OMG! I'm soooo sorry it has been so long since I updated! Life has just been so busy since I started school and the time just flew by. I'm going to try to update more often but it will all depend on how busy I am and if I get as stuck on other parts as I did on this one.
Derek sat stunned, he was so shocked he couldn't talk and just looked at Emily with anguish written in his features. Emily was silent too, watching him, knowing that it was a lot to process and giving him at least some of the time necessary to get over the shock of her revelation.
Finally, after clearing his throat several times, Derek managed to get a question out, "Ho-ow bad is it? A-are you going to d-die?" he stuttered out, very unlike the Agent Morgan she had come to know and love.
"Dr. Miscont is pretty sure that at the rate the cancer is progressing I will probably not die. There was a bit of a scare about a month ago but now that I'm passed that I should survive, she just isn't sure how long it's going to take to get rid of the cancer and if or when it's going to come back." she answered calmly, trying to stay strong for Derek even though he had already told her that she didn't have to.
"Wait! What scare? What happened? Are you okay? Did something go wrong?" Derek asked quickly, worried about what she classified as a 'bit of a scare', knowing that she tended to underexagerate everything about herself. As he asked the questions he realised that some of them were quite stupid, obviously something had gone wrong or else there wouldn't have been a 'scare' and she was alive so though she might not have been classified as being 'good' she was 'okay'.
Emily sighed, she hadn't wanted to get into this so quckly but it was her own fault for mentioning it, "The surgeons went in to remove some of the cancerous cells,' she started and then paused because she really didn't want to tell him this, but the look he sent her let Emily know that he wouldn't let her get away without anything but the full truth, so she took a deep breath and continued, "and I flatlined on the operating table, they were able to revive me, obviously, so no harm done I'm fine." She finished quickly.
Derek was shocked for the second time in ten mimutes, he knew that Emily had a habit of pretending that anything that happended to her was no big deal, but the fact that she had DIED and acted like nothing had happened still shocked him enough to make him yell out, "No harm done, your fine?! You DIED and you act like you don't care! I know you always pretend that yuor invicible and nothing is that bad, but this might be taking it a little too far! You could be dead right know and your acting like it doesn't matter?!"
Emily just stared back at him for a moment before answering, "Honestly, with everything I've gne through in the last four months it really is nothing, it was just slightly harder and more painful then the rest of the hellhole I've been living in." She barked out a laugh, "What's one moment against a million? Waking up from that surgery was not much more painful then the other two I've woken up from since this started, all it did was make me even more tired."
"Emily," Derek said softly," You worry me when you talk like that. Has the past four months really been that horrible? That things like that don't even matter to you anymore?"
"Derek," she replied, almost mocking his tone, "The past four months have been the worst of my life, and that includes my time in Paris as well as when I was undercover with Doyle. It has been constant pain and weariness, chemotherapy treatments multiple times a week, surgeries, stays in the hospital, bad news piled on top of bad news, and I've done all of this alone! I haven't talked to my mother since before I left the BAU and she hasn't even tried to call me! The only time I talk to anyone is at the hospital and I haven't seen anyone who knows me until you showed up at my door! It's like Paris but so much worse because this time you're all in the same city as me!" By the end of her rant she had been yelling and was now desperately trying to stop herself from crying.
Derek was once again stunned, this time that she had allowed her emotions and feelings to show enough to actually rant. But he knew that she just couldn't keep it bottled in anymore. "You didn't have to be alone. You could have told us, we would have been there for you, we would hvae helped you, that's what family is for," he said quietly, grabbing her hand lightly.
Emily looked up quickly, "I didn't want you guys to see me like this, so weak. And at the beginning I was so sick...I didn't want you guys to have to deal with my possible death. I thought that after an entire life of solitude I would have been able to live alone, but you guys, the team, my family, have somehow managed to get past my walls and become parts of my life that I can not live without." She took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes, "But Derek, you can not tell them that I'm here, you can not tell them about any of this or that you talked to me, just please, not until I'm actually cured. I can't put this or their shoulders right now."
Sooo you guys should know the drill by now...Please Read and Review! Also Dr. Miscont is just a random name that popped into my head and I honestly have no idea whether you go through that much surgery for Breast Cancer or if there's actually a danger of flatlining...just call it Creative Writing if it's wrong. :)