Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

Lorelai Effect

Part 2

She woke up late, not that she had any place to get to before work now, she reasoned as she went about her morning routine. It hadn't been a dream, Luke had let her walk away. The rest of what she recalled, the nightmare as she remembered the events that played out like a movie, sent a chill running down her spine. Not that the reality was much better than the dream itself. She had been sick the entire night after getting home. Stress, she figured, knowing that she couldn't remember anything as painful and upsetting as the fight she had had with her former fiancé the night before.

Former? Even thinking about him in the past tense was enough to make her want to be sick again. Was it just another of their famous fights? Or were they really done this time? She should know better than to push him when he wasn't ready to be pushed. She should have learned her lesson last time. With a final look at her tired expression in the mirror and a wish she had something to settle her stomach, she left her lonely house, the house she was suppose to share with him, heading to work.

Michel greeted her with a complaint about his life and how much of a bane she was on his existence. Ignoring him, she went straight to the kitchen, where Sookie and coffee were waiting for her. The kitchen was buzzing with activity when she came in, Sookie just coming back from maternity leave a couple days before.

She smiled to herself as she watched the chef settle back into the routine of her kitchen, barking orders with a smile that endeared her to her staff. Not wanting to interrupt while she was on a roll, Lorelai put her attention instead on coffee. She was still focusing on Sookie when she brought the pot out to fill her mug. She froze when she took a whiff of the coffee, and her stomach turned.

"No," she mumbled, wanting to cry once more, "This is not the time for my stomach to revolt. Stupid sickness!" Smelling it once more to the same ends she put the pot back, defeated, setting about making peppermint tea instead. It always seemed to work in settling her stomach.

She was just taking her first sip when Sookie finally noticed her, a frown filling her lips as she went forward and hugged her. "I heard about last night," she told her before Lorelai could question the gesture.

"You did?"

"The entire town knows! Taylor and Patty were in his shoppe and saw the whole thing. I'm sorry sweetie - no coffee?"

"Upset stomach, don't worry about it. Go on, you were feeling sorry for me."

"Was it just a fight? Or are you two done? I know you said 'now or never' but we all say things in the heat of the moment."

"I don't know. Things don't feel real yet. I was hoping that when I woke up he'd be there or that he'd come by this morning and tell me that he changed his mind, that he wanted to go away with me and he was a fool..."

"Well he is a fool if you ask me. You two were made to be together. You look tired, are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I guess. I think I'm coming down with something though. Maybe from the stress of last night? I don't know. I was up sick most of the night, and I haven't been able to eat anything all morning."

"Maybe you should go home?"

"No, at home I would just think and mope, and I'm not ready to mope yet."

"Hoping he'll still come around?"

"I don't know. Hey, can you whip me up something for breakfast?"

"Sure honey, anything you want. I can make those chocolate chip pancakes you love!"

Her stomach turned at the thought of it, "No, I don't think so. Maybe blueberry?"

"You really must not be feeling well. Want to wait here or I can bring it to your office."

"Office, please," she said with a smile, already turning towards the door, she paused, seeing something on the prep table that caught both her and her stomach's eye, "Taking an apple," she called, moving out of the room, already feeling lighter than she had a few moment before.

It wasn't until she shut the door to her office, her weight leaning against it, and she had enjoyed her first bite that she paused, her anxiety came back again. She looked between the apple and the mug of tea in her hands, "No! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!" She rushed forward, setting the forgotten items on her desk with a quickness that she usually saved for burning items or her mother's phone calls. "No! Not now, why now?"

She quickly gathered her things, and headed out the door, pausing only long enough to tell Sookie that she was going to take her advice and head home. Sitting in her jeep she tried to calm down, pulling out her day planner and cursing herself for not being better at making notes. Where had Rory learned it and why hadn't it worn off? She searched through the pages, trying to find the last time she - "DAMNIT!" Not seeing anything in the last couple months she tossed the book aside, wondering what to do next.

She had to find out. She had to know for sure. But she couldn't do that here. The town was too small and the news of her fight with Luke too new. She was surely being watched. And she couldn't go to Hartford where her mother's spies and more than her share of exes lived. She ran down her options.

Litchfield. It was close but still not Stars Hollow. And she hardly knew anyone there. Destination found, she began the drive that now felt a hundred times longer.

~G.G~

During the drive she had picked up the phone and dropped it back down on the seat so many times she lost track. Even as she got out of the jeep, her cell phone was in a tight grip. She wanted to call Rory, but she knew that she would be studying right now. She wanted to call Luke, but knew that he was the last person she could actually talk to about this!

She looked around the pharmacy, her mind full, stomach light and her heart heavy. Knowing that she wasn't about to decide on who to call, she put her phone back in her purse and trudged to the aisle that held what she knew she was going to need.

It had been over 20 years since she had needed one, but there was something eternal about being single and thinking you might be pregnant. She could see them, sitting there proudly on the shelf, mocking her in their pinks and blues, five feet away. But she couldn't bring herself to step closer, she couldn't bring herself to get what she knew would ease some of the uncertainty that was causing her stomach it's unrest.

"Come on Gilmore," she chided herself, squaring her shoulders, "Don't tell me you were braver at 16!"

As she took her first step she halted, frowning at the sight of April turning down that aisle, walking right past the family planning section, pausing when she noticed Lorelai standing there.

"Hey," she said, noticing the flush that was rising in the older woman's cheeks, "How are you doing?" She took a step closer, "I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Yeah," Lorelai replied with a nervous smile, "It has been. How are you? It looks like you've grown."

"A little, I guess. What are you doing here? I didn't know you came to Litchfield often."

"I don't. I'm feeling under the weather and was in the area and so thought I would finally jump the vitamin bandwagon your father is head cheerleader for."

April laughed, "I wondered when he would finally wear you down. He is a bit of a health nut."

"Big health nut. The biggest. Uh, I have to go, but it was nice to see you again, April."

"Yeah, you too," she paused, "Is everything okay?" She called, shifting nervously, "I mean between you and my dad. I talked to him last night and he seemed upset. And though I haven't really known him very long, I do know that there are very few things that affect his mood as much as you do."

"I think you give me too much credit, Kid."

"But things aren't okay, are they?" She looked down, "I'm sorry if I..."

"Hey, you don't have anything to be sorry for. What's going on between your dad and me, that's between us, and it has nothing to do with you. Things are changing for everyone, and I'm sure you've caught on by now that Luke doesn't always do well with change. He's a thinker, that one.

"But he loves you. And he wants you to be a part of his life. He is so happy to get to know you. I think the only thing he's not happy with is the fact that he has to share you. Don't give him too hard of a time, he has a lot of years to make up for."

She nodded, but didn't move. Sighing, Lorelai took out a pen and paper from her purse, wondering what Luke would say about what she was doing, "Here is my number. No matter what happens between your dad and me, I want you to have this. I love him but I know he's not the easiest to deal with. If you ever need someone to talk to about him, or anything, give me a call."

April finally smiled, "Thanks Lorelai. And for the record, I hope that you two can work this out."

"Me too."

"I feel a lot better knowing that he has you."

She smiled, and walked with April to the entrance, her own insecurities and needs forgotten in the face of someone innocent who had been caught between the warring couple. And even though she didn't know April well she cared for her enough to not wish that on her. Besides, April was smart. And she knew that it wouldn't take much more for her to put together Lorelai's reasons for being at the pharmacy and tell Luke. And having Luke know was something that she wasn't ready for yet.

~G.G~

Lorelai prayed as she banged on the door that Jackson wasn't going to be home. The last thing she needed was for him to be aware of her potential situation. Jackson believed in the "man-code", and after being a father, and knowing the time that Luke lost with his current daughter, he wouldn't stand for not letting the diner-owner know as soon as possible.

Sookie opened the door on the third round of door-shaking pounds. She looked confused, "What are you doing here?"

"Is Jackson home?"

"No, he and Davey are having a man-date," she watched as Lorelai rushed into the house, her curiosity growing, "What's wrong, you're starting to scare me."

"I need to ask you for something, but I need you to promise me that you won't flip out or scream or tell Jackson or anyone else."

"You're really starting to scare me, Lorelai. Tell me what's wrong."

"Just promise me first."

"Of course, no one will know. What do you need?"

"A test."

Sookie couldn't help but laugh, "A test? All this secrecy over a silly test? What kind of test? Because if you're looking for something academic you're about three years too early in this house."

Lorelai rolled her eyes, wondering how Sookie couldn't understand what she meant by the way she pronounced the word. The only other thing she could think to do is write it in her own pee, like monkeys... if monkeys ever needed those kinds of tests.

"I thinking about the kind of test you took three years ago, Sookie. And again last year. The kind where you only need a full bladder and estrogen to take."

"Oh, you mean a..." her eyes lit up, "You need a preg..."

"Don't! Don't use that word," she cautioned, "I just need a test. To have. Just in case. Do you have any?"

Sookie nodded, "Course we do. Hang on, I'll get you one. And what do you mean, just in case? Just in case of what?"

"Just in case I don't feel better a little later."

"So you think you could be pregnant enough to actually seek out a test for it, but not enough to actually use it? Is this because you two fought?"

"Not just fought, Sookie. I went to buy one of these in Litchfield and ran into April."

"Did she see it?"

"No, thank goodness. But she knew something was going on between me and Luke. And she was scared that we weren't going to make things work. And that got me thinking that maybe it's not working. Maybe to Luke, it has already stopped working. Maybe last night I just pushed him over the edge that he had been teetering on for a long time."

"I don't believe that. And even if it was true, which it isn't, he would still want to know if you're having his kid. He's proved that with April."

"I know that, and I want him to be there, I do. I just... I don't want to make him think that there is something there if there isn't. And what if he thinks we have to get back together in order for him to be in his kid's life? There is so many ifs in this situation, that I just want to hold out for something definite. His life has changed so much lately, that I don't want to shake it up more without reason."

"But you are going to tell him?"

"As soon as I pee on the stick."

"And when are you going to do that?"

"As soon as I'm sure I have to." She rolled her eyes when Sookie frowned, "As soon as I'm sure that he doesn't want to be with me for me. Now if you're done making the Spanish Inquisition look like a tea party I have to meet Rory for some shopping therapy."

~G.G~

Lorelai pulled the jeep up to the diner, hesitating at the sight of Luke standing in the kitchen.

"You sure you don't want to come in?" Rory asked, "I'm sure if you just talked to him you could work everything out."

"Sorry sweets, not going to happen. But you go have fun showing Lane your haul. Got everything?"

Rory nodded, "I think so."

"Kiss, see you later."

She watched Rory go before she circled the block, coming to a stop outside Doosy's, knowing that if she was indeed that thing she didn't want to think of her being, she needed food at home that didn't come packaged in more preservatives than Joan River's face. She took up her purse to put her keys inside when she noticed something missing.

"No!" She frantically looked through the small space, hoping to find where the long, thin package was hiding. But the test wasn't there. "Where did I put it?"

She looked quickly around the interior and when she couldn't find it, she cursed before getting out of the car, trying to remember the last time she had seen it as she went inside the market, quickly picking out foods that she normally would have turned her nose up at.

"Lorelai?" Patty called, pulling the brunette's mind back to the present, "I can't remember the last time I saw you in the produce section."

"Oh you know how it is, college aged kid. No one eats as poorly as they do. Can't let her have worse eating habits than me. See you Patty." She closed her eyes as she went to the check out, hating that she had to lie but knowing that no one was ready for a truth that even she tried to deny.

"Lorelai," Taylor called, catching her as she was next in line behind Andrew for the check out, "I thought I saw you."

"And you did."

"You're getting vegetables?"

"It's not illegal, Taylor. What can I do for you?" She reached out and tossed a bottle of aspirin into her basket, shaking her head when he paused, urging him to continue.

"I saw the fight you and Luke had last night." She smiled and nodded, decided it was better not to say anything than to cause the scene she knew would result should she open her mouth. "And I know how dependent you were on his diner for your coffee."

"Coffee?" She asked, her tone sharp, wanting to reach out and slap him with a bottle of aspirin.

"Yes, I just wanted to let you know that I made sure to order extra coffee so that you wouldn't have to go without."

"Thanks Taylor, but I'm actually trying to kick the coffee habit."

Everyone froze, "You-you're giving up coffee?" Taylor asked, taking a tentative step away from her. Everyone knew that she had an addiction to caffeine that few in the world could compete with.

She grinned at the fear that shone in his eyes, "Yup. Cold turkey. I haven't had any in over a day. So do you still want to tell me about all this coffee you ordered?"

"See you later, Lorelai."

She exhaled deeply, looking around the store, everyone was still looking at her like she was a nuclear weapon that was armed and about to go off any minute. "Get off my back!" She yelled, taking her bagged groceries, tossing down her money and leaving quickly, wondering how much of her mood was truly being caused by caffeine withdrawal.

~G.G~

Rory was torn when she entered the diner. While she didn't want to get between whatever was happening between her mother and Luke, she also didn't want to appear to be taking sides. She liked Luke and it saddened her to think that he wasn't going to be her step-father.

She offered him a warm smile and nod in greeting before Lane pulled her into a hug, helping her with some of her bags as they moved to the largest free table in the mostly empty diner.

"So," Lane almost sang, "What did you buy? Besides everything!"

"There was a sale," she claimed as an excuse, "And I think I took a couple of Mom's bags by mistake."

Lane glanced up at the mention of Rory's mother, wondering how close of attention Luke was paying to them. When he didn't seem to react she leaned close, "How is your mom?"

Rory shrugged, taking her purchases out of a couple bags, silently urging Lane to do the same, "I don't know. She's been acting weird, and not just her "being dumped by Luke" weird. She turned down coffee today."

"What? I didn't think she could function without it."

"Well so far she hasn't turned into grandma without it. At least not yet. How's he doing?"

"I think he's stage one."

"What's stage one?"

"Crankier than he was, but not yet burning things or tossing people on the streets. I hope we don't get to that stage. I don't want to have to find a new job. I think having April is helping him," she confessed, looking into one of the bags and freezing. Her hand shot out, grabbing Rory by the wrist, holding her tightly.

"Ow! Hey there Lane, ease up. I will need to use my arm again."

"Rory," Lane hissed, leaning in farther with a suspicious look around, "How dare you?"

"How dare I what?"

"How dare you talk about other things when you have something more important you need to tell me."

"Doogie Houser was just a show?"

Lane rolled her eyes, thrusting the bag in question into Rory's grasp. Still not following the reason for her friend's sense of panic she looked down. "Whoa. How did this..."

"You mean it's not yours?"

Rory shook her head, "No, it must be my mom's."

"Lorelai's p..."

Rory pulled her back down to the table, shushing her. Blushing, she looked around to see if Luke had heard. Luckily he was in the kitchen. "I don't know. But it's not open, she must not even know. And if she hasn't told me then I'm sure she doesn't want Luke to know yet either."

"What are you going to do?" Lane asked, joining Rory in whispering, watching as she went about quickly shoving things back into bags.

"I have to talk to her."

"Good luck, and don't worry," she added, walking Rory to the diner's door, "I won't say anything."

~G.G~

Lorelai was sitting on the couch watching the television when Rory came home. She was curled up and Rory knew from her expression that she wasn't paying much attention to what was going on on the screen.

Without saying anything she took her bags to her room, shed her outside layers and prepared for the fight she had a feeling she would be entering into.

Taking the bag that still housed the test in hand she moved to the living room, noting the picked over salad that was sitting, forgotten, on the coffee table next to a mug of tea.

"If you want something edible, you'll have to order out. What's wrong?" She added, seeing the upset expression her daughter wore.

She held out the bag, "I got one of your bags mixed up with mine. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Doogie Houser's your real father?" She asked, not in the mood for any accusations. She took the bag and looked inside, her shoulders falling at what she saw inside. "Oh Rory."

"So it's yours? You're going to have a baby?"

"I don't know, Kid. But maybe."

"You gave up coffee, you are eating salad... although badly. Mom, you have the test. You're pregnant. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I haven't taken the test yet, Rory," Lorelai tried to explain, getting off the couch, needing to move around. "I don't actually know if I am... you know."

"Pregnant, Mom. You can't even say the word?" She followed her mother, "Why don't you just take the test? Does Luke know? Mom! Does he know?"

"No, Rory, he doesn't know! You know Luke, do you think last night would have happened if he even suspected I could be p..."

"You have to tell him."

"I know."

"I mean it Mom. Luke has to know. And soon. You can't put off telling him things the way you put off telling Grandma something."

"I know that Rory. And I will as soon as I have something to tell him!"

Shaking her head Rory stalked back into the living room, grabbing the test, "Here, let's find out," she said, thrusting the test at her.

"I'm not taking the damned test."

"Why not? Luke deserves to know if he's going to have a kid. Why are you putting this off?"

"Why are you pushing this?"

"Because..." she faltered, her eyes flickering to the floor, "Because I don't want you to go through this again. I don't want your baby to grow up without a dad."

Lorelai's shoulders sagged, "Oh hon, Luke isn't like your dad. Even if things between us are wrecked beyond repair, he will always be around. And I'm sorry that Christopher wasn't like that. But I didn't keep him from seeing you. Just because I didn't marry your father doesn't mean that he couldn't have been there."

Rory shifted her weight and Lorelai wondered if she believed her. "I-I know," she said at last, "I just don't want you to go through this again. I don't want my sibling to feel that."

"I know, Kid. This situation, isn't as simple as it was with Christopher."

"Do you think that if he knew about the baby, Luke would want to stay with you?"

Lorelai nodded, "I do, and that's not the reason I want him to stay with me. You can understand that, right? Because I need you to understand this. I want this baby, I want it to be real. But I can't know for sure, because I need Luke to be with me. He missed out on all this with April, and I want him to be there every step of the way. But I have to know that if we work out and get back together, it's because he wanted to, not because he thinks it's what he should do."

Rory frowned, watching her mother breakdown from a combination of stress, heartbreak, lack of caffeine and possible hormones. Knowing that her mother was stubborn enough under the best of circumstances, she knew trying to make her see reason now would be next to impossible. Instead she held her, trying to comfort her as best she could.

"I won't tell him," she assured her once the worse had passed, "But you need to talk to Luke. See what he's feeling. This isn't healthy for you, or for the maybe baby. Promise you'll talk to him? Soon? Tomorrow."

Lorelai nodded, giving into her daughter's demands and those of her own heart.

~G.G~

Luke was in the kitchen when he heard the bells. He wasn't in the mood for last minute people ducking in when he would have rather them leave him alone. There was a case of beer waiting for him upstairs. He was tempted to tell the person to go away until he saw who it was, sitting at her place at the counter. He was surprised to see her, having figured that she would need time to go off and lick her wounds. Or to do something truly stupid. Or to think about what she was going to do next. Maybe she knew already? He wished he could say the same, still not sure the conversation from two nights before had been real. It was only the rumors around town and the distance he felt between them that had convinced him that it wasn't just a dream.

"I didn't come to fight," she told him as soon as she saw him step out of the kitchen, "So you don't need to worry about that."

He nodded, not really sure what else to do. "Coffee?"

She held her hand up, her stomach turning even at the thought of it. She had done well that day, finding out what made her ill and what her body was approving that she eat. Her mind and body were at odds, and were it not for the possible life being nurtured within her, she would have brought vengeance down upon the vessel that was now betraying her with its want of healthy foods.

"No coffee? You feeling okay?"

She wanted to laugh as much as she also wanted to cry. Instead she looked away from him, "I saw April yesterday, in Litchfield," she told him, easing her way into the conversation, a small smile on her lips, "She's quite the kid."

"That she is."

"Smart as a whip that one. She knew right away that we weren't okay."

He tensed, "Lorelai..."

"I get it," she assured him, cutting him off, "Why you didn't want her and me to spend a lot of time together. Why you wanted her to yourself. After raising a daughter for 20 years more or less by myself, I get it. There is something about keeping that part of you that you see in your kid to yourself, where no one can try to steal it away.

"And I know how it can be, mixing relationships and kids. There were only a few of the men I dated who I allowed Rory to even know about let alone meet. There were only two besides her father who were allowed to be a part of her life. So I get it. But here's the part of this that hurts. The reason I kept those men from my daughter is because I didn't want her life to change or for her to get attached and then hurt if things in the relationship didn't work out. I didn't want her to know anyone who didn't have the potential to be permanent in her life."

She inhaled a steadying breath, watching him through the tears that were blurring her vision but refused to fall. His arms were crossed and he was leaning back against the counter, stoically focused on the dishware on the shelves under where her hands were nervously folded. "Was that it? Were you not sure of us? Was that why you put off the wedding and didn't want us to bond?"

He shifted and she knew. She knew the doubts that he had felt and never voiced.

She nodded, "I see."

He straightened, his throat clearing, looking around, needing something to do. "Are you sure you don't want coffee?"

"No coffee. Tea, though."

He paused, "Tea? You want tea?"

"Peppermint if you have it."

He nodded, his movements uncertain as he went about preparing it, trying to remember any time when she had opted for something other than her beloved coffee. "You sure? No coffee?"

"I'm giving it up," she explained with a shrug, "I think I read somewhere that too much coffee wasn't good for you."

While waiting for the tea to steep he looked around, needing something to do. He pointed to the doughnuts, "Snack?"

Again she shook her head, pulling an apple from her purse, "Covered, thanks."

"No coffee and now an apple? Are you sure you're okay? Are you sick? Possessed by demons? Do you need me to drive you to the hospital?"

A voice in her head screamed at her to tell him. To get the news off her chest so she could finally use the test that she had carried everywhere with her in her purse. Every time she felt the urge to pee she debated taking it with her, to put her out of her misery. But then she thought of Luke, of her possible future life with him and she thought better of it. She deserved to not know. She deserved to suffer for not having faith that they would make it.

"I've been better," she told him instead, taking the tea when he offered her the mug. "I'm sorry," she continued after a long moment and generous drink, finding comfort in the warmth of the hot liquid seeping into the palms of her hands, "For the other night. I shouldn't have given you that ultimatum. I know you don't do well with them, but I did it anyway. And I'm sorry, it's just I had to do something, you know? I've never been in a relationship like this. I've always gone with the flow, with what the guy thinks or wants or expects. Men have always done the driving the entire relationship and when I got tired of that I cut ties and run. I let the relationship slip away. I did it with Chris and Jason and Alex and Max... but I couldn't do it with you.

"I didn't want you, I didn't want us, to slip away. Not without a fight. So I got into that drivers seat and I acted and I fought and I did it all wrong. But I'm proud of myself for doing something, even if it wasn't the right thing to do and even if all I did was put the final nail into the coffin of our relationship. At least I could say I tried." She looked down when the first tear fell.

Willing herself to hold it together she looked back up at him, "I was so angry that night. I don't think I've ever been that hurt in my entire life, not even when Rory stopped talking to me... and all I could think about while walking away from you is how I could make you hurt in the same way." She laughed, it catching in her throat as more tears fell, "I even thought about going to see Christopher."

He leaned forward, handing her a napkin, keeping his distance, not wanting to be drawn into her, not now, not yet. "Why didn't you?"

"The thought made me sick, literally up most of the night being sick at the thought of it. Of the thought of hurting you. I dreamed that I had, and it didn't end well. It ruined so many things."

"I'm glad you didn't," he offered after a long moment of silence, "You're right, it would have hurt. More than you would imagine."

"Luke... I need to know if you- do you still love me?"

"Lorelai..."

"Don't say what you think I should know. Please. Do you love me?"

"I've never loved a woman as much as I love you."

Slowing her breaths, trying to calm her heart as he looked into her eyes, them telling her everything she had doubted over the past few days. He loved her, that at least hadn't changed.

"What now?" She asked.

He shook his head, hands on the counter in front of him, his arms taught as he bent his head, shaking it, "I don't know. I wish I did."

"Do you think that there is any chance of us working this out? Do you want to work it out?"

"I don't know," he whispered, "A part of me is yelling at me not to be stupid and say yes."

"But you still have your doubts, I get that. You have April to worry about and my history is a giant black mark against me. You need time to process. I will try to give you that if you want it. Do you want it? Or would you rather me walk out of this door and close it behind me, close it on us?"

"Don't close the door."

Feeling her heart start beating faster, she nodded, wiping her face dry. "Time it is," she exhaled slowly, her shoulders relaxing. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring he had given her. "Take this," she shook her head when he tried to protest, "Decide whether or not you want to give it back to me. Thanks for the tea," she said with a shy smile, moving towards the door. She paused, it opened to the night air, "And Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't take too long, we're waiting on you."

He watched her go before leaning back against the counter, letting go of the breath he had been holding. He picked up the ring with a frown, his eyes going back to where she had left just moments ago, a thought striking him odd. "We're?"

~TBC~