Consolent – Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. The late great Jonathan Larson is responsible for the wonderful musical Rent! Thank you!
So many things were running through Roger and Mark's minds. What had been happening when Maureen had gone down? Was she dying? How was she feeling? What was actually going on inside of her weakened body? Where was she? Was she awake? Was she even aware that there was anyone around her? Why her anyway? Why now? Why did they have to face the possibility of losing her so soon after losing Mimi? If she did die, what would Joanne do? Would she leave the area to get away from all the painful memories that the last two years had brought to everyone? Of, a somewhat happier thought, would she bring a new friend with the same vivacious and spunk into the group, beginning a whole new chapter of waiting for the next person to lose their battle with AIDS? No, they couldn't think about losing Maureen yet. No, please, God, don't take her yet.
Collins met the three of them at the hospital. His eyes were red from crying, his cheeks wet. The last time he'd been in this particular hospital had been when Angel had died. The memories of it were ripping him apart, especially since he knew that he could very well be repeating the process of losing someone else today, and his own death could very well take place here too. He could feel Angel's presence in the room, and though this was a great comfort to him, it worried him that she might be there to "pick her up," as she had promised to do for Collins when it was his turn to go. Shortly after Mark, Roger, and Joanne arrived at the hospital, so did Maureen's parents. Mrs. Johnson was almost beside herself with worry and grief. Mark looked at his watch, then to the door leading to the E.R., and then back to his watch. Why wasn't someone coming out to tell them anything? Didn't they care that a dozen people were out here waiting?
"You okay, Mark?" Roger said, and Mark shook his head before resting it on Roger's chest, tears springing to his eyes.
"I'm so worried about her," he sobbed. "God, why did this have to happen now?" Roger kissed the top of Mark's head, fighting back tears of his own. This embrace was familiar to him – holding the shaking body of someone he loved as they tried with everything they had to control themselves from whatever it was, whether it be withdrawal or uncontrollable sobbing. He'd held April like this when she had found out that she was HIV positive, and he had held Mimi like this when he had found her in her apartment, her body drenched from sweating out a fever caused by withdrawal, and now he was holding Mark as he sobbed over what might be the death of a woman that he still loved. Even though Mark had moved on from the end of their relationship, he still held such strong feelings for her.
After nearly two hours of waiting, a doctor finally poked his head into the small waiting room, a tired look on his face, but beyond that his face was blank. Joanne stood, looking at him expectantly. They knew each other, and he gestured for her and Maureen's parents to come talk to him in private. Everyone else watched them leave, wide-eyed and incredibly worried. Even through the closed door, they could hear Joanne's screams of agony, and they all knew that Maureen was gone. Roger didn't and couldn't say anything as he felt Mark become cold and almost deathly still, his emotions having become so overwhelming that his body couldn't take it anymore, and he had passed out. Roger just held him, trying to channel some of his strength into Mark's body. A nurse became aware of what was going on and began to walk over to check on Mark, but Collins stood and held out his hand to tell her to stop.
"He's okay," Collins said. "He needs to deal with this himself." The nurse nodded silently, and went back to her desk.
"Thanks, Collins," Roger said softly, and Collins looked down at them with a small, sad smile.
"When did you two…?" he said, moving his finger in front of them.
"Last night," Roger said.
"It fits," he said. "You dogs have been friends for so long, ya fell in love with each other. But why did it suddenly come up?"
"He told me because he just found out he's HIV positive," Roger said, and Collins gasped.
"Oh my god," Collins said. "How?"
"He and Mimi were sharing needles," he said. "He got it from her."
"He's using again?" Collins cried.
"Yeah," Roger said. Before Collins could get angry or give a shocked reaction, Maureen's parents walked sullenly back into the waiting room. Joanne wasn't with them, having been escorted to where Maureen's body lay to say her final goodbyes to her vivacious, long-haired girlfriend. Roger sighed. "Yet another relationship comes to an end." That made four between all of them in the last year and a half alone. First Mark had lost Maureen to a relationship with Joanne, then Collins had lost Angel, Roger had lost Mimi, and now Joanne had lost Maureen with no hope of ever getting her back. Roger was reminded suddenly of a TV show he'd seen a few years back of a young black military woman losing her spunky, vivacious white pilot boyfriend in a dogfight. The scene of her clutching the sheets of the bed he had been placed in, her heart breaking and tears streaming down her face, was what he imagined Joanne was doing right now at Maureen's bedside. Like Maureen, this pilot had left behind so many friends, who had all been shocked and perturbed by the news of his death.
Beside him, Mark began to stir. He opened his eyes, staring straight into Roger's, and he smiled softly. Sitting up, he looked around the room, and saw that everyone was looking at him. "I saw Maureen. She was wearing that outfit from the protest. She told me to tell her mom and dad that she loved them, and to tell Joanne not to be too sad for her, and that she was okay, and she'd be waiting for her. She kissed me, and said 'give that to Joanne for me.' And yes, Angel and Mimi were there too, coming to pick Maureen up." Once again, Collins had to smile sadly. Someone else had delivered a message to him from his late boyfriend. The name Angel hadn't been just a cute alias. It seemed obvious that it was a reality – Angel was just that, an angel.
"My baby…" Mrs. Johnson said softly. Impulsively, Mark pulled out of Roger's embrace and walked over to where the parents were sitting, and squatted in front of them. "Oh, Mark…"
"I can't express to you how terribly sorry I am that you have to go through this right now," Mark said, taking her hand in both of his. "I hope you understand how much I enjoyed having Maureen as a friend. I enjoyed the time that we were together as a couple, but I just had a lot of fun being around her when we were just friends too."
"As flamboyant as she was, she always made us smile," Roger said, walking up and putting his hand on Mark's shoulder.
"She was always good for a laugh, that's for sure," Collins said.
"She was lucky to have such good friends," Mr. Johnson said, his strong voice cracking slightly. "We can see that you loved her, especially you, Mark."
"Yeah, I did," Mark said. "With everything bad that was happening in my life when I met her, I'd almost stopped caring about much of anything. But her high-strung spirit brought me back to life, just like Mimi brought that back into Roger." Roger swatted Mark's shoulder with a slightly pissed off look, and Mark squealed. "Ouch! What the hell?"
"This isn't supposed to be about me!" Roger said.
"I'm just using you as an example," Mark said.
"How are you faring, Roger, in your own loss?" Mrs. Johnson said, trying to compose herself.
"You mean Mimi?" Roger asked, and she nodded. "Well, it's been pretty rough, but I'm doing okay, I guess." He took Mark's hand and kissed it softly. "I found feelings for someone just as special to me, and that's helped a great deal."
"Well, Roger, you're very lucky," Mr. Johnson said with a small smile. "We had hoped that Maureen would settle down with you, Mark, but since she didn't, we still want to wish you and Roger all the best."
"Thank you," Mark and Roger both said.