Sorry for the delayed update, I'd like to say that things got a little hectic in the last few days, but that isn't true, I just got distracted...
I'd like to give a big thank you to Corey from UndefinedBrothers, who actually motivated me to get this written a lot faster than I otherwise would have, he is quite the motivational one :)
Also, I'd like to thank Haoi, who pointed out a couple of grammatical issues and a certain inconsistency, it keeps me on my feet, so thanks :)
And lastly, if any of you are fans of the Hunger Games then I suggest you should check out a fanfiction called Before the Bird was a Bear: The 25th Hunger Games, by unubear, it's brilliant!
Chapter Twelve
"And all you need to do is-" Mrs Martin looked up from the sheet of geometry problems to find Carlos staring off blankly into space.
"Carlos are you even listening?"
At the sound of his name the Latino shook his head distractedly, giving his teacher an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I'm just sort of distracted."
She sighed, pushing her wire-rimmed spectacles up the bridge of her nose.
"Carlos, you need to learn this if you're ever going to pass the finals, which, may I remind you, are in less than two weeks!"
He nodded his head in understanding, trying his best to listen to what the aged teacher was trying to explain. The Latino's eyes began to rove back over the contents of the empty classroom, eyes settling on a pair of posters displaying factorials at the back of the room.
"Carlos…? Carlos! Please, pay attention!"
He managed to comply to Mrs Martin's wishes for about five minutes before his dark eyes wandered over to glance at the clock that sat on the wall; he still had another twenty minutes of this; Carlos didn't think he'd be able to cope. He'd be lying if he said he was trying to pay attention, but the Latino knew he wouldn't be able to focus even if he'd tried. Logan plagued his thoughts, the meek brunette taking up complete residence in his mind, Carlos was terrified for him. He'd stolen Logan's number from Camille and had left message upon message for him, but the Latino was yet to receive an answer. He just wanted to know that Logan was okay; that the boy was merely out of town on a family emergency or that he had just come down with the flu.
"Carlos, I think that'll be enough for today, you don't seem to be able to focus."
The aforementioned gave his math teacher a relieved smile, "really? I can go?"
Mrs Martin heaved another sigh, "yes Carlos, I'll see you in class tomorrow."
The Latino jumped from his seat, sparing the elderly math teacher a wave before ducking out of the classroom.
The halls were more or less empty, his footsteps resounding loudly into the hush that permeated throughout the building. Nearing the entrance, Carlos pulled his phone from the depths of his jean pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he reached the name he was looking for. He knew he shouldn't; he'd rung enough times, he'd left enough messages; but the Latino couldn't help it, what was the harm in trying once more?
Carlos pressed the phone to his ear as he pushed through the doors and into the chill of the evening, listening intently as it rang.
"Come on Logie, pickup, pickup, I need to know you're okay."
By the time he'd reached his car the call gone to voicemail.
"Hey, this is Logan I-"
Carlos hung up, stuffing the phone back into his pocket, anger flooding his being. Why wouldn't Logan pick up? Where could he possibly be?
Turning the ignition, Carlos knew he couldn't go home, not like this; he needed to see Logan. Turning out onto the road, the Latino headed towards the home of the only person he knew who could possibly help.
"James, Carlos is here to see you."
Beth stood by his open bedroom door, "he's looking pretty agitated."
James raised an eyebrow in question but the robust woman just shrugged, bustling off to continue with her work. The tall brunette followed Beth from the bedroom and then went his separate way down the staircase and into the entry hall.
"Hey," said James by way of greeting, his tone distant.
"James," began Carlos, wasting no time, "I need a favour from you."
James backed up a few steps, fixing the shorter boy with a scrutinizing look.
"Why should I help you?" He asked coldly.
The Latino sighed, crossing his arms over his broad chest, "look James, I get you're angry at me and if you don't want to tell me why then that's your call, but this isn't about me, this is about Logan."
"Logan?"
James was caught off guard by the statement, what did Carlos think James could help with concerning Logan?
"Well yeah," said the Latino, taking a seat on one of the plush armchairs that sat in the timber floored room. "You're like the second smartest person I know, second to Logan of course, and I came up with an idea, it might be a bit far-fetched but I think I might have a way to find Logan, and if it's possible then I think you'll be the only one who could do it."
James didn't offer anything in reply, only waiting for the Latino to elaborate.
"Well I thought that maybe you could get the location of Logan's mobile phone, on the computer or whatever, which would hopefully lead us to him…"
Carlos looked hopeful as he spoke, looking up at James with large, endearing eyes. The taller brunette thought it over for a moment, it was certainly possible, he knew that for a certainty, but he didn't want to help Carlos find Logan; he didn't want the Latino to be the hero in all this. James wished more than anything that he could be the saviour, the one that Logan needed.
"James?"
The taller boy shook himself from his reverie, dropping down into the chair next to Carlos. This wasn't about him, this was about Logan, and it was about keeping Logan safe. Sighing, James turned to look into the Latino's chocolate eyes.
"I can do it, just give me his number."
Carlos' face positively lit up, grin revealing his gleaming white teeth.
"Thank you so much!"
As the two stood up Carlos barrelled James into a hug, "I won't forget this James, you have no idea how much this means to me."
"Oh, but I think I do…" Muttered James, quiet enough so he was sure the Latino wouldn't hear.
"Well it's about that time," Logan allowed himself a thin smile as he spoke the words aloud, staring up at the noose that hung bleakly from the rafters. A light rain had begun to patter against the cabin's tin roof, the brunette couldn't help but think of how fitting it all was; the sky weeping for him.
The sky will be the only one to weep though.
The thought was like a hot poker through the chest, the pain surging this his entire being; but he thought it to be true all the same. Logan wouldn't allow himself to think that Carlos was going to miss him; the brunette was done with stalling; nobody was coming, nobody cared, nobody was even fazed. He pulled a chair underneath the noose, it would all be over quickly enough. The rain intensified, the drops beginning to pound against the cabin like a drum. To Logan it sounded as if the rain was now spurring him on, eagerly awaiting the moment he'd step up onto that chair. He couldn't help but feel apprehensive, his heart pounding rapidly against his chest, he wondered what it would be like to no longer feel that heartbeat, to feel nothing at all; he imagined it would be peaceful, blissful even. Logan stared around at the contents of the cabin for a moment, was this all his life had simmered down to? The brunette remembered when he was younger, how he had once had aspirations of becoming a doctor, to save people's lives. How was he supposed to do that if he couldn't even save his own? Logan sighed, it was almost unbelievable how downhill his life had gone in the past few years, how a simple confidence in his parents had twisted into this, into an abandoned cabin, a broken boy and a noose. Tear began to fall, and with them soft curses that were muttered silently. Logan had promised himself he wouldn't cry; he was done with being weak, he promised himself he wouldn't be scared. He wondered how much longer he'd have to stand here before he gathered enough courage to step onto that rickety chair.
"Thanks James!" Carlos shouted as he sprinted from the tall boy's house and towards his car. A light rain had begun to fall, collecting in shallow puddles along the concrete, the Latino skirting around their edges in a desperate attempt to not soak his shoes. He was excited, more than excited, he was ecstatic. James, in about twenty minutes had managed to locate Logan's mobile phone, it was out on the edge of town, within the woods the hugged its perimeters. Throwing himself into the car, Carlos switched on the ignition and sped off in the direction specified by James' map. The tall brunette had asked if he could join Carlos, but the Latino had been insistent on going alone; James hadn't pushed the matter. Carlos had told him to merely call the others, to tell them that everything was fine and that they'd found Logan.
Carlos reached the edge of town in about half an hour, driving slowly until he came across a dirt track that wound its way into the darkening woods. The track was rocky and unsealed, the Latino knew his car wouldn't have a chance of navigating it. Sighing, Carlos parked it, stepping out into the rain that had now begun to fall with more vigour.
With minutes he was soaked to the bone, stumbling over jutting roots and loose rocks every few steps. Rain beat down against bare tree branches, lashing at the Latino's face every chance it got. The lingering light of dusk was quickly ebbing away into darkness and Carlos knew that if he didn't find where the brunette was soon, he too would be lost.
Luckily, after scaling a small but steep rise turned to mud by the heavy rains, Carlos caught sight of a dim, warm light in the distance, one that shone through the twisted branches and coiling stands of brush, and one that filled the Latino with an earnest hope. He reached its source swiftly, breaking out of the trees and coming face to face with an old, derelict cabin. The timber slats were covered in moss, the weak light that cascaded from the windows swallowed up by the gloom of the night. Carlos' joints were aching, he was half blinded by the heavy drops that ran down his face, but he knew this must be where Logan was; it just had to be. The Latino skirted around the building, pressing his face up against the first grimy window he came across to peer inside. What he saw almost stopped his heart.
A noose swung from the exposed roof rafters, a chair standing directly beneath it. The entire scene was illuminated by a gas lantern; the light casting ghostly shadows of Logan's blanched features as he climbed unsteadily onto the chair. Carlos sprung into action, dashing around the building's perimeter until he located the door.
"Logan!" He shouted over the thunderous beat of the rain, pounding his first against the brittle wood, "Logan!"
After receiving no reply Carlos took two steps back and barrelled into it with all his weight. The door gave a splintering groan and shuddered, collapsing inwards as the Latino stumbled in afterwards. The brunette's eyes grew wide, Carlos freezing the moment he saw what position Logan was in. The noose was looped around his neck, the chair teetering dangerously beneath his feet.
"I'm sorry," he croaked.
At first Carlos didn't understand what the boy meant, but it all became clear when the chair disappeared from under him. The threadbare rope grew taut, Logan's breath cutting off with gurgled gasps. For a few moments the Latino was completely paralysed with terror, legs refusing to move as he watched Logan flail helplessly. Cogs slowly turned in his head, bringing his limbs back under control and causing Carlos to screech and race forward, gathering Logan's suspended weight in his arms and lifting him up, relieving the pressure on the brunette's neck. Tears streamed down the Latino's face as he jerkily pulled Logan from the grip of the noose, collapsing upon the floor with the petite brunette on top of him. Logan let out a pained moan, burying his head in Carlos' soaked shirt as sobs wracked his body. The Latino watched as grotesquely purple bruises blossomed along the brunette's neck, stark against the pallor of his skin. Carlos simply latched onto Logan, holding the brunette against his chest as hard as he could, listening to his heart wrenching cries.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of lying on the floor in each other's arms, Logan spoke.
"I-I'm so s-sorry," he sputtered, breath hitching.
"I-I…" His speech dissolved back down into strangled cries, head falling back into Carlos' now damp shirt.
The Latino hushed Logan, squeezing the brunette's delicate frame even tighter.
"It's okay, everything's okay, I'm here, you're here, everything is going to be okay."
The words seemed to mollify the boy, Carlos watching as his sobs begun to subside. The Latino himself was a maelstrom of emotion, but he found tears wouldn't come, neither would anger, nor guilt. He was just so grateful that Logan was in his arms, he didn't ever want to let go.
"I-I couldn't handle it anymore," whispered Logan, after a time, "I didn't know what else to do."
Carlos didn't speak, simply listened, helping the brunette to his feet as he continued to speak in a trembling voice.
"I felt so alone, like everybody was against me. I thought it would be easier this way, I didn't want to have to deal with the pain anymore, and everything was getting to be too much. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger."
Carlos stared into the brunette's large, swollen chocolate eyes, wondering just how much pain and anguish he held behind them.
"It's okay," the Latino finally said, in the softest voice he could, "it's all okay."
He took the brunette in another embrace, this one more comforting, softer, Logan relishing in the feel of the muscled arms that encircled him.
"You don't need to be alone anymore," Carlos whispered, pulling away from Logan to once again stare into his eyes, "I don't want you to have to face anything alone again. I want to be by your side, with you at every step, I want us to be together."
The brunette only stared back at Carlos, as if he didn't comprehend what had been said.
"Y-you want t-to be w-with me?" He stuttered, sounding completely unsure of himself.
Carlos indulged himself in a thin-lipped smile, nodding.
"Always," he whispered, ever so slightly leaning in closer to Logan. The brunette seemed to respond to the minute movement, mirroring Carlos. The Latino hesitantly placed his lips upon Logan's, the two quickly falling into the kiss. Carlos collected Logan up in his arms again, the brunette melting at his touch. Logan's hands fluttered up to lock around the Latino's neck, pushing himself flush against Carlos' body. The kiss quickly deepened, Logan desperately keeping their lips locked, afraid of letting it come to an end. They finally broke apart for air, the two panting as they stared at one another.
"Promise?" Asked Logan with a hopeful look in his eye.
"Promise," replied Carlos with a smile, bringing his lips up to once again meet Logan's.
Carlos watched as Logan mumbled from his place on the mildewed sofa, tossing his head in the midst of sleep. Carlos, as soon as the exhausted brunette had fallen asleep, had called all his friends, assuring them that he'd found Logan and that he was absolutely fine, he didn't want them worrying. The bruises that adorned the pale skin of Logan's neck had deepened to a near black, the sight made Carlos think about just how close he'd come to losing Logan, how, if he'd gotten lost, or if he'd hadn't come up with the idea of asking James about the mobile, that it would have been too late. The Latino shuddered at the thought, Carlos was just glad that everything had worked out for the most part; Logan was alive and safe and now he had the Latino to fall back on, they could work through everything together.
The rain had lightened, barely audible in the late night, leaving only a sullen chill that had soaked deep into the cabin as a result of Carlos having knocked the door down. As Logan slept the Latino inspected the contents of the dilapidated lodge, poking around rotted drawers, mildewed curtains and warped floorboards, trying his best to keep himself occupied. Unlike Logan, who slumbered contentedly on the sunken couch, sleep wouldn't come to Carlos, it eluded him not matter how tightly he screwed his eyes shut or how clear he tried to make his mind. Too much had happened, he'd come too close to losing the one person he cared the most about; in that sense Carlos was glad he didn't feel the slightest bit drowsy, he knew that nightmares were waiting in the dark. As the Latino crossed over to the desk his eye was caught by a page crammed with scrawling letters and words, he knew immediately who'd penned it, and the idea of what was written in that ink had a lump forming in Carlos' throat. He reached for it with a shaky hand, knowing that his curiosity would only be quelled when he read it.
Whoever is reading this, well you must by now realise I'm dead. I thought for a long time about what I would put in this note but I don't really have that much to say. I guess at least some of you will be wondering why I did it, well for any who care I'll be glad to share. Everything just became too much, I couldn't deal with it, I wasn't 'strong' enough, couldn't pick myself up off the ground anymore, so I took the easy way out. I know nobody will miss me, so I guess I don't really have any goodbyes, but I do have a few things to say to just a few people. First off, dad, I hope you'll be finally pleased by my choice, at least this way I can stop disappointing you and mum, I'm sorry I could never live up to your expectations. Secondly, to my classmates, isn't it funny how the quietest of people can hold the worst pain? Not that any of you made it any easier. You all went about your days like I wasn't there, like I didn't exist, like in your eyes, I was already dead. Some days I just wanted nothing more than somebody to talk to, somebody who acknowledged me, hell I would have preferred if you'd bullied me, at least that way I would be noticed. Hope you guys don't miss me too much.
Lastly, to Carlos-
A solitary tear fell from the Latino's chocolate eyes and onto the page, quickly staining the thin paper and blotching the ink. Carlos was trembling with emotion, legs quaking unsteadily; he knew if he so much as took a step that he'd fall to the floor, let that harrowing sorrow wash over him. He didn't know if he could continue, reading the note was like experiencing Logan's pain first hand, the Latino thought he finally understood just how alone and weak Logan felt, and it was terrible. With a fluttering heart and teary eyes Carlos read on, determined to see the note through to the end.
Thank you for everything, thank you for being there in class, for speaking to me, for becoming the closest thing I've ever had to a friend. You helped me hang on, to stick around longer than I had planned, you showed me, for a time, that life was worth living. For that I can't tell you just how grateful I am, you were the light in the darkness I'd been trapped in for such a long time. But in the end darkness seemed to have prevailed, there's no happy ending for me. I just want you to know that this wasn't your fault, this was all me, I just wasn't strong enough to keep pushing on, so please, don't blame yourself. I love you Carlos, thank you for making me smile when no one else could, thank you for brightening my day when I was sure I'd never see the sun again. Thank you for being you, thank you for showing me what it was to love.
The page slipped from the Latino's grip, flitting down to the floor as he stood stock still, tears cascading from his eyes. His heart felt beaten and broken, he never realised just how much he meant to the small brunette. He stumbled over to the sofa, falling to his knees as he threaded his wiry arms around Logan's slim waist. The brunette awoke with a jolt, eyes widening as he noticed the tears falling from Carlos' eyes, the broken look he held within them.
"Carlos, what's wrong?" He asked, his brow furrowing with concern.
The Latino buried his head in the crook of Logan's neck, letting out a cry. The brunette hugged him back hesitantly, unsure of what to say. But Carlos spoke before Logan could think of anything, his words tremulous.
"I-I love you too Logan."
Morning broke with a clear sky, the two sleeping figures bathed in a yellow light that gushed in from a nearby window. Carlos stirred, almost toppling off the edge of the sofa as he groggily sat up. Logan lay next to him, pushed up against the couch back, murmuring softly every so often. Pulling his phone from his jean pocket, Carlos saw that it was nearing seven-thirty, and that it was Thursday. He sighed, turning to the brunette's sleeping form, gently shaking him awake.
"Logan, it's Thursday, that means school, did you want to go to school? I completely understand if you don't…"
The brunette gave a sleepy smile, nodding his head, "I'll go to school, as long as you come with me."
Carlos nodded happily, climbing to his feet, "well then, we better get ready."
Organising themselves only took around ten minutes, which was fortunate, because getting to school would take them a good forty minutes, not to mention the little stop off they'd have to make at the Latino's home once he'd had a closer inspection of his clothes. His jeans and sweatshirt were stained with mud and his sneakers were caked in charcoal coloured dirt, he was in need of a shower as well. As they set out from the cabin a thought occurred to Carlos, one that had him cursing he hadn't thought of before.
"Logan, have you had anything to eat or drink in the last few days?"
The brunette gave wry smile, "there was a stream nearby, and don't worry about me, I've gone longer without food."
Carlos went to say something but Logan took his hand in his own and squeezed it, "don't worry about me," he repeated. It took the two about ten minutes to locate the Latino's car, the cabin hadn't actually been that far from the road. The two climbed into it, the Latino switching on the ignition and turning to Logan.
"You ready?" He asked gently.
The brunette tried his best to give a sincere smile, "as ready as I'll ever be."
Carlos leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on Logan's lips, "don't worry, everything's okay."
Hope you all liked it, leave some reviews, make me feel loved :)
From now on I'm going to try and update on a weekly basis, I feel bad because my updates have been a little jumpy, so hopefully, by next Tuesday, I should have the next chapter up.