Chapter 18- Changing For The Better

~Tsukiko's POV~

Uggghh my face….it hurts…why does it hurt? Everything is so dark…I can't see or even feel like I can even open my eyes. What happened? I feel like my eyes are gone. It seems warm like its morning…I can feel the sunshine on my body but what is that fragrance in the air? It's in the soft surface I seem to be laying on too…why does it seem so familiar to me?

I reached up and tried to touch my face and figure out why I couldn't open my eyes and noticed that my fingers were gliding gently across gauze. My eyes and mid cheek was covered with gauze.

"Good morning Kiki-chan. Did you sleep okay?" I heard a voice say from what seemed like a few feet away.

"Is that you…Kakashi?" I asked as I tried sitting up to get used to my surroundings.

"Easy Kiki…your body is still not used to the adjustments." I heard Kakashi say as he suddenly grasped my back with his strong arm to help me sit up.

"Kakashi why can't I see? What's wrong? What happened?" I asked with a bit of a crackle to my tone.

"You temporarily lost your sight. Your demon hound Calcifer said that the devil was taking back your reaper sight but it turns out that your scars from the reaper sight opened and haven't closed back up yet. Tsunade-sama said that you will be temporarily blind for about 2 weeks but I volunteered to help you around till you can see again." He said as I felt his weight shift a bit on the side of the bed.

Why would he offer to help me out like this…I am nothing more than a burden right now. I thought he didn't like me anymore since I told him that I couldn't love him and to find someone else. I wonder that after all these years, he finally got over me…I must be at his place though…that's why it smells so nice…it's his smell. I knew I liked it for a reason.

Suddenly I remembered something very important that I needed to do…

"Kakashi I need to get something very important. I hope you don't mind if I did a summon." I said with urgency to my tone as I bit my thumb to draw blood.

"Go ahead." He stated.

I did the necessary hand signs and placed my hand on the floor. A cloud of smoke appeared and suddenly a very soft coat of fur was at my legs.

"Calcifer, please go get that item we hid in the woods a few weeks ago. Do you remember where we buried it?" I asked as I stroked his head and he licked my cheek once to say that he remembered before I heard him jump out Kakashi's window.

"So if his tail is made of fire, how come it doesn't catch my house on fire?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"The flames are made of chakra. He won't conduct any heat or actual flame unless he is fighting. Did you really think I would summon a wolf with a real flamed tail into your house?" I asked with a smirk.

"…I don't really know you anymore so I don't think so?" Kakashi said as like a question.

"Touché. I have been gone a while and training under pure evil so it's understandable. I will work hard to gain the trust of my old friends back. I will never give up!" I said youthfully with my fist pointed up in promise like Gai would do.

"Oh god it's a female Gai. Just what this village needs…" Kakashi chuckled.

Suddenly I heard a quiet series of pitter patters on the floor.

"Good boy. Thank you my friend." I said to Calcifer as I felt a small leather pouch fall in my lap.

I felt his soft fur again as he snuggled his head into my torso and licked my hand lovingly.

"Glad you woke up. Feel better Kiki-chan." He spoke before I heard the sound of flames and I knew then that he left.

"What's that?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"My weapon's pouch that protected my most prized possessions. I'm glad I took this off and buried it in the woods or else I would have lost them." I said as I opened the pouch and felt the warn leather bracelet I made along with Kakashi's as our dream bracelets.

I put it back on my left wrist and then pulled out the other object inside. The paper felt a little sanded since some dirt seeped through the fold of the pouch opening but I did prevent rips and further damage from destruction by burying it.

"You've kept all this time?" Kakashi asked as I felt him sit next to me on the bed.

"Of course silly. I made these bracelets for a reason…Sadly I had to take mine off to prevent myself from losing it since I planned for the wolves to hold me down like they did yesterday. Forgive me." I said before unraveling the old piece of paper.

"A drawing?"

"-giggles- yea. You weren't there but when I dropped Naruto off at the daycare the morning of our mission, Asuma came too and Naruto gave this to me before we left. It's one of the things that kept my sanity intact." I said as I smiled since it felt undamaged.

"I can't imagine what it was like for you…" He said with a bit of a sad tone.

"Cheer up govena! This little girl made it through in one piece." I said in a funny accent.

I heard him chuckle. Looks like I succeeding in brightening the mood.

"Kiki-chan are you hungry?" I suddenly heard Kakashi ask.

"You know…it's been a long time since I was able to eat…I would like something if that's okay? Oh and would you please put this somewhere safe for me?" I asked nicely as I folded the picture carefully and placed it back into my pouch.

"Sure. It'll be in the top dresser drawer." He with his husky voice as he took the pouch.

His voice…sends chills down my spine.

"I made breakfast. It's not much since I was surprised and still need to go grocery shopping but I made oatmeal with sliced strawberries and an egg." He said as he moved around a little bit.

"Do you have any water or juice by any chance?" I asked quietly.

"I had some apple juice left in the fridge so I poured you some."

"Arigato…Kakashi-kun." I said before I felt a slight change in the mood.

He cleared his throat after a moment and told me to open my mouth so I can drink some juice out of a straw and then he fed me.

"OH MY GOSH!" I gasped after the first bite.

"What!? What's wrong?" Kakashi asked suddenly.

"This is sooooo good you have no idea! I don't know if it's from me not having all my senses right now or if it's me not eating anything for over 120 hell years…" I hummed with pleasure for the oatmeal and strawberries.

"You were locked down there for 120 hell years?" Kakashi said in a normal tone but I sensed sadness.

"Yea…every earth year is equivalent to 10 hell years. I was down there for almost 12 right? So yep about 120 years…I feel really old…" I suddenly said with sadness as I calculated.

"You're not old Kiki-chan. Even if you were, you don't look a day over 21." Kakashi said with a light chuckle at the end.

I think I made Kakashi a bit sad…but why would he be sad? It's not like he loves me anymore or anything… I bet he has someone by now that he loves dearly.

"You're such a charmer. You know well enough that I'm not 21." I said with a giggle to hide my worry.

"You're right. You're what…147 now?" Kakashi stated.

I couldn't see but I could still tell where he was and if my eyes weren't covered, I'd be giving him the most frightful death glare.

"Just kidding Kiki-chan." He said with a chuckle as he noticed my mood change.

"-giggles-let's go for a walk." I suddenly said as I tried to get up but fumbled a bit and I probably almost fell out of the bed.

Kakashi was quick to catch me before I braced myself for the floor. He held me in a hug before setting me down in the bed again.

His embrace…I've never quite like this before. I haven't actually been held in a decent hug in years. This isn't quite a hug though…he just caught me is all.

"Hold on there young grasshopper. You can't go for a walk yet. You have to tell me what you want to wear for clothing since your reaper clothes are gone." Kakashi then said.

"OH MY NINJA EATING OREOS ON A MONDAY DID YOU DRESS ME!?" I suddenly yelled in utter horror as I realized that my clothing attire felt super light to almost not there at all.

"No wait! I didn't dress you at all I swear!" Kakashi said in defense.

"I SWEAR TO GOD KAKASHI IF I COULD SEE RIGHT NOW, YOU WOULD BE IN A WORLD OF HURT!" I then yelled as I tried rolling myself in the sheets.

"Tsukiko you have a hospital gown on! I didn't wash you up or dress you! That's what Tsunade did! She's actually supposed to stop by later with clothes for you…" He said in a calm yet terrified tone.

"Promise?" I mumbled since I was trapped in the sheets.

"Yes Tsukiko, I didn't see anything. Promise." He assured.

"Cross your heart." I then mumbled again.

"What are we four?"

"CROSS IT!" I yelled.

"Okay okay!"

"….I can't see, did you cross it?" I asked.

"Yes." He chuckled.

"Okay…good. I'm glad."

I suddenly tried to get out of the sheets but couldn't quite figure out how so I probably look like a helpless worm.

"Tsukiko…everything okay?"

"Ummm…yep having a swell time. I knew my metamorphosis from human to butterfly was supposed to come one of these day." I said as I tried wiggling again.

My hair was all over the place and I felt like I totally added a million knots in it since I've been rolling around trapped in Kakashi's sheets.

"Can I assist you in any way?" Kakashi then asked.

"Free me!" I said in a victorious tone as I tried posing.

I heard Kakashi chuckle again and then I could feel Kakashi's strong hands moving my body around and unwrapping the sheets. I couldn't see so I giggled a lot since it was ticklish but also made the butterflies in my tummy explode. His hands grasped and held onto a part of my body like my hip or thigh to lift it and unravel the sheets. I felt like he was solving a human puzzle. I kinda wished he was touching me like this for affectionate reasons…WHAT am I saying…he probably has a lover by now.

"There you go. I untangled you from your doom." He stated but in the end. I continued to giggle but then it felt like he was hovering over me…

I felt his face only inches from mine. Is he looking at me? Why is he still on top of me? I could feel his chest through my ample breasts since they did grow 4 sized in the 12 years I was gone. His shirt and my shirt were in the way though. I suddenly felt his fingers brush a couple strands of hair off my forehead… I slowly reached up and tried to find his face. My fingertips caressed the spandex of what felt like his mask and it felt like his neck so I reached up a little farther until I was able to hold his cheek.

Suddenly, like a spooked dear, he stood up and cleared his throat.

"I can't Kiki." He then stated with a hint of sadness.

"I'm sorry Kakashi. I understand." I said quickly as I felt stupid and stood up too.

He has a lover.

"Do you have a hair brush? I feel like there's a nest in my hair." I said quickly to avoid his next statement as I worked on detangling a knot with my fingers.

I heard him sigh and leave the room and then re-enter a few moments later.

"Tsukiko I need to change your bandage. You're bleeding." He then said after handing me the brush.

"Change them after I'm done. I want to be alone for a few minutes if that's okay." I said after taking the brush.

Kakashi didn't say anything but I felt the tension in the air. I can't tell what he's feeling right now. I suddenly heard dishes being picked up and then the door closing.

I finally let it out…I was bleeding because I was crying. I can feel the thickness of the tears as they mix with my wounded sight and cheeks. I took the bandaged off after a while and made sure to wipe my face off with them before setting them in my lap. I then reached up at a chunk in my hair and tried brushing it out. It felt so soft so it didn't take much to get the knots out. My heart felt heavy and filled with pain…I haven't felt this much pain since the night I left Kakashi in the hospital. After a few minutes, I was able to brush out my hair and have it be knot free. I then did a side braid to try and keep the hair tangle free but then I couldn't find a hair tie since I was at Kakashi's. I then felt something on my wrists and sure enough, there was an elastic hair tie. I think Tsunade must have put one there since she knew I would probably need one. I mentally thanked her and then sighed since I had to face Kakashi again. I haven't been back for 24 hours yet and already it is awkward between us…how am I supposed to deal with him for 2 whole weeks!? I wonder why he pushed off all of a sudden…He must have someone else he loves.

"Tsukiko can I come in?" I heard Kakashi say after a few knocks at my door.

"Yes." I just said as I pointed my head down to my lap.

"Here let me change your bandages. Do you feel any pain?" He asked as I heard his legs click a little to indicate that he was squatting to my level.

"Yea it stings." I said.

I suddenly felt a warm wash cloth touch my cheek and I filched back and hissed a little in pain.

"Sorry…I just need to clean it first." He stated.

I didn't say anything and he continued on.

"Can you ask Tsunade to get me black shorts, fishnet shirts and regular blue shinobi short sleeves with wrappings and a calf belt to hold kunai in? Regular shoes and whatever attire for the rank she feels like putting me in will be requested as well." I said with a dead tone to my voice as I felt a cream being smeared on my cheeks.

The cooling feeling helped to sooth my emotions and physical burning pain. It felt like there was a fire on my cheeks and he was applying ice.

"Sure. But Kiki you misunderstood my actions earlier…" Kakashi said after wrapping my eyes and cheeks up.

He was interrupted by a knocking at his door and I heard someone come inside.

"Good morning baby sister!" I heard Tsunade say with excitement as she approached me.

"Tsunade!" I said happily as I stood up and accepted a big warm embrace from her and completely forgetting about Kakashi.

"Those breasts of yours are in the way of me loving you." Tsunade suddenly said.

I laughed and assured her that hers were much bigger so it was just as much her fault too. We had a good laugh together and I suddenly heard the door close and I remembered Kakashi being there but I think he left.

"How are you this morning?" She then asked as she directed me to the bed to sit down again.

"Good. I forgot how delicious food was. Then it was a little weird between Kakashi and I…I don't know if we will be able to be with each other for 2 weeks onee-san." I said.

"Nonsense! It'll all work out. Now tell me what kind of clothes you need."

I told her what I told Kakashi and she chuckled.

"You're boring but okay." She said before standing up.

"I am not boring! That is the normal attire right!?" I said in surprise.

"Sure…yep." She said.

"Uh whatever onee-san so when will I be able to get them?" I said before yawning.

"I'll have someone drop them by sometime today. Then I'll send Shizune to help you shower for the next 2 weeks." She said before I felt her get up from the bed. Why can't I just stay with Shizune then?" I asked.

"She's busy helping me out. She will only be available every other day to help you bathe and dress on occasion. Other than that, you'll have to depend on Kakashi for now." She said.

I couldn't see her but I could tell that she was probably smirking.

"Fine." I said as I laid back down in the bed.

"Take a nap, you will need all the rest you can get for your eye sight to start getting better." I suddenly heard her say before she opened the door.

"Arigato onee-san."

"Oh and one more thing…while I was washing you up, I saw some interesting things on your body that I have never seen before…feel like talk about it later?" She asked.

She must be talking about the scars and seal marks.

"Sure. As soon as my vision returns." I stated quietly.

Kakashi was right. She did dress me. I don't know if I can be up here anymore…it feels so different than before I was in hell.

~1 week Later~

"And they all ran into the sunset holding hands and kissing at the top of the hill to the sweet sounds of freedom." Kakashi said in his usual bored tone before closing the book.

"Jiraiya ends his books in such a cheesy way! I'm so glad you agreed to read to me. I feel like I have fallen behind." I said as I continued to hug one of the couch pillows.

"I didn't agree to read to you…you kinda threw the book at me and told me that I would make your unborn children cry if I didn't help you catch up." He said plainly.

"I don't know what you are talking about. I asked you in a sweet angel like manner." I said with a devious smile.

"Mhmm. I must have misheard." He chuckled as I heard him put away the book and walk into the kitchen.

Since I had time to hang around his house, I knew my way around pretty well so I followed him.

"Kakashi can we go for another walk? I like it outside. I haven't been able to enjoy the night time breeze and wonderful city bustle since I was locked in caves for so long…PLEASEEE!?" I asked with a kid voice to try and convince him.

"Sure. Let me just grab you a jacket." He said as he moved around me and opened the closet by the door to grab my jacket.

We started walking in the streets for the third time today. People have stopped wondering why my face was wrapped and instead greeted me with kindness.

"Why are people so nice to me?" I asked.

"It's because they know who you are." Kakashi said from next to me.

"And who am I to them?"

"Mommy look! It's the Guardian! I hope she can see again soon." I suddenly heard a little boy next to us but several feet away.

"The Guardian…so they know then…they know about my reaping." I said in terror.

"They don't know about the 3rd Hokage Tsukiko. That is classified. All they know is the rumors that were spread." He said quiet enough so only I heard.

"And those rumors are what exactly?" I asked him.

"That you saved villages across the nation and that you were a mystery until Tsunade told the villagers not to fear since the guardian is now amongst them." Kakashi stated.

"They wouldn't be so kind to me if they knew what I actually did." I said as I moved around him and continued walking.

Out of nowhere, I felt Kakashi lifting me and with quick speed, he took me away from the bustling city and to a higher altitude.

"Kakashi what are you doing?" I asked in shock after he sat me down on a cool hard surface.

"Are we on the hokage monuments?" I then asked as I listened to the noise different and the pressure changes. The limestone texture to the rock under my fingertips also gave it away.

"Seems you have a keen perception, it's quieter up here so now we can talk." He said as he sat next to me.

"Why? I have nothing to say." I said with a bit of bitterness.

"We need to talk about that attitude you have."

"You're no better. You throw attitude at me sometimes too." I said in defense.

"That's not the point. How do you feel right now Tsukiko? What is bothering you?" He asked calmly.

My feelings for you are frustrating me because I know you don't feel the same way anymore.

"Nothing. I feel nothing."

"Obviously you feel something."

"Fine I feel like the villagers are grateful to a lie."

Nice cover up.

"That not it. You're not upset about the villagers. Something is eating at you still." Kakashi said.

"It's nothing Kakashi don't worry about it." I said.

"You've put me through 12 years of worry. I deserve an explanation."

"FINE! I still love you!" I said angrily to him.

Great he pushed my buttons and now this is what he is going to get.

"Tsukiko..I-"

"You can't love me back. I know I told you not to. You stole my heart and I let you. All these years you had it and should have thrown it away. I don't deserve love or any kind of kindness and I especially did not deserve your concerns…I'm not worth being concerned over. Not after everything I've done. I'm broken Kakashi…I was broken even before I died." I said as I held my knees up to my chest.

The night air was not as soothing as it seemed to be anymore…I feel exposed now. I also feel a little better now that Kakashi knows but I know I don't deserve him anymore.

"Can I ever finish my sentence? I never stopped Tsukiko, it's what stitched the scars of my heart…I still love you and all I could think about was you. We've all done terrible things to survive but that's the shinobi way and we do what we can to get by. You saved so many people without realizing it and no matter what you did, you were still penetrating my mind on every mission and every time I saw Naruto or Tsunade or Kurenai. Your death haunted me and I blame myself still for letting you go. I regret not being able to save you." He said.

"You've blamed yourself all these years for my death Kakashi? That was not your fault!" I said as I tried looking towards him.

"That's all you got out of that? Tsukiko I never stopped loving you. All these years…please don't tell me you don't love me anymore. You deserve to love and be loved so stop tearing yourself apart." He then said in a bit of a angered voice.

"What's the point…you found someone else. That's why you pushed away from me the first morning I was in your apartment." I stated with a bit of a sob since my emotions were threatening to break free.

"I only did that because we were moving way to fast and I thought it would be wrong to kiss you when you couldn't even see me. Plus, I tried explaining that before but every time I tried, you made it difficult by changing the subject all the time." He said.

"Wait…so there is no other girl?" I asked.

"No Tsukiko…if I was allowed to finally keep one good thing in my life Tsukiko I would choose you every time."

Does this mean that he does love me back?

"You deserve so much more than me…" I whispered.

I sobbed a little bit and reached my hand up to try and find Kakashi's cheek and I did. His cheek was covered like usual but he let me hold it this time. He reached up and grabbed my hand gently with his warm soft hand and soothed it up a little farther and made my fingers gently hook the mask.

Is he letting me pull down his mask?

As soon as my fingers hooked the mask and slowly began to pull it down, he gently pushed me back so he was hovering over me. I feel like all the attitude and anger from earlier was just captured in the breeze and carried off to a faraway place. He carried his weight well so he wasn't squishing me at all and that was very helpful.

It seemed like a long process but I finally got his mask off. Too bad I couldn't see. I gently caressed his face with my fingertips and imagined what it would look like.

"Why do you hide away such a handsome face?" I asked quietly.

"It's far from that. You just can't see the imperfections. You can't see the scar I got when I lost my eye…I also look just like my dad…I don't think my dad was a very respectable man. White Fang had too many enemies and didn't play the father role well." Kakashi said as I felt him moving my hair around with his arms as his elbows held his weight.

"I remember Kakashi. You don't look like him at all though…you look like yourself." I said with a smile.

"You can't even see Tsukiko."

"I don't have to be able to see to know a great man in front of me. You are not like your father Kakashi…you are also not alone on the imperfections department." I said as I grabbed one his hands to lay it gently across one side of my covered face.

"I don't think you'll like what you see when you get your eyesight back…"

"Kakashi, I didn't fall in love with your looks, I feel in love with YOU. I regret wasting away in hell for so long…I missed 12 years of being with you and I won't be able to get them back." I said before slowly leaning up and brushing my lips with his.

"Kiki-chan I-"

"Stop talking and kiss me already." I said before forcing my lips to his the best I could since he was a little too far from reach.

It took him a moment but he immediately leaned down and kissed me right back. I felt so safe being cradled like this…I felt like Kakashi was my eyes and that he completed me.

Our first kiss….finally. This is not what I imagined it feeling like…it feels so much more amazing! He's sending sparks through my system as if he's using his lightning style to revive the butterflies in my belly. I'm kind of glad I can't see…it makes it so the feeling of the kiss is more heightened…I love this man so much.

Reader: "FINALLY! Stupid Author it's about DAMN TIME!"

Author: "Sorry! I didn't mean to take so long!" Author hides under bed in fright.

Thanks for reading! There will be another chapter out shortly! As soon as I write it, it will be out. It only goes up from here so stay tuned! ALSO Please please please leave me some review/comments…I'm literally talking to myself here and trying to reassure myself that it sounds good so far…you witnessed it earlier! Anyways they really do help so please leave them. ONE MORE THING! Please check out my photobucket account MistressofArt for sketches that I did for the story. Thank you!

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