I really really don't like this fanfiction anymore. The mischaracterization was the worst thing to ever happen ever, but I think it got a little bit better as the story went on. I mean, the thing about Tavros is that he is a big douche but he's also a real sweetheart; it's not one or the other. He's a complex character who is a douchebag and a sweetie at the same time, and I wish I realized that sooner. SIGHS.

Anyway, here you go. uwu

It was all so sudden. He didn't expect to feel this way. It was such a foreign emotion, something he couldn't describe in words. He had prepped for this ever since that first day, but nothing could have ever prepared him for this.

He wasn't sad. He wasn't upset. He didn't really feel anything but anger, which was more than surprising. He expected to be crying and on his knees and breaking down in front of all of his friends, but he didn't. He sat in the corner and watched with a hateful stare as family members cried over his corpse like they motherfucking knew him like Gamzee did. It was nothing short of repulsive.

"Gamzee? Are you okay? Well, I mean 'okay' in the sense that you're not going to beat the shit out of someone here," Karkat asked.

"Huh?"

"Your lips are pulled back in such a fucking snarl I'd think you were a fucking dog if I didn't know better, and your eyes are burning with the heat of a million suns, so I just assumed you were about to fucking punch someone. Let's not make a scene at your boyfriend's funeral, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. I didn't mean to be insensitive. I know you're going through a lot now, and it's probably not going to mean much, but I'm really sorry about Tavros. You know you're always welcome back in my apartment, and I'm always gonna be here for you, man," a light red blush was spread across his cheeks now, such kind words foreign to him.

"Yeah."

"Stop just saying 'Yeah.'. You're really making me fucking nervous here, Gamzee. Like god damn. I really don't want to repeat the incident where you almost murdered Equius. If you're feeling really bad, we can go. We don't have to be here if you don't want to."

"Sorry."

Karkat sighed and looked at Gamzee sympathetically. He gave up and walked over to join Terezi, who was eating the fancy snacks someone from Tavros's family paid for.

"I'm getting really worried about him. I mean his-"

Gamzee tuned out of that conversation and started listening to a plump, Hispanic woman in a black dress that stuck to her skin and squashed her in all the wrong places who was talking to a tall man in black suit with his hair all fancied up. He was probably her son.

"I honestly didn't know Tavros was gay. And for such an attractive man, you'd think he'd be able to," she whispered the last part, but Gamzee heard it, "do better." She looked over at Gamzee quickly, who was leaning against a wall with a messy purple tie and a faded black tux. Gamzee sharply turned his head to her and looked her in the eyes with the gaze that could kill a man. She jumped and looked away nervously, acting like she didn't say anything and was now talking about the weather.

He was starting to get real motherfuckin' angry with these motherfuckers. He was starting to think he should take up Karkat's offer about ditching this joint when some guy in a real fancy suit and expensive rings started making his way toward him.

"Can I up and help you?" Gamzee spat, taking in the whole 'I'm a fucking rich douche who never bothered to help his sick relative even though I'm loaded' look.

"Yeah. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am about Tavros. I know he was very close to you," the man said, taking Gamzee's hand in his own and smiling out of pity.

Gamzee yanked his hand away. "Why are you apologizin'? You the one who motherfuckin' killed him?"

"No, of course not. I just wanted to give my sympathies," he said simply, shrugging off Gamzee's rudeness as just grief.

"You just wanted to give your sympathies? Well, maybe you wouldn't have to feel all motherfuckin' sympathetic if you actually helped out a motherfucker wiTH ALL THAT MONEY I KNOW YOU BE HAVIN', WHAT WITH THOSE SHINY RINGS I SEE ON YOUR DAMN FINGERS."

At this point Karkat was running towards him, pushing passed Terezi.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP AT MY BOYFRIEND'S FUNERAL, ACTIN' LIKE YOU OWN THE DAMN PLACE WITH YOUR FANCY CAR AND WHATNOT, KNOWING... MOTHERFUCKING KNOWING THAT THIS MAN DIED BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE THE GOD DAMN FUNDING TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL AS KILLED HIM."

Gamzee was screaming in the man's face now, pointing his finger at his face as Karkat tugged on his arm, screaming.

"IF YOU WOULD'A SHOWED UP EARLIER WHEN IT FIRST STARTED, HE COULD'VE BEEN BETTER. HE COULD HAVE BEEN ALL BETTER, AND HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO UP AND MEET ME, WOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WTH THE BURDEN OF ME MAKING THOSE ADVANCES ON HIM LIKE SOME KIND OF JACKASS WHO CAN'T CONTROL HIS BODY. HE COULD'VE BEEN HAPPY AND ALIVE, AND I COULD'VE MOVED ON TO PICKIN' UP CANS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND GOIN' BACK TO SMOKING WEED."

Karkat was pushing him back, and Equius, who only attended because Nepeta wanted him to go with her, was dragging him through the door.

The last thing he managed to get out before the door slammed shut was,

"EVERYTHING WAS ALMOST FUCKING NORMAL, BUT IT'S NOT, AND HE'S DEAD, AND IT'S ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' FAULTS, ALL OF YOU."

Slam.

His mind started drifting off to that day, replaying it all again and again. What could have been done?

It was a normal afternoon. It was already 3:30, but he woke up an hour ago. He was ordering milkshakes off of the Dollar Menu and smiling at the nice cashier, just like every other day. When he got to Jackson's, his milkshake was already almost gone, just like every other time. But when he went up the sidewalk, the little girls who usually played games there just stopped and looked at him with sympathy, something he was gettin' real sick of real fast. He walked into the building and opened his mouth to talk to Aradia, only to find her away from the desk. He shrugged and started walking up the stairs, putting his straw in his mouth and drinking.

He turned the door to Tavros's room. It didn't open. His eyebrows came down, and his eyes widened slightly, confused. He did a jog-like thing down the stairs and rang the little bell at Aradia's desk. No one came, but Gamzee could have sworn he saw the top of Aradia's head appear over the little window in the back room. He was starting to get really worried. He took the key from the desk and ran up the steps, unlocking the door as fast as he could. He busted into the room, only to find that Tavros wasn't in there.

He pulled back the covers and looked under the bed like he was hiding or some shit, but of course he wasn't. So Gamzee just sat down on the bed and stared at the closet. And then he laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. And then it was night, and he had to go home. And so he did.

It was all so quick. It happened to fast. Gamzee blinked, and then Tavros was gone, like a magic trick. Gamzee wished Karkat could ruin this magic act for him, tell him that Tavros was just backstage and was perfectly fine. But unfortunately, this was no carnival.

Days later, Gamzee came back to Jackson's, back to the empty room where he collected all of Tavros's stuff: his Peter Pan hat and costume, his DVDs, his music, his phone that had scratches on from when he always dropped it, his box of memories, his plush lance, his cards, and most importantly his drawings. He hauled all of this stuff off in boxes with the assistance of Karkat and his car.

It was tough. He cried. Karkat soothed. It was the worst week of Gamzee's entire existence.

Back at Gamzee's apartment, Karkat was making him shitty food while he changed into pajama pants and a wore one of Tavros's old t-shirts. After he was done, he sat down in front of the small coffee table. He looked up at Karkat as he set the food down in front of him.

"Gamzee... I-"

"Karkat, my brother... You can save your motherfucking apologizes and whatever the fuck you're about to say." Karkat didn't reply. He just sat down next to him and laid his head down on his best friend's shoulder.

"I'm gonna do something really stupid," Gamzee said after what felt like 30 minutes of silence.

"Yeah... Yeah, I know."

One more chapter after this. Get ready.