The next two days pass entirely too fast. It's like I hardly see my family nor Madge at anytime. I'm always training, preparing for the war. At least now that we're this close the training can ease up a little.
I try to be around my family a lot during the day, and then save the evenings and nights for with Madge, but my whole schedule with last minute checks, and meetings makes it more like evenings with family and not much time with Madge at all. Because we both fall asleep so quickly at night, we never have time to really talk about what could happen during the war and what the consequences could be. And it's awful.
The day before I leave drags on slowly. It seems like everything is prolonged in time. Meetings take ages, training takes entirely too long, and hovercraft checks that eternity.
I have to skip breakfast and lunch completely so I can get everything done. My mom gives me a stern look when I rush out the door, skipping lunch, but I can't exactly worry about it now.
Of course, that meeting also drags on, and then goes into more time, almost making me miss dinner.
Luckily, I was able to sneak my meal out of the cafeteria and back to my family's apartment.
When I arrive, Rory's swinging Posy around the room and she squeals in delight. I chuckle to myself before plopping down onto the couch and devouring my food. My mom sits next to me. She holds out a roll.
"I snuck it from the cafeteria. Figured you would want it." I give her a look of gratitude and shove that down my throat too.
"Thanks, Ma." She watches the kids be careless, and well, basically be kids.
"You've done good, Gale. All these years. Keeping all of us alive. I still don't feel great about that fact that everything was shouldered on you after your dad died." I shrug quickly, watching Vick's eyes zoom across the paper of his book.
"It's not a big deal, it's all I could do." I say, remembering how I was only fourteen when Dad died, and I had to start hunting illegally. "What do you think he would've thought of this? District 13, I mean."
My mom laughs. "He would think it was boring because there's literally nothing to do here." She sighs and looks wistfully at Posy who's lying on the ground now, coloring in some of her school issued coloring book. "He would've wanted Posy to draw on the walls." I laugh.
"Part of me want her too, just to get a kick out of what Coin would say." My mom laughs before her laugh dies slowly.
"She looks more than your dad than me." I remember that not even four days after he died, my mom had Posy. Sure, I was happy I had a little sister that I could spoil rotten, but then there was the fact that she was a baby. A baby means more mouths to feed, which means more food needs to be found. And that was hard for Seam folk.
"I don't remember much about him." I admit quietly, and she stands.
"Follow me, Gale." I groan as I stand and follow her to the tiny room she shares with Posy. My mom digs in the dresser for a few seconds and extracts a picture.
"Here." My brows furrow as I take the picture. It's of my dad, probably soon after they had me. It's singed a little on the edges, and part of its blackened, but I can tell it's him. Partly because I'd remember his face anywhere, and because I look exactly like him.
I swallow thickly as my mom extracts another picture. It's a family picture, taken when Posy was three. I was seventeen. Only two years ago were things so different, and now everything might change.
"Wow," I say quietly, staring at it.
"Take them." Ma says quietly. "When you leave. I want you to have something to remind you of home." She's tearing up.
"Aw, Ma. Don't cry." I chuckle, but accept the pictures. She gives me a hug and wipes her eyes.
"My baby's going off to war."
"Ma," I groan and she lets out a watery laugh. "I'm not a baby anymore."
"You'll always be my baby, Gale. You'll understand when you have kids." I chuckle and give my mom a hug. I stand and quickly scurry into my room to tuck the pictures into the secret pocket in my backpack. Also in the pocket, besides the pictures of my family, is a small picture of Madge, and faded woven bracelet that my siblings made for me last year on my birthday. I smile when I remember the day.
When I leave my room, Posy's demanding for me to read her a bedtime story. I oblige, unable to deny my little sister, and pick her up by her feet.
"C'mon you." I say and she giggles.
"Gale!" She laughs again, flailing around. "Put me down!"
"No!" I laugh back, but deposit her onto her twin sized bed. Really, I have a twin too, but somehow Madge and I manage to fit on it together. Probably because I don't let her leave my grasp the entire night.
I pray that Posy stays awake during the story, and thankfully she does. The whole time she adds commentary to the story and clutches that old stuffed animal that has been passed down through the family. Somehow, it's survived, but with patches, and lots of washing. It made it out of 12, most likely because Posy wouldn't let go of it.
Finally, when I'm finished, and she's still awake, I settle down on the bed next to her.
"Posy," I say and her brown eyes look at me expectantly. "I'm going away for a little bit." I tell her, and her brow furrows.
"Where are you going?"
"To the Capitol," I reply and her eyes widen.
"Can I come?" She sounds so eager to come and I shake my head slowly, attempting to smile at her.
"No, Pose, you can't come." She deflates a little but then pops right back.
"Well can you tell me what it looks like?" She asks, smiling widely, a couple of her teeth missing.
I chuckle. "Of course, Posy." She grins triumphantly.
"When are you coming back?" Posy asks, and I shrug.
"I don't know. It'll be soon." I promise, hoping that it's true.
She sniffles and I pull my baby sister into my lap. "Pose, I'll be back soon."
"I'm gonna miss you," She sniffles and I smile softly at her.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Posy." I reply, "I love you. And I'll be back as soon as I can." I say and Posy smiles.
"And then we can play hide and seek!" I laugh.
"Anything you want, Pose." I reply and she grins. She settles back down into the scratchy sheets, and smiles at me. I kiss her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too." Posy grins and my heart almost cracks. I'm going to miss her smiles and her childish innocence and happiness.
Once back in the family room, Rory and Vick are still messing around, but my mom is nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Ma?" I ask, and they shrug.
"She didn't say where she was going."
"Oh." I reply, sitting down next to the two of them. "Listen. You two know where I'm going."
Vick nods first. "Yeah. You're going to fight in a war."
"Yes." I tell them quickly. "So you must know that there's a chance I won't make it out."
Rory nods, leaning against the couch. "We know. Ma's already told us all of this."
I raise my hands in defeat. "I just want to let you two know that if I don't come back, I need you two to help Ma and Posy through it. I know this isn't the ideal place to live, but it's a good place for you guys."
Vick rolls his eyes. "We know Gale. You did it when Dad died, we should be able to do it too." I ruffle his hair and Vick growls, straightening it again.
It's quiet for a moment. "Man I'm gonna miss you two." I chuckle and they roll their eyes.
"Way to be all sappy, big bro." Rory looks at Vick.
"Oh so is this Team Up On Gale Day?" I tease and the two laugh.
"Everyday is that day, Gale. Thought you would've figured it out by now." Vick says, finally putting the bookmark in his book.
"But you love me anyways." I remark, getting another eye roll.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Rory jokes and I shove my little brother.
"As much as I'm going to miss you two I don't think I'm going to miss the attitude." I say and the two laugh. "Bring it in." I finish, and the two quickly give me hugs. "I love you both. You know that?" They nod. As much as they don't want to admit it, they're afraid for what could happen. What might happen.
"We love you too, Gale. Now stop being sappy and save that for Madge." I laugh as the two squirm out of my grasp. She's going to be difficult to handle tonight. I don't have a clue as to what she's thinking.
The door opens and my mother and, surprisingly, Madge walk in. I give them a smile and a nod. Madge gets the message and hurries back into my room. She knows to wait.
I stand and cross the room to my mom. "You and Madge have a lot to talk about." She says quietly, and I nod.
"I know." I reply, swallowing. "Ma, I don't even know what to say to you."
She chuckles. "It's okay, Gale. Just know I love you and I'm going to miss you so much. We'll be praying." I smile as my mom's eyes start to mist over.
"Whatever happens out there, know I'll be trying my best to get back here."
"We know."
"I'll miss you guys too."
"We know that too." I laugh at my moms bluntness. She gives me a great big motherly hug that almost makes me choke up. Then, she sends me back to my room.
Once in the room, I find Madge has already changed into a shirt of mine and is sitting lightly on the bed, fiddling with the tips of her hair. I smile softly at her before pulling my own shirt over my head and crawling next to her. She immediately curls into my embrace.
My fingers trace small circles on her hip, occasionally pressing a kiss onto her forehead. Her hands curl on my chest.
We're quiet for a very long time.
I don't know how much time passes until Madge breaks the silence. "I'm gonna miss you." She murmurs and I swallow thickly.
"I'm gonna miss you more." I reply quietly, biting my lip to prevent myself from breaking down. Of course, Madge notices.
"What's wrong?" She asks softly and I crumble. My face falls and I bury it in her neck so she can't see me cry.
"I'm so scared," I choke and her arms wrap around my neck.
"Oh, Gale," She mumbles softly, her fingers tangling in my hair. My body shakes and she just continues to hold onto me tightly. "I'm scared too, I'm terrified, Gale. But we have too." My grip on her waist tightens, and I pull her into my lap. She obliges quickly, and continues to say reassuring things as I try to control myself.
Finally, I look at her. "I don't like seeing you cry." She murmurs, and wipes at my eyes. "How long have you been holding all of this in?" Her hands press at my cheeks and I take a sharp breath, trying to calm down.
"Since... Since about the time I thought you had died."
"I'm right here," She reminds me, forcing me to look at her. "And I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not anytime soon, Gale." She smiles a little a me, and in this moment, I know that we're both hurting equally in this. I press my lips against hers and let my hands slide under her shirt.
She lets me pull off her shirt, and I let her undo my pants. But that's the thing. I don't want to have sex with her tonight. I just want to know that she's here, and that she's real. I just want to be able to feel her skin and know that she's completely mine.
I slow down our kisses, and eventually pull myself away from her. Quickly, I go to explain, but she cuts me off. "I know. I feel the same way."
My fingers trace shapes on her flat stomach and her hands rest of my chest once again. "I love you." She murmurs, looking up at me. Her lips are still a little swollen from our kisses earlier, and her hair a little messed up, but she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. "So much."
"Whatever happens in the war," I start, and force myself to look away from her ocean blue eyes, or I'll break again, "Madge, I need you to know that I will love you no matter what happens. I'm completely yours, and nothing that could ever happen will change that."
"And I'm yours." She replies, pecking my mouth.
"Mine." I murmur, kissing her again. She nods and curls into my side again.
We're quiet for another few minutes. "I don't know how long the war is going to last, Madge. But I've gotten a job offer in District 2."
"Gale, that's great!" She starts to say, but I keep talking.
"And I want you to come with me." I state and her eyes widen. "Madge, I want you to come with me because I want to have a life with you. I don't want to lose you because I move away. My family's staying here. I can't just lose everyone in my life because I leave the district."
"I know it's not the ideal time to think about it, but you're to only person I want to be with now. I don't want to have a long-distance relationship that could go wrong at any time."
She swallows. "I-I, Gale, I don't know." I deflate a little and she cups my cheeks, "Hey, listen. There's still time, Gale. It's, it's a big step. And yes, I want a life with you, but I'm only seventeen, almost eighteen."
"I know that," I reply calmly, or at least what I assume is calm. "I just don't want to lose you because I move away."
"And you won't," Madge stresses, shifting closer to me. "I just... I have to think about it, Gale."
"Okay," I say, completely cutting off the conversation.
"It's not a no, but it's not a yes."
"Okay." I repeat, in more of a finality. She sighs, but doesn't say anything. She snuggles more into my side and I brush my lips over hers softly. "I love you."
She smiles against me. "I love you, too." I kiss her again, savoring the feel and taste of her lips. I'm not going to be able to for a very long time.
When we break away from each other, I drop my forehead to hers. Our noses brush each others and out breath mingles. "Goodnight, Madge." I whisper, kissing her again.
She smiles sadly. "Goodnight, Gale."
I try not to think that this could be goodbye.
Madge's arms wrap around my torso and her head drops to my chest. I twist my arms around her back and my chin drops to her head. I wish I could just stay here, and not have to fight.
After she falls asleep, I stay awake for a very long time, memorizing her. The curve of her nose, the pink that permanently stays on her cheeks, giving her a glow. The way her eyelashes clump together and the rise and fall of her chest. The feel of her body pressed against mine, her small piano hands resting lightly on my chest. The shine of her golden hair, reflecting like the sunlight in the early morning. How it curls around her face and down her back.
I fall asleep to her breathing, and soon mine matches hers.
When I wake at four, I untangle myself from Madge and stand. I shower silently, and dress silently. I don't wake anyone in the house. Not Madge, not my siblings, not my mother. No one.
After I've gotten my military uniform on, I grab my pack and double check that I have everything. Madge shifts in her sleep and mews something incoherent. I freeze, worried that she's going to wake up and freak that I'm not there.
The blanket slips on her and it falls down, revealing more of her. She's my girlfriend, and and I'm only human. I can't help but stare at her for a few seconds, savoring the way she looks when she sleeps and how relaxed her body is. The curve of her breasts, and her back. Just looking at her makes me want to crawl back into bed and hold her again.
I sigh, and cross the room to the bed. I tug the blanket up, and wrap it around her again. I press my mouth against her forehead for the last time. "I love you, Madge Undersee." I whisper, biting my lip. I squeeze her hand lightly before shouldering my pack.
I take one fleeting look at my beautiful girlfriend, before hurrying out of the room and shutting the door. Posy's door is cracked open, and I give her a kiss, as well as Rory and Vick. Same with my Ma.
Next thing I'm fully aware of, I'm strapped in a hovercraft, going to the Capitol for war.
A/N: I'm an awful person I know. I'm sorry that I left this story for a while. Except only a few more chapters, I'm already writing the next one. I plan to hopefully have this one done before the end of this year. We'll see. If there's anyone still reading, I would love some feedback!