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Previously:

We married the summer after graduation – a simple ceremony out on the beach – and immediately got started with the fun stuff: trying to make a baby.

Chapter 4
BPOV

We tried.

We tried for almost three years.

Our first time making love was awkward and fumbling, about as good as could be expected from two virgins on their wedding night. After a fair amount of practice, we managed to find a rhythm that suited both of us. We weren't too adventurous, but we kept up an active sex life, hoping we would soon see the – literal – fruit of our labor.

Jake was kept fairly busy at the auto shop. With nothing much to fill my days besides taking care of the house, I would often spend time with Billy or do a little part-time work helping out Sam's fiancée Emily at the local bookstore. Life was simple and carefree, and nothing much happened out of the ordinary.

That was the problem, though: nothing happened.

After one year without getting pregnant, we weren't too worried. It was not all that abnormal for it to take this long to conceive. We laughed it off, saying it just gave us more time to practice.

Near the end of the second year, frustration started to build. We had done an increasing amount of online research into methods for fertility testing and tracking, and tried each and every one with absolutely zero results. My period had always been irregular, which made it even more difficult. We were often short with each other, though we quickly made up. Jacob had been promoted at work, but I was becoming increasingly bored just staying at home, and the gap widening between us just kept adding to the pressure on our relationship.

As the third year passed, we had nearly reached our limits. Lovemaking was no longer pleasant; it had become a routine, practically a scheduled business transaction. Jacob spent long hours at work, and in return, I spent more time out of the house with friends, hoping to distract myself. That just served to set off Jake's jealousy, although we both knew it was unfounded. We fought more and more, though he never grew violent, and I always forgave him.

Our breaking point came when Sam announced at a group dinner that he and Emily, who had gotten married less than a year before, were expecting their first child. I put on a fake smile in front of our friends, but as soon as I got home, I collapsed on the bed in tears. I must have cried for nearly a week straight. When I was finally coherent enough to have a full conversation, Jacob and I agreed – after having thrown the idea back and forth many times in the past – that we would go see a doctor. It was serious enough that I was able to convince Jake we should go to the big hospital in the city instead of relying on the local doctors on the reservation. Yes, I knew them and trusted their opinion, but it would be much more reassuring to have all the resources we could.

We sat nervously in the waiting room, holding hands tightly, until our names were called. We first met with Doctor Hale in her office, where she went over all the paperwork and the explanation for the procedures we would be doing. With several deep breaths and one parting kiss, we were led into separate rooms to be examined. After comparing notes later, I can honestly say that I got the short end of the stick. I had been poked and prodded so much that I felt the phantom jabs continue throughout the rest of the evening.

Jake held me close that night, spooning his large warm body behind mine, his hands resting on my flat stomach. We whispered softly to each other; nothing too deep, as neither of us wanted to get into what would happen once we heard the results. I drifted off to sleep feeling more loved – and yet at the same time, more frightened – than I could ever remember.

When we finally got the call to come in to discuss our results, I was a nervous wreck.

And with just one look at our doctor's face when she walked into the room, I knew it wasn't going to be good.

She sat down across from us with a sigh. "Okay, guys, I know you don't want to drag this out so I'm just going to give you what I know. Jacob," there was a brief tightening of his fingers around mine, "Your results look pretty good. Normal, although a little on the low side. Nothing to worry about."

I felt rather than saw Jake relax with relief. My eyes were still trained on the doctor, however, who was basically holding my future in that thick folder in front of her on the desk.

"Bella… I'm sorry. Your tests did not look very promising. We're not sure exactly what the cause is, but we can look into it some more, do additional tests. They would be more on the invasive side, and I know you wanted to avoid that, but-"

Jacob must have felt my tension increase and he quickly cut her off. "Doctor Hale, please just tell us. Can Bells … can she have kids?" He whispered the last part.

There was a long pause, too long. The tears started even before she started speaking.

"No, I'm sorry, the likelihood is extremely low. Of course we can discuss other options, treatments, medical assistance…"

I had stopped listening at "no". That was it. That was the end of my life's dream, the one and only thing I had ever truly wanted.

The doctor kept speaking with Jake about where we could go from here, but I was completely numb. I sat there, as still as a stone, tears streaming down my face. I didn't make a single sound, even when Jacob finally decided it was time to take me home. He had to pick me up and carry me out to the car, carefully maneuvering me into the seat and gently fastening me in. He lingered a moment on my side of the car, gave me a soft kiss on the forehead, and then shut me in for the drive back.

I woke up the next afternoon alone in our bed. I groaned, needing to stretch after being immobile for so long, and instantly felt someone move to sit beside me. I opened my eyes to find my dad, his own eyes glazed over with moisture as he reached out to hold my hand.

I didn't even want to contemplate why it was Charlie and not Jacob who was with me. I gave in to my misery and let myself be comforted by the strong arms of my father.