-IVY-

I hate secrets. Secrets and lies and half-truths. They only hurt people.

Driving away from Mama's house, I'm so angry I can barely stand it. I know it's not Barbara's fault. My head knows it, but my heart doesn't. They lied. They both lied, and it feels like I've been stabbed in the gut.

Was this why Daddy killed himself? So he wouldn't be here when I found out?

Somehow, I manage to stay on the road, even through the tears and the red haze. I shouldn't be driving, I'm in no condition, but I have to get away.

Two miles down the road, I have to swerve off into the dirt because I can't see anymore. I can't stop shaking. I've lost everything. Can't have babies because of the cancer. I can't be around Mama or my sisters anymore, not after- And Charles. Oh, god.

I have to tell Charles.

I lift my head off the steering wheel and use my trembling hands to dash the tears away. I can fall apart later. I need to get out of here, need to get away and to . . . to Charles. I need to-

We were gonna run away to New York. Find a little apartment somewhere no one knows us. How can we go now?

A truck shoots by, way over the speed limit. Carefully, I flip on my blinker and pull back onto the road. Careful. I've been so careful this last year, wouldn't do to get lazy and die in a car accident.

He needs to hear it from me, but how on earth can I do that to him? How could Mama and Aunt Mattie Fae do this to us? Keep a secret like that, it's bound to ruin lives. Like mine and Charles.

Charles lives in a pretty bleak apartment in the next town over. Uncle Charles owns the small complex and Charles is supposed to manage it. There's only one other tenant in the four-plex, so it isn't difficult to do. He's only been doing it a few months.

Our plans were, he was gonna do it to save up the first-and-last rent for a place in New York. Charles was gonna write songs. I'm not sure now what I was gonna do, but I can't think of it right this minute.

I pull into the lot at the complex and park. The sound of some talk show drifts out of the manager's apartment, so I know Charles is home.

Deep breaths, Ivy.

For a year, Charles has been my solace, my confidante, my harbour in the storm. My own secret. I was gonna tell Mama, drop a bomb on her world. Hey, Mama, I'm screwing my cousin. How about that?

She just had to go and kick the grenade back, though, didn't she? I'll be happy if I never see that horrible bitch again, I swear. I'm through with her, with Barbara and Karen and-

I choke on a sudden sob, shove the car door open and stumble out onto the pavement. I slam the door harder than intended, and wobble for a moment on my feet. The door to Charles's apartment opens, and there he is, my hero.

"Ivy?" he asks. He knows me well enough to see I'm upset, and he crosses the space between us, reaching for me.

Even though it kills me, I hold my hands up to stop him. "Don't- don't touch me. I-"

I can see the rejection hit him like a fist, blue eyes confused with pain. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Can we go inside?"

He nods. I push by him and go into the apartment, which is blessedly cool and dark after the hot sun outside. Charles follows, pulling the door shut.

"You wanna tell me what's up?" he asks, after a long moment.

I sink onto the battered sofa and press the heels of my hands to my eyes, fighting renewed tears. "I just came from Mama's," I whisper. "We had a big fight."

He moves to join me, the cushion beside me sinking as he lowers his weight onto it. This time, when he reaches for me, I don't resist.

"I tried to tell her about us," I confess. "Barbara kept insisting I'm a lesbian, and I wanted to tell her the truth, and . . ."

"Lemme guess. Aunt Violet got really mad and kicked you out."

I shake my head. "No. I didn't get that far."

Charles's voice is low and soothing, and even though I'm still so angry, I turn to him, looking up with reddened eyes.

"I didn't wanna tell you," I blurt out, and my voice breaks. "But I have to. I can't keep this from you, Charles."

His big hands move to cup my face. "You can tell me anything, baby," he murmurs, and I almost shatter.

I hadn't figured out how to tell him what Mama and Barbara had told me. I could barely process it myself. All I'd known was I needed him, even if this ended everything. And now, I find it all pouring out.

"Mama told me that Uncle Charles isn't your father. Mattie Fae had an affair and got pregnant, and they've all kept this secret all this time. Mama and Mattie Fae and . . . Uncle Charles doesn't know, she said."

Charles frowns in confusion. "What? Why would . . ."

I lick dry lips, and say, "She told me 'cause of what I was saying. She said that your real father is . . ."

Suddenly, I can't do it. Tears surge up and I'm sobbing against his chest. He wraps his arms tight around me, and that only makes me cry harder. I can't do it. I can't say it, because then we'll break, and it'll be over. I'll lose the one good thing left.

"Ivy," he whispers. "Ivy, honey, tell me what it is. We'll deal with it."

I shake my head. I can't. I won't.

Charles has never had much in the way of a backbone, his mama would say. He's the gentlest soul I have ever known, and I love him for it. The one thing he can't stand, though, is seeing me in pain.

He pushes me away a little and makes me look up at him. "Ivy. Stop that crying and tell me. You can tell me anything."

"I can't!" I wail. "'Cause if I do, I'll hurt you, and I can't do that, Charles!"

Charles presses his forehead to mine. "You know that's nonsense. It's hurting *you*, and I can take it if it's for you."

"Oh, Charles." I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to watch his face. "I- I don't wanna-"

"Just breathe, and get it out. You'll feel better." His thumb strokes my cheek in small, soothing circles.

"No, I won't," I tell him sincerely. "Oh, god. Mama told me that Beverly is your daddy."

His thumb stops. Everything stops. The only sound is the audience laughter from the talk show, and the drone of the window unit air conditioner.

". . . What?" he breathes at last.

I open my eyes. He's staring at me from inches away, eyes huge. "Mama said that Daddy had an affair with Mattie Fae, and got her pregnant. Uncle Charles isn't your father. *My* dad is."

He swallows and shakes his head in denial. "But that means . . . Ivy . . ."

"I know." Tears spill down my cheeks. Am I ever going to run out of them? Not anytime soon, apparently.

Charles stands, steps away from me. "You're my sister?"

It's barely a whisper, but it sounds like the loudest thing in the world. I bury my face in my hands and cry.

He turns and without another word to me, rushes out of the apartment.

And just like that, I've lost the love of my life.

-CHARLES-

I can't breathe.

I stagger out of the apartment into the late afternoon sunlight, wincing in the glare.

I can't breathe.

Dropping to sit on the curb at the edge of the parking lot, I shove my hands through my hair. I always knew something was wrong, with Mama being so mean to me my whole life. I'm not a loser! I just have really bad luck.

Even in love, 'cause who the hell falls in love with their cousin, let alone their sister? Oh, my god, what've we done?

Bad enough that Ivy and I are cousins, even if she can't have kids anymore. I was okay with that, 'cause even if we couldn't have that, we'd have each other. We could adopt or something. But now-

My stomach clenches and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Not 'cause of Ivy. Never 'cause of Ivy. But 'cause of what we did. I've kissed her, and I've made love with Ivy.

She's my sister? Well, half, really, but still. What kind of horrible family do we have? Cheaters and liars and oh, god, now incest? Sure, we didn't know, but we knew we were cousins! Okay, that's legal in some places, but I'm pretty sure marrying my sister ain't ever gonna be legal, anywhere. 'Cept maybe ancient Egypt. Pharoahs did that all the time, didn't they?

I scrub my hands hard over my face. Breathe, Charles. Don't lose it.

Think. This doesn't change that I love Ivy. Doesn't change that we've been together this long, this way. Might change what we do from here, but . . . We can't go on like this, can we? Not if Mama and Aunt Violet, and Cousin Barbara all know.

But wait. How do we know Uncle Bev's my dad? Anybody ever do a, what are they, DNA test? If Mama cheated with her sister's husband, who's to say she didn't cheat with other guys? She's lied about this, what else has she lied about?

I get to my feet. Inside, Ivy's still crying, and I can't stand it. I can't bear her hurting. Okay, so we got some genetics in common. Not like we didn't before, right? We already knew we were iffy, and we didn't care.

I open the door to my shitty apartment and yep, Ivy's still crying. Makes me mad, that Aunt Violet did this. Who are we hurting? No one. Not like we were gonna have babies, anyway.

"Fuck this," I say aloud, and her head whips up in surprise.

"Charles!" she gasps, because I am not a guy for profanity.

"Fuck this," I say again, and it feels good. "You go pack your bags, Ivy, we're gonna go to New York anyway. Tonight. Or maybe tomorrow."

She stands up and looks like she's trying to decide if I'm nuts, or brilliant. "You sure?" she asks.

I close the space between us and pull her into my arms. "Maybe we are, maybe we're not. This doesn't change that I love you, Ivy. And maybe Mama's lying about it. Who knows? Maybe it's wrong, but Ivy, nothing in my life has felt more right than you and me."

She reaches up and touches my face. "I know," she whispers. "And I love you."

"No one will know there," I tell her. "No one will care. We're gonna leave this awful place behind, and start over new. You and me."

"You and me," she agrees, and stands on her toes to kiss me.

"Ohe more thing, Ivy," I say, and take a deep breath. "It ain't legal to marry your cousin in Oklahoma, but we're going to New York, where it is legal. I wasn't gonna ask 'til we got there, but . . . Will you marry me? When we get there?"

She smiles brilliantly, and says, "Of course I will."

-IVY-

I don't wanna leave, but I've got a lot to do. I guess I underestimated Charles a little. I'm still upset at the lies and secrets, but we're okay despite it. As he said, it may be wrong, but nothing's ever felt so right. And Mattie Fae could be wrong about who his daddy is, as Charles said. The family doesn't matter anymore, anyway.

I've got my own now.