I drove up to the party in my Corvette Stingray and got there at around 6. A bit late. But the drive from my bayside house to the middle of the fuckin' suburbs is long, y'know. Being the son of sailors comes with drawbacks.

As I approached the door, it swung open and almost whacked me in the face.

Which moron could've possibly done this? I had to know.

"Whichever one of you scroyle jag-offs did this is gonna-"

It was Fef.

"Glub to that attitude, Mr. Cranky-Cape."

"Sorry, Fef. I just thought it was that slime Sol." How he irked my nerves.

"He is not slime! Can we please have a day where you two can be in the same room without causing an uproar?"

"Shore. Jesus, you have my hooked on these fishpuns."

"Heehee, I think it's cute!" And then she kissed my nose. Fuckin' tease.

"Oh, w-well thanks, Fe." Now I was blushin' like a fool.

"No problemo, buddy!"

Then came Sollux, strutting down the hallway like a fuckin' scrub.

"Hey, its fishdick. What's up, bro?" he snickered almost devilishly.

"Sollux, must I lecture you about this too?" Fef said sternly.

"Please don't."

"Guys, just try to get along, okay? For meeeeee?"

We both eyed each other with a sense of tension. "Fine." I muttered. "For you."

"How glubbing sweet!"

I decided to walk towards the living room. Maybe some other people I would willingly waste my precious gases on would be dwellin' the premises.

Shore enough, everyone was there. Rezi, Gam, Tav, Eq, Nep, the rest. But where were the people I really wanted to see?

There they were, bunched up in a corner. Kan, Vris, Ar and Kar sat around a table with wineglasses in hand.

"Hello Eridan." Kan walked up and hugged me. I really was grateful for her. Always invitin' me over, always bein' kind. My ideal woman. But she happens to be my best friend. I was just glad to have her. "You missed the toast."

"My apologies, my dear." I kissed her hand like a true gentleman. This was partially done to impress Fef. "It was a lengthy drive."

"Oh, hello Eridan." Here came Ar. My other best girlfriend. "It was lonely without you here."

"Hah! Please! You're flattering me!"

"I mean it! I missed you!"

"I have missed you too."

Along came Vris. No matter how much shit we've been through, she is like my sister. "Hey, bitch." she cackled. "How's your gillfriend Feferi? See, I can even talk like her!"

"Hush, you skellum nitwit. You know damn well she is not my girlfriend."

"Oh, I'm busting your balls. C'mere, you!" She greeted me with a nice long hug.

Next Kar came to greet me. Likely with a clever insult in hand. Er, mouth.

"Oh, hey sharkcock." See, I am a fuckin' genius. "How's shit been?"

"You know, same old, same old."

"Great. Now c'mon, we have a fucking party. Take the cape off and grab a beer or something."

"Sure!" I grabbed a Bud Light from the cooler and headed to the party room with my group of friends.