him. The realization made her softened her eyes. How he looked so fragile and so easily broken depending on her answer.

Her smile widened and she whispered lovingly, "You already have."

Relief smile adorned his face. She leaned her face closer to his and he closed the space between them, kissing her lips earnestly. He poured everything to the kiss, letting her know that he was also hers.

End of flashback.

Squall could recall everything about her, her soft lips, her feminine scent, and her warmth. The more he tried to get rid of the memories, the more he felt pang in his chest.

Are you happy?

Why did you leave?

…Please, come back to me.

Squall opened his eyes and glanced at his watch. It was 07:15 and the cafeteria was now crowded. He could hear people chatting all over, making him annoyed instantly. He finished his coffee and left for his office.

The view of his office was not different from the last night he left it. There were piles of unfinished paperwork on his desk. It wouldn't have made the different if he had finished it today because Xu would give him more. They seemed to have no end.

Just do this, now. They do make me irritated.

Squall turned on his computer and started his work. Just as he had been immersed doing his paperwork, there was a knock on his door. Squall lifted his head off of the monitor, spotting Xu standing near the door.

She closed the door behind her and gave him a salute. "Commander, the Headmaster requires your presence in his office."

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose; he was slightly annoyed. It didn't mean that he was annoyed at Xu's interruption, but he was just idle to move from his spot. Maybe he wants to discuss about the attack again. Why do I care about Galbadia Campaign, anyway? Right, it's all because I am a SeeD, let alone The Commander. Now, after nothing to do with the Sorceress War anymore, the only thing SeeD do is bring a peace to the world and stop this rampage. We will be clearing all the shit Galbadia doing, how I expect more of this job.

Xu was tapping her toes, signaling Squall to move quickly. He let out a sign and arranged his paperwork grumpily. "Alright, just give me ten minutes, Xu."

"I'm afraid he requires your presence now, Sir."

A grumble was louder as he stood from his seat. This really drives me crazy. What the hell to do with her? It looks like she won't let me have peace at all.

"You want to see me, Sir?"

"Oh, Squall. Come in, have a seat." Cid pointed a chair in front of him.

"You are wondering why I summon you, right? If it's not an urgent, I won't bother you this early morning."

"That's nothing, Sir. I've been in my office, anyway. So, what is the case?"

Cid handed him a report. "It arrived this morning. As you can see, Galbadia dominates Winhill, now. It means that Vincent enlarges his army all over continent."

Squall studied the report and frowned. "Isn't it quite fishy? What does Galbadia want in Winhill? It barely has anything."

"We still haven't figured it out yet, Commander," Xu said, "and, I also have the report about the attack in Dollet a couple weeks before. Rinoa was spotted in Delling City a week before the attack. She was with Galbadia Army." Xu handed some pictures to Squall.

Squall frowned, snatching the photos from her. He was studying them intently. Rinoa was escorted by Galbadia Army to a hotel. It didn't seem that she was capture or anything. Then, he flipped another photo. It was Rinoa having a conversation with Vincent in a restaurant. Another photos showed Galbadia Army invading houses, arresting people, and killing a man. They made him sick. He then flipped the photo of Rinoa, escorted to the hotel. He studied the photo and wondered what business she had in Delling. Surely, she didn't merely want to see her hometown. She was there before the attack. She was with Vincent too. She indeed was in Galbadia all the time. What is she doing there? What does she have to do with Galbadia? There must be a reason. It would be naïve, assuming she had nothing to do with Galbadia Campaign.

Squall lifted his head, looking at Cid. There was a suspicious in his eyes. It would pointless, wondering what Rinoa's affair with Galbadia if he could get the answer from the man in front of him. He was sure that Cid was behind all of this. There must be someone. It's impossible Cid could get an update about Galbadia movement. There must be someone supplying him with this information.

"Is there something you have been hiding from me, Sir? Surely, there must be a reason why Rinoa involves. It can't be a coincidence she was having chitchat with Vincent a couple of days before the attack."

Cid was silent. It only made Squall's blood boiled. He gripped the photos. "All of this crap, you just wants to push me believe in you, while you have been hiding things from me!"

The younger Commander throw away all of the photographs. His eyes were full of anger and his knuckles were white; he was furious. While Xu was startled with his sudden outburst, Cid was calm; not even flinch from his spot. He had anticipated this reaction from him.

"Leave us, Xu," Cid commanded. Xu was taken aback at how cold Cid spook. She gave him a salute and left the room.

Cid was calm and Squall didn't like it a bit. He signed and spoke sincerely, "My child, I don't push you to believe me. I don't push you to turn your back from Rinoa. I understand the situation. This matter is getting worse every day. After we know who behind all of this-"

"What answer do you want? It was Vincent. Who else can control the nation and army other that the president? We have all the evidences. We need to end this conflict immediately." Squall was furious. A lack of sleep, a stress, and the sudden missing of Rinoa made his head throbbing. He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger, and then he looked up at Cid, patiently waiting for the explanation.

Cid knew what exactly the explanation Squall demand. It was not about the Galbadia Campaign but why Rinoa was engaged in the first place. He realized that he couldn't hide the matter from Squall longer, but he couldn't tell Squall the whole story either. Telling Squall about the mission Rinoa carried would ruin everything, but he also couldn't stand the desperation in the boy's face. He knew that Squall was anxious all time. He was miserable. He could tell that from seeing the state he was now. Being separated from Rinoa out of the blue without knowing the reason behind all of this was eating him up. As desperate as he wanted to succeed this mission, he didn't have heart to see Squall this broken, he had considered him as his own child.

Inhaling a deep breath, Cid gazed at Squall's eyes. He was ready to tell him about the mission he gave to Rinoa. He just hoped that Squall would understand his decision. With that, perhaps this mission would be saved. After all, Squall was the stipulator of this mission. Either it was failed or success, this mission was in the palm of his hand.