So I was planning on writing this chapter for a long time and just never got around to it. Then I woke up this morning to Kishi ruining my fucking life and then was unnaturally depressed all day, and had plenty of inspiration for this chappy. (*Spoilers* It was the symbolism of the caged bird being freed that got me, okay? I didn't even like Neji that much. But as soon as he was gone, I realized how much I respected him. Also, I vaguely ship Nejiten, and that ship is officially sunk now. What a crappy day. But I will say this: it was a beautiful chapter, and I'm glad he was able to die on his terms, protecting Hinata. *sobs* Also, Shikaku and Inoichi whyyy) SO NOW this fic is completely AU if it wasn't before. But that's okay, because it makes me happy that people are still alive in my headcanon.
I don't own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't be this fucking upset.
He knew that he was starting to sound like a broken record, but as he listened to Naruto noisily slurp his soup, Neji knew for certain that this dinner could not go well.
Hiashi had decided that it was time to meet the loudmouth boy his eldest daughter had recently been spending so much time with. Because she wasn't able to refuse, Hinata had done as her father had asked, and not one to miss a free meal, Naruto had readily agreed. Now, however, it was clear that Hinata regretted her decision. She barely ate, instead alternating between staring at her soup and sneaking glances at her father.
Even from his seat across from her, Neji could tell that his cousin found the whole situation extremely stressful. Every time Naruto was being himself (read: loud and obnoxious), Hiashi's eyebrow would twitch. Hanabi, who had decided to sit alongside Neji so that Naruto could have the seat next to her sister, drank her soup daintily and hid her amusement behind a hand.
So, because everyone else in the family was obviously waiting for a disaster to happen, Neji decided to act as normally as possible, and do damage control if need be. He owed Hinata-sama at least that.
Naruto burped loudly, a fox-like grin taking over his face. "Damn, this is good! I was starving!"
Hiashi's lip curled beneath his mustache. "Yes, we can see that."
"You just came from training, didn't you Naruto?" Neji interjected, hoping to help him out.
"Yeah. Hey, thanks!" he told a servant as she took his empty bowl and replaced it with a steaming plate of fish and vegetables. "Me 'n Hinata got finished a little while ago, so I took a shower and came right over."
Neji thanked the gods that Naruto had had the sense to at least do that. His blond hair was still damp, and while he wasn't wearing his obnoxious orange jumpsuit, he hadn't bothered to dress up for the occasion, wearing a black tshirt with a giant swirl in the middle and a comfortable pair of sweatpants. Sitting next to Hinata, who was all dolled up in her formal dinner kimono, he looked even more ridiculous.
Hiashi cleared his throat. "You have been training with my daughter quite often as of late."
"Yeah!" Naruto's smile was so bright, Neji felt like he needed sunglasses. "She kicks my ass!"
Hinata visibly twitched at his profanity, but her cheeks pinked at the compliment.
Hiashi frowned. "And you were planning on courting my daughter without first discussing it with me?"
"Court?" Naruto asked, bewildered. His eyebrows furrowed together. "What court? We didn't go to court."
Hanabi couldn't contain herself any longer. "Are you stupid?" she snorted.
"No!" he yelled, pointing his chopsticks at her. But he wasn't offended—his childhood had given him a thick skin. "Iruka-sensei used to call me special."
Hanabi burst out laughing. Neji, who could already see the dinner spiraling beyond his control, cut in, "Courting is like dating."
"With the intention of marriage," Hanabi said slowly. "Hinata is a member of a noble clan. Our clan doesn't date for fun."
Hinata looked like she was waiting for the ground to swallow her up.
"Marriage?" The look of confusion returned. "Dating—we're not dating."
"Why not?" Hanabi countered. "Hina-nee not good enough for you?"
"Hanabi-sama!" Neji scolded.
Naruto threw up his hands, food forgotten. "What?! Of course not! Hinata's awesome!"
"But not awesome enough to date?" Hanabi countered. "What, is she not attractive enough?"
Hinata was starting to look a little green.
"Of course she is!" Naruto looked at Hanabi like he thought she was the stupid one.
"Really," Hanabi replied, skeptical.
Naruto crossed his arms haughtily. "She's really pretty. And she's got a great pair of tits."
Neji's jaw dropped. Hiashi lost his eyebrows to his hairline. Hanabi's face was a mixture of the two.
Hinata had three seconds to look mortified before her eyes rolled up inside her head and she promptly fell out of her chair.
Without even looking at her, Naruto's arm shot out, swiftly catching her before she could hit the ground. It was then that he finally noticed the way everyone was looking at him, and he pointed to Hinata anxiously. "She does this sometimes," he explained hurriedly, thinking this was the reason everyone was looking at him like he was running around naked.
Hanabi recovered first. "You wouldn't know what to do with all that anyway," she sniffed.
"Hanabi-sama!" Neji couldn't understand why Hanabi took such a perverse pleasure in messing with people. But this was getting way out of hand!
"What!" Of course, Naruto would choose this moment to get offended. "Listen, kid. I was trained by two of the most perverted sensei on the planet. I've written an Icha Icha book myself!"
And then, to Neji's horror, Naruto proceeded to list all of the ways he could satisfy Hinata, fanning said girl with his napkin as he did.
It was a long list.
Neji clapped his hands over Hanabi's ears, forgetting in his terror that Hyuuga can easily read lips. Hanabi watched Naruto with morbid fascination. Hiashi, who was noticeably angry at first, was fighting his interest, and seemed two seconds away from taking notes.
Finally, when it was clear that Naruto had a lot more to say on the subject, Hanabi cut him off. "And that's why you would want to marry her. Because she has a hot bod and you could do pervy things to her."
The tips of the jinchuuriki's ears turned pink, but he was appalled. Appalled, I say. "No!" he snapped. "Hinata-chan's amazing. She's shy, but she always stands up for what she believes in. She's the nicest person I know, and she never gives up. She believed in me when no one else did—loved me when no one else did, and I don't take any of that for granted. If I were with Hinata, it would be because I want to make her just as happy as she makes me."
Neji couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips. After all the terrible answers he had given, Naruto had finally given a perfect one. And by the looks on his family's faces, they felt the same way.
Calmly, Neji raised his hand in the air.
Hanabi raised an eyebrow. "Nii-san, what are you doing?"
"I believe this is a favorable match for Hinata-sama," he answered easily.
"So you're voting on it?" the younger girl asked incredulously. "What is this, the Middle Ages? Don't you think Hina-nee can choose for herself?"
"Put your hand down, Neji," Hiashi said, his voice full of authority. "This is not a democracy. We do not vote on people's love lives."
For the umpteenth time that night, Neji's jaw dropped. "But...but…"
"Hey, are you okay, Hinata?" Naruto asked loudly as the girl stirred.
"I'm fine, Naruto-kun," came Hinata's embarrassed voice. She sat up out of his arms, face rosy. "What happened?"
"I think your family gave us permission to go to the court," he whispered to her in a Naruto fashion, which wasn't much of a whisper at all. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "But I have no idea where the court is, so I hope you know."
Vaguely, Neji wondered if stupid could be passed down in the gene pool.
A/N: Let me know! (Also, feel free to mourn with me—because I honestly believe I'm mourning this fictional character and company would be much appreciated)