'I wonder what'd happen if I charmed the Gryffindor tower green? Do you think the headmaster would know it was me? Meh that seems like a lame prank. What's wrong with me? I was so good at this in school and now I'm thinking about changing the colour of the tower geez I must be getting old. Anyway why must that infernal headmaster send me all the way up this bloody tower? Oh right the portraits have noticed some strange goings on. What a load of old shite.' The moody Slytherin paused his inward ranting to glare at the painting he was passing. He peered closer at the name plaque underneath it, 'Lady Mccillan' it read. Above the plaque bore a painting of a woman in her early forties, she had slightly greying black hair and fair skin but aside from her bright blue eyes there was nothing unique about her. She seemed to be just another one of your run-of-the-mill, gossiping, fussing forty year old mothers.
"Mccillan! Where's all of this ranting and raving about strange goings on at Gryffindor tower? It seems very quiet to me." He huffed (those stairs really are a nightmare to climb).
"Oh Professor Snape! Why must you be so dull. I hardly get any good conversations lately and all you want to do is leave me." The lady in the portrait said as she pouted. Snape just rolled his eyes. Gryffindor's really are weird, how anyone could live in a tower full of them he would never know.
"Please just get to the point I haven't all day you know." He snapped. The portrait pouted even more and put on what she must have thought were her best puppy eyes (which anyone could have told you were awful), snape simply sneered at her and she gave up. With a sigh she pointed further down the hall in the direction Snape was already heading.
"Just keep going that way, you'll see soon enough." Mccillan huffed. "Honestly I don't know why I bother sometimes." She muttered to herself as the dark Slytherin sauntered off. Snape rolled his eyes at the antics of the woman, he would never understand the species, one minute they were normal, the next raving lunatics.
The Slytherin shook his head to clear his thoughts, when he heard one of the strange sounds Mccillan had been babbling about to the headmaster. Cautiously so as not to make any noise (you couldn't be too careful in this castle, you never know what's around the corners) Snape crept around the corner, to come across the one sight he never would ever have wanted to or expected to see. A shock of platinum blonde hair and ebony brunette hair flashed amongst a tangle of limbs sprawled across the hallway floor. Severus stood there in shock, his mouth hanging wide open resembling much like a goldfish. His eyes were wide and unblinking, unable to remove from the picture in front of him.
There was no denying what was happening, if there were any scrap of clothing involved he might have thought that this was a fight, but no, Severus Snape was witnessing the two poster boys from opposite sides of the war, in a heated love making session. After a few moments passed the noises started to penetrate the blankness of the professor's mind, a mixture of moans, gasps, whimpers and groans swarmed around his mind and it finally shook him out of his reverie. Severus looked down in horror as he watched the two finally came to their completion.
He shook himself as if to shake the images out of his mind and cleared his voice, to test if it still worked.
"Are you two quite finished?" He drawled and smirked to himself as the realization that someone had been watching them visibly sunk into the two boys. Two heads slowly turned to look at their professor, each wearing an expression of pure dread. Snape schooled his features into a cold passive mask and stared them straight in the eye to let both boys know that none of this effected him but they would still regret doing what they did.
"Now that you both have finally deemed my presence worthy of acknowledging, I shall remind you that while you both are technically adults and the only two students in the castle, this is unacceptable behavior. As it is the holiday's i cannot give out detentions but points can be taken and be assure both Gryffindor and Slytherin will lose 50 points each. Make sure that this behavior desists or at least in public areas if you can't keep it in your pants." With that the professor turned on his heels, swirling his cloak in the way that had taken him years to perfect and stormed back the way he had come. The Headmaster was really going to pay for sending him on this unnecessary errand, Severus decided as he trekked back to Dumbledore's office.
Without waiting for permission Snape stormed into the Headmasters office, although the old man barely startled at the sudden movement. He simply gazed up from his papers and sent a quizzical look to the Potions teacher. Snape glared at Dumbledore as they waited for the other to talk. Dumbledore relented first.
"Did you discover what the disturbance was, my boy?" He asked in a sickly wise voice, making Snape glare even further.
"Why yes I did, Headmaster." Snape said dragging out the last word. "Would you like to know what it was?"
"Well I assume that is what you are here to tell me."
"It was the Potter and Malfoy boys." Snape said unhelpfully, Dumbledore however let out something in-between a sigh and a chuckle.
"Fighting again were they?" Snape almost snorted at the question, but caught himself in time.
"Not exactly Professor. While they both had cuts and bruises from obvious fighting before hand, neither were fighting at the time. They were infact copulating in the middle of the hallway in Gryffindor tower." Dumbledore lifted an eyebrow and played with his beard.
"Were they now?" The Headmaster asked rhetorically, Severus merely rolled his eyes.
"Yes! Now if I may be excused, I wish to Scourgify my eyes to get rid of the disgusting images the boys presented me." Dumbledore did chuckle this time, shaking his head in amusement.
"Yes of course, good night Severus."
"Good night Albus." Snape replied before storming all back down to his den in the Slytherin dungeons. He could just tell that this wasn't the last he would hear of this and wondered in dread, as he lay on his bed, at what would become of this new information. Soon enough Severus's eyes were able to drift shut without an image of the two students floating forth, and a dreamless slumber took hold of him.