The 'blue note' was pretty well filled mid-weeks. Hump-day was always worth a celebration.
"Hi, what can I get you?" asked the bartender.
"A small white wine, thank you. Can you tell me, if Callie is here today?"
The bartender nodded, "she ended the show earlier today. I think she's doing not so well. Maybe you can still catch her. Through the hallway, the first door on the right."
Jess paid for her wine and took a sip. Then she took a deep breath and went to the door, the bartender had told her. She was very worried about her brother-in law, Jack had already lost his mother, he could not even lose his father, too. If that meant she had to play Cupid, then she´d do that. She knocked.
"Yes please!"
Jess opened the door.
"Can I help you?" she was approached by a petite young woman with short, blonde curls. Jess immediately noticed what Hotch attracted to her, she looked just as lost and desperate as Hotch himself. Like misery wanted company. This is not good, Jess thought, not at all.
"Are you looking for someone?" Callie asked.
Jess nodded, "You're Callie?"
"Yes, I am. Why don´t you come in?"
"Um...I..I do not know if that's such a good idea," Jess said. "I am here because of Aaron."
"Because of Aaron?" Callie repeated, "he sent you? I cannot see him again, I clearly told him. "
"He doesn´t know I'm here. I'm Jess, Hotch is my brother-in-law. " Jess had noticed Callie said I cannot , that indicated she´d like to. Otherwise she´d say I don´t want to, maybe not everything was lost.
Callie offered Jess a chair. "I won´t take Hotch from your sister, Jess. I´m sorry, it wasn´t my intention to make a mess. It was only one night, we will not see each other again," Callie said sadly.
Jess shook her head. "It's not like that, Callie. My sister died two years ago. Hotch just cannot get over it. And you know, what he does for a living? It eats him up alive, Callie. He needs someone. Someone who loves him and cares for him and Jack. I´m only his sister-in-law, I can´t give him this kind of comfort." Jess said urgently.
"You´re talking about me? I can´t help him," Callie said, horrified, "I´d only make things worse."
Jess was determined, not to let Callie off the hook. "Hotch has already indicated that you might have some problems, but they can be solved, right? I've seen the dedication and the drawing in the book, Callie. You´ve even been at Quantico and brought Hotch the book for Jack. So don´t tell me, Hotch doesn´t mean anything to you. I know he does."
"Even if you´re right," Callie suddenly started to cry, "what do you expect from me? I'm dying, Jess. Actually, I 'm as good as dead. What do you want me to tell him? Shall I tell Hotch ' nice we have each other, but in six months everything will be over?' Do you think that will actually help him? Maybe it pushes him over the edge, finally? Would you like that to happen, Jess?"
Jess wasn´t able to say anything, that couldn´t be possible? But she was sure, Callie was telling the truth, her despair was too obvious.
"You should go, Jess. Hotch will find someone else, I´m sure. He´s such a good man. "
"Maybe he doesn´t want to, Callie. You didn´t hear, how he talks about you."
"Listen to me! Go away, Jess! For Heaven's sake, do it now!" Callie screamed in sheer desperation, this was more than she could bear. Her heart cracked into small pieces.
XXX
"Daddy! Daddy! Please, wake up! "
Jack was constantly shaking his father. He woke up, because he heard his father scream and Jack got scared. Pretty scared. His daddy never cried in his sleep and he didn´t scream, either. Jack sobbed aloud, why wasn´t Mommy around no more? She´d know, what to do.
"Jack, Jack it's all right." Hotch finally woke up and took Jack into his bed. "Don´t cry, Jack. It's all right, It was just a bad dream."
"I was afraid, Daddy." Jack clung very closely to his father.
"I know, Jack. And I´m sorry. I didn´t wanna scare you, buddy."
"Were you afraid, too?" Jack wanted to know.
"Yes, I've also been afraid, Jack," Hotch said softly, stroking his son 's hair. He had to think of Callie, how calm he had slept next to her and how good it felt. And how reassuring it was, not to be alone. No nightmares, no hurt...just peace and comfort and...love.
"Daddy? We can visit Ferdinand 's Mum? I think she 's nice."
" I don´t know, Jack. "
"Can you ask her? Oh please Daddy, reading about Ferdinand always makes me happy. Maybe she can write a story for us, so we no longer need to be afraid? "
Hotch nearly was bursting into tears, because of Jack´s conclusion.
"I 'll ask her, Jack. Promise. But you´ll have to sleep now, there will be school tomorrow. "
"Pfff ," Jack said and fell asleep instantly.
Dave is right, Hotch thought. The hurt would kill him if he did nothing. Hotch was aware that he just admitted to Jack that he was afraid. He decided to talk to Callie again, no matter what problems she might have, nothing could be that bad. There was a solution for everything, right?
Jess didn´t get any sleep this night. She just didn´t understand the meaning. How could Hotch and Callie find each other, to lose each other again? Jess knew Hotch very well, she knew he wouldn´t accept a 'No' from Callie, not until he knew the truth. A truth that would hurt him again. She couldn´t get Callie out of her head, her despair, that was almost palpable. Jess cried. For Hotch and Callie, for Jack and Haley and also a little bit for herself.
XXX
Rossi expected Hotch the next morning with a slightly queasy feeling, Hotch had not even said goodbye last night, apparently he was pissed from what he had thrown into his face. But Rossi was sure, someone had to say it, Hotch wasn´t able to go on like this. Under no circumstances. To Rossi´s surprise Hotch came into his office with a cardboard cup from Starbuck´s.
"Double vanilla latte", he placed it on Dave's desk. "I have to apologize, Dave." Hotch sat down. "I'm aware, you worry about me. All of you. And I notice that you´re trying to help me. You don´t mean to harm me. I´m taking not enough care of myself, you 're absolutely right. But look, you can´t interfere into my life, Dave, you just can´t. I must find my own way, for Jack and for me."
Rossi nodded, Hotch sounded determined. Dave began to hope, Callie was having a healing effect on Hotch.
"Just promise that you´ll take care about yourself a little more. Take a few days off, use up your overtime and sleep properly. We´ll get along without you." Rossi grinned, "You're not as irreplaceable as you think. " Rossi hugged his friend, "and give Callie my regards, let her take good care of you. Now scram , I`ll handle Strauss."
XXX
Two hours later, Hotch arrived at Callie's apartment, a large bag with breakfast in his hands and rang her doorbell. It took a while, until Callie opened.
" I hope you´re not throwing an injunction suit at me, Callie. One word from you and I 'm gone. Callie?" Hotch noticed her swollen eyes and how tired and exhausted she looked.
"You don´t know, what you're getting, Aaron. I'll only hurt you."
"Will you let me decide, what is hurting me? " Hotch asked quietly.
Callie just had to look at him to know that she had lost another battle, the battle for her heart. Callie stepped aside and let Hotch in.
"Did..." Callie had to think about the name, "Jack enjoy his present?" she asked, filling the coffee maker. Hotch put his bags on the kitchen counter.
" Jack was thrilled and, of course, we had to read a few pages, immediately. You've made such an effort for my little boy, Callie. Why don´t you tell me, what´s going on?" Hotch put his arms around her and very gently, he pulled her close.
Callie´s green eyes were filled with tears, when she looked at Hotch. "Make love to me, Aaron. Please. Right now, that´s all I want from you. I´ll tell you, what´s up, afterwards. You think, you could do that for me?"
Hotch caressed Callie's cheek and leaned down to her, she wasn´t tall, her head was leaning on the middle of his chest. "Anything you want, Callie ," Hotch whispered and kissed her tenderly. He followed her into the bedroom.
There was nothing violent or ardent in the way they loved each other, but rather a loving, affectionate sinking into each other, Callie forgot for a while that there would soon be no tomorrow and Hotch felt brave enough again, to love someone.