Chapter 4 –
Quinn was up at seven o'clock sharp, the next Saturday. Rachel hadn't so much as looked at her the entire week and Mr. Ryerson was being fired for inappropriate conduct. In her opinion, it was about time. Quinn dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt and her trusty white tennis shoes. She didn't look in the mirror, didn't lift her eyes any higher than she had to in the halls lest she catch her reflection in something. Her period still hadn't shown up. Her mother sat at the kitchen table with a small breakfast of toast, a mug of tea, and a single apple. The light was off in the room.
She wasn't looking at anything in particular until Quinn cleared her throat. Judy glanced at her clothes and narrowed her eyes, making her voice colder, "Would you please put on something more sensible? People will think we're raising some sort of bull dagger."
Quinn ignored her outwardly but inside her chest hurt at the term. There went any chance of her mother being her confidant about her thing with Man-Hands. But really, what was she supposed to say? "I like her and she gave me an orgasm in our auditorium, but we aren't together. I swear." That was much more likely to get her tossed out on her ass than anything else.
"Sure, mom," She replied. She didn't want to fight with her, not over this. They would have bigger issues in just a few weeks, if she decided to keep it. The teenager went up the stairs again and changed into a summer dress, fluttery around her legs, a pair of wedges, and her purse. She made sure her wallet was in there, and saw that it had fifty dollars in it. Judy must have put it in there last night, while she was asleep. When she came down again, her mother had cleaned up and left a small plate of eggs and toast with a cup of tea. She finished quickly then went upstairs to brush her teeth. She was scheduled for a dentist appointment in about a month and always cleaned her mouth more frequently around that time.
Her mother was sitting on the living room couch when she finished. Rather than reach for her keys, her mother handed her a key ring with two keys on it. One was the house key she'd thought she lost a few days ago and the other was thicker and clunky; a car key.
She made an embarrassingly choked sound and her mother smiled before saying, "Turn around."
She did. Her father was dressed for golf, but he stopped and kissed her forehead as she said her thanks. He replied, "For you to drive me to that Chastity Ball, okay? Don't get in a wreck."
Quinn hugged him tightly, smelling his aftershave and feeling his strong arms around her, wondering if when six months had passed, if he was still going to hold her like this. He let go first, handed her a crisp twenty, and she quickly headed outside the house to look at her new car. Well, if anyone thought a red, slightly rusty SUV was new.
"It's good for a few more years, until you come back from college," Her father called out.
She hugged him again, head pressed against his chest, and he gave her a wet kiss on her forehead before heading to his own car, a Mercedes-Benz. The blonde got in the car and adjusted the seat and rearview mirror before putting her seat belt on. She adjusted her seat again, just out of nerves, and then checked the side mirror closest to her before taking her right shoe off. Both of her parents drove that way, so she did as well. She turned the car on, felt the rumble and purr it made and grinned, big and wide. She could even feel her ears move. Her mother got in the car as she played with the radio, trying to find something other than the local station, which only played up-beat pop or pop-rock. Quinn turned to the oldies station as her mother snapped her seat belt on and placed her hands on her lap. She adjusted the volume so Otis Redding wasn't as loud.
"Quinnie, we need to leave," She said.
"Right, sorry," She murmured. Her mother hummed, which went up as she backed out the drive way. Quinn glanced at her, but Judy just gave a little, shaky smile. She drove to Gretchen's at twenty-five miles per hour. Every time she went any higher, her mother's fingers clenched onto the fabric of her dress and she said, "Aren't we moving a little fast?"
It took them fifteen minutes to get there even though the traffic was light, even by Lima standards, and she parallel parked because the only space on the block was between two older cars. Judy's eyes were slammed shut the entire time and she practically clawed herself out of the car once it was off. Quinn's mouth quirked into a grin as she put her shoe on and then got out to stand by her mother on the side walk. Judy was brushing her dress out even though there weren't any wrinkles on her soft teal dress and white cardigan.
Gretchen's wasn't very crowded, probably because of the early hour. There were two employees behind the counter, talking casually and drinking coffee when they saw them come in. The young man, dressed in a green dress shirt and white jeans, smiled brightly at them. His voice was high, but pleasant, and one of his hips was pressed against the countertop, "Mrs. Fabray, nice to see you. Gretchen's in the back. Would you like me to take you?"
Her mother smiled, but it was thin and frosty, "No thank you. I can find it myself."
His polite smile drooped and he replied, "Of course. Have a lovely day."
Quinn tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. As they headed through the shop, her mother murmured, "Never bring one of those home. I'm not letting it past the front door."
She didn't ask any dumb questions about what an 'it' was and didn't say that Santana and Brittany had been there before, in her room, on her bed. Her mother had never hit her, but she'd get the piss slapped out of her for that impudence. Gretchen was in the back room, just as the man had said, and hugged Judy gently to her when she saw her, "Judy, I haven't seen you in years! How've you been?"
Her mother smiled into the embrace, murmuring something back. It was a softer, more genuine smile than any she'd seen her give before, even when she'd told her about being the head cheerleader or the first date she'd gone on ever, with Finn. Quinn felt a little lost and confused and cleared her throat. Her mother let go quickly, like she was a cat who'd had their tail stepped on. Gretchen's eyes turned to her and were that much colder before she smiled. It was a professional smile, not the softness of flannel pajamas as she'd given her mother, and she said, "Oh, you must be Quinn. You look just like your mother, but have your father's eyes."
Quinn smiled back and tucked her hands behind her to keep from fidgeting as she replied, "Thank you."
Her mother cleared her throat, "Well, we're here to get her a dress for the Chastity Ball. As you know, I'm not much of a seamstress and we came here for Frances' as well."
"Your spitting image," Gretchen smiled. If it was possible, her smile was even chillier than before. After that, she was made to stand on a stool and her mother hovered as the woman took her measurements and then held swatches of fabric and color against her skin.
The seamstress said absent-mindedly, "She'd look very good in blue. Maybe tulle sleeves as well."
Her mother's voice was filled with disbelief, "For the Chastity Ball?"
Gretchen replied absentmindedly, "No, of course not. It would be for her junior prom and something very airy, nothing to retract from her features or her eyes."
Her mother grudgingly nodded, "She does look nice in blue. But for the Chastity Ball?"
"White," She answered. "What other color would do?"
The two women discussed what the gown would look like after Gretchen was finished and Quinn shifted from foot to foot out of boredom. She had a car and still couldn't get away. Judy glanced at her and said, "Why don't you leave me the car and go on home? I still have some grocery shopping to do."
Quinn was hesitant, but handed the keys to her after another moment. Home wasn't exactly where she wanted to go, after all. She left the back room and saw the young man still at the cash register, coffee cup gone. After looking behind her to ensure that her mother wasn't peeking she turned to him and said, not stopping, "I'm sorry for my mother."
He looked at her and gave her a little smile that she could see from the window. After she walked two blocks, she pulled her phone out and called Santana. At the fifth ring, Santana growled, "What, bitch? I was getting my Britt-Britt cuddles on."
Quinn rolled her eyes, "Can you come pick me up? I need to get something."
The Latina grumbled before she said, "Fine, but I'm bringing B." Santana hung up, then immediately texted, bWre r u?/b
Quinn texted back, bLincoln and Marks, by LBean/b
Santana pulled up about ten minutes later in her father's Maxima. Brittany was practically asleep in the front seat but perked up when she saw Quinn and nearly crawled in the back seat to kiss her cheek enthusiastically.
"Seatbelt, B," Santana called as she pulled out into traffic. Once Brittany was seated correctly again, the driver of the car asked, "Where to, Q?"
Quinn was silent for a moment before asking, "Do you know where I can get a pregnancy test?"
Brittany turned to look at her, wide-eyed, while Santana broke into sniggers, "Good one. Now where am I taking you?"
"San," Brittany said quietly, "I don't think she's kidding."
They pulled up to a stop sign and Santana turned to look at her. Quinn wasn't sure what she saw on her face, probably hopeless despair, but Santana pulled over and said something to Brittany. Brittany nodded and crawled into the back with Quinn as Santana turned the car off and then got in the back as well, on Quinn's other side. They pulled her into a hug; the crushing kind where their smells melded into one and her face was pressed against Brittany's tank-top so all she felt was warmth and comfort. She tried to hug them both, to mash them against her until everything felt a little better. It didn't.
Santana pulled away first, turned her around and then brushed a feathery kiss against her cheek, so light she hardly felt it. It was the first time Santana had ever kissed her. Brittany kissed her cheek, just as lightly, but stayed huddled to her side. Even though Santana was only in her pajamas, she drove for almost half an hour, until they were in an even smaller town, named Spencerville. The sign when they drove in only showed a little above two thousand people. Quinn was nearly amazed that there were even smaller towns then Lima. Living there, sometimes it felt like Lima was as small and insignificant as a town could get, even if it did trap you worse than anything. And a baby, a baby was the biggest trap, the kind you couldn't drag yourself out of, bootstraps or not.
There was a pharmacy and Santana parked in front of it. There was a little white open sign on the door. Quinn's mouth was suddenly dry as Brittany and Santana opened the doors and Brittany held her hand as she got out of the car, almost like she was a little kid. Santana held the door open just long enough for them to get in and when the door swung, it hit her on the ass. The dark-haired girl sniggered and Quinn rolled her eyes before pinching her. The man behind the counter was a little older, maybe her father's age, and he watched them with disapproving eyes as they headed to the shelf that housed the tests.
They all said stupid things like: 99% accurate! Or Top Doctor's Choice! The other two looked just as confused as she did, so she scooped up five of the expensive ones and five of the cheap ones before asking, "Could one of you bring a gallon of water?" Santana went and caught up with them just as she dumped them onto the counter. The man rang them up without a smile and accepted the fifty. He held it up to the light, as if that would help, and then gave her the change. She kept the bills, crumpled and stained as they were, but gave Brittany the loose change. Her sister was supposed to be starting a coin collection or something, last she heard.
She gathered the bags and Santana took the water again. Santana drove them again, for another half an hour, back to Lima. They ended up at Brittany's house. Her parents were complete hippies and wouldn't care if Quinn looked like a house, covered in blood, or if Brittany sprouted horns and only sang Show tunes so long as they were happy or didn't complain. Mrs. Pierce waved from the couch, having a staring contest with a young kitten, and Santana booted Lord Tubbington off the staircase, where he took up a full step.
Brittany's parents, in a fit of fancy, had taken one of the smaller bedrooms and given the master with the en suite bathroom to Brittany. Once they reached the room, they left her alone. It wouldn't be entirely accurate at this point, but what other chance could she get?
It took her over an hour to pee on all the sticks and she paced back and forth, waiting on the last of them to finish. When the timer on her phone went off, she went from last to first, becoming increasingly panicked. All but one of the expensive ones had two red lines, a plus sign, a blue line, a weird purple bushel she had to check to make sure, or something else. It all meant one thing, though: She was never getting out. Quinn would live and die in Lima, regardless of her education, of her drive, of her dreams because she'd done a stupid thing with a stupid boy.
She sat and stared at the little plastic test. Quinn ran her fingers through her hair then rubbed her eyes. What was she supposed to do now?
Her first thought, shamefully enough, was of a free clinic. Lima had one, but it was in the really bad section of town, hence why she hadn't gone for the pregnancy test. She was underage but Santana made fake ID's so it wasn't that big of an issue. But the only available time for her to do that was today or Sunday, and if the movies were right, she'd be feeling sick and off the rest of the day. But then she thought about telling Santana to make her one and seeing the sadness and pity in her eyes and found she couldn't do it.
There was a knock on the door before Brittany said, "Quinn, Sanny and I are going downstairs for breakfast. Mama's making blueberry pancakes."
"Thanks, B. Just let me clean up."
There was a short pause before Brittany asked, "Are you gonna have a baby?" Her voice was even lower than usual and her normal monotone had something like worry in it. Brittany may not have been the smartest person ever, but she knew what happened when you had babies in Lima or were stupid in Lima or anything but completely ruthless in Lima.
The truth, she thought. Tell the truth, she won't tell. "No, B. No baby," She replied. Leave the unusual, kill the weak. Nothing was weaker than a pregnant woman.
Brittany was quiet again, "Kay. But if you did have one, I'd help. I-I mean, I'm not smart or whatever, but I work with Randy a lot and I'd babysit. I like kids."
Quinn sniffled and wiped her eyes, "I know. Thank you. When I'm an adult and have one, you can help me." If no one else deserved to get out, it would be Man Hands and Brittany. She knew Santana took care of Brittany a lot, but she was too good for Lima, too good for Santana too, who would never tell the truth to be with her. They were alike in that respect.
Brittany sounded more enthused, "Awesome. We can name her Ducky."
She heard her footsteps troop away and then placed her head in her hands and cried again. She didn't sob or anything, just little tears, which made her mouth taste salty. She checked under the sink and found an empty plastic bag. She put all of the pregnancy tests in there and tied it up. It was less than a pound, probably, but it may as well have been a ton for all it meant. She forced it into her purse. Quinn washed her face and eyes and headed downstairs. Mrs. Pierce made the best pancakes ever.