Catalyst Chapter 16
I have no interest in grey's Anatomy, Characters are borrowed... no copyright infringement intended.
The Poem, I like my body when its with yours, was written by E.E. Cummings
She entered the room quietly. Mr Fletcher was laying in the same position he was earlier that evening. His eyes were closed and again he appeared to be sleeping but she wasn't fooled this time. She got close to him, checked his IV, picked up a book that he had been reading that had fallen to the floor. Then she straightened his pillow. Mr fletcher didn't open his eyes but she began to talk anyway. She told him that she was sorry for her behaviour earlier and that it wouldn't happen again. Mr Fletcher made no comment, but just as she was beginning to believe that he was really asleep, he spoke. "You're a fine doctor, young lady, and someday you'll be a fine surgeon." She looked at him and nodded her head and he continued, "you have a fine teacher in Dr Burke too, but I think he'll make an even better boyfriend . . . who knows, maybe even husband."
"He's not my boyfriend." She said harshly, causing her patient to flinch a little.
Mr Fletcher smiled "He isn't? ...Then, maybe he should be . . . I think he loves you."
"I think your medication is getting to you" She started, but then she remembered that the reason she was there in the first place, was because of her penchant for being brutally honest with her patients and so she said quietly, "he doesn't love me"
"How can you say that . . . the man would protect you with his life . . . You know, I loved my wife, . . . still do. You might wonder how I could say that and still cheat on her . . . My wife started taking me for granted . . . She sleeps in a separate room, doesn't even look nice for me anymore . . . She doesn't have sex with me anymore . . . So I get my comfort elsewhere . . . I'm not having an affair, Dr. Yang, The woman I was with is a paid escort . . . Twice a month she goes out with me. Sometimes to a movie, sometimes we just sit in the hotel room, watch Tv . . . talk. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes . . . " She cut him off
"I don't need to hear this."
"I think you do" Mr fletcher continued. "I think you believe that I have committed a sin for what I did, but haven't you ever done anything that could be considered against protocol?"
"To believe in sin one must first believe in god " she answered "and I don't"
"What do you believe in, Dr.Yang?"
She hesitated for a moment and then she answered " I believe in medicine, I believe in me, and I believe that institutions are for crazy people and prisoners, so if you chose to enter the institution of marriage, you should stick it out . . . it was your choice."
"You're harsh"
"No, I'm not harsh. I'm honest."
"What would you do if you were in my shoes?"
"I wouldn't cheat on the person I love."
"No, but if you neglect him" Mr Fletcher explained, "he might cheat on you."
She said good night to Mr Fletcher and quickly left the room, but the patient's last statement kept playing over and over in her head, "if you neglect him, he might cheat on you." For some reason Burke came to her mind, but she didn't have much time to reflect on her personal situation, her pager went off, she was needed in the ER.
Hours later she arrived back at the on call room. The hospital was finally quieted down. She was tired but couldn't sleep. As she lay on the bed, she felt the hardness of his cell phone pressing against her leg. She removed it from her pocket and without knowing why, she started to scroll down on his list of callers. From the list it seems that his was a very busy number. She noticed that for some calls, there was a name instead of a number. The name appeared several times and was the last caller. The name was Noelle.
It took a while for her to realize that the phone was ringing, when she picked up to see who was calling it said home. When she answered, he didn't sound surprise to hear her, instead he asked.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine . . . You don't seem surprise that I answered your phone."
"I'm not, I knew where I left it." He sounded strange, a little sad
"Oh, So that was on purpose?"
"Yes"
"Why"
"I had to leave so quickly and we didn't get to talk. I needed a way of contacting you without going through the hospital"
"I think we've done enough talking tonight."
"No, we didn't talk, Cristina, we had a fight tonight, we need to talk."
"I went to see your patient, Mr Fletcher. I apologized for what I said."
"Don't change the subject"
"What do you want me to say?"
"I can't tell you what to say Cristina. If I have to tell you what to say then it's not worth it, we're not worth it."
"What are you saying?" She sounded sad, as if she knew for the first time that he was frustrated with their situation and was on the verge of giving up.
"I'm saying that I can't do this alone . . . You'll have to meet me half way . . . if you can't . . . if you don't want to, then we should end this."
Stunned, she said nothing. It had always been her thing to want to quit, to run away, but not him. He was always consistent, always wanting to give her all the time she needed, she didn't understand the sudden change. So as usual the flight instinct set in, and she flew with it.
"I'll leave your phone at the third floor nurses station. I'll just tell them you dropped it in Fletcher's room"
"Don't do that." Steady as his voice was, it was impossible to miss the slight tremor in it. He continued " what time do you get off work tomorrow"
"In the morning, after rounds."
"Can you drop the phone off here for me? I'm not in tomorrow and it would save me a trip."
"Ok"
There was a sadness in her voice that he hadn't heard before, and he knew that regardless of their situation, he had to comfort her.
"Cristina"
"What"
"A good surgery cannot ever replace having someone in your life who loves you . . . Fight for us."
"I'm tired"
"So am I . . . Good night Cristina."
"Goodnight."
Not wanting to be the first to hang up, he waited for her to end the call but she didn't. She had a way of tossing and turning in bed whenever she was upset about anything, and he could hear the creaking sound of the bed as she turned. He picked up a book that he had been reading before he called her. It was a book of poetry, and he selected one and began to read out loud.
"I like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
I like your body, ...I like what it does,
I like its hows, ...I like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
firm-smoothness and which I will
again and again and again
kiss,... I like kissing this and that of you,
I like slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what -is-it comes
over parting flesh...And eyes big love-crumbs
and possibly I like the thrill
of under me you so quite new.
The poem ended and he listened but all he heard was the rhythmic sound of snores as she sleeps.