1So there's this Message Board that I visit quite often to lurk. Lately everytime I go there I get a PM saying "Please update Catalyst" or I'd read a thread and there it is again "I want an update on catalyst ...Now"... Well for everyone from that message board, I do read the messages and I get the hint and I thank you for your patience. This is for you...your update

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

Catalyst Chapter 13

I love you.

The words echoed in his brain and escaped his lips but she wasn't there to hear them. It was the morning after and she had long since left for work. The memory of their time together still irrevocably etched in his mind. The most amazing thing about their evening was the simplicity of it. He didn't have to take her to a fancy restaurant or to an expensive show, although, for her, he would gladly do all those things. He got the feeling that she was no stranger to money but she was not one to brag or to live extravagantly. He liked that about her, but he also got the feeling that the story of her life was more complex than was obvious, and he would definitely like to explore that.

Sometimes he wished that he could lock her away in his bedroom forever. There, where she was different, and where she seems to forget everything else in her life and just be Cristina. In a way she reminded him of a story his grandfather once told him about a wild horse. It's beautiful and majestic, he said, as long as it remains wild and free. If caught, one might try to tame it, but it will never be entirely broken, for the freedom of the wild would always be in its blood. He realized that people like Cristina could not be locked away or tamed, and if he was honest with himself he would admit that he wouldn't want her any other way.

Their evening had been wonderful. He found out that she had an insatiable thirst for knowledge, especially where surgery was concerned. Several times during the evening he had tried to stump her by asking her questions regarding certain surgical procedures and she answered correctly every time. Whenever he tried to ask her anything personal though, she would change the subject. Still, he learned so much about her just by what she didn't tell him. And once in a while something slipped out and he would smile knowingly, because he knew that she would not willingly offer that information. They talked, in their own round about way, and he was satisfied because he felt that he had learned a little bit more about the woman, called Dr. Cristina Yang. He had fallen in love with her. Despite his vow to take things slowly, despite past experiences, despite Bill's warnings, he was in love with her. Now as he sat at his table having his breakfast, and attempting to read the morning's newspaper, he couldn't concentrate. So he put the paper aside and allowed himself to reflect on that most memorable evening, and an early morning shower that he would never forget.

It was not yet the break of dawn when he was awakened by the feel of soft lips brushing against his. Pleasantly surprised and wanting to see just where that kiss would lead, he pretended to still be asleep. It quickly dawned on him that she was saying goodbye, so he opened his eyes just as she was leaving the room and still groggy, he called out to her "Cristina"

She turned around quickly, surprised to hear his voice, as she thought that he was still asleep. "Burke, I have to go, I didn't want to wake you up."

"Have to go where? It's still very early, Come back to bed Cristina."

"I can't" She responded quietly, "I have to go home, get a shower and a change of clothes."

He got out of bed and walked toward her. "You can shower here."

"No, I can't, I . . . "

"Don't do this Cristina," he interrupted her, "Don't run away from me again." He was recalling what happened the last time she spent the night at his house. She had gotten scared and tried to sabotage their relationship by telling him that she was repaying him for all that he had done for

her.

"I'm not running away, I really have to go, besides I can't go to work smelling like I spent the night in some cheap brothel."

Without saying another word he stooped down and picked her up.

"What are you doing?" She asked frantically.

Heading toward the bathroom he answered "making sure you don't go to work smelling like

you spent the night in a cheap brothel."

"Burke, put me down" Her command fell on deaf ears as he opened the shower door and deposited her in. Initially the burst of water was so cold that she tried to get out, but he got in the shower with her and quickly closed the door. The water got warm and so did she and she allowed herself to relax and enjoy the pleasure of just being in such close confines with him. As he began to remove her clothes she felt a little nervous; it was so much easier to be naked in front of him when they were having sex than it was to share a simple shower with him. He finished removing her clothes, turned the water off and was in the process of soaping her up when she asked "Aren't you going to take off your clothes?"

Momentarily surprised, he answered, "no, but you can, if you want to."

Without answering she turned around and began to remove the only piece of clothing that he wore, his pajama bottom. Tasks completed, she took the soap and started to soap his body with her bare hands. He stood there, motionless, allowing her to do whatever she wanted to do with him. She had never shared a shower with a man before, but she felt no awkwardness. He allowed her to explore his body freely. Afterwards she turned the water back on and leaned back against him. Instinctively his arms circled around her and he pulled her close. They stood there, devoid of any clothing, exposed to each other, the water cascading over them.

In some ways their nakedness represented everything about their relationship. A fresh start, the baring of not only their bodies but their souls, the unspoken promise of something wonderful to come, the sharing and becoming one.

Moments passed and finally she pulled away and asked quietly "What are we doing?"

He knew what she was asking but didn't want to ruin their perfect morning by being too serious

"We're conserving water," he answered, "two showers for the price of one."

She looked at him surprised. He was doing what she had always done; avoid a topic by changing the subject. She reached up and touched his face, "I was right about you" she said quietly

"What" he asked bewildered

"Your feet" she continued, "You really do have big feet"

His laughter rang out in the apartment and he pulled her back in his arms. She had seen him smile so many times before, and secretly thought that he had the most beautiful smile, but he rarely laughed.

"My feet," he responded " is just the right size."

She didn't respond to his statement but stood there quietly, her back pressed against him, secretly enjoying the feel of his muscles flexing with her every touch. Finally she said. "I'm not having sex with you in the shower."

"I don't want to have sex with you in the shower," he lied.

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "Then tell your little friend to stop poking me in the backside."

Again, he laughed "Little friend?" He sounded alarmed "I think you're getting your adjectives mixed up Cristina, there's nothing little about me."

She started to laugh, "I was right again, you are hung up on size, maybe we should measure you . . . see how big those feet really are."

He turned the water off " We are not measuring me, besides I don't remember hearing you complain last night."

"I couldn't complain" she responded "I was fast asleep."

Immediately, he turned the water off, picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, "Well, you're wide awake now."

An hour passed before she could muster up the strength to leave the bed. "If I'm late for work or pregnant or if Dr. Bailey tries to kill me, I'm blaming you, Big Foot."

With that and a smile on her face, she got dressed and without eating any breakfast she attempted to leave the apartment, but he insisted on walking her to her car. Although it was still quite early in the morning they passed a several people on their way out, and she became concerned.

"What if someone from the hospital sees us?" she asked quietly.

He took her hand in his and try to reassure her, "no one's going to see us."

"But you don't know that." She answered, "There are hundreds of people working at the hospital, not just doctors. How can you be sure that someone else from the hospital, doesn't live here?"

They had reached her car and he turned her around to face him. "If I thought, for one minute that someone else from the hospital lives here, I would never let you come here."

She believed him but was still doubtful that he could protect her reputation if anyone at the hospital should find out. "I can't keep coming here."

"Does that mean that I can come to your place?"

"No, It means that you're my boss and I can't be seen with you outside the hospital."

"You're doing it again" he said solemnly

"Doing what again?"

"Trying to break up with me."

"There's nothing to break up." She regretted those words the moment she said them, but it was too late.

"Isn't there?" He inclined his head, looked at her, an expression of utter disappointment on his face . . . "Then your question earlier was valid. What are we doing . . . It's kind of strange, don't you think . . . of all the things we've been to each other, done with each other, you still don't consider this a relationship . . . Tell me Cristina, are you always so intimate with people you're not in a relationship with?... What constitutes a relationship to you?"

She hung her head, "I don't want to fight with you!"

"We're not fighting . . . we're talking."

"Have you ever thought about what would happen if all this comes to light? ...I'd be the intern who sleeps with her attending to get brownie points, and you'd be cast as the attending who took advantage of his intern . . . What we say or do will mean nothing. Because in the court of public opinion, we'd have broken the golden rules . . . and the price that you'd have to pay would be much greater that the price that I'd have to pay . . . I can't be responsible for that. You would end up hating me."

He smiled because it occurred to him that despite her claim that they were not in a relationship, she had given a lot of thought to their situation. And he finally realized that she was more concerned about the effect it would have on him rather than herself. She spent so much time hiding behind the facade of not caring, that it's so surprising when she let anyone in to get a glimpse of the real Cristina. Despite her fears, she was letting him in. "I have thought about it and whatever risks there may be, I'm willing to take it, because the reward is that much greater."

There wasn't much that she could say after that and in order to break the awkward silence between them he reached out and took her hand. "We can do this Cristina."

" I can't ruin this internship. I can't afford any scandals, it would kill my mother, and I definitely cannot be caught screwing my boss."

He pulled her in his arms, her back to him, his chin resting on the top of her head. "Your hair is still wet."

"Whose fault is that?"

"He isn't screwing you, you know . . . your boss isn't screwing you."

"He isn't? Then what was he doing with me most of last night and then again this morning?"

"That you'll have to figure out for yourself."

She leaned her head back in his chest, "I gotta go . . . Your little friend is at it again."

He laughed, she was right, "Get in the car Cristina."

She reached up and kissed him and then she whispered "If I missed out on any surgeries this morning, or if Dr Bailey tries to kill me because I'm late, I'll never forgive you."

He took her in his arms and kissed her lightly on her forehead

"If you missed out on any surgeries, I'll make it up to you."

"You promise?"

"I swear on my little friend" he said laughing

"Burke, you don't have a little friend" She got in her car and drove off, and he stood there and watched her drive away until the car was out of sight. Then he went back to his apartment and because it was still quite early, he went back to sleep.

When he awakened, the sun was beginning to rise. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. It had only been a matter of hours since he last saw her, but he couldn't wait to get to work so he would see her again. He tried not to think about the fears she expressed earlier. Deep down he knew that those concerns were valid, and if he wanted to continue a relationship with her, then he would have to find a way to make it work. They were two consenting adults but he was in a position of power and it could easily be said that he was taking advantage of her. Most important, he didn't want to do anything that would cause anyone to question his integrity or

undermine her internship at the hospital. She worked hard, sometimes too hard. She was on her way to becoming a very good surgeon and although she hadn't decided on a specialty yet, she showed a tremendous amount of promise in the area of Cardiothoracic surgery. He didn't want to give anyone reasons to doubt her abilities. In his heart he knew what he had to do, but he also knew that she would never agree to it. Theirs wouldn't be the first intern/attending relationship but he was determined to make it the right one. He didn't want her to be the subject of anyone's gossip or cause any scandal which she so feared. To that end he was willing to do anything. The only thing he wasn't willing to do was give her up. That was not an option.