Here, have a nice, juicy chapter. Angst on the side and a glass of red wine. (WOW, I'm not funny at all…lol).
I have no idea why there are this many scene cuts. Sorry!
TMNT aren't mine, folks.
Chapter 9
He'd lived through twenty years of training, which meant that there was never, ever an excuse to let his guard down.
However, dwelling on the reasoning behind his current predicament would not change the fact that Donatello was surrounded. His mind had been so filled with the events of his night that he had neglected to notice the warning signs, to see the flicker of shadows or hear the whisper of feet against concrete.
Oh, crap. No sense in being even more foolish. Reaching behind him, he pressed the small, indented button on his phone twice in quick succession. His brothers would have heart attacks, but Don knew his limits, and wasn't willing to take chances.
The attack came swift to match their arrival, and Don had just enough time to pull his bo and ready himself for the impact. Swinging the weapon in a wide arc, he cleared himself enough space to step forward before they were at him again.
He had enough experience to know what he was hitting simply through feeling the bo, treating it as an extension of himself. The meaty, squishy thuds were manflesh. The sticky hits were blades scarring his weapon, clinging to the wood and requiring more force to remove. Kicking out at the wielder of a blade, Donatello did just that.
Battles were either remarkably short or exhaustingly long. There was no happy medium… nobody got to come home and go 'oh, what a so-so battle we had today.' If they got to come home at all.
Raph kept his gaze ahead, attempting and failing to acknowledge the fact that the current scene gave faint flashes of déjà vu from his dreams. He raced down the sewer, breathing ragged and wheezy, throat and lungs emitting sharp pains as he took gulps of the frigid air. Fear yawned in his chest, threatening to consume. He'd told him to be careful…
Behind him he could hear his brothers. The fastest, Mike was naturally on his tail, breathing far more even, strides more fluid. The orange-masked matched Raph, glanced at his brother's face, and looked about to say something. Instead he turned his gaze down to his phone, reading the destination, and sped ahead like a rocket.
With dismay Raph found he couldn't bring himself to model the speed. Exhaustion was wielding her control over him; it felt like he was forgetting how to move his legs correctly. His spell from earlier was fast returning, and at a very inconvenient time.
He half expected Leo to pass him, but the leader seemed content to stray behind the hothead. Actually, Raph fully expected to be told to sit the battle out… Leo wasn't saying anything about that, either.
He was getting a strange feeling about the entire situation, something that reached beyond his dreams that told him he'd been here before with Fearless, acting so not-Leo. His brother was allowing him to put himself in danger… why?
He couldn't dwell on that now.
When they arrived, heart beating a tamponade in his chest, Raph immediately sought out Don. Mike had beat him to the punch; he stood at their brother's side, a vibrant blur of green and orange and falling bodies.
The two eldest brothers forced their gaze to the purple-banded turtle. Covered in a sheen of sweat, blood dripping in rivulets down his right arm, breathing heavy… all things considered, Don was in good shape. Raph didn't care to think about how he could have looked if Mike arrived a few minutes later.
Leo drew his katana, gesturing in their direction as he gave his first order of the battle.
"Move to them."
The quiet was unnerving.
She missed the days where they would all collect in her cramped apartment, filling the space with boyish shouts and assorted taunts and, more often that she would have liked, broken furniture. If she could go back in time and tell herself to stop complaining of a headache and just savor it she would.
Donatello, though certainly not the loudest of the Hamatos, had given her the moment of familiarity she had craved. Now he was gone, and she began to wonder if the emptiness was even more painful then it had been before.
She didn't want to let him go. She could tell a part of him really didn't want to leave either, but knew he would refuse if she asked him to stay. He felt too responsible for the happenings "over there." Not responsible for the reasons behind the brokenness, but… he had this all-consuming need to keep things in order.
More than anything he worried about Raph.
Of course there was some anxiety reserved for the other two, but April could see that the state of the hothead had Donatello nearly off the wall. Especially given the gentle-natured turtle's compassion and his roll as the medic and caretaker of the family.
She had never been too sure about the relationship between the hothead and the pacifist. What she did notice was this: when Raph did something to Mike, such as dealing a black eye, he insisted his actions were justified. Whenever he got in to it with Leo, he rarely if ever apologized. But when Raph broke something around the lair and Don showed even the slightest hint of annoyance, the hothead always bit his tongue. Sometimes, Raph even seemed regretful. April had never witnessed to an all-out argument between the two.
Of course, she was sure they had their moments. All siblings did, it was just a part of the relationship. But there was something there, a type of respect that both separated the two and yet kept them closer.
One time she brought it up with Casey. He had theorized that Don simply gave Raph what he needed in the sense that he was willing to listen without judgment. After all, Casey had said, Leo always made Raph defensive and Mike just didn't take things seriously enough. Back then April had taken her husband's word for it. It was easy to see the similarities between the man and the young mutant, and so it was possible that Casey could sympathize with Raph on a level where others could not.
Now it was though those similarities never existed, were just a memory.
With a sigh April flipped open her phone and highlighted Casey's number. Thumb hovering momentarily over the green call button, she slammed the device closed with a snap. Feeling tears of self-pity rise, she then shoved it across the table, putting her face in her hands as it clattered to the floor.
The situation had gone from bad to worse. Initial rush of anxiety resolved with Don's relative safety, the feeling had returned tenfold when Raphael really began to reach his limit.
So, Leo ordered the other two to take stances as they formed a triangle around the hothead, who despite the incessant shaking in his limbs was still attempting to slash left and right at the enemy.
"Don, how are you holding up? Mike, cover Raph!"
"Kindof hard when he keeps putting his- Raph, quit it!"
"I'm fine, Leo." Don's voice was lower, barely audible over the clamor of weapons as he swept his bo across the sea of black-masked faces. He glanced at Raph, face contorting in regret for a second before he regained control. "We need to get out of here."
"I know." Tilting his head to get a look at the rooftop around them, Leo groaned inwardly. "There's no way to get out-" he kicked a Foot Ninja backward in to two more. "Not while Raph can barely stand…"
Then, struck by an idea, he poked the sai-wielding turtle with his foot. "Work toward the edge of the building! Go! Raph, stay behind us!"
Backing up, Leo chanced a glance at his brother, who was glowering at the enemy from behind his three siblings. "Raph. Look behind you. Do you see any humans in the building next door?"
"What the hell would that have t'do with the price of tea in China?"
"We need an escape route." Ignoring the feral growl from Mike's direction, followed by the telltale snap of a broken bone, Leo continued, "Look, just get their attention over here. Unless you can't spare the energy to throw a shuriken over there or something."
"Screw you, Leo."
"Um yeah Leo, not such a good idea to let them try to push us over the edge of a four-story building…" Mike piped from the left, voice rough from the adrenaline singing in his veins.
"Raph, just do it."
Groaning, Raph dropped to all fours, taking aim just before he lobbed a throwing star in to the living room window of a family of four.
"I did it."
"Good," Leo said, "let them see us so they call the cops."
The wave of ninjas hesitated slightly at the words. Some in the back began to melt away.
"Call the cops? How are we going to get away?" Mike glanced at Leo with something close to horror. Don kept his face pointed forward at the retreating backs of the enemy.
"Rrrgh," Raph grumbled as he watched the human father cautiously peering up at the commotion, hand holding a phone to his ear. "That was cheap. We shouldn't be runnin' like this. Should just fight these assholes."
"We just need to get away for now." More of the ninjas were disappearing, the few remaining casting surprised looks the sudden disappearance of their numbers as they too turned on their tails. The last few retreated, and Leo said, "Raph, try to stand up. Mike, grab him. Get him… go down to the ground and get as far as you can to April's. Hide if you need. Don and I will go by rooftop. We'll watch you and make sure you aren't followed by anyone."
Five buildings over, Don and Leo settled low behind an AC and surveyed their brothers as they hid in the alley near a convenience store.
Don shut his phone with a snap. "She said she'll be here in five. I hope the cops don't question her or anything. They're spreading all over…"He glanced pointedly at the stairwell. "Hopefully they don't come up here."
"If she makes like she is picking up something from the store then Raph can just slip in. Mike doesn't necessarily have to go. He can just run through with us."
"That's what she said she'd do. She's also bringing a trench for him."
Leo sighed. "What would we do without her?"
"Without a human who is willing to get up and run for us on demand? We might be dead by now."
Chuckling once humorlessly, Leo said, "We would be."
A few moments of quiet passed before Don spoke. "You aren't going to ask why I called you all over and nearly caused us to be overrun?"
Leo's response was ready. "If the lot of them could overrun the group of us, I can see why you would make the call."
An exasperated sigh, "I wasn't paying attention to begin with."
"But you knew enough to call before they overwhelmed you. It's fine, Don. Better you call before something happens." Before Splinter's death, Leo would not have been this forgiving. Back then, loss had only been a threat. Actually experiencing it had somehow made the leader more flexible when it came to his lectures.
"Yes, but something could have happened to Raph." Or any one of us.
Leo blew a stream of air through pursed lips. "I thought of telling him to stay, but I knew he wouldn't listen. That part was my call, not yours."
"He lose it?"
"Close. He was out of the lair like a bat out of hell."
Another pause. "He needs rest, but it's sleep that makes him worse. When he wakes up… I'm afraid to enforce reality. Especially after what happened last time."
Leo nodded solemnly. "I've tried to ask him what his dreams are about before. He won't tell me."
"I keep trying to talk to him."
"Heh. Me too. I don't think that'll ever talk to me…"
Don turned his head to face his older brother. "Maybe what you need to do is give a little before you expect him to open back. You know how he is. It's something the two of you have in common… not like that's a good thing."
"Giving me a hint?" Leo's tone lightened somewhat, though his face remained set. "He said something earlier today actually. About me being just as apt to crash as he is."
"Maybe he has a point."
"You're not one to talk."
"I have talked."
"I mean, you hold the weight of this just as much as I do, Don. Don't think we don't notice how closely you're watching the lot of us."
"… I know you think you hide it well, Leo, but we can all tell. I know you're worried about us. But if you're going to expect us to be a team and stick together, you need to insert yourself in there, too." Eyes following the path of April's car as she pulled up, Don said, "I'd never force you. I don't even care if it's me you talk to. Just as long as you take care of yourself, like you're trying to do with us. Do you see her?"
"Yes." They were quiet as she went in to the store, and Mike after a minute's hesitation helped Raph to the back seat. "Looks like Mike's coming back up with us. Call her and tell her to take a longer route. I don't want to chance her being followed by any leftover Foot."
"I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go back to the house after. Maybe we can go somewhere else?" Careful to keep her side of the conversation general, April kept her voice low.
"I think you're right. I didn't think of that one. Leo will still want you to loop around, but… you're sure you don't mind going back to the lair? We're closer to your place."
"It would be better for him."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. If you're sure-"
"I'm sure. Do you want anything while I'm out?"
"No, and don't stall. Get in the car and drive. We'll see you back home. I'll open the garage there should be room near the Battle Shell so you can just drive in. I have to go. Be safe."
Shaking her head at the sudden splurge of words from Don and the disconnected phone call, April carried the milk and frozen pizzas to the front counter. She wasn't sure if they were needed at the lair, but the items were in high demand there anyway.
The clerk grunted his thanks for her business as he all but shoved the plastic bags across the counter at her. Taking them up without a word, she carried them to her car and made sure to open the back seat and acknowledge the new figure there.
"Here, take these." If anyone had watched him climb in the back, she wanted to make sure she acknowledged him, as though she expected his presence. It probably seemed too fishy with the fight a block away, but from her understanding there wasn't much else that could be done.
Plopping in the driver's seat, she looked at him in the rear view mirror as she started the engine. "What's up, big guy?"
"Oh, I'm a fucking disgrace to all Ninja. How 'bout you?"
She couldn't help but smile, short-lived as the humor was. "I'm making a surprise visit to my favorite gang of mutant ninjas." He only grunted in response. "Are you okay? You're not hurt?"
"Yeah, I'm good I just... screwed myself over."
She shifted in her seat and said, "Sorry, but Leo wants me to drive around a bit before I go back."
"Whatever you want. Might not do any good if they have others driving too or whatever."
"Worth a shot."
"Guesso." He gazed out the window from beneath the brim of his hat. She drove in silence for a few minutes, watching him.
"What were you guys doing out anyway?"
Sighing, he said, "Don called. Guess they cornered him out there. The Ninjas were probably patrolling and saw 'im."
The guilt was instantaneous. "I should have driven him home instead."
"Ape, we always go by foot. You wouldn'tve known."
"You're not mad? That he called?"
"Well, at least he ain't dead." There was a note in his voice which unbalanced his attempt at nonchalance. Pulling the coat tighter around himself, he slurred, "Leo shoulda listened. We could've just taken them. And not have to worry about driving around in circles n' shit."
"Well, maybe sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry."
Raph grunted. "If Case had come out, we would have been better off. The hell is he, anyway?"
The comment stopped April in her tracks. Thoughts slowed to murmurs, and the cars around them seemed insignificant for the moment as she tried to wrap her mind around the question.
Immediate anger surfaced from deep inside her, and she suppressed it. Pulling a blanket of bitter numbness over her heart, she glanced at the rearview mirror.
"Well?" Raphael's voice had gotten sharper, much more lively to contrast the lazy drawl he had been speaking with before. The tone snapped April to reality, caused her stomach to drop at the realization that she was close to shattering something vital.
"He's…out. He was out when Don called. He'll probably just go home and crash tonight." Voice cracking toward the end, she swallowed thickly. There was a brief pause, and April had another moment of sweltering anxiety as she replayed the sound of her voice in her head.
"Good fer nothin', never around when ya need 'em." The return of his drawl both had her exhaling in relief and blinking back her tears.
Donatello closed in on his brother as Raph slammed the door behind him. Hoisting the red-masked turtle to help support his weight, he helped him limp toward the elevator.
"I just need to check you to make sure you're okay."
"No you don't. I'm just friggin' beat. I trained too hard. You're not gona find anything other than what you saw earlier today."
"Those little cuts on your legs?"
"You need me to spell it out for you? Jesus, Don. Check your damn self! You're the one whose bleeding…"
"Funny, if you're just tired, seems to be having quite an effect on you." Don sighed as the door slid open. He looked to April and quickly averted his gaze at the look on her face. Raph didn't seem to notice.
"I'm going to my bedroom. Not your friggin' lab."
"Alright, alright." The door slid shut with the faint grinding of stone. Feeling his weight shift as they moved downward, Don kept his eyes ahead.
The door opened, and April made a beeline for the kitchen. Don started toward the couch, and Raph lurched toward the ladder.
"No, Brainiac. Room's this way."
He knew something was wrong. What, exactly, he could not grasp; he knew that he knew why he was running so frantically toward April's, and yet at the same time could not bring the reasoning to light. It sat on the edge of his mind, just out of reach. Why the rush?
He watched the contraction and relaxation of his muscles with a type of fascination. There was something about the fluidity of his body which gave him pride; something about the lack of humanness in his form. He was a turtle, yes, but just as strong, fast, and intelligent as any human man. Perhaps moreso.
That was where his selfishness began: in his need to match up to humans. He knew in the darkest regions of his soul that his existence was a mistake. A freak accident. It was a woe, an ironic twist, that he was able to feel and love, because a creature like him could only bring pain and misfortune.
"I shouldn't exist."
The thought reverberated with a certainty which caused his running form to flicker as he sprinted. Suddenly removed from the alleyway, Raphael saw himself heading toward a battle in the junkyard. Donatello was on his knees next to a shrunken form, and Mike and Leo were defending him as he worked. As Raph arrived on the scene and rushed to help though the confusing mixture of Foot ninja and mobmen, a man reached in to his jacket. Pulling a pistol from within, he aimed at the turtle's retreating back-
The upcoming leader of their clan, his eldest brother, called his name. The syllables came out mangled, strange and alien-sounding. Horror laced the words, pain, disbelief, and there was a choking depth to the silence beyond the sounds of battle in the seconds before Leonardo called the retreat.
Distracted by the pain, Raph barely felt hands slipping beneath his arms. Colors liquefied and ran together, washing away, and he was running again.
"An accident."
He watched himself flit through the memories, not entirely sure if they were candid or not. Five-year-old Michelangelo cried as Raph announced he was running away. Don massaged his temples in frustration at the totaled Battleshell he had worked so hard to create, and excused Raph from the lab.
Fuzzier, with an air of disbelief that Raph faintly recognized as his own, he watched as Leo dropped his katana in defeat slipping from his defensive position. To Raphael's horror, his older brother lifted his head, bearing his neck.
Soft green flesh pulsed with lifeblood and worked around the air as the blue-masked turtle spoke:"If you're a murderer, then prove it."
Raphael stood at the edge of an abyss, frozen in to silence as Leo worked his throat and brought his face down to stare, saline pooling at the edges of his lids, breathing ragged.
"Prove it!"
Splinter's corpse looked up at him, glassy-eyed and frozen in death. His facial muscles twitched to a look of disappointment and anger. Suddenly one with the running figure, Raph ground to a halt. He stood paralyzed, locked in the gaze as his father spoke.
"You only bring pain."
He awoke with the sensation of pins and needles throughout his body, back arched uncomfortably in his hammock. Panting in the darkness, the vision of Splinter's face still fresh beneath his eyelids, he whimpered lowly in his throat and curled forward at the onslaught of memories. No…
A heavy box made of thick cherry, smelling of fresh laquer and incense, not large enough for his body, but certainly…
…he could have done something. Should have done something. Stupid, foolish. A dumbass, not worth it, a fucking disgrace, no wonder…
…Donatello looked at him like that. Patience eroded by a sea of grief, his brother was no longer able to endure his fury. This only served to piss him off more. But who was he angry at, really? Who else could he…
…vent to? Casey was the only one with a temper which matched his own, was the only person in this world he felt he could relate to. He used to go to Splinter. Now, his father was dead…
…and Leo wanted him buried in Japan. Nobody really had the energy for that, and so Don was trying to reason with Leo. Raph was silent. Mikey wouldn't look up from his hands. Leo stood, angry, and that just set Raph off…
…seeing him sulk like that. Mike was always a cryer, and then he would get over it. But not now. This time, he settled in to a state of bitterness which proved unnerving. Who was he to talk? He was just a mindless fuck.
Just a stupid, useless, good-for-nothing monster. Better off dead, if only it wouldn't kill the others. He had already killed enough people. Splinter, he hadn't saved. And then- and then Casey…
No…