Maria rolled out of bed on Sunday morning, literally. With her stomach the size it had reached rolling was basically the only motion she was able to do (she were to trip and fall off a mountain top then she had the potential to take out half an Alpine village). Grumbling she hurried to the bathroom (another wonderful gift the magic of motherhood had brought her). Once she relieved herself and washed up her hands Maria made her way back to her bedroom and plopped back down on her bed.

That was when her phone began to ring. Groaning Maria reached over and narrowed her eyes down at the screen, expecting to see Ivan's number. She was pleasantly surprised though to see not only Eli's name but also his face smiling up at her. Nearly giddy she slide the "unlock" bar across the screen and answered with a casual "Hello~!"

"Hey what's up?" he sounded a bit tired, and if Maria didn't know better she would say anxious and concerned (oh he totally was and she was so going to rub that into his face later).

"Nothing much I just woke up. This little guy's making my bladder go crazy. Shit sucks." She sighed for a bit of an effect. "What have you been up to man?"

"I've been up to nothing really… just have been curious about whether or not you told Ivan about your growing bundle of joy… Not going to lie but I missed you."

"Aww is that the sort of line you gave Rue when she was off on tour?" Maria had to admit that it felt good knowing her was thinking of her (because she was so thinking of him and beyond excited to not have to have been the first to say it). "Yeah though. Yeah man I told him, and it didn't go well… he wants in on baby raising, thinks that I'm back with him, and wants to name Ludwig 'Boris'."

Eli was quiet for a moment before he asked, "Who is Ludwig?"

"Oh right it's what I'm going to name my baby boy. 'Ludwig Bielschmidt', just say that out loud and tell me that it's not totally badass to the fucking extreme."

All she heard was insanely loud laughing, "That sounds like something Rue would come up with" he continued to laugh, "I swear, seriously! What will you name your second son, Amadeus?"

"Dude that movie was pretty awesome." Maria yelled defensively though the laughter was still in her voice. "The only way to go up from Ludwig though would be to name him something like 'Max' or 'Wolf'. Holy shit, wouldn't a boy named Wolf be the best shit ever? I'm writing that one down… fuck it text that to me I don't think I have paper."

She could practically hear Eli roll his eyes. "So, what are you going to do about the new Ivan situation?" he asked, the sound of his phone being adjusted came through via shifting fabric, "If he thinks that you're back together now that's an issue… wait did you tell him you were back together."

"FUCK NO!" Maria shouted, she could hear Francis hissing at her to quiet down through the wall, "He's just straight up cray-cray man. His sister showed up at work Friday to make sure I wasn't getting back with him! She even told him his ass was bat-shit insane."

"And what are you going to do about that?"

"I was hoping the two of you would have a battle to the death over me… though you're kind of a pussy so you'll have to start practicing your fighting skill again." She sighed adjusting her position, sitting up was not making her back too happy, "I'd totally spar against you but on the off chance you get a hit in, people will think that you are abusing a pregnant woman… and you don't need to have that sort of thing tarnishing your lovely public image."

Maria sighed as Eli tossed same fake laughter her way, "I think his sister has something planned. I'm not sure though she is his sister after all and seems to think that Ivan's just an oversized kid. I wonder if he was dropped on his head or something?"

"Really you're trusted with other people's children on a daily basis and that's you're genius analysis of your baby-daddy? Didn't you have to take child psychology to get your degree?"

"Psychology is such bullshit. Applying it to Ivan would just mean more bullshit I'm in no mood to think about. I'd rather just go ahead and say he's fucked mentally."

"Psychology is such bullshit. Applying it to Ivan would just mean more bullshit I'm in no mood to think about. I'd rather just go ahead and say he's fucked mentally."

"God I love kissing that filthy mouth of yours. So classy."

"Fucking classy." Maria corrected waging her finger despite the fact that there was no way in hell he could see her, "So yeah back on track yo! Kat's said she's got something planned to fix this issue… I swear the chick's a total saint, I feel awful that she's related to him."

"You could always seek the help of the wonderful American legal system, you know get a restraining order so he can't get near you."

"You damn well know that's not my style. If worse comes to worse we can always fake our deaths, then ride off on a boat into a tropical sunset. I could become a drug lord, you my hot little boy-toy and live happily ever after before dying at the age of forty-five in a comically large pile of cocaine."

"There are too many things wrong with that sentence for me to even begin." there was more shuffling on Eli's end of the phone and what sounded like water running, "I've got to get ready or my whole day will be blown. I'll come pick you up later and we can go to dinner or something."

"I'd rather just do carry out then dry hump you into oblivion on your couch."

"Or that… whatever I've got to bounce. I love you."

"Right back at you slick." Maria waited until she was sure that Eli has hung up his phone to do the same with her own. She threw her hands up in the air before laying her body back down across the bed starring at the ceiling.

She hated the feeling she had after getting off the phone with Eli. It wasn't even like it was the loathing she had had a few weeks ago, based solely on the fact that she felt like a silly little school girl giggling and thinking about her boyfriend (that self-hate had faded away). Now it was that Maria had to communicate with Eli over the phone for the most part. After all the two didn't live together and for the most part there weren't too many sexy sleepovers. Eli had given her stability, support, and reliability (things that no matter what Ivan would never be able to give her). He was a good guy, no, a great guy, and if she were to be perfectly honest with herself she didn't really deserve him. But Maria was rarely honest with herself about her own short comings (and even less frequent in the honesty department on that topic with others); so she would deny the fact that he was the kind of guy who deserved to be with a woman just as loving and sensitive as he was until the day that she died (or was heavily intoxicated but her next chance to get shitfaced was far off).

Maria groaned half rolling off of the bed to shuffle her way to the bathroom. She would rather just lay in bed all day but nature called and her little Ludwig had decided to press his body right into her bladder. She had attempted to create a make-shift bedpan (to maximize laziness) with one of Francis's fancy, over-priced food storage containers a few weeks prior but he had caught her then proceeded to lecture her on how it was unsanitary (and had uttered under his breath how The Pampered Chef deserved so much more). The whole time all Maria could think was: "Isn't that was dishwashers are meant for?"… after all many dildos were dishwasher safe and va-jay-jay juices (and booty residue if you were so inclined to use the toy anally) were far more stank-nasty then urine.