.
"What hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say, and watching you walk away.
Never knowing
what could have been.
And not seeing that loving you is
what I was trying to do."
It's boring.
That's the only word he can use to describe it. He's in Germany this week and it's so boring; he managed to find a case that lasted all of three days. He hates being in the background, sneaking around. He can't jump in and make his usual deductions. He has to do all of that behind the scenes. He knows, of course, that he solved the cases, but he can't impress anyone with his deductions.
John doesn't tell him he's brilliant when he's thousands of miles away, thinking he's dead.
Sherlock tries to squelch the thought every time that it pops up in his mind. What would John say to this? How would John react to that? John wouldn't like that rat's foot festering away in the hydrochloric acid on the countertop.
It's stupid, but Sherlock... misses John. His mind whispers the word in a teeny voice in his head and he wants to deny it but he can't. He misses John.
He has never missed a person in his life.
All in all, life is relatively normal right now. Sherlock takes cases (albeit from the shadows, literally) and he does experiments and he complains to no one about how terrible the criminal classes are in wherever he happens to be. Everyone is still an idiot, except himself, and he's as ever confident in his skill set that he ever was.
But. There was a but.
There's no clients, there's no violin, there's no fireplace crackling or horrible Christmas jumpers or, most of all, there's no John.
Forget it, Sherlock reminds himself forcefully.
Except he can't. He never can. He can never forget John and he will never forget him. He wakes up each day with the expectation of a tea sitting on the countertop as a morning greeting. He demands to know where his hooded sweatshirt is before he realises that John isn't in the flat with him. He catches himself smoking cigarettes and then remembers that John isn't there to stop him from smoking the entire pack when he quite cold turkey just three days ago.
He's turned so sentimental.
He really, really hates it.
Song: What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts.
Disclaimer: I do not own the song or Sherlock.
It's under a week to the premiere now. O_O