Chapter 3: Cid... I'm Going to Kill You!

Cloud finally got over his clothes, and started downstairs his face red from embarrassment, and his arms crossed over his ample chest. When he reached the bottom, he was greeted with a catcall from the other side of the room, from what seemed to be a newspaper that had sprouted hair that looked a lot like Cid's.

"And what was that for?" Cloud snapped, glaring at the newspaper.

The paper shifted slightly, and gave a cough.

"Nothin'." Came a gruff voice.

"Nothing my ass!" Cloud said, walking over and ripping the paper from Cid's hands.

"Whatahyahdoin'?" Cid cried, reaching out to snatch back the paper.

"Did you just whistle at me?" Cloud said angrily, holding the crumpled paper in one hand and pointing with the other.

"Yeah... I did, but yah never fuckin' cared before!" He replied, flinching as Cloud raised a callused fist.

"Don't make me take off your little dangly... I'll do that you know? Like I threatened Don Corneo..." Cloud said in a VERY intimidating voice.

"You... you wouldn't... hurt Mr. Wanky?" Cid said staring at the fist, and covering 'Mr. Wanky' with his hands.

"Oh you bet I would... Like this..." Cloud said holding out the paper, and ripping it into pieces with a look of evil in his eyes.

Cid just choked, and turned very pale, as the shredded paper fell to the floor like snowflakes.

"Exactly like that!" Cloud snapped, and then walked away, leaving Cid to sit on the chair, holding his parts, and looking like a ghost.

A few minutes later, Yuffie walked into the kitchen, looking bedraggled, but freshly showered.

"What's wrong with Cid... He was holding himself like someone threatened to remove his dick?" She said, her voice still groggy, even after the 45-minute shower (which was icy cold, not because she wanted it that way, but because the heater bill was never paid) she had taken.

Cloud smiled viciously, and nodded.

Yuffie's eyes widened.

"You didn't!" She said, and then started to laugh, clutching her stomach with a slim arm.

There was an odd sound of clomping feet, and Tifa burst into the room, glaring at Cloud with a look of disgust on her face.

"What the hell did you do that for Cloud? You're such a basta..." She didn't finish her sentence, but instead covered her hand with her mouth.

"What's up with you?" Yuffie said, glaring at Tifa and wondering what the hell had happened to Cloud.

"Uh... I forgot to take my meds..." And she dashed off, closely followed by Cloud, who didn't even bother to make an excuse, leaving Yuffie to stare after the two as though she where contemplating the meaning of life, and failing miserably to understand it.

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"What the hell was that?" Cloud spluttered in shock, staring at Tifa as she stood with her head bowed.

"I... I forgot... But what you did to Cid was... Mean." Tifa said in a whisper, looking downtrodden and dejected, which was strangely enough a perfect Cloud look.

"Well you just blew it Tif! You didn't even last a minute!" He cried trying to think of a way that he could fix the current situation.

"No! You blew it first! You nearly gave Cid a heart attack, by threatening to remove his cock! I'm not that big a bitch Cloud!" She replied, feeling a little more confident in herself.

"So, I'm not taking meds, and I don't accuse you of being me! I don't even talk all that much." Cloud said, fists against his hips, with a look of discontent painted clearly on his face.

"Look imbecile, we're in this boat together... Let's fix the mistake and try again, Yuffie is pretty gullible, we should be able to pull something off..." Tifa said, sensing the fight that threatened to get very loud, and that's the thing that they wanted least to happen.

Cloud gave a grunt, and turned away, putting his hand on his chin.

"I think we go in there, and we tell her it was a joke, and then she'll be happy."

Cloud nodded, and then turned to her, a questioning look on his face.

"Why do you put up with Cid and his odd behavior?" Cloud asked, looking at Tifa for an answer.

"Well... I really don't care much about what he does, just as long as he keeps to himself... He's a good guy, and I don't think he'd do anything bad to me, so I just let him do it."

They spoke of their plan, and then shook hands to seal the deal.

They agreed, and turned and went back into the kitchen to find Yuffie still looking puzzled about their odd antics.

"What the hell was that all about Tifa?" She asked, putting her hand on her head as if she had a headache.

"Joke." Cloud said, and turned away, to find Tifa glaring at him.

"What?" Yuffie replied, still just as confused as ever.

"It was a joke darling... Nothing more." Cloud repeated, turning and grinning in a very odd manner (he wasn't used to smiling all that much).

Yuffie gave him a strange look, and turned to Tifa.

"And I never would have guessed that you had a sense of humor, Mr. Pissypants."

Tifa gave a curt nod, and proceeded to glare around the room.

"No really... Since when have you found it funny to have a sense of humor?" Yuffie persisted, which seemed to be the only way to get a straight answer from Cloud when he was in one of his pissy moods.

"It was her idea... She made me do it..." Tifa said, pointing at Cloud.

Yuffie turned to Cloud and smiled.

"Wow! You got Spiky to speak? Can you teach me how to do that?" Yuffie asked him, a look of hope in her eyes.

"Why would you want him to talk?" Cloud replied, curious as to why Yuffie would want to talk to him.

"I'll tell you later... We can have a girls night out and go to the bar!" Yuffie said with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"You're a little young for the bar toots." Cid said as he walked into the kitchen, and then he caught sight of Cloud, gave a gasp, and fled the room holding himself.

Yuffie gave a mirth filled laugh, and turned to Cloud.

"You scared him pantsless! That's another thing you're going to have to teach me!" She said, tears leaking down her cheeks as she laughed in amusement.

"I should actually apologize to him... I had a headache when I came down, and I snapped at him..." Cloud said. He looked unsure of what he had said, and he faltered several time, apologies where not his cup of tea either.

"Well... I suppose you could... But I like that he runs away! Gives me something to smile about!" Yuffie complained, grabbing Cloud's arm.

Cloud reflexively moved back out of Yuffie's grip, and then he left to go and tell Cid that he was sorry.

Tifa glared at Yuffie, and followed after Cloud, to see if he did what she had told him to do.

Cloud stepped up to Cid, trying to look kind, but failed to do so entirely.

He smiled at Cid, in what he thought was a 'I apologize' way, but Cid saw it as a 'I'm going to eat your babies' smile, and instantly turned into a blubbering heap on the floor.

"Please! PLEASE! DON'T HURT... MY FAM...ILY J...J...JEWLES! I... I COULDN'T... LIVE... I COULDN'T LIVE... WITHOUT THEM!" He bawled, curling up into a small ball on the ground, covering his precious bundle.

Cloud stared down at him in shock, and couldn't say a word, until something hard hit him in the back of the head.

Tifa cleared her throat, and glared, and Cloud nodded.

"Cid... I'd like to apologize..."

"DON'T HURT THEM!" Cid screamed, trying to find a way to escape.

"I really shouldn't have said that... I was... In a bad mood... Sorry."

Cid continued to cry in panic, gripping himself, as he rocked back and forth, trying to calm himself.

Cloud bent down, and after a few moments hesitation, and a glare from Tifa, and wrapped his arm around Cid's shoulder.

Cid froze instantly, and his eyes widened in horror.

"I won't do it... I'm sorry I... Threatened you." Cloud said, in a tone that was supposed to be resentful, yet came out as a more frightened tone because apologizing was difficult.

After a few moments, Cid let go of his balls, and looked up at Cloud.

"You're... you're really sorry?" He asked, his face still pale from his shock.

"I am... Very sorry." Cloud said, and he leaned in and, hating every moment of it, planted a chaste kiss on Cid's forehead.

Tifa had to leave the room to keep from laughing, as she saw the look of disgust on Cloud's face as he stood up and started to leave.

"Hey Tif?" Cid began, his confidence back up to normal standards.

"What?" Cloud asked, turning around with a smile, so that he didn't scare Cid again.

"You got a nice ass!" He said, pointing to the mirror on the wall behind Cloud.

Cloud just glared at Cid, and said,

"I'm going to kill you! You little..." And rushed to tackle him, but Cid was too fast, and Cloud couldn't run well, for his breasts kept throwing him off balance.

"I'm going to kill that pervert one of these days!" Cloud raged in his head, as he toppled onto the sofa, for he had taken a corner to sharply, and his breasts had pulled him into and odd stumble, that ended with a face plant into the cushions.