Short - Remember Them

My first stop in the wide Multiverse was a mixture of business and pleasure.

I stepped out of the TARDIS ahead of Janias and Camilla. We were on a lakeside in a lovely forest, not too hot and not too cold, with a bright yellow sun shining down on us. "Where are we?", Camilla asked. "There's nobody here."

"Yes, there is." Janias was looking around. I could see the paranoia from her years as a Sith slave was taking hold again. "I can feel it."

"Of course you can. It's the biggest life form in this entire universe!", I said with glee. "Ladies, please, say hello to Mogo. Hello Mogo!"

HELLO DOCTOR.

The voice reverberated through our minds, booming without hurting. "So we've met?", I asked. I briefly wondered if the actual Doctor had somehow met Mogo. If so, I suspected the conversation to come would be rather interesting in the unfortunate sense.

IN MY TIMESTREAM, YES.

"Really? Anything else then?"

SPOILERS.

"Ah yes." I nodded and noticed the amazed looks on my two Companions. "Mogo is a living planet. Not just a living planet but the largest, most powerful space policeman ever."

"Space police?", Janias asked.

"Yes. Dear Mogo here isn't just a living planet but is also a member of the Green Lantern Corps. They are to this universe what the Jedi Order is to your galaxy. Well, in function anyway."

YOU ARE ALL TROUBLED. I WILL PROVIDE YOU REST.

"And that is why I chose here first." I looked to the girls. "It's been a busy day. You two have gone through so much and had no time to truly relax from it, to... decompress and recover. That's why we're spending the night here." I motioned to the lake. "So enjoy the scenery. Talk to each other. Talk to Mogo. Go skinny dipping if you want, I doubt he'll... will you mind, Mogo?"

I WILL NOT.

"See?"

The looks on their faces were full of gratitude.

I left them at that point. I entered the forest around the lake and enjoyed the view of Mogo's vibrant biosphere. After ten or so minutes of walking I entered a clearing and sat in the soft grass, looking up at the sky.

I found I was weeping.

Janias and Camilla weren't the only ones who needed to recover.

It had all happened so fast. In just hours, mere hours, my life was altered beyond all comprehension. I should have been squeeing with glee at sitting on freaking Mogo, and having a chance to meet all of the Green Lanterns I admired. But I couldn't. I felt pain in my, well, my hearts. Yes, even that kind of spiritual pain that feels like it's in your heart now radiated from two spots in my chest.

Would I ever go home? Would I ever see my family and friends again?

Hard to believe I missed guarding an office building on night shift instead of reveling in an entire Multiverse to explore. But there it was.

Time passed in that clearing. The distant sun was starting to fall. I just sat there feeling lost. My memories of my old life felt... old. Like my grasp on them was failing.

I looked up and gaped. The clearing wasn't empty anymore. I saw everyone there. My parents, God rest their souls, and my brother. My grandparents living and passed, uncles and aunts and cousins. My friends, even ones I had barely seen before. They stood around me in a semi-circle and were smiling, like they were happy to see me.

Ironic, since I knew I might never see them again.

"I thought you only showed the deceased?", I asked quietly.

I SHOW MEMORY. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.

The problem being that those memories hurt right now. "Everyone I know and love. Or knew and loved. It reminds me what I've lost, why are you picking them?" The hurt in my voice was as real as I'd ever known to come from me.

SO THAT YOU REMEMBER THEM.

I remained silent after that. With all of those eyes looking at me I laid my head back in the grass and closed my eyes. Given everything that had happened I was surprised it took me this long to give in to exhaustion.

The issue of Time Lord sleep necessities is murky, especially given Rule One: "The Doctor Lies" (Something I was not used to being able to do and do well). But I slept for, it seemed, most of the night. It was still dark when I awoke and looked into the night sky and the stars there. The clearing was empty now.

I walked back to the lakeside and the TARDIS. There was a campfire still burning, if not blazing, sending orange light over two huddled forms under a blanket retrieved from the TARDIS. I could make out Janias' and Camilla's clothes laying on nearby fallen logs, dried out from the heat of the fire. I stepped up and saw Janias' arm slip out from under the blanket, baring her shoulder as well. She turned in her sleep slightly so that her face was pointing toward me, allowing Camilla's head to nestle under her chin. That face had shown so much emotion the prior day, so much anguish and defiance against despair, but now she was at peace. I could sense happiness from them both. They had suffered so much. And they would have suffered more if we hadn't met.

That was a moment I am still proud over. No matter how things went from that point - no matter how many victories or defeats were waiting for me in my future - I knew this was something I should cherish forever. Two young souls who had suffered and endured, freed from their tribulations by my actions.

That was the moment where I decided I would continue to call myself the Doctor. I had, at least, the proper motivation. I made the decision not out of ego, or arrogance, or bravado. I made it because then and there I knew what I wanted to do with the life I had now. Whether or not I could go back home I would continue to travel, not just to explore the Multiverse but to defend the people like Janias and Camilla. I would remember that every life, no matter how small or insignificant, was precious and had to be protected.

It was at this point that I started down the path that would bring me joy and woe.

It was when I started to become the Doctor.