A New World

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The Titans don't own me. I don't own them. Wouldn't either of those situations be a form of slavery? And, heck, I'm already a slave to my writing.

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Chapter Seven: Indigestion

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Early Saturday Evening . . . . .

"Wanna start with the Alpha Point proximity alarms?"

Robin nodded. "Works for me."

"Okay, then!" Victor rubbed his hands together. "You just head off to the northeast tip of the island and give me the signal when you're ready."

A tiny frown scrunching her little dot-type eyebrows somewhat closer together, Starfire asked, "Would it not be faster to test the system of intrusion alerts if I performed the checking? I can fly and Robin cannot. Or perhaps Raven …" She glanced over to where the empath floated in the far corner of the main room, a dusty tome open across her knees, ignoring the rest of them. "… um … or perhaps not."

"I appreciate the offer, Starfire, but we're trying to mimic how an actual spy would try to get onto the island." Robin chuckled. "Real spies don't usually fly."

"Oh! I see. That is the wise, then."

Beast Boy, who had been sitting on a stool by the breakfast bar with his head cradled on arms that were splayed across the Formica, gave a soulful groan. "Dudes, come ooooooonnnn! It's supper time! I'm starving!"

A corner of Robin's mask tilted up, expressing his sardonic reaction to the younger teen's objection. "It's a quarter of five. It's not that close to supper. We have plenty of time to get this test done first." He grinned a little to himself. "Tell you what. Once we complete the Alpha Point tests, we'll go get pizza. How's that sound?"

Beast Boy slid off his seat, morphed into a coyote puppy, and howled his approval of the idea … until his muzzle got surrounded by an opaque, black mist that clamped it decisively shut.

"Do … you … mind?" gritted out Raven.

He became a small kitten and just stared at her with his huge, expressive eyes until she huffed and vanished through the floor.

"Please?" inquired Starfire, "what is this 'pizza'? It is a type of food, yes?"

Zapping back to his more-or-less-human state, Beast Boy danced around and warbled, "Pizza! Oh, yeah! Pizza! Oh, yeah! Pizza! Oh, yeah …"

Vic gave Starfire a pat on the shoulder. "It's all right, little lady. Yeah, it's food, and I guarantee you'll love it." He had already established that the alien considered most Earth foods to be pretty darned bland, thus her penchant for mustard. "I actually think you might be in for a treat."

Her eyes taking on a sparkle, she replied, "Truly, I have not yet had the many opportunities to sample your Earth food. The 'dinners of frozen TV' and 'cereals of breaking fast' did not do the impressing of me, and that is all that Robin has supplied here." She got a thoughtful look. "Although I am forced to say that the cone of cream of ice I had when we went swimming at the pier of arcade was quite interesting … after the addition of a sufficient quantity of mustard." She clapped her hands. "Oh! Can we have mustard on the pizza?"

"If you want." Victor usually found her enthusiasm contagious, and this was no exception. He was anticipating with some relish the thought of introducing her to the wonders of pizza. "Really, I think there might be one on the menu that has mustard already."

"You're right," agreed Robin. "They have a cheeseburger pizza. Mustard, ketchup, pickles, the works."

Beast Boy made a face. "Bleeeeaaahhhhh!"

"Yeah, you have one o' your nasty ol' veggie pizzas," offered Cyborg, "and I'll stick with the meat-lover's."

"How can you eat that stuff? Don't you know how …"

"Guys!" Robin stepped between them. "Later. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Cyborg answered, stepping back. "Tests first. Me winning the argument later."

"Pssht!" Beast Boy smirked, "Like that'll happen!"

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Being one of the more popular spots for pizza, subs, and hot wings, Bishop's Brick Oven was usually packed on the weekends, and tonight was no exception. However, due to the unusually high humidity, the al fresco areas of the restaurant were considerably less crowded, so the Titans were able to secure a large table on the second-floor balcony section.

Raven, after a good deal of urging from Beast Boy (and having discovered that their kitchen contained very few items that weren't either frozen or attempting to evolve rudimentary intelligence), had opted to tag along. She quickly squelched his nascent meat/no meat argument with Victor by grabbing his ear and pointing to an item on the menu: a pizza they called the 'Fungus Amungus'.

Beast Boy pulled the menu closer and read the description, his eyes growing round. "Button, morel, portabella, shiitake, and chanterelle mushrooms layered over a bleu cheese white sauce base and drizzled with a truffle-garlic reduction." He wiped at his mouth with the back of his sleeve. "Holy crap. That sounds amazing!"

"I only want a couple of pieces anyway, so you can have the rest. Then Cyborg can have his Meat Fanatic's Special and …"

Victor boomed, "With mushrooms!"

She gave him a baleful glance. "… with mushrooms. Fine. Then everyone will be happy."

Robin and Starfire were reading another menu across the table. He was explaining what the various ingredient choices tasted like (or trying to) and how they might be combined on a pizza. The alien had already decided she liked the basic aroma of the place, and was eager to try their wares. "So you would recommend the pepperoni, the mushrooms, the hot onions, the black olives, and the anchovies?"

"Well, they're all fairly strong flavors, so they ought to keep you interested."

"Then this is the thing we shall do!"

"Great!"

"Which one are you going to eat?"

He blinked at her a few times, then remembered what her appetite was like and that they wouldn't, after all, be sharing a pizza. She'd probably still be hungry after downing that whole large pie. "Um … okay, let's see. I think I'll have the Supreme."

Studying the menu, she read, "Pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, sweet onions, mushrooms, and extra cheese. This one has some of the same ingredients as mine."

"… Yeah?"

"It also looks good. Perhaps I should get a 'Supreme' as well."

"Um … tell you what. Why don't we swap a few pieces. Then you can see which one you like better."

This they decided to do, and soon everyone was chowing down.

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It was Raven, oddly, who first felt the after-effects of their meal. The team had barely even arrived at the Tower when she got a funny look on her face and excused herself to her room. Starfire watched her phase back through the door and then turned to the others. "Is our friend Raven the okay?"

Robin shrugged. "I guess. You know how much she likes her solitude. Maybe she has to meditate. Again."

A frown came to rest on the alien's brow. "That was not her 'I must meditate' face. That was more like … like a 'something does not feel right' face."

"I think you're reading too much into it, Star. I'm sure she's fine." He then spun toward the television that dominated the other end of the room. "Would you guys please turn that down?"

"Sorry, man!" The volume quickly faded to a more acceptable level.

Robin faced Starfire again, opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut and put a hand over his stomach. "Mmff."

She lifted a hand in his direction. "Is there something the wrong, Robin?"

"… I … don't know. Um … I, uh, need to …" Eyes widening behind his mask, he turned and bolted from the room. Starfire watched his exit, slack-jawed.

Thoughtful, she wandered over to the large couch where the two video-game combatants were duking it out, and leaned on the back. "Beast Boy, you know much of Robin's habits, do you not?"

"… Not … now … Star … gotta …" He leaned way over to his left, trying to get his heavily-armored-but-unwieldy vehicle past his opponent and around a corner via sheer willpower. Cyborg's sleeker version was edging him out, and it took all Beast Boy's concentration to even make it a race. "Aiiihh! Crapcrapcrap! … Gotta …" At that point, Cyborg's car veered badly, went into a skid, left the roadway and crashed into a building. The move was so sudden and unexpected that he lost control of his own racer and ended up in the ditch. He whirled to give Cyborg a shocked look and yelled, "Dude! What the heck was that? I was … was …" He waved a hand in front of his friend's face. "Yo, Cy … what's goin' on, man?"

The metal man shook his head, got up, and stumbled to the door, leaving without a word.

"Well I like that! What's he think he's doing?"

"Perhaps … perhaps he does not feel the well?" She bit her lip, going over what she'd seen the others do. "Could this be some sort of … disease? Like cancer or malaria?"

Beast Boy frowned, considering her question. "Well … . . . … you know … no, I'm sure it wouldn't be cancer, but … maybe some kind of food poisoning?" His expression changed to 'worried' and he asked, "Did we all eat the same things?"

In her head, Starfire went over their recent culinary adventure, and she, too, adopted a worried look. "I believe the only ingredient common to all the pizzas was the mushrooms."

"… urk! My whole pizza was mush …" Eyes widening in sudden shock, he slapped a hand over his mouth and the other across his gut. Then he raced for the door.

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Raven was the first to the common room the next morning, and had her tea well under way by the time Robin came in. They gave each other a haggard look.

He asked, "You throw up, too?"

"I think I threw up my last dozen meals."

Robin nodded glumly. "Man, is my gut ever sore."

"And my throat."

"Yeah."

He went about putting his coffee together, and dropped a couple of frozen waffles into the toaster before going over to the table and slumping into his chair. "Feel downright hollow."

The main door slid open and Starfire floated in. "Ah, good morning, friends!"

"What's good about it?" grumped Raven.

The alien waved a newspaper at them. "I have done the researching of your troubles of stomach and have discovered the answers!"

That perked Robin up. A little. "What'd you find out?"

She flipped open the paper, ran a finger down a column, and read, "Gregor Tedric Mansoon, the disgruntled employee who caused the incident, had to be subdued with pepper spray by police. Investigators say he had added several as-yet-unknown substances to the supply of button mushrooms, which caused any diner who ate them to suffer a violent gastric upset."

"Violent?" mumbled Raven, "Try 'volcanic'."

Continuing the article, Starfire read, "At least a hundred and fifty diners are known to have been affected, judging from the calls to the Poison Center and the admissions to Jump City Regional Health Care. No fatalities have been reported."

"So we got food poisoning," said Robin. "Figures. That's what it felt like."

"I am the very much sorry that you had to suffer the gastric upset."

That got his attention. "Wait … wait a minute. Didn't you throw up, too?"

"No, I did not. I do not believe that Tamaraneans are subject to the gastric upset."

"Hmh. Lucky."

"The presence of the luck does not have to do with this. It is the presence of nine stomachs. Humans only have one. This is a flaw that I believe your medical scientists should explore."

The two stared at her. Robin in particular stared at her midsection. "They must be mighty small stomachs."

"Tamaranean stomachs are highly flexible, both in their physical dimensions and in the sorts of nourishment they can extract. This was an evolutionary development caused by the extremely harsh environment of my home world. I can gain adequate nourishment from practically any source."

"And you don't get food poisoning? Ever?"

"That would fall into the category of 'disease', would it not?"

"… I guess so."

"So then there is no need for the worry on my behalf, this is the correct?"

"Looks like it."

"Glorious!"

He blinked at her. "Um … why so thrilled over that?"

"It is the case of very good fortune for me! As you will surely recall from last night, I found the mushrooms most delicious."

Raven groaned. "Star. Please? Not right now …"

"So when I found out that Bishop's Brick Oven was planning to discard the entire shipment of mushrooms, to be sure no other customers would fall ill … I volunteered to do it for them!"

Robin's mouth dropped open. "You … but … why?"

She flew out to the hall and immediately came back in with two one-hundred-liter drums. Holding them triumphantly high, she proclaimed, "Mushrooms!"

Raven sank into a spot of inky darkness on the floor and vanished. Robin cradled his head in both hands and muttered, "Oh, God."

"Now," continued Starfire, "I only need to make sure I have enough mustard!"

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A/N: Inspired by local events. Sort of. There was no mustard involved, as far as I know.

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