OOOOOOOMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGG!!! I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated! Some things to set you straight: In this I claim that Hellsing is my favorite manga, but not my favorite anime. THIS IS NOT TRUE. I wrote most of this BEFORE I watched the TV series, read all eight volumes (as that was the only number available at the time, I also read most of volume nine ATU-BOTI), and watched 3 volumes of Hellsing ultimate.

SOOOOOOOOOO...as Janet will tell you…there may be a lot of Walter Bashing in future chapters…I'm sorry…I just…argh! (shoots walter) You bastard that's what you get for ------------------ Hellsing!...yeah…this ----------- is like…a sensor or something…dinnae want to spoil anythin' for those of ye who haven't read the manga, now do ah'?

And for this…one a scale of 1 (worst) and 5 (best) how is my Anderson accent? Did I get it right? I tried…(shrugged). I'm not doing that anymore…writing his accent in…instead I write it in English and have Janet rewrite it in Andersonese…and I'm debating between putting in references to The Black Cross…so…let me know if you want me to do that or not…the majority rules…usually…

So…sorry for the long note…It's more of a letter actually…anyhoo, here's Wally World Madness, Chapter Three: Imitator.

(and for the record I am no longer obsessing over Schrodinger…now it's all about Tubalcain-kun and Alucard-sama…Alucard still being numero uno!)

----T H E F I R S T O F M A N Y R A N D O M S P A C E R S----

Running away screaming isn't as easy as it looks. First off, you have to breathe through your nose instead of your mouth because you're screaming. And if your mouth is clogged up it can be a very nasty experience. But luckily my nose WASN'T clogged up, so instead I ran away screaming into some random aisle and was very much surprised when a bunch of magnets glued themselves to my braces.

"Ow," I whimpered as I pulled them off. I felt my braces all screwed up. Luckily my dentist wasn't too far from walmart so I could get them fixed later. That's when I heard a loud creaking and looked up. One of those big, metal and magnetic knife racks was toppling off of the shelf right at me.

This is the part of the story where I do a cosplay of the common part of the movie where the character just stands there, looking up and on the verge of tears, as the big-ass boulder falls on them.

---BLACK---OUT---

"Are you alright?" I looked up to see a black haired girl staring down at me. "Your face isn't doing too good."

"Hn," I sat up, feeling blood run down my face. "SHIIIIIIIIIT!" I laughed after that, causing my mangled braces to cut my face up some more. "AAHAHAowHAHAHAowAHAHAowHAHAHAowAHAHAHA!"

"What are you laughing about?" Tomo asked. She was the black haired girl who had taken the knife thing off of me. She had long black hair and brown eyes. I recognized her as Tomo Zabac from one of my friend's final fantasy fanfics.

"Nothing," I said. Then I rewrote the story, leaving out the part where I got my face destroyed. "There! Good as new!"

"Riiight…No comment," Tomo said in monotone. "Here, this is from Janet," She handed me a folded note. "She wants you to meet her by the bathrooms at the front of the store."

"Sure," I said. Then I ran off to find my friend.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- (randomness spacers)

Upon arrival, I saw my best friend in the entire world, Janet. She's a bit (coughalotcough) shorter than me, with fluffy, light blonde hair that she always has in a pony tail. Today she was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a green and white striped shirt, and her signature purple/black fingerless gloves with the chains on them.

"Brother!" She opened her arms and ran at me.

"Brother!" I did the same (but ran at HER, not me).

We hugged each other, Janet whimpering as was custom (yyeeaahh…this is another inside joke ). Afterwards I asked her what was up. "Fun stuff," she replied. "Oh yeah! I saw Integra and Alucard…Is ANDERSON here?"

"Unfortunately, yes," I groaned and she smacked me. "OW!" I smacked her back. "It's not my fault he creeps me out!"

"Where is he?" She asked, shaking me and jumping up and down. Anderson was her favorite Hellsing character. She could imitate him perfectly. She did it on the phone millions of times, causing me to hang up on her without warning.

"Last time I saw him he was…in the PINK aisle."

"PINK??"

"Don't ask me—maybe he turned gay on you or something."

"Huh," We linked arms. "Let's go see him!"

"Oh GOD no." I pulled away. "He scares me too much."

"Sissy."

"…Fine…"

"Besides, I know you'll like what I have in mind."

spacer000000spacer………..what does it MEAN!?! .

Paladin Alexander Anderson was wandering around pointlessly, when he noticed a gleam out of the corner of his eye. "Ah, whit's this noo'?"

"Ah, whit's this noo'?"

"Whit?" He turned away from the knife and looked around. "Who said tha'?"

"Whit? Who said tha'?" It was a perfect echo of himself.

"Oh, shut up," I whispered, trying to hold in my laughter and nudging Janet. She and I were hiding in a stack of TV boxes and she was copying Anderson, talking through a megaphone. "You know he's gonna come in here tearing the boxes apart with those damn bayonets, right?"

"Ya' ah' know that." She said. Then we cracked up. About two seconds later the TVs got swept away by the bayonets.

"Whit are ya' doin' here?" The Father asked.

"Making fun o' ya'." Janet laughed as we ran away.

"Now what?" I asked when we were a safe distance away.

"Now, we make fun of YOUR guy."

"Now HE'LL kill us."

"Not if he can't find us.

--

Jane and I made our way to one of the areas that said "employees only". But it was the wrong one for what we had in mind. SO instead we tried another one. Same problem. SO we tried again and again and again. Eventually we found the right one. As we walked up the stairs, Janet said, "Ever notice how it's always in the last place you look?"

"Well, duh, why would you keep looking if you've already found it? Don't be such a Laguna," I said as she tripped. "I think I jinxed you."

We made it to the top of the stairs and there were only two doors and since one of them was marked "CRAPPER-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK. WAL MART IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOSS OF SIGHT, SCENT, SANITY, OR LIFE. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A GREAT DAY."

"Hey," I said in a very Irvine-like voice. "Let's go see what's in there…"

Janet yanked me back. "I may be a Laguna, but you have more Irvine in you than anything else."

I giggled like a moron and we went into the other door. "Yeah," I said between giggling fits. Why was I giggling so badly? "This is what we want…The intercom system."

"And look," Janet pointed to a big screen that showed the parking lot. "I think we can change this around and follow where he goes…no, this is just a DVD player…hey, do you have any DVDs with you?"

"Hey, stay on track!" I said, shoving her. "We can just use these screens over here. See? There's a bunch on all of them…hm…oops. Looks like the water's run out completely."

"Good thing Wally World is shut for the holidays, huh?" Janet asked as she experimented with the screens.

"Today is a holiday?" I asked. "Which one?"

"Christmas."

"WHAT?! I'm stuck in fucking walmart on FREAKIN CHRISMAS?!"

"Hey, you're stuck in walmart on Christmas WITH THE CHARACTERS OF YOUR FAVORITE ANIME."

"Favorite MANGA," I said, punching her. "I haven't watched the anime except for that one episode you showed me."

"Here's what I want," Janet said, then laughed into the microphone on the table. "NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK!"

NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK! Her voice echoed around the store.

"Sweet…" I grinned. "You gonna freak Alucard out?"

"Maybe," she said in her Anderson impersonation. "There he is, see?"

"Hunting aisle, go figure."

"He goes hunting?"

"No."

"Then why is he there?"

"The GUNS! THE GUNS!"

"Guns?"

"OMIGODYOUARESUCHAIDIOTYOUFREAKINMORON!...Forget it." I said. "Just do your thing."

"Hello? Hello? Is this thing oon?" She asked into the mic using her Anderson impersonation. "Ah' see you, vampire."

We watched and giggled as Alucard looked up in confusion. We saw his mouth moving, but couldn't here what he was saying. "Dang it," I said. "We can see his mouth moving, but I wish we could hear what he was saying."

"SH!" Janet hissed. "Be quiet you moron, this thing is on!" She turned her attention to a row of buttons by the mic. "Oh God, this is gonna be sweet. You can choose which part of the aisle you want the sound to come out of."

"How so?" I asked, watching Alucard look around for Anderson.

"Well, watch. You see that stack of Barbie Dolls? I'll make the sound come from there, savvy?"

"What the hell are you supposed to be? A pirate?"

Janet had turned her attention to tormenting Alucard again. "Here ah' am, vampire. Come an' get ma'." When Alucard swiped through the dolls, Janet loose with her Anderson laugh.

"I just realized something," I said as Janet's voice echoed throughout the aisle. "Why the hell are there BARBIE dolls in the HUNTING aisle?"

"…Target practice?"

"Maybe, but not likely, but it isn't important to the plot so—"

"Wait," Janet said, interrupting me. "This thing has a PLOT?"

"Sort of," I said, laughing nervously. "Ok…so no it don't. It's just something I update whenever I feel like it."

"I thought so, none of your stories have plots, do they?"

"HEY, BISH! MOST OF MY STORIES HAVE PLOTS! THE BLACK CROSS DOES, ALL OF MY FINAL FANTASY ONES DO, AND THE INUYASHA ONES DO! SO ACTUALLY, THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT A PLOT! RAWR!"

Janet blinked several times. Then laughed. "That may be the longest speech I've gotten out of you!"

"You should've heard the one I gave Schrodinger," I said, turning back to watch Alucard. "Uh, Janet? Where'd he go?"

"I dunno," She said, laughing. "But don't worry, there's no way he could find out that we're in the intercom system room thing."

I felt my face drain of color. My legs felt queasy. Had she actually just said that? Oh God…

"Janet…the intercom is on," I pointed out.

She looked to where I was pointing, and quickly took her finger off the button as if it would take back what she had said.

"We're screwed," I said, shrugging.

We heard footsteps coming up the stairs…a gun being loaded. The doorknob began to turn…

"You're the author of this, right?" Janet asked, shaking my face up and down, side to side. "You can rewrite that, can't you?"

"What?" I said as the door inched open. "And leave out all the suspense?"

"Suspense? This is a comedy! What do you mean suspense?"

"Like," I said as the door was swung wide open. "Do we live through this?"

---------this is against the point, but…-----

I'M WRITING THIS IN CALIFORNNIA RIGHT NOW, I'M ON A LONG TRIP AND WE HAVE SEEN THIS BUMPER STICKER:

MAL WART:

Your source for cheap, plastic crap.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

(this has nothing to do with this story, I'm just bored.)

----bbb----

the above thing about the bumper sticker was written FIVE MONTHS AGO during a two week trip to the grand canyon…I think…or was it from last year's trip to Yellowstone?! (gasp!) ah well…meh…if you have any ideas for this, lemme know. Credit to those who give me some!

…

…

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I can't believe it's been so long since I've done this….and you know, the other day janet told me something that i got wrong about tomo's appearance..i think it was sumthin' about her eyes...i don't remember tho..oh well, leave me a review, janet, if you catch it! and if any of you are my friends (since i have to know what you're like) and you want to be in this, leave me a review! and DON'T message me...this thing is screwed up and i don't get alerts anymore...so...use my email instead. ( )

------spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacer!someone give me an idea for a spacer...i used to use -DORK- on the inuyasha fics ... but ... yeah...and + don't show up...(so you can't see it right now, lol) yeah..sorry about the notes..they have nothing to do with anything..i'm just 'posed to be doing homework but i don't wanna...(hides under bed) math is scarryyyy!!!!

P O L E:

alucardXintegra or alucardXseras?

Oh, and I don't think that Anderson is janet's fav character anymore…now she's obsessed with Pip…

And a small rant about Hellsing ultimate volume III: Somehow…somehow Pip's accent was taken from him…and given to the nazi's! whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the heck?!!?

Please review!

…fanfiction is so slow on my computer…(yawn)…doo doo doo…(is waiting for fanfiction to load so she can update! And I already gave you a description of my character, right? She looks just like me…though now I'm SKINNY! Whoo! Thank you cross country! Meh..but it's over so I'll probably have my normal belly back in no time...poo…)