"Did he just call May, Mindy?" Skye asks. She whistles in stunned disbelief at Coulson's bravo.
"Coulson is locking down various corridors," Fitz announces as he pokes various schematics. Then the schematics brightly flares before it darkens, "What the hell?"
"Coulson's locking down the system, and he's not only locked May out, he's locked us out. He wants us in here, not out there, as we're less likely to get hurt," Sitwell explains. "Polka dots?"
"I'll see if I can hack it," Skye promises.
"Be quick, Coulson may need help." Sitwell's a trained agent, and he slips easily into running the operation.
Simmons' cell phone rings and she answers it.
"Simmons," Coulson's voice is calm as though he isn't facing a rampaging Melinda May. "Talk to me. Ward?"
"He's been tasered, restrained and sedated. Claims that he doesn't remember anything in the last week or so. I've drawn bloods and running various tests." She keeps her voice professional.
In the background, Ward claims that really, he doesn't remember anything.
"Keep him restrained. If everything goes south and you think you can trust him to behave, you can release him. Are you alright? You seem..." Coulson slows. "Are you angry with me?"
She isn't angry with him, but it's complicated. May's words have scored on her bit too deeply and May's Coulson's ex-wife and it's been new between Jemma and Coulson for one week, and why did May have to ruin it by reminding Jemma of all her insecurities?
"Just everything," she says, which is the truth.
"Just wanted to be sure it wasn't me," he explains. "I'm going after May. I want everyone to stay in Medical until it's over. That way everyone will be safe as this... promises... to be messy. May's allergic to valium so when you sedate her please remember that."
"I will," she promises. Just another example of how well the two senior agents know each other; he knows May's medication history.
Silence.
"Tell Sitwell not to involve SHIELD unless there is no other option," he requests. "For now, it's just our team."
"I will tell him," she promises.
Again silence.
Finally, Phil speaks very softly and hesitantly as though he's uncertain of her reaction, "I really enjoyed our time together last night. I did."
"I did also," she assures him.
"I'm glad."
He hangs up and Jemma updates Sitwell on what he needs to know. Sitwell takes it all in and then nods.
"We can't leave Phil to deal with May. She'll crucify him, especially since she's absolutely nuts," Skye insists. "He doesn't have a chance."
Fitz loudly agrees on the upcoming Coulson Catastrophe aka May Massacre and Jemma tries not to worrry. Sitwell just shakes his head.
"They must talk about the Army Ranger and San Marco incident in the Academy still?" Sitwell asks. "You don't know who the Ranger was?"
"Absolutely amazing, this Army Ranger took out..." a blitzed Ward begins.
"An entire Hydra Base," Fitz begins and then he stops at Sitwell's head nods.
"Coulson, at twenty years of age, not even a SHIELD recruit at the time, took out a HYDRA base. SHIELD couldn't let his talent get lost in Army, so they stole him. He was trained not just at the Academy but by the very dangerous duo of Andrew St. John and Timothy Aloysius Dugan who taught Coulson everything they knew and I do mean everything. Just because he looks like an accountant, do not be fooled. He babysat the Avengers after all. He went mano a dios with Loki after all."
Skye looks at the awe struck expression on the various SHIELD agents, realizes that she had skipped that class and she waves her hand. When called upon, she chirps, "Teacher, I missed the Introduction to SHIELD 101 class."
"Look up BAMF in the dictionary, you'll see their pictures," explains Sitwell. "Gunnie and Dum Dum were Howling Commandos."
He sighs at Skye's confusion.
"They were Cap's boys. Steve Rogers?"
"Heard of him!" She happily announces.
"So, the train incident in Manchuria?" Fitz asks.
"Coulson," Sitwell responds. "As was the Paris and the anthrax, Quebec and the bomb and a few dozen others. If he thinks he can take Melinda May out by himself, then he can. However, we should be prepared to move quickly just in case someone needs medical assistance. Keep hacking the system."
"But his nickname is 'Cheese'," Fitz protests.
"Cheese?" mouths Skye. "As in Cheddar Cheese?"
"Sometimes, the legends behind the nickname become so overblown that people... Like the Cavalry?" Sitwell attempts to explain but fails. "The Ranger became Cheese because Phil can't tell a joke and he hated living up to that Nickname. Phillie Cheese steak sandwich? That and the beefcake calendar spread."
"He was in the calendar?" Skye asks. "Can I get a copy? It's for Jemma. Really."
The unholy rage that wears Melinda May's face keys the intercom. "You look tired, Phil. Simmons too much for you?" She catcalls.
He never answers, as he's busy disabling the system so she's cut off. Too bad for Phil that she already has a work around. He's nothing if not sadly, pathetically predictable. The Rage is content to sit and wait. It would be too easy to pick off Clouson as he enters via the cargo bay ramp. Where's the challenge in that? No, she wants to place the sharp needles just so under his skin and to prolong the pain until he breaks.
Somewhere down deep, Melinda May screams a futile protest.
Fifteen minutes later.
"Simmons," Jasper Sitwell interrupts her mental flagellation. "Ward seems to sturdier mentally and less inclined to kill me. I'm taking this as a good sign. Is this because he was zapped by the Taser? It's a kind of Electroconvulsive therapy. Right?"
She looks at him blankly. Sitwell prides himself on being constantly understimated, but sometimes, it gets rather annoying.
"How are his serotonin and benzodiazepine levels?" Sitwell prompts.
"They are in the same approximate range as they were two weeks post berserker staff," Simmons explains.
"Can you come up with something that can be used as a tranquilizer base that will jump start her levels? Would it be in liquid or gaseous state? Gas would be easier as we could pipe it through the air vents."
"It would have to be liquid," Simmons explains. "Room temperature would cause it to be in a gaseous state."
"Which means either a tranq gun or some fool getting close enough to jab her. Probably means me. Fitz? Work with Simmons to develop a payload delivery method," Sitwell orders. "Polka Dots?"
She makes a face at him, and he laughs.
"Working on over-riding the system," she advises.
"Try this," was his response as he taps several keys. "We may get voice back to confirm that Phil is still out there. I'd prefer video."
"Interesting way of hacking the system. You can talk shop with Simmons, hack computer systems and you're the centerfold. You are a man of many contradictions," Skye admits. "Plus the gang signs?"
"It's pretty well know story. Kid from the hood tried to pick pocket this easy mark. Got the wallet, ran like hell, and the easy mark caught me when I tried climbing a fire escape. Instead of turning me into the cops, he bought me lunch, offered me a chance. Took it. I'd probably be dead in a gutter or in jail serving life if it wasn't for him," Jasper admits his past easily. "I owe him."
"Physically, my money is on May, however Coulson gets people. He knows what makes people tick, so he's probably vivisecting May's psyche right now as an enraged May will make mistakes. It will be ugly and brutal, because psychological warfare is never pretty. Coulson is a master of it because ..." Sitwell snaps his mouth shut. "Not my story to tell except that he had a very rough childhood. He learned early on that words have power."
"Coulson? He's just so..." Skye stops. "Mild-mannered."
"Coulson has a temper. He just keeps it very tightly locked down."
Skye appears shocked and Sitwell nods.
"Do not put their conversation on speaker, because it will be very ugly," Sitwell explains. "Let me know and I will listen."
She quirks an eyebrow.
"It shouldn't be broadcasted."
He creeps through the cargo hold, looks for May and her various traps. There weren't any, which means she was leading him to the slaughter. Typical. Single minded focus all too often leads to predictability.
"Come on, Mindy." He catcalls.
"Don't call me Mindy," she snarls.
"Baby, why you being so cruel?" His tone is honeyed and he gets the reaction he anticipates.
"Don't call me baby," her disembodied voice snaps.
There's a trip wire, rather obvious one, which he doesn't trust. Melinda is many, many things, but sloppy? Never.
He looks at it, hears Gunnie in his head. "An obvious trap is still a trap, kid. And something that obvious deserves a second look, and a third and fourth."
A closer look reveals a second, and only on the fourth examination, he sees the third trap.
"That's my May," he whispers. "Just wish we were on the same side."
He avoids them and continues on. However, after he almost leaves the room, he takes a broom and deliberately triggers the third trap. Just to see what nasty tricks Melinda has played. His reward is an arc of electricity, which he guestimates would be enough to knock him out. Not kill him, but enough to render him extremely vulnerable. And he's commando. Fucking wonderful. May desires to hurt him. Slowly. Painfully. But he doesn't know why. Well, besides the Asgarian Anger bit, but why is it focused on him?
"Why are you jealous, baby?" He calls. Really, he's never ever called Melinda 'Mindy' or 'Baby' even once in his life, but he had witnessed the only man (up to now) stupid enough to do so. May had flipped him over a table and then she had faced Coulson who had been eating his lunch.
"Do you have something to add?" She had snapped.
"Would you like me to hold your jacket next time?" had been his response.
Now, if he was Melinda May, who knew Phil Coulson extremely well, all his personal quirks, foibles and pet peeves, where would he be? Someplace located high off the ground because Phil Coulson dislikes heights. He has jumped out of planes, rappelled down a few skyscrapers, and even rescued a neighbor's cat out of a tree but he prefers to have feet firmly on the ground. As opposed to looking down at the ground.
Though flying doesn't bother him.
Weird, he admits.
"Cat walk. I hate the cat walk," he announces to the uncaring world.
A wild-eyed Melinda May stares at him. She's too far away to be tasered, but he has a plan, a risky plan considering they're on a catwalk. He also has pushed all of her buttons, her weaknesses, her barely healed wounds and Melinda May rages.
"Let's get you some help, Melinda. You know you need help, let me help you," he encourages. "This anger isn't you."
Somewhere down deep, he believes that Melinda May is fighting to regain control. He hopes that his voice reaches that spark and she regains control. His other plan risks pushing Melinda May to the edge of insanity, and he hates what he's doing.
"It is," she simply says. "The anger is part of me, ever since Bahrain. And I'm familiar with your 'help'."
"I disagree." Phil keeps his voice soft because he notices that there's a tightness in her stance. It means she's about to attack. "You never let me help you. You pushed me away over and over and over again. I finally got tired of you shutting me out. I begged you to let me in, to talk to me but you wouldn't," he reminds her.
Her bitter laugh lashes at his soul, because he had tried so damn hard after Bahrain.
"All you did was talk, talk, talk, talk; don't you get tired of the sound of your own voice? That's all I remember about you after Bahrain. Talk to me, Melinda. Talk to me." She mocks him and it fucking hurts, because he remembers how he did everything the psychologist said to do. Give her space, give her time, give her assurance that he was there.
Two can play that game.
"Funny, all I remember after Bahrain was having sex with a corpse. I'm assuming you've gotten livelier now that you and Ward have hooked up. Then again, he's a bit of a robot also. "
He anticipates the angle kick, that her attacks targets his chest where his scar is. He twists just so, catches her foot, a one in a billion catch and forces her to follow his slide steps. He knew those dance lessons would come in handy one day, but perhaps, this wasn't the tango that the teacher had in mind. A twist and a turn causes May to stumble so he releases her even as he tasers her.
Once. She continues to advance.
Twice. She stumbles but she is not stopping.
Three times. Part of him dies inside, but then, he was always the weaker of the two.
Four.
"Phil?" she whispers as she stumbles and slips, dangerously close to the edge of the catwalk.
He reacts; He can't help himself; May has always been his Achilles' heel. Because he will not let her fall. She recovers quickly and then she deliberately pushes him off the catwalk. He's able to taser her again for old time's sake even while he hears Gunnie scream at him to relax his muscles, not to tense up. It's maybe a fifteen foot drop to the floor of the cargo bay floor but his life flashes before his eyes.
His father's death when he was five. His mother's depression so deep and vast that it swallows her. The first of countless family members who took him because there was no one else. He joins the Army the day he graduated from high school. The dark day when his brothers die in the HYDRA compound. His time at the SHIELD Ops Academy where he was the outsider as he didn't fit in with the other cadets. The first time he met Melinda May.
Bahrain.
The divorce.
The cellist. Oh God, the cellist.
An alien with Daddy issues who rams him through the heart with an Asgardian scepter. Dying, death and rebirth. The screams of a broken man begging for death.
That night in Boston.
"Jemma?" They're almost at the point of no return for him and he worries. Not that he wouldn't stop, because he would, immediately, but he worries that she'd feel obligated... or pressured... "We can... still stop... if you want." He assures her. "I won't be angry. We don't have to go any further."
She looks utterly and deliciously debauched. As well she should as he had used every trick he knew...
"But I don't want you to stop." She says even while she places her hands on his shoulders. "I really don't want you to stop."
"I'll go slow," he promises.
"Are you reassuring me or yourself?" God, her voice has such a happy lilt to it. He could listen to it for ever and ever.
"I think it's myself," he admits.
"You're so cute when you're protective," she teases. She shifts slightly so she's positioned differently. At his questioning look, she explains, "I want to see you when you..." she bites her lip and smiles.
"Don't laugh if I make a face," he pleads.
"I want a face. I want a really memorable face," she teases.
He embraces her... carefully... and then she whispers, "Oh, Phil..." and...
He hits the hood of the SHIELD truck with a loud crunch of metal. Something inside him breaks and it hurts. But he's not alone as his guardian ghost has arrived. There's a short man wearing a suit and tie combined with a flak jacket, who holds out his hands to show that they're empty.
"Gunnie?" he mouths.
"You can stand down. You've done good, kid. Let go, kid. Let go. You saved May, so let go."
He does so, gratefully, even while someone... Melinda?... screams his name.
She takes pride in her hacker skills, but AC has really fubar'd the system. One hack leads to a dead end, and Sitwell offers suggestions on what to try as he knows Coulson's style in sabotage. At last the video is restored, enabling Sitwell and Skye to watch as Coulson falls... is pushed... from the cat walk. Meanwhile, May shrilly screams his name and Sitwell lowers the volume.
"Coulson's down," snaps Sitwell. "As in down on the hood of the truck in the cargo bay. May's on the catwalk. He's moving a little. Simmons, stay here. Fitz, Skye you're with me. I'll let you know when the scene is secured, Simmons. Do not leave before then."
Simmons is a good girl, so she waits until the trio left Medical. She doesn't want them to worry about her. However, like bloody hell is she staying behind. Simmons grabs the jump kit plus a tranq gun. She ignores Ward who requests that she releases him so he can help.
"I don't think I've properly thanked you for your earlier help," she snips as she leaves Medical at a run.
She knows the various shortcuts in the Bus and she arrives at the cargo bay before Sitwell and his strike force of Fitz and Sky. It's a good thing she did as May is standing next to the truck and she's reaching towards Coulson, who is lying supine on the hood of the truck.
"Phil," May whispers. "Phil? Talk to me, please."
May is just so absorbed that she doesn't notice Jemma Simmons. Jemma puts on her big girl pants and taps Melinda May on the shoulder. May twirls about and Jemma puts all her weight behind a powerful slap. It's delightful to see Melinda May stagger.
"Kneel on the floor and put your hands up in the air where I can see them," Jemma orders. Any other time she'd laugh in sheer disbelief that ½ of FitzSimmons has bitch-slapped the Cavalry.
"Simmons, you need to check on Coulson. What happened?" May asks. She looks confused and horrified.
"You," Simmons snaps. "You happened."
"He's not moving," May explains.
"Put your hands up where I can see them," she orders again. "Don't make me use this on you."
"Simmons, you're holding a pen," May informs her.
"Well, you don't want to experience firsthand what I can do with it. I'll check on Coulson and you stay there. Or I will use the pen."
Fortunately, Sitwell arrives then, so she can turn over her prisoner.
"If you can take May out with a pen, maybe I shouldn't feel so bad," Sitwell announces. "Maybe you should have gone in Ops. May, I'll need you to agree to come along with me so we can do some tests."
Jemma doesn't say anything as she's busy examining Phil. He rouses enough to whisper something to her but she can't hear him.
He's lying on the hood of the truck and everyone is screaming at him to open his eyes. He does, and he manages to focus on Simmons. "Hey," he whispers. "Get my text?"
She talks to him, tries to reassure him and he can't understand her.
"Today was a perfect day. You made me forget myself; I thought I was someone else, someone good."
Hopefully, she heard him. He closes his eyes and drifts away.
Melinda's phone vibrates and Jasper picks it off the floor. He looks at it, and shakes his head while Simmons starts to stabilize Coulson.
"What?" Skye asks.
"It's from Phil. He sent her a delayed text, 'Regardless of what happens in the next hour, I do not hold Melinda May accountable for her actions. She is under the influence of alien technology. I would recommend that SHIELD view her behavior along with Grant Ward's misconduct as a temporary aberration due to alien influence. Philip J. Coulson'."
"Regardless of her actions, which includes May throwing him off the cat walk?" Skye asks.
"What? Jasper, talk to me, what happened?" May asks, but no one answers her. "Why is Phil on the hood of the truck?"
"Yes," Simmons quietly answers Skye's question.
"Better person than I am," Fitz tersely snaps.
A still Phil Coulson lies on the hood of the SHIELD truck. His impact has cracked the window shield, bent the hood and...the team claims that she did that to him. No, no. Melinda May refuses to believe that she could do that, not to Coulson.
Melinda May pushes Fitz out of the way and she stabilizes Phil's head just in case there are spinal issues. He's got a caratoid pulse, his airway is clear, he's breathing, his color's good. He's just stunned. That's it, he's just stunned. What was he doing on the catwalk? Phil dislikes heights.
"Coulson, talk to me," she snaps. "Come on, Phil. Talk to me. Where's Ward? We'll need him to move Coulson onto a back board."
Coulson stirs, and he opens his eyes. It takes him a minute, but he manages to focus on her. "Looks like I fell for you all over again," Phil whispers. Coulson grimaces a smile, because he always believes that he's funnier than he truly is.
She wishes she could slap him, but it's probably not a good idea. Not with how everyone looks at her.
"Just you stay with me," Coulson's ex-wife quietly insists. "Eyes on me, Coulson."
And Jemma Simmons' heart breaks when she realizes the strength of the bond between the two agents.
The temporarily alien incapacitated team members and Coulson spend several days at a SHIELD facility for observation. Ward and May are only released after they agree to a strict protocol of monitoring their blood levels for possible relapses. Oh, and that entire bit about Phil defending them to Fury. Jemma Simmons is a good girl, and she brightly smiles when she draws a rather contrite Ward's blood. However, when she has to draw Melinda May's blood, her hands shake. Her physical agitation draws May's attention and the senior agent stops her from drawing her blood.
"Did I do something to you?" May softly questions. "During... Simmons, I'm truly sorry if I did anything or said anything."
"All forgotten," Jemma lies. "You weren't in your right mind, obviously."
And apparently neither was Jemma, because when Phil had talked to her after he had surgery on his broken ankle (courtesy of one ex-wife), Jemma just assured him that everything was fine. That May had only made a few snarky comments that had been rather pitiful. Laughable. Easily brushed off.
It might have been the truth. If Coulson wasn't so obvious in how he cossets May. So many long conversations in his office.
You're just a stupid school girl with a crush, Simmons. It's nothing serious for him. Do you honestly believe that Phil feels anything for you besides the fact that you're an obviously easy lay?
Simmons hears that and worse when she tries to sleep, when she meets May in the common area of the bus.
God, the first team meeting after recent events had been ridiculous. Coulson tries to make everything better. He internally 'reprimands' Ward and May. May has to cook for the team for three months, while Ward is responsible for cleaning the commons areas for three months. He offers them four months of KP duties if they fail his inspections.
Then he decides that the team needs some R&R, so they're heading to Vancouver.
The final straw for Jemma snaps when Coulson asks May, "You like Vancouver, right?"
Phil Coulson juggles his crutches and his bum leg and manages to make it down the spiral stair case. That obstacle course completed without him falling ass over tit, he finds his way to Science. Jemma stares through a microscope and he enters the room. He watches her for a bit and smiles because he enjoys watching her when she's busy 'sciencing'. He hides his smile when she looks away from the microscope and sees him.
"Hey," he says. "Just came down to see if you might suggest anything for my leg. It itches." Phil makes a face and Simmons doesn't smile.
"There's something I can suggest. Let me get it for you," she offers.
He follows her to her office and he sits.
"I was wondering, May should have us on the ground in an hour or so. Do you have any plans for your furlough? I know a really good hole in the wall spot. Great food. Interested?" He offers it, hesitantly, as the dynamics have changed between them. He has noticed the change, but he hasn't been brave enough to explore it.
She also never viewed his text message that he had sent just before getting his ass thrown off a catwalk by Melinda May. The text had included a credit for a download of Lou Reed's "Perfect Day."
Oh, it's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it with you.
He should have asked, but he's not sure if he wants confirmation that what had barely begun was over.
Instead, he had focused on planning something nice for their furlough. Just for the two of them, as he loves Vancouver. He makes wonderful, delightful, romantic plans. In between his efforts to keep May stable, Ward from quitting the team, the dangerous duo of Sitwell and Skye from bonding anymore and... Fortunately Fitz has been his usual reliable self. Had even submitted his fifteenth request for a monkey.
"There's a French Film Festival also," he adds. "You're fluent in French? You'll have to help me out."
There's no answering smile, no dimples and he nods his head in tired understanding.
"It's over, isn't it?" he asks. Really, he can't blame her. When they had started whatever this had been between them, the rules had been simple. Keep it quiet; keep it between the two of them so the team dynamics weren't ruffled. After recent events, only the kindest of souls would claim that the team dynamics have been a-bombed back to the Stone Age. Truth was that the team was existing in that uneasy state just before the Big Bang.
She nods her head even as she hands him something... for his itchy leg. It's enough time to recover, so he puts on a fake smile. He squeezes her hand and says a very sincere, "Thank you."
"Still friends?" She asks.
He leans towards her, and places a farewell kiss on her cheek.
"Door is always open for you," he promises.
Coulson returns to his office and decides it's perfectly acceptable to have a proper sulk.