'Never Again' was haunting Derek in the next few days. He tried to behave as normal as possible, when he met Emily. Tried to ignore her scent or the thought of her skin, skin like silk. Or her moans of pleasure, when he buried himself inside of her...
"Um...Morgan? Everything all right with you? You´re acting strange, lately. Putting sugar in your coffee? What´s going on?" Reid wanted to know. Derek muttered something unintelligible about Strauss and fled to Garcia.
oOo
"Oh, Big Choc, do you think, Hotch and Callie will make it to the softball match?"
Garcia sniffed. Since she knew what was wrong with Callie, she did little else.
"I don´t know, baby girl," Derek replied and handed her a new tissue. "I think, it depends on how she feels. I don´t know her that good, but she's a fighter, she will fight for every moment with Hotch and Jack, that's for sure."
"But JJ has been here, a couple of minutes ago, they have canceled dinner tomorrow. Why her, chocolate bear? It does make me sad, so incredibly sad."
Garcia blew her nose violently and Morgan kissed her forehead.
"I know that, baby girl. But we won´t change anything, by being so sad. Callie wants to live, with Hotch and Jack. And we should make them life as easy as possible. When they actually attend the match on Sunday, then we´ll be normal, you know, baby girl? So no sad looks, no howling, no whatsoever hugs. I 'm serious, Penny. For Hotch. How 's he going to be strong for Callie when we aren´t strong for him? "
"You 're a good man, Derek Morgan," Garcia said softly.
" I´m not, kitten. Not in the slightest. "
oOo
Hotch and Callie had good reasons to cancel dinner at JJ´s. Callie woke up on Friday morning with severe pain. Hotch had to call Dr. Malone, the Vicodin had been completely ineffective. Meanwhile morphine seemed to do, Callie slept quietly.
"This will happen more often, Mr. Hotchner." Ike Malone said.
"No. Hotch, please."
Ike nodded, "it´s Ike, then." he said, squeezing Hotch 's hand. "Eventually she will get massive blurred vision, or have difficulties in finding words , the paralysis will be more, even the headaches. The tumor grows quickly, Hotch. I wish I had better news. Callie will need morphine more often now, you dare, giving it to her?"
Hotch ran his fingers through his hair, " I dunno, Ike. I don´t want to kill Callie, morphine is dangerous."
"I know, son. But it´s the only possibility, to take her pain away. I´m gonna explain exactly, what to do. If you are still unsure, you can call me any time."
Malone patted Hotch 's shoulder. Ike was aware, he was too much engaged, Callie had become so much more than just a patient for him and since he experienced Hotch and Callie together, each distance was just gone. Ike had lost his son and his daughter-in-law very early in a plane crash. Only two people were remaining in the Malone family, he himself and his beloved granddaughter, Renée. Somehow, it was only natural to look at Hotch a little as his son. He prayed for both of them, hoping for a miracle, but the last CT-scan yesterday spoke a very clear, different language.
"We're running out of time, Ike, are we? "
Malone just looked sadly at Hotch.
"Then show me what to do." Hotch said firmly.
oOo
Emily Prentiss was in the lady's room, looking into the mirror. Were there any changes? Did anyone notice, she had slept with Derek? Emily could tell, there was a special gleam in their eyes, while she had been thinking about him. It was such a stupid idea, but Derek's presence and her need for closeness...Emily was overran by her feelings. Emily still felt his hands on her body, his mouth, biting her nipples softly and his fingers, which paved the way into her insides, gently and carefully, but still challenging.
Em moaned again, a little louder than the first time.
JJ flushed and opened the door, "okay, that's enough now, who is he? " She heard Emily coming, the clicking of her heels was unmistakable. By the first sigh, JJ thought nothing further, probably Emmy was discovering a non-existent wrinkle, but now?
"God, JJ ! Do you want to scare me to death? " Emily had become pale, she wasn´t expecting company here.
"So, Miss Prentiss, out with it !" JJ was grateful for the distraction. Just like all the others, also JJ's thoughts were around Hotch and Callie. Hotch sounded terrible when he canceled the dinner, Callie must have been worse. JJ moved and influenced all that a lot. Last night she had, for the first time in a long time, again conducted a detailed conversation with Will. And it was a good conversation without mutual accusations or claims. They made love to each other, then. JJ felt closer to Will, than the last couple of months. The arguments had become irrelevant facing Hotch and Callie´s despair.
"So who is it? Quite obviously he was good, if I´m interpreting the groans correctly."
"Derek," Emily breathed and turned bright red.
oOo
Hotch sat next to Callie's bed in the chair, engrossed in a book about photography. After Ike left, Hotch worked a little with Callie´s SLR Camera, changed the lenses a couple of times, changed a few settings and made himself more familiar with the functions. Callie had told him, she at first took some pictures from a subject, before she was painting it. It helped her, to find the right perspective. Hotch had no intention to paint, but he liked, taking photo´s from Jack and Callie. She encouraged him, Hotch was very good in observing and that´s what made a good photographer.
"Grey, dear friend, is all theory," Callie quoted softly from the bed and carefully sat up.
"Schiller?" Hotch asked and Callie smiled.
"Goethe, Faust. Mephistopheles says it to Faust in his study, I guess. Not good in remembering things, lately, I´m afraid."
"Oh, I 'm sure Reid could recite the rest, without hesitation. He has an eidetic memory. " Aaron put the book aside and lay down with Callie a bit.
She clung to him, "you miss your colleagues? Reid, who was that, the one with the long hair?"
Hotch kissed her tenderly. "Exactly. And of course I miss my friends and colleagues, I´ve worked with them for ages. But it's perfectly fine, right now." Hotch stroked Callie's cheek, "It´s a long time, since I did something for me in personal, Cal. There was the case, the paperwork, the next case, the next paperwork...you know, what I mean? A few days ago, it would not have occurred to me in a dream, to occupy myself with photography. And I´m enjoying it. And I can drive my son to school, everyday and last but not least, it´s 4 in the afternoon and I'm lying in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world."
Callie gave him a little slap, "old flatterer. But I do like when you say things like that. What do you like most?"
"Your eyes, Callie. I've never seen such a light green before, you look so deeply into me," Hotch 's voice broke. "Callie," he whispered choking and Callie pulled him close to her.
" It's all right, Aaron. Shh , shh, shh , I know how hard this is. I'm so sorry, my love, so incredibly sorry." Callie tried to comfort Hotch as good as she could. His agonized sob at her chest made her speechless.
oOo
"Derek?" JJ repeated tonelessly, "Garcia's chocolate bunny fucked you?"
"He is by no means a bunny JJ, I can assure you," Emily said dryly. "And he didn´t ...um...fuck... me, he... since when you´re expressing yourself in such a vulgar language, JJ?"
JJ gasped, "Only to get it straight. So it was more than that? Emily, come on, don´t let me starve here."
Emily moaned, "we slept together. Once. We agreed, it won´t happen again. Period, JJ. "
The blonde chuckled, "go, tell that to your priest, Em. I can see it in your eyes. Emily Prentiss, you´re in love with Derek Morgan."
JJ laughed merrily, "Oh , I like that! Promise me, I´ll be your bridesmaid!"
Emily thought about shooting JJ for a minute. "If you don´t want to become this ladies room a crime scene, you better shut up, JJ. Derek and me agreed, we won´t do that again and that´s it. So forget about the bridesmaid quickly. "
" Hm, I might as well be godmother, I 'm sure you and Derek are getting cute ... Ouch, Emily. That hurt. What are you carrying in your handbag, bricks?"
oOo
Callie felt good enough to go to the softball match on Sunday. Jack was jumping around her and Hotch all morning. He was excited to have his father and Callie around. And it was great, too, Daddy wasn´t hunting baddies and he and Callie had lots of fun. Not that kind of wild fun, Callie was tired, very often. Jack didn´t mind that, he knew, Callie was ill.
"Can I get a sandwich, Callie? I 'm really hungry." Jack cocked his head and looked longingly at Callie .
"Um, Jack. Maybe we´d ask your Dad first? You had two muffins earlier, I don´t want you to throw up."
"Daddy? "
"Son? "
Jack chuckled and hugged Hotch 's leg, "Oh, Daddy please, can I get a sandwich?"
Hotch put Jack on the counter. "Yes, Jack. But there has to be some salad on it, we´re done with the peanut butter, ok?"
"I don´t like salad so much," Jack was looking suspiciously at the sandwich, his father had just put together and cut diagonally.
"It´s more ham than salad, Jack. And Ferdinand loves salad a lot, it´s his favorite dish." Callie said and ruffled Jack's hair.
"Then I can eat that too," Jack said, grabbing the sandwich and hopping with Hotch 's help from the counter.
Callie and Hotch looked after him as he disappeared towards the roof terrace. "He's a great kid, Aaron. And he is a lot like you. "
Hotch put his arms around Callie, "I´m not that great, Cal. Jess has done a lot of educational work." He kissed her on the neck.
"Jess cares a lot about you, Hotch. She's been at the 'blue note', you know that?"
" She paid you a visit? At the club?" Hotch asked, astonished.
Callie nodded, "Jess is a strong woman. She asked me to give you a chance. Something you´d only do, for someone, who is important to you. "
"What are you trying to say, Callie? Jess loves me?"
" I don´t know, Aaron. All I noticed was, she wanted you to be happy."
Hotch suddenly had to think about what Jack had said. Rossi comforted Jess. Renounced she a life of her own to fulfill Haley's request? How many lives Foyet has actually destroyed, Hotch wondered. Were Dave and Jess two of them?
A/N Thanks again to Ramona, you´re gonna need them.