Hello Readers! I hope you are still enjoying this story, though as always I would be thrilled to hear what you're really thinking. Drop me a review and you will truly make my weekend! I still don't own anything to do with "Once Upon a Time" or the characters (sadly). We are now moving into Season Three events with this chapter…
"Islands in the Stream"
Chapter Five: In the Eye of the Storm
"…That won't happen to us and we've got no doubt
Too deep in love and we got no way out
And the message is clear:
This could be the year for the real thing…"
He can't move – can barely breathe – Killian simply stands frozen in the midst of the howling wind, beating rain, and cresting waves, staring at the nightmare unfolding before his very eyes. It simply cannot be. History cannot repeat itself like this. Fate has always been cruel to him; his life hasn't been easy, but even cold, heartless Fate would not be this harsh a mistress. His Swan – he doesn't dare call her his out loud, but in his mind and his heart she already is – lies motionless on the deck, in the very spot where he can still see Milah lying as she died all those years ago. The image has never left his mind at peace, no matter how much time goes by, and in fact, he often unconsciously skirts this section of the deck so that she will not appear in front of him in reverie. He cannot stand to see Swan there now, looking every bit as lifeless as Milah had.
His own personal blonde siren hasn't moved a muscle since her father hauled her out of the water and onto the deck and they crowded around her soaking form, praying for her to answer them and open her eyes. While everyone else calls her, coaxes her, shakes her, holds her and gathers closer, he finds that he can't move at all. To anyone else, he might look unaffected, but he is struck so sharply by terror and impending grief that it is paralyzing. All he can do is watch as the others try to rouse her – he can't speak, can't even think.
When a blessed, miraculous tremor finally runs through her and she begins coughing up the water she has swallowed, he is shocked to feel what seems like his heart kicking back in and beginning to beat once more. Even more shocking is that he feels, amidst the raindrops on his skin, silent tears streaming down his cheeks unbidden. He doesn't think the rest of them notice, but his relief at seeing her now struggling to sit up with her parents' support and taking huge, gasping breaths of air thrills him beyond measure. The feelings that rush through him are so strong, sudden, and conflicted that he is torn in several different directions, beside himself and still unable to speak or move. He wants to shake sense into her and yell in her face at the recklessness of throwing herself into a stormy, mermaid-infested ocean just to prove a point. Yet, at the same time, he wants nothing more than to cradle her to him, touch her wet hair, feel her heart still thumping with life against his chest and assure himself as she draws in precious, life-giving air.
Killian Jones knows he is in deep, uncharted water now. He cares about Emma Swan much more than he ever intended, much more than he should have allowed himself. She might tolerate him, return flirtatious comments with him when she is in the right mood, she might even understand him better than most ever have, but she will never let herself care for him with the same force and ardor he now realizes are flooding him at the possibility of losing her. And why should she? He isn't a prince or a hero – only a pirate.
He wanted to fling himself blindly into the tempest after her when she dove off the side rail. He hesitated only because they were all – including her – lost if the Jolly Roger was no longer captained and staying afloat. Instead, he had helped her father bring her back and watched with a squeeze in his chest so severe that the Crocodile might as well have had his filthy hand around his heart once more. Killian knew all too well what those sort of sensations meant, and he was not at all sure he was prepared to handle the onslaught again.
When Emma's coughs cease, she glances at her parents' anxious faces and offers them a shaky smile, but then her gaze flutters up to him, locking him in her grip as surely as if she has physically grabbed his hand. He gives her a nod of recognition, words still beyond him, and then turns his back and walks away, unable to stand his own weakness and the things she is making him feel.
The waters the Jolly Roger floats in are calm now; the tossing and crashing are all happening within his own being. Killian heads below deck to his own quarters, where he believes and prays that none of his new crew will follow. He has to get a grip and steady himself, before the rest of them, and Emma in particular, discover his secret. He doesn't need anyone else to know that she has this hold on him, that he literally comes unhinged at the thought of her being hurt or that he might yet lose her. They still have a dangerous path ahead of them, laden with traps and trials, and he cannot afford to be this off-balance. Emma needs to survive this, needs her boy back; he needs to avoid thinking of anything beyond those two objectives. No one else needs to be troubled with the knowledge he has just gained: that if she doesn't come out of this venture alive and whole, he will be destroyed right along with her.