.
"This is life without you.
Learning how to miss you.
I guess I need to know how it feels like.
This is life without you.
I don't know who to turn to.
And everything I know to say is goodbye...
So, goodbye."
John glances towards Mary affectionately, his stomach rumbling in anticipation of a home-cooked meal. It's something he doesn't get much and, even on his dates with Mary, they'd usually ordered a take-away or gone to a sit-down restaurant. They don't have a lot of time to have home-cooked dinner... and it's especially special since this is the first time that Mary's cooked for him since they met. It's a good sign, John thinks.
He hasn't forgotten about his old life. Oh no. He can't forget about that. He wouldn't if he could because Sherlock will always be the best part of his life... his old life. But this is a new chapter, and there's Mary now.
He had realised, after a few long months...? that he couldn't sit around and wallow in pity from Sherlock's suicide. He knows what's true, what isn't, and what people say doesn't bother him anymore. He doesn't care. Like Sherlock, John just doesn't care what they say.
The people that matter to him believe in him, and by extension, believe in Sherlock, and that's all he cares about. Sod the rest of the them. They don't matter.
He knows that rationalising Sherlock's death is the best thing that he could have done... He supposes it helps. He had gotten out of bed, so, yes, it had happened. His limp had gone away again. His hand only shook once in a great while.
He's... coping.
Yeah, coping. It's the best he can do. He can't forgive, can't forget, but he does pick up the blog again (sparingly) and Mary's oh-so-patient with him and it's... nice.
Sometimes, it terrifies him. When he laughs or when he and Mary kiss or when he forgets, momentarily forgets... Is that a dishonour to Sherlock? To his memory?
But he and Mary talk about it, discuss it, decide that it isn't. That Sherlock would want John to move on.
No, he wouldn't, John argues with a smile, he was a selfish git.
But, deep down, he knows it's true. Sherlock, however inhuman some people made him to be, wouldn't want him to suffer like this. What had he said once... Caring wasn't an advantage? He wouldn't want John to care.
Well, John does care... but he can try to make it easier on himself. Try to honour Sherlock's memory by living, not dying with him. He is a separate entity- never mind what it had felt like when Sherlock died- and it is his duty to Sherlock to move on.
He may never be able to experience it again, but life with Sherlock is something that he'll never forget.
"This is life without you."
Song: Life Without You by Stanfour.
Disclaimer: I do not own the song or Sherlock.
Moving on, but never forgetting. Never.