Disclaimer: I spend a lot of time thinking about how cool it'd be to be J.K. Rowling to own these characters but if you've reached this far you'd know that the series would've ended much much differently. And so, by some strange rule of metaphysics that must mean that I am not her... Tragically.
Finally! I'm on time with an update. Thank everything. Enjoy.
Chapter Seven: The Problem with Commitment
Sirius sighed for the umpteenth time and rolled onto his back so that he could take discrete, upside down glances across the room.
"Sirius!"
A Transfiguration book launched itself at the lounging boy and hit him roughly in the chest.
"Ouch you bloody wanker. That's the fifth edition! Do you know how heavy this thing is?" Sirius asked as he sat up throwing the book violently at James' head to accentuate his point.
The berk just rolled gracefully off his bed landing to catch the book with the same sickening flare he often had when handling the Quaffle.
Sirius made the mistake of not looking away quickly enough and had to endure the stupidly proud smile that always formed on Peter's chubby face every time James did anything remotely impressive.
"Pay attention this is important," James reprimanded after he'd turned to drop the book back onto his bed.
"I'm listening to you," Sirius said sighing loudly and dropping back onto his bed. He waited a few seconds before turning his body to face the bed opposite his.
James eyed him in annoyance for a minute before continuing from where he had had to interpret himself, "As I was saying... The potions ready. We should slip it to them as soon as possible."
James paused to wait for his bed to finish bouncing, something it always did when Peter decided to flop down next to the boy, before declaring, "It should probably be sometime this week."
"What if we do it while they're practicing or something?" Peter suggested.
"No, not public enough," James turned to glance behind him, seeing Peter unwrapping a Chocolate Frog made him pause his brows furrowing in annoyance before turning back to speak in Sirius' direction, "We should do it when they have a game."
After a lengthy pause in which James patiently waited for Sirius to acknowledge that either boys had something that even remotely interested him, the boy dropped onto his bed ruffling his hair with both hands roughly, "Sirius, what the hell?
"Huh?" Sirius asked as he dragged his eyes away from where they'd been eyeing the empty bed across from his.
James almost decided to just continue on without him but after another quick glance behind himself seemed to think better of it when he realized that Peter was dropped tiny bits of chocolate onto his bed, this seemed to what drive James over the edge and he reached up and snatched the half-eaten frog from Peter's mouth before launching himself at Sirius' bed.
"What are you doing you crazy bast - " Sirius cried as James sat on top of him trying to force Peter's still-squirming frog into his mouth.
"Are you going to pay attention? Huh? Start doing some real work?" James asked as he sat firmly on Sirius' back pulling on the boy's black hair to get his face out of the sheets.
"Get off me you bloody wanker!" Sirius finally managed to flip onto his back throwing his spectacled friend off of him and on to the floor. "Stay down there," Sirius kicked at James' shoulder trying to force him back onto the floor.
James brushed his foot off roughly punching his calf before finally climbing back on to the bed, "Seriously though mate, what's got you so distracted?"
Sirius frowned shaking his head before flopping back down onto his back.
"Is it Remus?" Peter asked when he'd reemerged from digging through his trunk with three more unwrapped chocolate frogs.
Sirius grunted rubbing his hands against his face roughly, "His brother - errr - walked in on us just before dinner."
"Walked in on you doing what?" James asked with a wide grin his dark eyebrow arched high in amusement.
Sirius scowled at the boy and choose to continue as if he'd not spoken, "His brother seemed kinda pissed off and Remus told me he'd catch up to us at dinner."
"So you left him there?" James collapsed onto the bed laughing in an annoyingly loud way by Sirius' left ear.
Shoving him roughly enough to almost throw him off the bed Sirius smiled when James stopped laughing and instead latched onto the bed covers to steady himself again, "He asked me to. And it's his brother... I figured they'd want to talk about it alone."
"So what's the problem? I doubt Lupin's been murdered," James said after he'd move to the head of Sirius' bed, far away enough to evade any sudden attacks from the moody boy.
"Well it's just... his brother doesn't seem to like me."
"No? Wonder why..." Peter smiled with a twitching frog leg hanging from his mouth.
"Probably shagged one of his girlfriends. No doubt the guy doesn't want you to do the same to his brother... clever bloke that one is." James pulled his legs to chest in a quick movement to avoid the fist that Sirius had aimed at one of them.
"No you idiot. I've never touched Amlise and I wouldn't want to. They've been together for as long as I can remember noticing her."
"But the point still stands that he's probably trying to keep you from bending over his baby brother," James laughed before leaping off the bed narrowly avoiding another one of Sirius' attacks.
Annoyed at being evaded twice Sirius settled for instead throwing a rude gesture in James' direction before sinking into his pillows. It was strange. He was sure that he must've described most if not all of his nameless conquests, had gone into explicit details, had probably used the phrase 'bent her over' once or twice, but somehow when it was referring to Remus - it felt crude, and inappropriate and some part of Sirius burnt in shame.
"Don't be coy, how far have you gotten with the little prefect?" James asked from across the room as he fanned out his covers trying to get off the bits of chocolate.
Sirius was saved from having to answer when the sounds of someone pausing by their door made both boys turn and by the time Sirius had sat up in his bed, the door was opening.
Remus strolled purposively across the room without a word to any of them, dropping his bag by his bed before searching through his bedside table for something.
"You okay?" Sirius asked smiling from where he was trying to crane his neck to properly see what the boy was doing.
"Fine," came his grumbled answer as he straightened up and started pulling books from his bag.
"Missed you at dinner," Sirius tried again.
"Did you now?" Remus asked finally looking up at him, his amber eyes hard as he sized him up before dropping his books on his bedside table loudly.
"Ughh... Yes?" Sirius wasn't sure exactly what was going on but he could tell that whatever was happening wasn't good.
"Could've fooled me," Remus muttered before turning away from him and strolling into the washroom slamming the door loudly.
Sirius turned to the two other boys his eyes wide in confusion. What just happened?" he whispered furiously as he approached James' bed.
The boy was smiling widely while shaking with laughter, "No idea. But I can guess that you probably won't be bending him over again anytime soon."
"I wasn't - " Sirius started to hiss furiously at the boy before deciding to it was a waste of his time, "Peter? Have any idea what that was?"
The boy shrugged before his eyes darted to the door and he supplied, "Probably something his brother said."
Sirius was about to ask the usually observant boy more questions but the bathroom door had banged open and Remus was strolling across the room back to his bedside table.
"Where you going?" Sirius asked in what he hoped was an amiable tone.
"Kitchens," Remus offered after a lengthly pause. When he turned to move back towards the door Sirius found that he'd retrieved a bit of chocolate that he'd apparently kept stashed for emergencies.
"Brilliant idea didn't get much to eat at dinner," Sirius rolled off his bed and stretched leisurely.
"Wonder why?" Remus muttered darkly but before Sirius could ask him to repeat it he had thrown the door open and started down the stairs.
The boys gave each other a quick look before flying out the room after him.
"You know it's past curfew, right prefect?" James asked from where he was a few steps behind Remus.
"If you're so worried you can stay behind, I don't remember asking you along," Remus snapped back before slipping out the portrait without a backward glance.
"Little shit," James called after him angrily.
Sirius elbowed him, catching one of his ribs, before turning to say, "Leave it. He's obviously in a bad mood."
"How do you think I feel with him around?" James retorted angrily shoving past the boy and moving down the corridor.
The trip to the kitchens was unusually quiet, even for when they were trying to avoid prefects, Filch, and Mrs. Norris, and Sirius had to fight the urge to run to the painting of the bowl of fruits when he spotted it down the hall.
Slipping into the warmth of the kitchens he greeted the house-elves kindly before moving to sit down at the heavy, wooden table in the centre of the room.
He tried not to look visibly disappointed as Remus choose a seat that was the furthest away from him and immediately turned to the house-elves to ask for whatever extra food they had.
As the elves started to bringing over warmed platters of baked potatoes, grilled chicken, and pumpkin risotto Peter had strolled in and with grandiose gestures started ordering them to 'Bring the deserts'.
Sirius could guess that one of Peter's favorite rooms at Hogwarts was the kitchens. While it was no secret that the boy loved to eat - just about anything - Sirius thought that he seemed to enjoy lording over the house-elves more than anything else.
The smaller, chubbier boy always seemed frightened to disagree with either Sirius or James and rarely spoke out of turn with them, but when they were in the kitchens Sirius saw a side of Peter that he hardly showed anywhere else.
He assumed that it had something to do with the fact that while Peter's family was obviously comfortable - they didn't come from house-elf money. The boy was probably just not used to having the power to command the small creatures who almost tripped over themselves in eagerness to fulfill his wishes.
Sirius thought of pointing out the way that Peter had stupidly paused with both an apple custard and lemon tart in his hands trying to decide which to eat first before shoving them both into this mouth, but when he turned in Remus' direction he found the boy glaring angrily at him.
"What? Have I got something on my face?" Sirius asked wiping at his nose while he smiled sheepishly at the boy.
He scoffed but didn't answer instead choosing to turn back to one of his own three plates of dinner.
"What's that?" James asked as he dropped down into the empty seat beside Sirius.
"That is a cake for Slytherin, Misers," a wide-eyed female house-elf replied her hands clutching together tightly from out of a worn potato sack.
"Cake? Why do they get a cake?" James had moved over to the large rack that contained a cooling chocolate cake.
"Is their Captain's birthday," the female elf had followed James to look down at the impressively large block of chocolate cake. "Slughorn asked Winky to personally bake it."
"McCowan's birthday?" James had turned away from both the cake and the beaming Winky to fix first Sirius and then Peter with such an intense look of unadulterated joy that Sirius was sure that somewhere in the castle a shiver had ran through McGonagall's shine at the sheer promise for mischief.
Peter's fork had paused on its journey to his mouth and the boy's mouth remained open as his eyes darted back and forth towards Sirius and James before finally landing on the cake.
"It's just too easy." Sirius heard the boy mutter before he shook his head wistfully and looked down at his own pile of desserts, "And I really wanted to finish..."
"Nevermind that now. Lads, the heavens are smiling down upon us. This is an opportunity so divinely ordained that we would be spitting in the face of the Gods themselves if we shrugged away from this," James said with a surprising amount of conviction before moving to stand at the head of the table.
Out of the corner of his eye Sirius saw Peter lean over to whisper at Remus, "Sometimes when he gets really eager he goes all weird and starts - well -" Peter gestured towards where James was now muttering furiously to himself, dating around the kitchen as he looked at everything else that was being prepared for the next day.
"When's this cake going to be served to them?" Sirius finally asked Winky who had moved to breathe eerily close to his knee.
"Tomorrow at dinner. Winky's going to decorate when it cools and serve it to them for dessert after they've had their lunch."
"Have you made the icing yet?" James asked as he moved back towards the cake looking down at it savagely.
"No sirs, Winky was just mixing the right colors when you sirs showed up," Winky gestured towards three bowls where the colors green, silver, and black where being stirred into a creamy substance.
"Huh," James said smiling wickedly, "Actually Winky. Do you think you can finish up the icing in the morning after breakfast?"
Winky frowned up at James while she clutched at her hands and swayed silently obviously torn between completing the orders that had been given to her by Slughorn and following a new set of order from James.
"You'll be able to finish the cake before lunch, just in time for the Slytherins to have it," James added quickly. When Winky looked back up at him happily he continued, "It's just... Well I heard the Slytherin Dorms were in a right state and it wouldn't do to have them eating cake and then going back to a messy room would it?"
Winky's wide eyes looked up unblinkingly at James as she shook her head slowly, "But some of the other elves are already assigned to clean the dormitories."
"Yes, I know," James shot back without missing a beat, "But there's this one dorm in particular. It's never cleaned right and everyone's always saying how great it would be if someone finally managed it."
WInky's eyes grew so wide that Sirius momentarily feared that they would somehow dislodge from her face.
"Anyways this room... Is a fifth year Slytherin boy's dorm. It's the one with all the horrible smells - always smells of ingredients and - and smelly haired gits. You should go clean it up."
"Oh Yes! Yes of course, Sir. Such a good idea, young master," Winky exclaimed happily as she scurried across the kitchens and out the door.
"That should take her all night. Snivellus' dorm smells disgusting," James said as he sunk down in the seat next to Sirius.
"How would you know?" Remus asked as he looked up from his now empty dinner plates.
"Planted a dungbomb in his bag earlier was suppose to go off after dinner,' James said grinning happily at Sirius.
"We've got to go get the potion," Peter said as he glanced around at the remaining elves, "We can't have one of the other elves finishing the cake or something."
"Peter, go with James," Sirius said as he chanced a discreet glance in Remus' direction. In the time that they'd spent in the kitchens the boy hadn't bothered to say anything to him and he wanted to know what he'd done wrong.
"Come on mate," James said as he clasped Peter on the back happily, dragging him away from the table while the boy grabbed desperately at the remaining tarts on his plate.
When they'd both disappeared out of the door with Peter's silent cries of, "James, just one more tart." Sirius laughed before moving to sink down into the abandoned seat by Remus.
Neither boys said anything and after Remus moved to fill his glass of pumpkin juice for the second time Sirius decided to break the silence.
"What happened at dinner?"
"I lost my appetite," Remus replied in the same short, controlled tone that he'd been using with Sirius all afternoon.
"Glad to see you've gotten it back," Sirius tried to smile in his direction but only faltered at seeing the way the boy scoffed down at his empty plate. "What did your brother say?"
"Nothing that wasn't true," Remus replied even more evasively.
"Well, I'm sorry if it upset you," Sirius reached over to put his hand on one of Remus' and was surprised when the boy moved it out from his reach.
"Don't be. It's not your fault I'm an idiot."
"Uggh," Sirius replied unintelligently. He really did wish that he could say something a bit more substantial. It was obvious that Remus was upset about something but without knowing exactly what Sirius was almost afraid of saying something to make it worst.
"You're not stupid," he said eventually settling for the best response he could think of.
It somehow made the situation worst.
Remus flew up out of the chair and wheeled on him angrily, breathing harshly as he spoke again, "Well I must be if I liked you!"
Sirius got all of two blinks in before the boy scoffed angrily at him again and turned away, throwing the portrait open before storming outside.
"Wait! Wait up!" Sirius yelled as he trailed after him. "What did I do?" Sirius had finally caught up with the boy and moved to stand in front of him, blocking his path.
"Nothing new. I suppose you've been at it for the last couple of years, haven't you?
From the angry scowl on Remus' face Sirius could tell that whatever he'd been doing was probably going to get him punched in the face soon and after he'd taken a step backwards he tried again, "Well whatever it is I've obviously upset you. I'm sorry for - whatever - whatever I did. I'm sorry."
"Wow, Black. That almost sounded convincing," Remus sneered his delicate features twisting up in a way that Sirius would've considered ugly on anyone else before he stepping around him and continued down the hall.
"I was sincere. As sincere as I can be considering you still haven't told me what's wrong."
Remus stopped for a minute turning to regard Sirius who had fallen in step beside him. Sighing heavily, his whole body seeming to sag with the movement, he shook his head slowly before saying, "No. Don't be sorry. I guess it's really not your fault. I can be a bit of an idiot."
They seemed to be making some progress. Remus' voice still had a hard edge to it and his jaw was clenched, in the same way that Sirius' aggravated father usually kept it the brief times he spent at home, but at least he seemed willing to talk about it.
"Wouldn't be surprised if it was my fault. I can be much more of an idiot than I think you ever could," Sirius said laughing lightly before taking advantage of Remus' improved mood and reaching down at take his hand.
"Stop it," Remus jerked his hand out from his grasp for a second time in a much more deliberate manner.
"Why? Touching you was fine a few hours ago. What happened? Was it something your brother said?" Sirius took large strides to keep up with Remus' shorter, faster ones.
"Edgecombe happened," Remus snapped as he took a sharp left turn and started to head towards the staircase.
"Edgecombe? The Hufflepuff? What's she got to do with anything?" Sirius asked genuinely confused as he easily leaped up two stairs to catch up to the practically running boy.
"Everything! She has everything to do with it, you idiot!"
"Stop! You're not making any sense," Sirius rushed out past the boy and stood in front of him.
Remus turned away from him leaning against the banister of the staircase as he peered over the edge. When he'd turned back towards Sirius the boy was dismayed to notice that his angry look had been replaced with a heartbreakingly saddened one.
"I saw you two at dinner."
Sirius almost wished that Remus would yell at him again, stomp around angrily or snap at him. He could handle anger - He got it from his family often enough and even occasionally from James when the two of them fought. But this - This sad, dejected look on Remus' face made something in him clench unpleasantly and made his mouth run dry.
"Remus, I -"
"You don't need to explain," Remus shook his head as he interrupted the boy, "I mean - It's not like I didn't know who you were - what you were like - it's my own fault for getting confused."
"Confused? What. No. You weren't confused," Sirius rushed out taking a step towards him before he seemed to remember that his touch would not be overly welcomed and stood shifting before him awkwardly. "It's not like that..."
"Really?" Remus' brow arched slightly before continuing, "Don't lie. I saw the way she was sitting on your lap. I know she wasn't giving you Herbology notes."
"No. But still it wasn't like that. She was just - just being - annoying, she was trying to talk to me."
"And she hasn't mastered the art of conversation carried out on her own two feet?"
"Yes. But - she's just - I don't know but it's not like that with us," Sirius tugged both hands through his hair flattening it unnecessarily before continuing, "It's different with you - with - with..."
"The word you seem to be struggling with is 'us.' You know the one? The pronoun that signifies more than one person - possibly a couple of some sort. Bet you don't get much use out of that word, huh?"
Sirius flushed in an unhappy way and finally dragged his eyes away from Remus. This was most definitely one of those times when he wished that he could say something to make the situation better. Shaking his head he tried again, "Really though, it's not like that with us."
"No? Have you slept with her?"
One look at Sirius' flushed, sheepish face and Remus stomped one of his feet in anger before darting past Sirius and up the stairs.
"Stop. It's not like that - I promise. That happened a while ago."
"A while?" Remus paused from where he'd stepped on the Sixth Floor landing to wheel carelessly around to him. "How long is a while to you? Does that mean a few days? Weeks?"
Sirius deliberately avoided the smaller boy's angry gaze while he gripped the banister. His 'a while' had actually been about two months ago. But Sirius knew, even without looking at Remus' impressive features scrunched up in anger, that this response would only aggravate the boy further.
"It was before you, I promise."
"Oh." Remus took a step down coming closer to him, "Before me?" He took another step, never breaking eye contact until he stood on the step before Sirius bringing his face close to the other boy's.
"So tell me -" Sirius could feel the sharp puffs of air falling across his cheek as the boy took deep, heavy breathes, "How long do I have?"
Seeing Sirius' confused expression the boy closed his eyes before continuing, "How long do I have until I'm 'a while'? Until I'm annoying too? Do I have a week? A month? Or just whenever you've gotten what you wanted?"
Sirius felt his breathe leave his body and he was almost dizzy with how much Remus' words seemed to sting.
"Do you even know?" Remus let out a particularly shaky breathe before edging even closer to Sirius, his lips hovering in front of his, "Do you even time it? Or do you just get so distracted by the next pretty face that you just forget about whoever was before?"
Remus had slipped both his arms around Sirius' shoulders and gripped them tightly, just short of being painful, "I don't think I'll be able to keep your attention, Sirius."
"You can. You have. I mean - Damn. I like you," Sirius moved his arms to rest gently around Remus' waist, "A lot. I like you a lot."
Opening his eyes Remus bite down gently on his lips, in a way that made Sirius instantly want to cover his mouth with his own, before continuing, "I like you too. A lot. But - I don't think this is gonna work."
Remus had began stroking the sides of Sirius' face with shaky fingers as he leaned to rest his head against his broad chest, "I can't keep your attention. And I don't want to have to be watching you or - or - constantly fighting and struggling to keep you around."
"You won't be struggling," Sirius gripped Remus' waist harder as if he could keep the boy there through sheer strength alone. "I have all my attention on you. I'm not interested in Edgecombe or anyone else - I just - I have all my attention on you."
Remus stared at him wordlessly before giving him a small smile and dropping his hands to hold Sirius' gently, moving them away from his own waist. "No Sirius. You're a good friend. And I like you - you know I do. But I don't want to be a bit of fun for you or anyone else for that matter. I want - I deserve something real."
Remus held Sirius' hands for a few seconds just staring down at them before he looked up at him and shrugged letting go of his hands and turning away to climb the stairs.
Watching him go Sirius knew he should say something - anything really at this point could do. He had to let him know that he really did like him - a lot. More than enough to ignore or physically harm the next girl who tried to climb into his lap. More than enough to keep his attention - all of it - on Remus where it had been for almost as long as Sirius seemed to remember noticing the boy.
For some reason he couldn't say it anything. He thought he knew what Remus wanted and he was asking more of him than anyone else ever had. No one had ever wanted to be with Sirius - demanded that he be and remain loyal to them and them alone.
Sirius, if he was being honest with himself, knew he was something of a dog. He had moved from girl to girl (to the occasional boy) as he pleased. He'd go on a few dates, enjoy himself, and move on when he thought it appropriate.
Maybe it was this fear that kept him from going after Remus, from grabbing the boy and pulling him into his arms, from telling him that he wanted to be him and only him.
Thinking back on it later Sirius would try to convince himself that Remus was being unreasonable. Why should he? Why should he have to force himself to stop seeing other people?
By the time Sirius made it back to the kitchen and sat gingerly down at the table, ignoring the eager house-elves who pushed plates of Chocolate mousse at him, he realized that he hadn't gone on a date with anyone else since he'd befriended Remus.
When James and Peter returned and the bespectacled boy started to pour the potion in the individual bowls of colored icing, Sirius found that he couldn't think of a single girl or boy that he seemed to find attractive.
And when he finally collapsed into his bed strangely exhausted, Sirius realized that he really couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be on a date with apart from Remus.
There were a few things that Sirius should've noticed the next day. Things that were so blaring obvious that both James and Peter walked along side him with huge, teeth-baring grins. One of these things was that Hogwarts seemed to have taken the thick blanket of snow that had fallen overnight as a sign that it time to start preparing for Christmas.
The banisters were decorated in a thin sheen of warmed snow and had thick, white icicles clinging to them, the Entrance Hall was littered with small, deep green needles which signaled that Hagrid had at least began delivering some of the twelves trees that would soon stand in the Great Hall.
The suits of armors didn't appear to have formed their annual caroling group but Peter still eyed the two that stood outside the Great Hall with suspicion as the friends walked in for breakfast.
There was the usual chatter over breakfast which was punctuated by the surprised gasps of the First years who watched Filch or his best Charms students do particularly difficult and showy spells on one of the three trees that had been placed in the Hall.
"We couldn't had picked a better day if we'd tried," Peter said his eyes trained on a few fairies that fluttered overhead while he reached for the platter of bacon.
"We really couldn't," James was leaning over the table trying to catch a glimpse down the opposite end, "We love Christmas."
After flashing what Sirius was sure James considered to be a dashing suave smile at Evans, who in turn fixed him with one of the stoniest expressions Sirius had ever seen, he turned to nudge Sirius gently in his side.
Nodding towards the Ravenclaw table he leered before adding, "Turtleneck session. Don't you love it?"
Sirius grunted into his cup of pumpkin juice and after he'd rested it back on the table decided to take a look for himself.
'Turtleneck session' as James had so eloquently dubbed it was something Sirius usually enjoyed. In fact he would bet that it was something that majority of the male population at Hogwarts enjoyed.
Most girls decided to forgo their collared shirts for soft, cotton white turtlenecks that did justice to the size of their chests. Catching the eye of a good-looking Ravenclaw brunette Sirius nodded amiably before letting his eyes drop onto his plate.
While he could appreciate the beauty of the girl and her noticeably large chest, he just couldn't seem to stop thinking about Remus.
By the time he, James, and Peter had returned from spiking McCowan's birthday cake the boy had been in bed with his curtains drawn tightly shut. When they'd woken up his curtains were opened displaying a neatly made and empty bed.
Almost as if Sirius' insistent thoughts had summoned him Remus walked through the doors, nodding in the general direction of the Ravenclaw table before he dropped into the seat beside Peter.
Words were exchanged and Sirius was sure that some form of conversation was beginning around him but he couldn't seem to focus. He really couldn't think of much apart from how much he liked it when the sunlight hit Remus' hair from behind, his light brown strands glowing a deep golden color or how the longish strands in the very front of his face brushed across his cheeks when he turned to reply to Peter.
His lips - Oh God those lips - they were pink (but not as pink as after Sirius had had his way with them) but a pinkish hue nevertheless. They were full and when they parted almost seductively Sirius groaned - loudly.
Suddenly embarrassingly aware of the three pair of eyes that were now trained on him, their area of the table noticeably silent, Sirius forged a round of loud coughing before he busied himself with draining the remains of his pumpkin juice.
Once the conversation had started again Sirius picked at the pile of scrambled eggs on his plate and managed to choke down most of them before James was standing over him and smiling.
"Sirius, fancy a fag?" He asked grabbing Sirius' bag and holding it out to him.
Abandoning the hopes of choking much more down for breakfast Sirius latched on to the out that James had offered and threw the bag over his shoulder.
"Make sure Lupin doesn't sit us too close to the front, Pete," James said smiling at the other boy who immediately sank back into the chair beside Remus.
"What's going on?" James asked after he'd snapped his fingers to lit the end of his fag.
Shrugging, Sirius exhaled before pacing around the small overhead that the castle proved, staring out onto the snowy grounds.
After a few moments of silence where they watched a group of Third year Hufflepuffs trudge to the Greenhouses Sirius said rather quietly, "He said he doesn't want to see me anymore."
"Oh."
Sirius couldn't see James' expression but knew from his surprised tone that at least one of his dark brows had raised.
"And his left field rejection has hurt your ego?"
Exhaling heavily Sirius stopped pacing to shake his head before stepping down the steps, "That's not it. I just - I dunno."
"It's new?" James suggested and Sirius nodded hesitantly.
"He wants - God, I don't even know for sure what he wants. He saw Edgecombe yesterday," Sirius gave James a half-hearted glare and the boy had the decency to avert his eyes as an embarrassed flush colored his already reddened cheeks.
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh." Sirius supposed that he should've been angry with James. It was his fault after all. He's the one who'd laughed when Egdecombe had came over and told her to 'take a seat' gestured lewdly at Sirius' lap. The idiot girl had squealed, in a way that made Sirius seriously wonder what it had been about her that tempted him to sleep with her in the first place, and began making crude suggestions as to how he could be spending his Friday afternoons in his ear.
"Well why's he so bent out of shape? None of the others have ever minded."
He was right. None of the other girls that Sirius saw ever had minded when they saw him standing suspiciously close to another girl and if they did have throws of anger it was usually directed at the other girl - never him. It was almost as if they'd come to expect this of him and instead took the tactic of warning away anyone that might seemed to have caught his eye.
Remus was really the only one who'd expected him - who'd been disappointed that he - not someone else had been behaving inappropriately.
"Gods. He's wound tighter than I thought," James said rolling his eyes.
Feeling a hot, quick flash of anger Sirius rounded on him, "Really? When - If you ever get with Evans are you gonna want her messing around with other guys?"
James choked, shaky puffs of smoke flying from him, and as he reached up to wipe at his mouth he snapped back, "What's that got to do with anything?"
"It's the same damn thing."
When James looked like he was about to argue with him Sirius swelled in anger that surprised even him and he whispered harshly, "What? Why do you think it has to be different? Cause we're two blokes? We shouldn't want to commit. It has to be about messing around?"
James blanched which was a considerable feat considering the fact that his face had been steadily reddening from the cold.
He cleared his throat awkwardly and took a deep breathe but said nothing. Sirius couldn't blame him. They had never really spoken about Sirius' infrequent flings with guys, had never spoken about homosexuality as it concerned Sirius.
Sirius remembered when James had walked in on him last year, his pants had been below his knees and Wenlock had been doing a particularly fantastic job of swallowing his length. The two boys had stared at each other awkwardly while obscene slurping noises came from below Sirius' waist as Wenlock continued his exploits unaware of James' presence. It took one, loud moan from Wenlock to stir James, who seemed to have realized that the person on their knees tonguing Sirius for all they were worth was definitely male, and he had turned and bolted.
After they'd met up on the Battlements, Sirius had just somehow known that his friend would choose this quiet, remote location to discuss something of this nature, they'd just stood there staring out onto the grounds. When Sirius finally turned to James scared out his mind that he was about to loose the best, and only real friend he'd ever had, the boy had done something utterly surprising. He'd laughed.
Shaking visibly James had removed his glasses as he wiped the tears that had collected on his lower lashes and then seeing Sirius standing there, so unsure and unusually hesitant, he'd flown into another round of manic laughter.
Staring at the boy who had been doubled over holding his stomach tightly Sirius had shifted awkwardly. Was this the right reaction to his situation? Or had James finally cracked? Had Sirius been so wild and unpredictable that he'd broken the boy?
As if to test out his own theory, he let out a shaky bit of laughter before stopping. The noise sounded, as well as obviously forced, also rough and raspy and did not fit the situation or Sirius' mood at all so he had stopped.
Finally standing up, though he had leaned precariously on the edge of wall, James smiled at him mischievously before saying, "Finally run out of girls have you? Decided to make your way through the boys to give the poor Ravenclaws some time?"
At James' wide and mischievous grin Sirius had thrown his own head back to laugh. He remembered how relieved he'd been. How happy he was to know that nothing had changed - that he still had his brother.
But after that day the two had never spoken about the issue seriously. James would make lewd jokes about him hooking up with 'anything that had enough holes', and while Sirius was sure that James had attributed his homoerotic activity to raging hormones, he hadn't needed to nor had he wanted to correct him.
"So what are you saying?" James asked his shoulders tense as he threw the last of his fag down and crushed it beneath his boot.
Sirius briefly wondered if something similar would happen to their friendship by the end of the conversation.
"Nothing. Just. Just that it's no different. Then how it'd be with you and Evans. And I think - I think that's what he wants."
"But you're - you're not -"
"Not what? God James, you've seen me. You have - how can you say that I'm not?"
"Yes. But -" James shook his head as though he was in the act of denying something venomous. "But it's never been like that for you. You're not like McDonald..."
Sirius shrugged. James was right. He had never committed himself to a guy, it was usually just briefs flings that ended when he'd satisfied whatever urge had drawn him to the other boy. But then again, he'd never committed to a girl either. "How should I know? I've never committed to a girl either."
The boys stood in silence for a minute. Sirius was now staring intensely at James while the boy dug his hands into the pockets of his robes and looked out onto the ground.
"Maybe..." James broke off before clearing his throat and starting again in a much more firm voice, "Maybe this is a good thing."
At Sirius' incredulous gaze he continued, "Let's just call it quits. The bet." Here he paused to smirk at Sirius, "It doesn't look like you can get everyone out of their knickers. But if we call it quits I'm willing to admit that you could get most."
James had finally turned to him and with a jerky nod he turned back to the doors, "C'mon. McGonagall will go spare if we're late again."
As both boys wondered to the Transfiguration room, the halls relatively empty, Sirius let out a heavy exhale before saying, "I think that maybe... Maybe I - I want to."
James remained silent but Sirius could tell by the way his shoulders had stiffened that he'd heard him so he continued, "I've never done this before. But - It - It doesn't seem like it'd be so bad. I think I want to try."
James snorted, the force of it throwing his head back in a jerking motion and when he twisted his neck around to look at Sirius who had been trailing slightly behind him he replied, "You're so fucked." Snorting again, he laughed breathlessly before continuing, "You're first time committing to someone. And it's a bloke."
James quieted and after taking a quick glance down both directions of the corridor he stepped closer to Sirius, "It's a bloke. For a bet."
When Sirius shot him with a stony expression, very much like the one that Evans had given him that very morning, he shook his head, "I'm not judging. Just saying. It's kinda funny. You must really want to win."
Sirius opened his mouth but at that time McGonagall rounded the corner and spotting both boys said through her usually tight lips, "Glad to see you two have managed to get here before the bell rang. In."
Taking his seat beside James, Peter had thoughtlessly taken the one beside Remus, Sirius sat blinking stupidly at the board.
What had he been about to say to James? Could he deny what the boy said? Even scarier could he tell James that he really, truly had not thought of the bet when Remus had broken things off with him. Had not been thinking about the bet when he'd seriously considered the option of committing to Remus?
As he glanced at James, who was resting his chin in the palm of his hand while he stared longingly across the room, Sirius realized that they would have to talk about things - everything. How he felt about Remus, his homosexuality - everything - and they'd probably need to do it soon.
By the time dinner rolled around James was insufferably excited. His hazel eyes were practically glowing and the large smirk had not left his face since morning.
"This is gonna be brilliant," he said for probably the fifth time as he quickened his pace to the Great Hall. "Absolutely brilliant."
Sirius didn't bother responding. Nothing he said, and he'd been trying all day, would quiet James or distract him from what was about to happen. Sirius had a sickening feeling that the blatantly gleeful grin that James was sporting would land him and Sirius (cause the teachers didn't seem to be able to comprehend that it was possible that one of them had acted alone) in detention.
But thinking of how well the last detention had ended, with pockets full of contraband items and Remus' lips pressed against his own, he just couldn't seem to bring himself to make any good attempts to avoid the inevitable.
Entering the Great Hall Sirius was pleased to see that Remus, who had Arithmancy before dinner, was already seated strategically at the table facing McCowan and the rest his Quidditch team.
Elbowing Peter who had made to move towards Remus, Sirius triumphantly collapsed into the seat beside the boy and was pleased that when he looked up from the book he'd been reading, he first give him a sweet, tentative smile and then nod in James' and Peter's direction.
Sirius was even happier to note that James was in such a good mood about the upcoming prank that he smiled at the boy before saying, "How was class, Lupin?"
If Remus was surprised, and Sirius certainly would've been with James' sporadic behavior, he didn't show and instead replied to the bespectacled boy kindly even remembering to ask how his latest Quidditch practice had been.
James blinked at him twice before his grin grew into something genuinely kind and started explaining in excruciating detail the events of his last practice while he reached out and grabbed at everything he could reach.
Smiling at the easy conversation that the boys were having Sirius forgot himself and inched closer to Remus until their thighs were pressed together.
Remus visibly tensed but he continued with whatever he had been saying nodding before he reached to his other side and pulled his bag into his lap. Putting the book that he'd been reading before the boys had joined him into his bag he inched away from Sirius and dropped the bag in the space between them.
Sirius flushed with color at Remus' rejection but when he'd looked up he realized that Remus' movements had been so subtle that no one else had noticed when the boy had inched away from him.
Remus clearly did not want Sirius touching him anymore but Sirius delighted in the fact that the boy was obviously not out to embarrass him.
Nearing the end of the meal James sat stiffly with what Sirius knew to be practiced effort. It would've looked suspicious if any of the boys kept throwing frequent glances at the Slytherin table before anything happened and James, Peter, and Sirius had learned early on that when all of them stared at anyone the person was likely to become so nervous that they were liable to flee the Hall altogether.
"Happy Birthday!"
James met Sirius' eyes and a wicked grin was stared between the both of them.
Finally allowing himself to look over at the group of excited Slytherins cowing around the extravagantly decorated birthday cake Sirius was pleased to note that McCowan sat in the middle of the commotion, looking stupidly pleased with himself.
James and Peter had turned away from the table to better see what was happening at the Slytherin table but this no longer seemed suspicious as most students were starting to strain their necks to look as well.
Turning in the hopes that something clever would come to him, Sirius noticed that Remus was not looking at the scene that the Slytherins were making as they clapped and cheered as McCowan cut his cake. Instead his eyes seemed to be glued to the large hourglass that sat behind the staff table.
The boy's intelligent amber eyes glanced back over to the table and seeing Pansy feeding the stocky boy a piece of the cake, his eyes flickered back to the hourglass and his mouth started silently counting.
Looking away from the perfect picture that Remus made as he, well did just about anything, Sirius watched in enthusiasm as he saw McCowan pass some cake around to the Quidditch team first, an 'early celebration for the Quidditch Cup' you could hear him boldly declare.
James scoffed in annoyance and he sneered at the boy, who had turned to smirk over at the Gryffindor Quidditch members, before turning away in disgust.
"Can't stand that pompous twat. He can go fu-"
A shrill scream cut off what sounded the beginning of a spectacularly colorful arrangement of words from James and when the boy looked up again the wicked smile had slipped back into place.
Staring with his mouth slightly open Sirius didn't think that this prank could've honestly gone any better.
McCowan was the first to turn. His short dark brown hair growing an inch before it started to twist and thicken and when the many pieces split open at the ends and formed mouths Pansy, who had been perched in his lap, shrieked and with a great jerk fell to the floor on her face.
She was the next to turn, her's even more fantastic what with the length of her hair, her long black hair curling and twisting until scales started to grow and formed numerous large, thick snakes that hissed violently and snapped their sharp teeth at her face.
The rest of the Quidditch team followed the couple, they were seated close enough to have their snakes actually fight with each other, often twisting and curling around one another to leave two exceptionally stupid Quidditch players stuck together.
Sirius was sure the first laugh came from the Ravenclaw table, and when he turned he saw Amlise's dark eyes trained on McCowan with a large smile on her face, and wondered if he hadn't tried to off her during of one of their matches.
The hall erupted in laughter, students leaping over to the Slytherin table, not in any real effort to help but instead edging closer to watch the confused, and scared members attempt to scurry out the hall.
This was proven difficult as Crabbe and Goyle demonstrated when their snakes caught together and both boys' head snapped painfully together when they'd foolishly tried to rip their snakes apart by jerking in the opposite direction.
"Idiots." Sirius heard Remus mutter under his breathe.
He was about to second the boys opinion when one look in the direction of the staff table had him pale immediately.
Professor McGonagall looked infuriated at this forbidden use of magic and as her eyes swept the Hall and locked onto Sirius he tried to put on his best face of shocked confusion, judging by the way her eyes trained on him before flickering over to James, Sirius was sure that she didn't buy it for a minute.
Oh well. It was worth it. Any number of detentions would be worth the way that the remaining Slytherins launched away from the table, some running to the nearest loo, thinking that their entire lunch had been poisoned.
Eventually Professor Slughorn and McGonagall were able to escort the panicking and still connected Slytherins out of the Great Hall and to the Hospital Wing and the hall quieted down some. The chatter was still louder than usual and every now and then a small burst of laughter would erupt from a group of students.
"Brilliant," James said when he'd turned back to the table. Hunching over silently his eyes flickered to each one of them, including Remus, before he said, "We all did some good work. That was one of our hardest pranks."
Remus snorted in what seemed to be in amusement and when he turned to smile at each of them he reached out to nudge Sirius' elbow with his own, "What do you think? Did that compare to what you guys usually do?"
"Definitely," Sirius said without missing a beat.
And it was true. There was something about in particular about this prank - although he couldn't figure it out - that made him exceptionally happy. Something about all four of them hunched over the table, all of them planning then implementing the destruction of Slytherin that just felt right.
And when the four of them left the hall before McGonagall could come back and 'slit their throats' Sirius was once again amazed at how well everyone seemed to be getting along.
Remus was suggesting jinxes that could be placed on the unsuspecting Christmas decorations and James paid close attention as the boy listed spells that Sirius was sure not even the bespectacled boy had heard of. Everything seemed to be getting better and Sirius wondered if he would be able to get Remus away from the others for a few minutes for them to work things out when two things happened very quickly.
Something slammed into Sirius' chest at such force that he immediately took a few steps backwards.
These few steps proved to put him and what he realized was a head of short, brown hair directly under one of the many mistletoe that had been scattered threateningly throughout the school.
By the time he realized what had happened Sirius leapt forward only to meet an invisible force and be knocked backwards.
"Shit," he said turning to glare at the short, brunette. She was cute this was something that not even Sirius could deny. She sported a short, chocolate brown pixie cut and her pale skin was stained with a pink blush as she looked up at him through her thick, dark lashes. "Shit," he repeated for good measure and dragged his eyes away from her and to the rest of his friends who stood wearily outside the bubble that had formed around Sirius and the girl.
Remus, in particular, stood oddly stiff his eyes looking up at the mistletoe before falling to meet Sirius' in a strangely steely look and focusing on a point just past him.
"Wohhoo Black!" came a cry from somewhere behind him and Sirius was horrified to see students start clapping and laughing as they gathered around the trapped couple.
"First one under the mistletoe. I'm sure he did it on purpose," one of the Prewett twins said as they both passed, the other shaking his head in amusement before they pushed past the crowd that had formed and disappeared.
"Shit." Sirius couldn't help but say once more.
"Sirius?"
Turning to look at the girl again, Sirius almost groaned aloud to see her wide, hopeful hazel eyes trained on him. He wanted to be angry at her, he really did. But he knew this wasn't her fault. How was she to know despite the fact that every other Christmas Sirius had leapt at the chance to be caught under the mistletoe with anyone (save a Slytherin), this year he really wasn't interested.
Looking down at her hopeful face he found that he really wanted it to be Remus. He really wanted to be in here with Remus - and suddenly he understood why Remus needed to be assured of this.
He wasn't sure what he'd do if he caught Remus and Justin under one of these damned mistletoes and right then he made his decision - he didn't want this.
Didn't want to be hounded by these random girls, didn't want them to feel comfortable dropping into his lap, or throwing out shameful offers of rounds in the broom closet, he wanted Remus. And he knew that one of the only way he'd actually get him was to let everyone else know that he was by all means unavailable.
With a last glance at Remus, who seemed determined to look anywhere but at the scene that was drawing everyone else's attention, he took a step back from the girl, whipped out his wand and aimed it at the mistletoe.
"Reducto!"
The excited chatter of the hall grew to halt as the mistletoe exploded into a pile of dust that trickled to the floor.
Spinning almost wildly on them Sirius paced the circle that had once been the barrier taking the time to glare at as many of them as he could, "Listen up you lot."
Remus' eyes were focused on him, and as his crossed arms fell limply to his sides, he gave Sirius one of the most startled, confused, and vulnerable expressions that Sirius had ever seen on the boy.
"None of that. None of this." Sirius gestured to where the mistletoe had been deviously hung, "I'll have no part in any of that this year. None. I'm going to say this once - just once so no one can say they didn't hear it from me."
The Hall was so quiet that Sirius was sure that if someone dropped a Sickle down the by Filch's office everyone would've heard from there. His own harsh breathe was so loud that he was sure that at least the first two rows of students could hear it. If he'd been less strung out on all the emotions he'd been dealing with since yesterday he probably would've marveled at the ease with which he had captured everyone's attention.
"I am taken. I'm committed to someone and I don't think they'd appreciate it if I went around snogging random birds under these damn weeds."
The 'random bird' that can been standing behind him made a loud, indignant noise and spun away from him fighting her way through the crowd.
Throwing a venomous look after her Sirius followed her lead and headed in the opposite direction, stomping through the crowd who obediently parted to let him through and without a backward glance to where James, Remus, and Peter was standing, bolted up to his dorm.
Collapsing onto his bed, Sirius stared up at the red fabric of his four poster bed pleased to find that his breathing seemed to be much quieter here, so quiet that he could hear the tentative steps that stopped outside the door.
Groaning in annoyance Sirius twisted on his side and away from the opened door. "Go away James. I'm not trying to hear it right now."
His bed dipped down and he felt a warmth at his back before he could tell James in more colorful terms to leave him alone, he felt a hand glide through his hair.
"You were amazing back there," Remus' soft voice said behind him.
Turning onto his other side Sirius was glad to see Remus settled beside him, his hair fanning out around his head as he laid back on Sirius' pillow.
"Thanks." Sirius was unable to say much more. In all honestly he was just so pleased to have Remus in his bed and wondered if he'd be able to wipe that stupid grin off his face before the other boy noticed.
Not a chance. Remus turned on his side to stare into Sirius' eyes and he felt something inside him growing incredibly warm when Remus gave him a shy, soft smile.
His tongue was back out again and it was wetting his lips as reached out to run his hands through Sirius' hair.
Leaning forward Sirius shamelessly pushed his head closer to the other boy, pleased when he felt both of Remus' hand stroking his hair, down his neck, and the sides of his face.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said into the silence some time later. "I should've said something yesterday. But... I dunno. It was new and I was confused. I didn't know what you needed or why it was important until well - until that bird was staring up at me expecting me to kiss her."
Remus said nothing but Sirius heard him let out a shaky breathe and soon felt the promising sensations of Remus tugging his hair.
Lifting his head Sirius held his breathe as Remus shifted closer and pressed his soft lips against his.
Sirius let his arm snake up to Remus' waist and before he could think of consequences he had pulled the boy to rest flush up against his chest.
Pausing he pulled away to look at the smaller boy's face. "This alright?" he asked in a whisper.
Smiling Remus nodded before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Yes. I'm not confused anymore or worried. I think - I think that you're serious about this - about us."
Grinning that stupidly uncontrollable grin Sirius barked out laughing before twisting over to hover above the boy. "Damn right I'm serious about us. If announcing it to half the school wasn't enough I can always write it on the back of Dumbledore's robes."
"What scares me is I don't doubt that you would," Remus gave him a cheeky grin before Sirius dipped down and kissed him. It was the kind of kiss that he'd been showering the smaller boy with ever since the night of the detention but somehow this one was different. Sirius wasn't sure if it was because he'd committed himself to the boy, he knew that no other girl would be throwing themselves at him, but whatever it was it made it better.
When Remus let out a delicious little moan from the base of his throat Sirius couldn't help but smile against his mouth and wonder why he'd been scared of committing to the smaller boy.
This was bloody brilliant.
Thanks for reading... As always I appreciate it.