Guardian of Future

Protector of the Past

Summer + 6 weeks

"Behold, the Queen of all; surrounded by her loyal subject," the voice snapped me out of my reading. My hand, automatically went to my holster as I tuned my head towards the threat. Slowly I let myself relax as Kevin walked across the room towards my treasure. "When Tommy told me what you found down there, well I could hardly believe it myself." He poked at one of the many boxes of books, bring one up with a smile of wonderment while reading the spine. "Ah, a complete collection of Charles Dickens, you my dear lady will enjoy those stories, especially 'A Christmas Carol'." He sat down on the other seat across from me as I readjusted my own seating position. "I think you will be especially moved by the theme of that story. So my dear, what do you think of all this?"

"It is an extensive collection," I said with a sigh. "with a way too high of a price paid to protect it." When Kevin made a grunt, I held up the book I was currently reading. I read him the non-existing title, "'The diary of Debbie Smith'."

"Please Ellie," he said softly closing his eyes.

"What kind of fu … idiot locks his children in a vault that has no access to the open it from the inside."

"I'm sure he had some way to ..."

"If he did, he didn't bother telling Debbie!" I held up the book again, my hand was shaking slightly. "I been reading her life, at least her life since she was ten till she died at fourteen. I been hoping to find something … some clue to explain this all."

"Don't torture yourself ..."

"I'd hope to find out he was some sick monster who beat her relentlessly, or refuse to feed her or her brother or forced her to … to … do other things. But there is nothing, all I keep reading is page after page of how she loved her family, the trips they'd take, the simple gatherings around a campfire and singing songs." Kevin motion me to hand him the book, I did as I finished my thoughts, "Even at the end, she writes how she prayed every chance she got that her mom and dad are safe in heaven, that God would watch out for them and her brother." Shit, I'm crying again. Damn it!

"'God will forgive daddy and mommy, for I know that something terrible had to happen to keep them away for so long. I have plan now, I know it is wrong, I know it is sin, but I have no choice. Bo deserve to be in heaven with them, he misses them terribly. Maybe one day, maybe one day someone will find him, and maybe he can be buried with mom and dad, maybe one day someone can morn his passing. I ask for none, since I deserve none.'" Kevin read from the last page, I knew because that page is the one I somehow keep rereading myself. "How many tears have you shed this morning not only Bo but Debbie as well?"

"Too many," I whisper and sniffing, "not enough."

"It does you well that you can find it in your heart to mourn the loss of someone who has been dead longer then you have been alive, Ellie. However, I must implore you to let it go ...", I let out a half laugh half snort as I looked away. "You must Ellie, no good will come from you torturing yourself with this."

"Now you sound like Joel," I said looking at the fade wall paper beside me. "He's always telling me to forget it, let it go; don't waste time on what had happened but keep my mind on here and now. I can't, somethings need to be remembered, some people are too important to just forget."

"Ordinarily, I would agree with you," he said placing the book back in my lap. I turned my head just enough see him out of the corner of my eye. "In this special case, Joel is correct. What happened was a terrible accident that can never be repaired. What happened to her parents, what kept them from returning to rescue their children from that horrible … we will never know, Ellie. Even if we did, nothing can change; there is no lesson to be learned here."

"I just can't, I mean Joel wouldn't … two months," I let out a sigh, shaking my head slowly.

"Those early days were horrific Ellie," Kevin said quietly. "Our entire world, everything we knew and trusted destroyed literally in front of our eyes. Whole families … Maria and I, we ..." I turned my whole body towards the old man of the village. I never knew, Maria and Kevin talk so little about what they had did before they gathered other to move here, that I never knew that they too had the 'hesitation'. "We were in Omaha; we had high hopes that the government could keep us safe. Our boys and girls serving the country where being flown home from around the world, back then our military wasn't like it is today. Our boys and girls in uniform, they weren't there to conquer others, to subjugate others; they defended, they threw themselves into harms way so we civilians didn't have fear for our lives or our loved ones. Few trusted others whom they didn't know personally, fewer trust the government, no one trusted Congress," he said with a snort. "But our military," he wore a huge smile and wage his finger at me, "our military many trusted them."

"Who did you lose that night," I asked before I could stop myself. How does that foot taste, Ellie? "Sorry, I … I shouldn't be so rude, I know better."

"No, no it is alright," he said with a quizzical expression on his face. "How do you know I lost someone. You know that Maria's mother died a year before the Outbreak."

"You hesitated," I said looking at the foot I just shoved in to my mouth. Damn it, I can feel my checks burning as well. Great, like I can hid a blush, not! "I notice that … well, when someone is talking about their past and they hesitate, usually means they are thinking about someone who died."

"You are a very perceptive young lady," he said with a chuckle. "Remind me never to play poker with you." I gave him a small smile in return, as a thank you for the compliment as my checks got hotter. He lost his smile as he told me about that night. "As to answer your inquiry, there were four of us in Omaha that night. We were near the bus station, waiting on word as to where we were to go to next. A bus coming in from a small town to the North had a few infected on board, they didn't know it until it was too late."

He got a far away look, the same that everyone who lived those very early days get when they remembered. It broke my heart when I saw it in his eyes, as much as it did to see it in Joel's eyes.

"The bus crashed, the infected charged out of the bus, people panic … back in the early days, the news people on TV said riots were breaking out all over the country. They didn't understand, we couldn't allow ourselves to see the truth; those weren't riots, people were not going around destroying things to make a statement. It was pure and simple primal fear; people fear so much that they became mobs with only one desire. That desire that still haunts us today, they wanted to save themselves and only themselves, and to the devil with everyone else. I was no different."

Kevin became so quiet for a while, I could see how much this was killing him to recount what happened that night. Feeling helpless as I always do, I waited for him to continue. "We got separated in our rush to flee, I wanted to go back and find the other two but I had Maria with me. I had to save someone … I had to chose … so I lied to myself. The other two were older, one was 17, the other 18, Maria was just 15 years old, I thought. The other two can make it own their own, I told myself over and over again, they were strong and smart, they can do it but Maria was just a helpless, young girl. She need me more, she had to be saved. We … we never saw her brothers again."

"Oh fuck," I whispered out. "Grandpa, I am so sorry … I didn't know … I … can't imagine ..." I ran out of words. I fucking hate it when I can't find the words to make someones hurt go away. I got up to offer him a hug, a touch on the arm, but he jerk back as I reached out. Without a word, I slowly sat back down till he relaxed enough to go on.

"That is why we, Maria and I, work so hard to re-build Jackson; to make it somewhere safe. To make it somewhere that children never have to discover the pain we all lived through these past twenty years." He let out a sigh and looked up at me. "I pray every night that you and the other children never have to learn what it is like to make a choice like that, ever." He then looked stronger, I saw it in his eyes, he found some inter-strength, his eye screamed of the hope he now possessed. Like Joel did every time he need to save me or fight off the infected. "And I also get on my knees every night thanking my merciful God for guiding Joel back to Jackson. I thank God that He allowed you to come here as well. Because you Ellie, you my young hero, is the cure for what ails mankind. You are the hope of the future."

"No, no I'm not, Kevin. We told you, Joel has told you; there is no cure," I said nervously, not sure where he was going with this; "I know that everyone keeps wishing there was one but Joel has told us that even the Fireflies stop looking for the cure."

"That is because they were looking in the wrong place Ellie. The cure to save man kind is not in your blood. It is in here," he tapped his chest above his heart. "It is why the Fireflies faltered, why the government failed, it is why we collapsed so quickly." He told a breath and held it as if to gather his thoughts. "Even before the Outbreak, we were actively planting the seeds of our own destruction. We forgot to see people as friends and neighbors; they became objects. They were little bits of information on a screen, those people who lived next to us that we waved too as we went on with our own lives. We only interacted with them when we felt like it and toss them aside when we need them no longer. We forgot how to be human, Ellie. Then during the Outbreak, some in and out of the our government and others as well, try to use the crisis to their own advantage, to use it to eliminate old enemies or gain control. Those actions just fueled the chaos around us. Ellie, as a species; we all lost our minds and now we have a planet full of crazy people who are too afraid to try anything different. Who forgot how to do anything differently."

"Maria, Tommy and I gathered as many people as we could, ones who we knew in our hearts, that would be willing to fight for our future, to return to the sanity we all once knew. Here in this valley out in the middle of nowhere, we could find our peace, our children could grow up safe and the outside world could go on without us." Kevin then barked out a laugh, "Then one day, a grizzly old man and a spunky young redhead came into our lives and turmoil return. A good kind of turmoil I will add. A girl with an insatiable appetite to know … everything. Every question that was answered brought on fifteen more, every story she shared of her exploits showed what two people who greatly care about each other could accomplish. Children began pestering their parents about life outside this valley, about life in that other world we called the past; they envy you, Ellie. You did things that they could never dream of doing."

"I wouldn't say it was a fun and games like they may think, but ..." I stopped to make sure what I wanted to say was what I needed to say. "I won't say that it wasn't all bad either. I wouldn't trade those times traveling with Joel for anything." I won't trade Joel for anything.

"No, and you should treasure those memories! The best of us thought out history had stories filled with horror and adversity but the rewards were beyond your wildest dreams. And like I had hoped when you began to take a more active role in our little world; you have become an excellent role mode for not only the children but many of the adults." He paused, his face growing sad, "Even as many of us shunned you, you still had a smile and wave for us. You asked your questions, you listened intently to the answered, you made that person whom you were talking with feel as if nothing else mattered to you except the them. You treated just about everyone with respect. Even as many of us couldn't … wouldn't … show you the same courtesy."

"You showed us what it is to be human again, Ellie, you are what we all hope to be again one day." He gave me another smile, "That is why I would say you are the guarding of the future, you and the other children are the future we all desperately want to see. And you are the bright light leading us to that future." He then pulled out the same book that he had read earlier, "but the future also needs to know the past. There is an old saying, 'those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.' Ellie, whether or not we ever find a vaccine for the Plague or if there are more like you then we know out there; it is useless if we do not stop our free fall into insanity. Hope will provide us with a future … knowledge will secure it. What do you plan on doing with your collection?"

"Um, I am going to keep it," I answered while wondering at the change of direction this conversation took. "There are so many different types of material here, it will keep me happily entertained for a long time." Then I stopped remembering some of the kinds of books I had, "but … there are some medical text that Debbie's dad had, I was thinking of giving them to Andy. He is always looking for more ideas on how to treat people."

"I am sure he will pay you handsomely for such books."

"No, I couldn't charge him. He is the town doctor, what he gets out of those books will help everyone." I gave him a look that told him that he better no argue with me. I know Joel wouldn't disagree with me. He would just say that they were mine and I could do as I wish, plus what Andy knows could save that old goat's life one day; that alone would be worth more to me then all the books in the world. "Something are more important then credits."

"I see," he said with a grin. "And what if you knew a man wanted to read to his children one night, to share with them a tale of Christmas." He held up the book he had gotten earlier.

"I'll let him borrow it," I shrugged again, what is he getting at anyways?

"You wouldn't sell it ..."

"When I was in the Boarding schools, back in Boston; they moved me around a lot. Said I was a problem child or something; so I never had much." I rolled my eyes as Kevin made a mocking 'no' face. Pftt, I know right, me a problem child, ridiculous. "There isn't much to have, I had my music and my books. Books … books help make time go by, books allowed me to forget all the shit … sorry the stuff that was going on. It seems wrong to deny someone else that opportunity."

"What if I told you I had an idea that would not only allow you to keep your collection but share it with everyone in Jackson, to be able to increase the number of books we might find laying around? We need to preserve the past Ellie, I need you to preserve the past! I need you to be a librarian!"

"Wow," I whispered, I'm sure my eyes were bugging out of my head … then I said the first thing that pop in my head. "What is a librarian?"

"You know what a library is?" He asked while laughing at my expression. When I nodded, he leaned forward and went on. "A librarian runs the library, making sure that the stock of books are kept in good condition, assist people in finding the books they need. However, I need more from you, I need you to gather books from town and outside the Line; to get all that you can and try to restore what can be salvaged. Of course, you will have help. I will have Steven and the rest of our little family remind people when they are out hunting or gathering supplies to keep an eye out for books, magazine and such. That way we can give you a larger collection, the people in this town have a place to come to read or find a book. The children can see the love and joy of reading from the best example I know of anywhere in the world."

"Now," he said clasping his hands together. "I can get you a building, and get it remolded for you. And that is all I can promise you, I won't be able to fund it, can't provide you any kind of salary, you will still have your duties on the Line and hunting, won't be able to force others to help collecting books, can't promise that anyone will even visit the library. But, I feel that this is a project that must be undertaken if any we have any hope for a future."

"More books," I whispered as I looked over the pile of books I had next to me. Okay, so I kind of focus on what I want to hear, maybe. Still, I remember seeing all those books stores as we travel through the country, all those book exposed to the elements, the sad feeling I had knowing I didn't have enough room to carry them with me. I thought about how excited I was when I learn to read, how it made me feel less lonely when I was in the Boarding schools in Boston when everyone else ignored me. I thought of Debbie and Bo; who spend their last days on Earth simply enjoy the labor of love their father had gathered. Like Kevin, their father also knew the importance of a book … of all the things he packed away to insure his family survive, survive of all he held dear; he horded books. "I'll have to talk to Joel about it; but I think he will be happy to let me do this, he is always going on I need to do more then punch my bag. There is one condition, although."

"Uh okay," Kevin asked sounding and looking confuse.

"We name it the 'Smith Family' library."

"Appropriate," he said nodding as he stood up, and headed out the door. "Come see me in the morning if Joel doesn't doesn't mind. In fact, bring him along, he can help us chose a building."

I let my eyes wonder over my treasure again. Fear me evil doiers, I am L; I'm the librarian.