A/N Well my darling readers, I have finally got this beast of a story to cooperate with me! It really isn't that hard when I put my mind to it and swear I'll finish it no matter what, but it's hard to get to that point :D This chapter is actually dedicated to VickyT36 who reminded me to work on it. Hope you guys enjoy it! It's quite long, which should please you all
Disclaimer: I only own Bliss.
It takes me five hours of sleeping on a park bench, in the snow, to work up enough energy to fly home. Once there, I crash for another five hours and wake up to the glorious feeling of power tingling in my veins and warming my soul. I smile brightly as I get dressed; relishing the feeling of joy and contentment I so missed. Feeling like this it's almost impossible to believe that I had felt so horrible yesterday. The world seems so much brighter and better with just a few hours of sleep.
I debate rather or not to leave America. If I do, the chances of me running into Jack lessen quite a bit. However, if I'm honest, I like America the best. I love how I can just travel over a few states and suddenly the landscape is something completely different. There are forests, plains, beaches, deserts, and marshes. It's like flying over a beautiful quilt, full of different colors and patterns
There are also just so many different kinds of people in America. I love the diversity, how I can help an old black man then turn around and help a young Asian girl. No single country offers so many different kinds of people and places, and with that, so many different kinds of troubles and problems that need my help.
I don't want to leave America.
I don't want to be driven out just because I want to avoid Jack.
I can still avoid him in America; it's a big place after all. Sitting on my bed, I try to think of the best place I can go, somewhere Jack will be hundreds of miles away from. California? Hawaii? Arizona? Florida? I suddenly want to be somewhere blessedly warm. Not burning hot, but warm, with the scent of flowers heavy in the air and the sound of waves echoing in my ears.
I need to go somewhere where spring is eternal. I've had enough of snow and freezing cold temperatures. After what happened yesterday, I need a vacation, I need somewhere to relax and bring joy in peace. Hawaii will be perfect.
I take a flying leap off my platform, urging the air to take me to the sandy beaches of Hawaii. It chatters in my ear, trying to direct my attention to other places but I remain firm. It's just for a day, I think, I deserve a day in a place I want to be. It's not like I'm running from my job, I'm still doing it, I'm just doing it in a place I'd rather be.
You're being selfish, my mind whispers.
No I'm not, I argue. I haven't been to Hawaii in a long time, they probably need me there.
My mind sends me images of what happens to Spirits when they give into selfishness and dark emotions once too often. I try to block them out but somehow they manage to reappear, clear and horrifying in my mind's eye. It's just for a day, I think, not forever!
No amount of arguing helps and I decide to just ignore it.
The temperature of the air around me starts to rise dramatically. My body relishes the warm, the cold that seemed to linger in the air around me finally starting to disappear. The sun shines down on me, bathing my skin in wonderful golden light, light that's warm and not cold like the sunlight in other places.
The ocean appears underneath me and I fly down a bit until I'm hovering right above the waves. I reach down and let my fingers glide across the surface of the water. The sea is peaceful today, calm and blue under my touch. The water is even warm and I suddenly wish I could take a moment to swim around in it. I imagine what it would feel like, to be submerged in the glorious warmth of the ocean, the sun shining down on me and the gentle waves rolling beneath my body.
But no. That would be selfish. I cannot allow myself to be distracted from my mission.
Reluctantly I pull away from the water and it isn't long before I see the black sand beaches of Hawaii appear in the distance. The weather is gorgeous, clear blue skies and a pleasant warmth that isn't too hot. The scent of flowers and plants drifts through the air and I take a deep breath. It's wonderful to smell something that's alive besides pine trees. I missed the smell of flowers, the smell of spring.
Land replaces the water underneath me and I open my heart, allowing the despair and hopelessness of the mortals around me to tug at me. I pinpoint the one that seems the greatest and fly in that direction, determined to do my job to the fullest of my ability. I'm not being selfish, I'm not. I'm just doing my job in a place I enjoy better, that's all.
Its late afternoon now and I'm winding down a bit. I've helped more people than I can count today, their problems and worries relieved for the moment. I allow my feet to touch the ground and I start to walk leisurely, enjoy the few seconds of downtime. My heart can't detect any sorrow at the moment and I know it's time for me to move on to another island.
But I don't want to. Not yet.
I wander onto the beach, passing two surfers heading home after a day of sun. The woman is laughing while the man tells her a joke, their hands intertwined. I stop and watch them walk away, my heart suddenly heavy. It's not a human emotion that weights it down, but my own. I recognize it as my old friend: loneliness.
It must be nice to be a human, I think. You have a family, friends, most of the time you even get someone who loves you.
I briefly wonder what it would be like to have someone that loved me. Someone who would be there for me no matter what. Someone who could tell me jokes and make me laugh, someone I could just spend time with.
No. I push those thoughts away, annoyed at myself. I am a Spirit. I don't get a family, or friends, or love. Those things would only distract me from my job. My job. My reason for living, my reason for existing. I can't let anything matter more to me than my job. I was created for my job, abandoning it for companionship would be like abandoning myself.
I can't do that. I can't even think about doing that.
I am my job and my job is me. In a weird sense, I am joy and joy is me. We don't exist without each other. I can't leave it for anything, no matter how lonely I get.
I continue down the beach, loving the warm breeze that plays with the curls that have escaped my braid. I go down to the water's edge and take off my boots, letting the water brush up against my feet. It's comforting, the breeze and the water, washing away the feelings of loneliness. I close my eyes and let myself relax, promising to only stay like this for a minute before moving on to the next island.
I'm just about to open my eyes and put my shoes back on when the temperature suddenly drops. My eyes open and my heart stops. A chilling wind blows around my body, sending a shiver down my spine. No, no this can't be happening, it's not possible. Not after everything I did to make sure I would be left alone.
I clench my eyes shut, praying that he leaves, that it's just some wild accident that he's here. Maybe his wind is playing a joke on him, bringing him somewhere warm. He can't be here because of me; he couldn't have found me that fast.
I hear footsteps behind me and as they get closer, the temperature gets colder. My body heat rises, trying to match the cold he's producing, trying to keep the air at its normal level. He stops right next to me, frost spending across the sand until it brushes up against my own feet, melting instantly.
I don't say anything, hoping that if I don't acknowledge him, he'll just go away. I'm not even sure why he's here to begin with. Did I somehow make him think that I wanted his company? Had I been so tired that my anger had come across as an invitation? It seems so unlikely, but I can't think of any other reason of why he'd be here.
"Gotta admit," he finally says, "It is rather nice here."
I glance at him through the corner of my eye. He's looking out across the water, staring at the sun which is slowly sinking beneath the waves. The breeze that had seconds ago been my friend is now playfully blowing through his hair, shaping the locks into white waves.
"Can't say I've ever been to Hawaii," he continues, "It's kinda too warm for my taste."
"Then what are you doing here now?" I ask, unable to keep my curiosity and annoyance to myself any longer.
He glances over at me, his eyes dancing.
"I came to see you of course," he grins.
I blink.
"Why?" I ask, incredulous.
"I was just making sure you were ok after yesterday," he shrugs, "I didn't want to accidentally hurt a senior citizen."
There it is, another crack about my age. I mean, okay, I realize that I've been around for a long time. But the fact that he keeps joking about me being some withered old woman with gray hair is starting to annoy me.
"I might be older then you technically," I tell him, "But I actually look younger then you physically."
He turns to face me fully and gives me a once over. He twirls his staff in his hand as he critically studies my body. If was human I would probably be blushing, taking his scrutiny as some kind of romantic advance but I know it's not that. We're Spirits. Romance doesn't exist in our world. Jack staring at my body doesn't even really bother me much.
"Ok," he finally relents, looking back at my face, "You are physically younger. I'm guessing around sixteen or seventeen."
I nod.
"Probably. It's not like anyone can see me, so I've never asked someone how old they think I am."
He starts, looking at me in surprise.
"You're invisible too?" He asks, shocked.
I sigh and kick at the sand.
"Yeah," I admit, "I'm invisible too."
"I didn't realize…I guess I never really thought about it, I just assumed they could see you like they can see the other Spirits," his face is serious, almost sad, "I'm sorry. I can't even imagine being invisible for thousands of years. Three hundred is bad enough."
I turn back towards the water, the last bit of sun disappearing. My mind slowly digests how serious Jack is, how sad he's become. I had never given a thought to him being invisible too, I mean, I had known he was, but I didn't really think about how it would affect him. I feel awful. He's the one who is supposed to be believed in, supposed to be seen. He's supposed to have friends, supposed to have followers. I can't even imagine how much it would hurt to know you were supposed to be believed in but weren't.
"It gets old," I sigh, "But I'm not really like you. I wasn't created to be seen."
Jack looks at me, one eyebrow raised.
"What? The 'Man in the Moon' made you invisible? So that you'll be alone forever? That seems unnecessarily cruel."
There's bitterness in the way he says 'The Man in the Moon'. I wonder if Jack blames our creator for his invisibility. The Man in the Moon is kind and gentle; he wouldn't have left Jack alone unless there was a purpose to it. I'm sure of it.
"It's not like that," I try to explain, "That's just not my purpose. I don't need to be believed in or seen, my gift doesn't rely on belief like the Guardians' gifts do. My powers don't fade, they can't fade. If they did…humanity as we know it would cease to exist."
Jack snorts.
"Spring isn't that important," he says, grinning at me.
I roll my eyes.
"Not spring, joy!" I shake my head, "Joy is what's important. Without it, humans wouldn't be able to hold onto hope or experience wonder. Their memories would fade, their dreams turn to dust. Joy is necessary for life, whether or not the humans realize it."
Jack looks thoughtful, a small crease appearing between his eyebrows.
"That's why you were the first? You're the most important?"
I shake my head.
"Of course not, all the Spirits are equally important. I just have the most responsibility. Everyone is needed to make the world run the way it should, I'm just the capstone of sorts."
The twinkle is back in his eye and as he opens his mouth, I know he's about to make a joke. I prepare myself for it to be aimed at either my age or my power.
"I guess it's a good thing I called off my blizzard when I did. Would have been bad if you had died or something."
"It would not have been pleasant, no," I say, forcing myself not to snap at him. How he can joke about such things is beyond me. It's as if he has no respect for anyone or anything besides himself. His carefree attitude is rubbing me the wrong way, regardless of the fact that I still feel sorry for him.
His grin is back on his face, almost as if it had never left.
"I'm glad you're not dead, it's nice to have someone who's like me."
I glance at him through the corner of my eye. Is he being serious? Is he teasing? It's so hard to tell what Jack Frost really means.
"Really?" I ask.
"Really," he responds, still grinning, "It's nice to have a friend."
I jerk in surprise and turn to face him. I can see my face reflected in his bright blue eyes, my mouth open and my eyes wide.
"What?" He asks.
"We can't be friends!" I sputter, trying to push aside my desperation for contact and focus on my job.
He frowns, his eyebrows lowering. A small wrinkle appears between them and I stare at it. Some inner urge wants to smooth it away. I shake away the strange though, unnerved by it and confused as to where it came from. And what it means.
"Why not?" He asks.
"We're Spirits Jack!" I tell him, "We're not humans! Friendship is something that belongs to humans, not us. Relationships and feelings cloud your judgment and interfere with your duties. Our duties come first. Anything else is a distraction and can't be tolerated."
He rolls his eyes and snorts. There it is, that carefree attitude again. Maybe I should expect this, he is young after all. Just three hundred, practically a baby. What else should I expect?
"You don't really believe that do you?"
"Of course I do! I've seen first-hand what happens when Spirits let human emotions affect them. It's not good, it's best to just focus on your job and that's all."
Jack grits his teeth and I see anger in his eyes. I'm surprised. What does he have to be angry about? I mean, yes invisibility is hard, but I'm sure he'll get believers eventually. He was created to be believed in after all.
"What if you don't have a job?" He asks, venom in his voice.
I stare at him, surprised once again. He seems to be on a roll, surprising me at every turn. It's kind of nice; it's been a long time since anything has surprised me. I like being surprised.
"You don't have a duty?" I ask in disbelief.
"No!" He spits, " The oh so mighty 'Man in the Moon' never told me what I was created to do! I was given winter, but that's not my duty. You have Joy, North has Wonder, Tooth has Memories. What's my duty? I don't have one! I'm useless."
I don't know what to say. I can't imagine not knowing my duty, I can't imagine not knowing why I'm here. That's the only thing that gave me a reason to live, that still convinces me not to give up. A world without a duty is empty and horrible. I hurt for Jack. I don't pity him, I don't think he would like that, but I do hurt for him.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, reaching out to lightly touch his arm.
His sweatshirt is ice cold, but the natural heat in my fingers counteracts that to where it just feels normal. Not cold, not hot. Normal. Things never feel normal to me.
Jack shakes his head as if trying to clear away his anger and sad thoughts. He turns to face me completely, his grin once again in place. It doesn't touch his eyes, which are full of hopelessness.
"Are you sure we can't be friends?" He asks, giving me puppy eyes, "I'm sure we'll have a blast."
He winks and I can't help but smile back. He's adorable. Even with the sadness and anger that he keeps inside, he still manages to put on a show. I can't deny the fact that something deep inside longs for interaction. I want to be friends; I don't want to be alone anymore. Jack is annoying at times, but he is also different from the other Spirits. Different from me, but in a way, it's something that binds us together. We're both different from others. We're the same in our differences.
"Maybe we can," I say.
He laughs and gives me a deep bow. The last bit of sunlight catches his hair and makes it glow silver. He's beautiful, something inside me whispers. I push that thought away, confused by it. Jack straightens and gives me a heart melting smile that makes me a bit light headed.
"Well then Gram," he starts but then stops when he sees my glare, "Sorry, sorry, I meant Bliss."
I'm surprised he remembers my name. Another point to him. I nod, and he continues.
"I'll see you later," he says. He gives me a wink that makes my heart flutter before jumping into the air and flying away, laughing.
I stand there for a while longer, staring at the starry sky. Jack Frost confuses me. He's awakened things inside of me, feelings I don't have time for. I shouldn't feel the things I'm feeling, the anger and annoyance, the nameless flutters I can't figure out. I should forbid him from following me, shove him back and lock away the feelings.
But for some reason, I don't want to. I like them. And I'm just not ready to give them up yet.
Well? What are your thoughts? REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW! I love getting questions and comments! Any helpful tips? Let me know! Complaints? I'll even accept those :D I can't promise an update any time soon, but I can promise you that this story WILL be finished one day. And although I might not be the most dedicated writer on FanFiction, I ALWAYS keep my promises ;)
~Sunshine