So yeah, I've been gone a little while, I'm really sorry about that, but here's a new update, the next chapter should be longer.
Chapter Sixteen
"Carlos, I'm trying to finish this assignment, I'll play snakes and ladders with you in a minute."
The Latino stood in the middle of the lounge room, pouting and cradling the box close to his chest.
"But I want to play it before James gets here," he complained, placing himself down on the carpet with pursed lips.
"Why?" Logan asked, glancing up momentarily from his biology text book, "wouldn't you rather play it with more than one person?"
The Latino shook his head vigorously, staring up at Logan with wide eyes, "James hates board games, he says they're childish."
The slight brunette had to agree with James' opinion, but didn't say anything, simply placing down his textbook with a smile to join Carlos on the ground.
"Okay, let's play."
"Really?" The Latino asked with a grin.
Logan nodded, blushing when Carlos leant in to place a light kiss on his pale cheek. He watched as the Latino went about setting up the board game with swift and lithe movements; reflecting on just how lucky he was to have Carlos. Logan didn't know exactly if Carlos felt the way he did about him and in the back of his mind, where insecurities, anxieties and all manner of other demons lurked, waiting to be set free, he feared that Carlos didn't care about him at all. It was something that he'd never dare to speak aloud; for fear that it would come to be a truth. It was the brunette's greatest fear; Carlos was the one thing keeping him functional, keeping him happy; Logan shuddered to think what he'd do to himself if he found it to be a lie.
"Logan, you ready?"
Pulled back into reality, the brunette nodded his head slowly, blinking his eyes back into focus.
"Did you want to go first?" Carlos offered with a smile, holding the dice out to the brunette. Logan took them, cursing the ever-traitorous blush that crept up his neck, only intensifying when Carlos' hand lingered over his after giving him the dice. Just as Logan rolled, staring as the dice bounced over the game board, a knock sounded at the front door. Carlos groaned, huffing as he climbed to his feet.
"James is here…"
"I guessed as much," Logan said with a smile, getting to his feet to join the Latino, Carlos linking his hand with the brunette as they wandered towards the front hall to answer the door.
James stood on the porch, shifting his weight from one foot to another, hand hovering unsurely over the door framing, considering whether to knock or not. Being at Carlos' house was the last thing the tall brunette wanted but at the same time he longed to be around Logan, knowing that the brunette would be with his Latino friend. He knew it was somewhat immoral but the only reason he'd agreed to hang out with Carlos was so that he'd have the opportunity to be around Logan, something he hadn't had much of a chance to do since the petite boy had been assimilated into his friendship group. With a sigh of resignation James knocked on the wooden door, letting the anticipation within him grow like a weed as he waited for the Latino to answer. After what seemed an age the door finally swung open to reveal Carlos, and standing next to him, like a flawless porcelain doll, stood Logan, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips.
"Hey James!" Carlos said enthusiastically with a grin, Logan only nodding and mumbling the same greeting.
"Hey," he replied, stepping inside the house as the two stood aside for him. Carlos led the way into the living room, James glad that he'd been behind the couple, for when he spied them holding hands; he felt like he'd been punched square in the face, having to stop in his tracks to avoid falling to his feet, his knees practically buckling. He gulped down a gasp of surprise and continued on to follow them, trying his best to ignore his fluttering and weak heart.
"So… Ah, did you have anything planned for today?" James asked, the brunette putting all of his energy into keeping his voice from faltering.
"Not really," answered the Latino, falling down onto the couch, forcing Logan to sit next to him. "Did you have any ideas?"
James only shook his head, sitting down on an armchair across from the two. A few moments of silence passed before Carlos jumped back up to his feet, rushing out of the room and shouting over his shoulder, "I just need to grab something to show you James, I'll be back in a minute!"
The Latino raced up the stairs and just like that James was alone with Logan. The tall brunette stared at the smaller boy, who seemed highly preoccupied with looking down at the floor, James taking in all of his slender beauty. James didn't know how one single person could be so perfect but he didn't care, all he wanted was Logan in his arms, where he knew the porcelain boy belonged.
"So…" James started with a small cough, trying his best to prompt conversation from the nerd, "how've you been Logan?"
The small brunette glanced up at James with a surprised look, seemingly shocked that someone had addressed him. After a few fleeting seconds Logan composed himself and gave James a small and almost coy smile.
"I've been fine," he answered quietly, "I've been fine, what about you?"
James couldn't help but smile; pleased he'd managed to get an answer and a smile from the small boy.
"Good enough I think, I haven't seen you around school lately very much, which sucks."
Logan stared at James with wide brown eyes, trying to process the innuendoes of the comment, blushing moments later, eyes flickering back down to the ground.
"I-I guess I've just been busy lately…" He mumbled, not daring to meet the taller brunette's eyes.
"I've missed you being around Log-"
Carlos burst into the room with a grin, cutting James off in midsentence. He held a small box in his right hand, a grin pasted on his handsome features.
"Remember this?" He asked, staring at James as he practically bounced across the room to join Logan back on the couch, who still refused to look up from the floor.
James only shook his head, too busy giving the small nerd flickering glances, mentally willing the smaller boy to look up and meet his eyes.
"How can you not remember?" Carlos said, sounding shocked, "we made it in middle school, remember?"
James did remember, sparing a glance at the plain and worn box but he really couldn't bring himself to care about it or even spare it another glance; not while Logan was in the room, something James would much rather spend his time staring at.
"It's the memory box," Carlos said with a grin, "I think we should open it!"
The three boys sat on the living room floor staring at the box that sat in the centre of the three of them; silence prevailed, Carlos bouncing with anticipation.
"It's a memory box?" Asked Logan, looking at the object dubiously. Carlos nodded enthusiastically, gathering the box up in his hands,
"Should we open it James?"
The tall brunette only shrugged disinterestedly, wishing that the Latino would simply disappear.
"Okay, lets do it!" Carlos practically shouted, wrenching the top of the box open and tipping out the contents. Logan watched as pictures, notes and all manner of trinket objects spilled out across the carpet, smiling at how excited Carlos was.
"This is the box James, Kendall, Lucy and I made when we were younger, we all went to the same middle school together, and we were all best friends."
He doesn't need you, he was happy without you.
Logan shuddered at the sound of the minute voice in his head, its words like a spear in his side. He shook his head, silently insisting the voice was wrong, he had won this, he'd come so far, he wasn't going to fall down again, not with Carlos by his side.
"James, look it's a picture of out first hockey game together!"
James only nodded with a small smile, hands ghosting over an abundance of small notes in the centre of the pile, the tall brunette remembering the countless classes they had spent passing them around amongst each other.
Logan watched the two boys, captured in a wash of nostalgia; the small voice in his head growing louder.
Look how happy they are; recounting all those memories without you, you're just a burden on their friendship.
The petite brunette shook his head again, more vigorously, trying desperately to ignore the harsh and malicious words that were plaguing his mind.
You're unwanted.
They just feel sorry for you.
Carlos doesn't really love you.
You're still the same wreck of a person you still have no future.
You're parents hate you for good reason, why should anyone love someone as broken as you?
Logan could feel tears threatening to spill over, so with a shaky voice he excused himself, needing some air. The two boys watched worriedly as the smaller brunette rushed from the room, James climbing to his feet, attempting to follow Logan.
"No, James, it's okay, I'll talk to him."
James watched as Carlos rushed from the room, the taller brunette collapsing on the couch as he listened to the Latino's footsteps echo down the stairwell. James tried to ignore the raw pain that churned within his heart, knowing that Logan would rather Carlos comfort him as opposed to anyone else. He sighed, running a hand through his long, straight hair; he didn't know how he was going to get through the day.
Carlos tentatively stepped into Logan's bedroom, staring at the silent, shuddering frame of the slim boy.
"Logie?" He asked softly, "Is everything okay?"
Logan didn't seem to hear Carlos, so the Latino crept over to his side, lowering himself carefully onto the edge of the bed where the brunette sat. Carlos didn't say anything more, only wrapped his arms around Logan, allowing him to lean into his shoulder as he silently cried.
"I'm such a waste of time," he whispered, more to himself than to Carlos, "I'm not worth anything."
Carlos shook his head, at a loss for words, only gripping Logan tighter, trying his best to fight back tears of his own.
"No," Carlos said in a shaky voice, "you're perfect."
James sat in the living room, swamped in the tense silence that had befallen the Garcia residence soon after Logan's disappearance upstairs. The tall brunette fidgeted impatiently, waiting for the couple to come downstairs and with each minute that passed James became more restless. Just as he was about to go upstairs for himself, Carlos and Logan shuffled into the living room, the two of them both looking completely worn.
"I thought that maybe it'd be a good idea to go to the park?" Carlos said, gesturing to the front door, "it's nice outside today."
James nodded in agreement, deciding not to comment on Logan's red and irritated eyes, only giving the smaller brunette a small, encouraging smile. James followed the pair down the hill towards the park, practically lost in the maze of his own thoughts. He tried his best not to look distressed over Logan's state of being but his mind was in turmoil; he struggled against the almost primal need to comfort Logan for himself; he needed it just as much as Logan did. James felt tortured, Logan was there, right in front of him, so painfully close and within reach and yet, just as the world would have it, he was completely off limits; all because of Carlos. James wanted to blame the Latino so badly for his own unhappiness, he knew it would be so much easier that way and James knew it was why he'd tried to be bitter towards Carlos for the past week but in hindsight the taller brunette knew it wasn't the right thing to do.
With a dejected sigh James looked up to the sky, wondering what kind of cruel god had orchestrated all of this.
"You're it!"
James stood with his arms crossed, glaring at Carlos, the Latino hopping back on the balls of his feet, a grin plastered on his face. James just sighed and rolled his eyes, deciding to humour Carlos. With an air of nonchalance James advanced towards the Latino,
"Carlos, I really don't see why we have to play such a childish-"
With speed that even shocked himself James darted forward, blindly aiming for the Latino's back as he, amidst a fit of almost hysterical laughter ran from the taller brunette with as much speed as he could possibly muster. Carlos was quickly gaining ground so in a last ditch attempt James launched himself at the Latino, managing to fleetingly grab at his shoulder, enough to throw him off balance and send the pair tumbling to the ground.
"Fine, we can play another game," Carlos said in between laughs as he picked himself up from the ground, "we'll play hide and seek, I'm it!"
With the abruptness of a summer storm the Latino turned his back on James and commenced counting loudly. The tall brunette turned to Logan, who had been standing to the side during the pair's cavorting and without a second thought, grabbed the slight boy's hand, pulling him towards the thicket of trees on the other side of the park. As they ran across the field James tried his best to ignore the phantom electricity that was sparking throughout the hand that covered Logan's, the brunette knew that if he gave it too much thought he'd lose all control of his muscles; one fall was enough for today.
"So where exactly are we going?" Logan asked, sounding a little breathless, voice almost completely washed out by Carlos' loud counting.
"There's a small rocky outcrop in the trees, it'll give us plenty of cover I think," James answered, eyes focused on the trees standing ahead of him, growing taller with every step, "I don't think Carlos will find us anytime soon."
Logan thought James was right, the hiding place did provide a lot of cover. The two sat beneath an overhang, that left a deep recess within the stone, allowing both to sit, comfortably concealed.
"Hey Logan," James began, breaking the silence that had been building between the two, "are you okay, from you know, before?"
Logan prayed that the shadows they sat amongst would hide his blush, the nimble boy taking a moment to reply.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I'm just really tired."
James shook his head, shuffling a little closer to Logan, "it's okay, you don't need to be sorry."
Logan smiled, "thanks James, you're a good friend, I'm glad I have you."
"You know I'm also glad," James said, a little softer, the words bouncing off the stone.
"Why's that?" Logan asked, not seeming to notice when James shuffled even closer.
"Because I get to spend some time with you."
Without a moment's hesitated James leaned in, closing the distance between the pair's lips.
I know I owe all of you guys an explanation as to where I've been, so I'll try and do my best.
This year has been a really big whirlwind and shortly after I posted the last chapter I just lost all my inspiration and found I couldn't write, some stuff went on, I left the country to do relief work for a while and I spent a lot of time preparing for that and when I got back I was just swamped with exams and recently I just left the country again so although I've updated this, because I simply owe it to you all, I won't be able to update again till late January, thank you all so so much for your patience, in the mean time I might even start another story for you all.
You guys are the best x