I have no idea where we are. I have no idea where Kazemasa is. A dark shadow blanketed my soul as I walked away from that field, and it covers me completely. Someone took the extension of my soul from me. I remember getting into a car. I remember hearing Christophe and Yoshitsune talk. I must have gotten out of the car, because now I'm here, wherever 'here' is.

I'm sitting down at a table. I have a cup of tea in front of me. Christophe and Yoshitsune are sitting opposite of me, waiting patiently. Well, at least it's not the cops. Do the cops even know what happened? The two men continue to wait. I don't know what they're waiting for. They know what is going on, I don't, why aren't they saying anything?

Christophe must hear the wheels in my head turning because he seems to jerk upwards, ready to pounce on whatever slight change I just showed.

"Ma bichette, I…"

I hold up my hand to stop him. "First, I want to hear how Kazemasa is."

Christophe looks annoyed. Yoshitsune nods solemnly. "He is going to be alright, Mizuki is caring for him right now. You can see him after we talk."

"Mizuki? Why isn't he in a hospital?" I start to stand up, but both men do the same and shake their heads.

"Please, everything will be answered, just give us a chance." I sit back down, and they do as well. Christophe sighs. "This is going to be hard. All I ask is that you keep an open mind and try to trust me, even though I know you'd probably rather not."

I roll my eyes. "Oh no Christophe, please, by all means. Getting attacked by assassins who tell you they're after your mentor happens to me all the damn time. Yep, just another ordinary Thursday for this chick. I must say, the cherry on top was being told I'm a valuable target the world has been searching for. Ha! Who knew the world was clamoring for French history experts?"

Who is that talking? Is that me?

Christophe cringes and looks hurt. Yoshitsune looks at me with well-founded eyes. "I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but don't bite the hand that feeds you. He is the only one that can explain this to you fully, and if you don't listen now you will regret it later."

I look into my tea. He's probably right.

"Okay Christophe, go for it. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as I'm imagining."

Christophe sighs, then takes a deep breath. "Okay. It's hard to pick where to start, as the beginning will sounds equally as complicated as the current ending, so I'll just start with this: I know you've been wondering how Yoshitsune and I know each other, since I can tell you didn't buy the fact that we're just random colleages." He motions towards Yoshitsune. "We've known each other since we were 17 and took a solemn oath together with five other men. The oath made us members of a secret society, one so well hidden that only a few others aside from the seven sworn in know about us."

"You now increase that number. I had hoped you'd never need to know, and part of me still feels like I've failed you because you have to hear this, but I see no other way."

That's it? He's part of a secret society?

"Christophe, you could have told me that. People partake in secret societies all the time, I would have kept your secret."

I reach out to pat his hand, but I see he is cringing again.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg. Don't sound so forgiving just yet, I may not make it through if you do." He drums his fingers on the table. "This society, we are so secret because our jobs require the upmost discretion and deception. If what we know gets out, or if we fail in our duties in another way…well, not to sound dramatic, but it could cause mass chaos."

"Our titles are simple enough. Guardians. That's essentially what we are. Guardians of history, of secrets, and of course…" He looks me square in the eyes. "people."

What?

He looks at me tenderly. "I am your Guardian, ma bichette."

He smiles. I know I'm not smiling back. What does this mean?

"Alright, so you and Yoshitsune are in a secret society that protects secrets that could destroy the natural order of things. I believe you. So why throw people into the mix? Don't you have enough on your plates? And why would I need a bodyguard anyway?"

Christophe shakes his head. "I didn't explain it well. Yes, we guard secrets, but most of the secrets have people attached to them. Important people. You are one of those people."

I raise an eyebrow. "How am I important?"

Sure, I've accomplished a lot, but why would that have grand significance to the world? Furthermore, why would anyone want me dead because of it?

Christophe looks uncomfortable. "You are the key to one of history's greatest secrets."

What?

"You've always wondered about why France holds you closely and you don't know why. You picked up the language flawlessly, despite whatever reservations you have or what I may have said otherwise. This fascinated me, but much more than that was watching you ride horseback and sword fight for the first time today. I couldn't believe my eyes, what a natural you are! I never had any doubts about your heritage before, but if I had, today would have banished them all."

How is this all connected?

"Don't you see? How wonderfully it all fits together, like pieces of a puzzle! Mon Cheri, you are a direct descendant of Joan of Arc!"

I blink. What?

He looks at me eagerly. I can tell he wishes I'd jump for joy, but I can't even begin to process what I've just heard. This must be a joke…it has to be a joke.

Yoshitsune looks at Christophe, who's still eager for a response, then back at me. "It's true, you are. When the seven of us were initiated as Guardians, we were educated for months about the secrets history holds and the people to whom they are attached. We were young, but we knew our purpose, and we were honored to have such a privilege bestowed upon us."

"We learned about all seven of you, and the Elders decided to whom we'd be assigned. We'd watch footage, read reports, sometimes even see them in person. You were only eight at the time, but we all saw how you sparkled with life and the thirst for knowledge. You shined with Joan's strength even then, and you had us all entranced. Don't misunderstand, every Secret is a treasure to us and you're all so unique, but everyone held a special place in their hearts for you."

Christophe smiles. "I felt so honored that I had been assigned to you! I suppose I was the most logical choice, having grown up in France, but there was never a guarantee."

I'm in a daze. "Joan of Arc had no children, how can I be a direct descendant?"

Christophe nods. "That's what everyone thinks, it's not true. She was so young when she went into battle that people easily accept that not much happened before that beyond her working on a farm. It's easy for the average person to think she couldn't possibly have had any kids, but remember, it was normal for people to become parents during the teen years back then because life expectancy was short. She gave birth six months before she went to speak with the king. She never spoke of it, and during her trial it was one of the few things not considered because she was so pious. We don't know who the father was, though in all likelihood it was one of the many knights wandering the country side, but we believe the birth is the reason for her piety…along with her visions of course."

Christophe looks thoughtful. "That's the secret, and you are living proof. Only the Guardians and a select few know this…or at least, that's what we thought."

I sip my tea. "So, you're saying I've been being spied on all my life, still raised to live like everything is normal, our relationship isn't really what I think it is, and Joan of Arc is essentially my grandmother? What is this, The DaVinci Code?"

Chuckles. "Yeah, it sounds kind of funny when you think about it." A serious look crosses Christophe's face. "This is serious, and completely real."

I cannot believe this is happening. It still feels like a joke. I hail from Joan of Arc, the most famous saint and female warrior of all time? How can this be?

"That's why you two have been speaking together so much, because of this?"

Christophe scratches the back of his head. "We Guardians don't see each other often; it could compromise the safety of those we watch. However, I felt I was failing in my duties and didn't know what to do…"

"What makes you think you were failing me?" How can he think that? He's been there for me all these years…even if it's not the way I thought.

"You've said yourself you felt like bad luck has followed you since undergrad. Accidents seem to follow you so much more than the average person. At first I thought they were accidents myself, they seemed so harmless, but then they started happening more and I knew someone had found out about you. I tried to do better, to make them stop; I've stopped those trying to hurt you before, but whomever found out this time is not only highly professional, but they're also not working alone."

"I had to reach out, so I did. Yoshitsune is the one I trust the most, and it just so happened he was visiting the US for a sabbatical. After we talked, we decided to pull strings to get us on Deadliest Warrior. The host is an ally of sorts, so we knew it'd be a safe haven. It made sense to put you in the public eye so people would know who you are and therefore, make things tougher for assassins. People are more cautious around public figures. You'd basically be hiding in plain sight. Yoshitsune had done something similar, and the results were great."

Yoshitsune nods. "I also told the one whom I protect. I suggested Christophe do the same before filming, but he thought he could still protect you. I can't blame him. It is rare for the descendants to know their secret, but it's not unheard of. In a few cases, it's been the difference between life and death."

Christophe nods sadly. "The previous Guardian to your bloodline perished with your parents. You know your parents died in a house fire when you were a baby, but you didn't know that the fire was no accident. It was discovered who your mother was, and that she had given birth. The assassins that found out thought it would be easy to get you all in one hit and break the bloodline. It sickens me that they used fire, but they thought themselves poetic."

So much information, laced behind so many lies. I think I'm going to be sick.

"How you got to safety is a mystery, but we do know the Guardian saved you. Your adoptive parents did not know of your past, and you were lost to us for awhile. Whether it was coincidence or not that you were adopted by my aunt and uncle is a mystery as well. This is how I was able to keep a careful eye on you and encourage the direction of your studies. Again, I suppose I was the most logical choice to be your Guardian, but there's always a higher order."

This is all just jumbling around; a bunch of words flowing into my ears, into my head, and swimming around my brain. They're trying real hard to penetrate through, but they aren't. How many people can say they've had an assassin after them? That an eternity old enemy killed my parents? I'm kinda related to my mentor, whom I was in love with before all this? How can you begin to digest that?

I feel their eyes upon me, waiting for a response. "So if the episode was a slick attempt to get me into the public eye to keep me safe, what exactly do you think would happen if the truth were known? And don't say 'mass chaos'."

Christophe narrows his eyes. I can tell I've struck a nerve, but I don't care. After all his lies, he can answer my questions.

"The Catholic Church is powerful, very powerful. I'm sure you know that. What do you think they would do if it was discovered that one of their most popular saints is not the virgin martyr the world thinks she is? What about scholars like you? Those who look up to her? Sometimes, ignorance is not only bliss, it's the best possible outcome."

That's exceedingly depressing.

It's written all over my face, I can tell, and Christophe responds accordingly. "Let me put it to you this way. You are one of the most well kept secrets in the world. Despite that, someone found out, and how did they react?"

Okay, he's right, but that's still depressing. Why must mankind be so reluctant and unforgiving towards change?

My tea is cold. I can't help but resume the thoughts I had at the start of all of this: Why did I agree to this? What business did I have being on a reality show? One governed, apparently, by a secret society that plans the 'reality' out. Or did I even have a choice? Of all the choices in my life, which ones have truly been my own?

I look into the cold, murky brew before me. I feel a tiny smile beginning to bud on my lips. Kazemasa. He's called to me in a way nothing else and no one else has. He helped me find strength I never knew I had. Everything we've done together has been ours alone.

"Wait a minute," I say, looking up at Yoshitsune. "If you both are Guardians, then who do you…"

I trail off. I already know the answer to this.

My eyes go wide. "Kazemasa?"

Yoshitsune nods solemnly. "He is descended from the Genpei war's finest samurai like I said, but I'd argue that his ancestor was the finest samurai ever. Samurai are not uncommon in history, but ones with skills and knowledge as great as Wada Yoshimori were. Not only that, I'm not the one descended from royalty, he is. This samurai had an affair with the empress…well not an affair per se but that's another story, and they had a child together. Being the first born, that child should have assumed the throne, but-"

"He was just another member of Club Illegitimate." I interrupt. I realize I'm undermining them, but I can't help. This is all absurd. They protect history, they protect genetics, and this just cannot be. But if it is…

Before Yoshitsune can reply, I continue. "And you said he knows?"

Another nod. "I told him after…an unfortunate incident. I had made plans to tell him in a different way but his actions forced my hand. That's when I decided hiding in plain sight was safest for him."

Flickers of resentment stir inside me. "And his friends? What do they know?"

Yoshitsune clears his throat. "They are an unrelated matter, and the less you know about them, the better. They have a secret of their own. But to answer your question, they don't know about him."

More secrets? My god. But for all my current confusion, their secret seemed kind of obvious; Enya had made it that way.

Kazemasa knows so much. "Does he know about me?"

"No one's told him, if that's what you're asking, but it wouldn't surprise me if he's figured it out. He's quite perceptive." Yoshitsune looks sympathetic. "He was so diligent in protecting you. He takes every duty ever bestowed upon him seriously and they're always carried out flawlessly, but this ignited a flame in him like I've never seen. I thought your friendship would be good for him, despite the risk attached, but I never thought…"

He goes silent. I can tell he's searching for the right words. The shadow on my soul feels as though it's growing darker, and the resentment continues to boil as I slowly realize how different my life could have been if only Christophe had told me sooner. The gravity of what I've done and what I am is sinking in.

I slowly lower my head to the table. I push my tea away and cover my head with my arms. Hold my head high? Never again.

"I can imagine what you thought. Here I cower, a generations old bastard with a less than vague notion of how I came to be and what I'm meant to do. You say I've shone with her strength for years, but never before have had I felt so dimmed out by weakness." Head still down, I point to Yoshitsune. "I'm sure you never thought a descendant of such piety could commit murder. That's what I am now, a murderer. She was a soldier and even she never killed anyone, yet somehow that's not the worst part. Not even being lied to all these years is the worst part. The worst part is I don't remember killing those men. It'd feel okay to say I blacked out, but I didn't. I was surrounded by light. For god's sake, light! Not one second, not one cut, not one scream went by where I didn't feel wrapped in serenity."

The darkness of the table is getting blurry. I lift my head slowly; it feels too heavy so I prop up my arm and rest my head against my hand. Christophe and Yoshitsune look blurry as well. I know my eyes are filling with tears. I feel so numb right now I can't even cry.

"My god, who am I?" The blurriness subsides as the shadows continue to cloak me.

A hand softly touches my shoulder. The warmth emitting off from it makes the numbness go away, and even the shadows subside slightly. I know who it is before he says a word.

"You're the warrior who saved my life."

He says something I needed to hear, and yet I cannot look at him. How can I? That would require a certain amount of pride, of which I have none. He says warrior, it still just feels like murderer, and I'm the reason he got shot.

Kazemasa sits next to me, his hand still on my shoulder. "It's true, I'd be dead without you. Before you came galloping up, the assassins came and looked me over. They were angry I wasn't Dr. Belair, and when they realized I was still alive they didn't want loose ends. Then, something made them run. I was too out of it to realize what."

I feel his gaze upon me; I can't return it.

He continues. "The last thing I remember is seeing your face. And then, there was light."

He saw the same thing I did? What the hell happened?

I look unsteadily at Christophe and Yoshitsune. The hand helping hold up my head is stroking pieces of hair. They are rough and matted. Blood.

Christophe looks like someone killed his mother and childhood pet in front of him. Yoshitsune is still holding steady, concentrating on Kazemasa. He put his hands on the table and folds them. I look back at the table.

"Why did you take off like that? It wasn't like you."

I flinch. A stubborn woman pissed him off, that's why.

"I felt the need to scout the area. I didn't think it through, I just went."

I imagine Yoshitsune is nodding. He has no reason not to believe him. "You know then, don't you?"

"I thought something was awry when you and Dr. Belair had the guys and I scope everything out at Hanami, but I couldn't figure out what. The Frenchmen hissing at each other had the pieces fall into place."

THAT'S what they were doing during Hanami? God, how unaware am I?

He's looking at me again, I can feel it. "You look the way I felt when I found out. What is your story?"

The bitterness and resentment inside me wants to hiss out, like it did at Christophe, but I can't bring myself to do it.

"My story? It feels like it has nothing to do with me. It still doesn't feel real." That's all I can manage.

His gaze leaves me. "Can you please excuse us for a little bit?"

I'm still looking at the table, but I can tell Christophe is about to protest because Yoshitsune says "Let them talk, they're safe."

I hear footsteps, a door, and then it's just the two of us.