She meets Lanie for lunch later in the week, at her friend's request.
"Hey girl, how're you doing? Been ages since we caught up."
"Oh you know, keeping busy. My new yoga teacher is very good, punishingly so."
Lanie stirs her fork in her salad, something obviously on her mind.
"What's up, Lanie? Javi put his foot in his mouth again? Date night gone wrong?"
The other woman looks up at her sharply, still surprised at how easily she can be read, then smiles. They've had this telepathic intuition about each other for years now, just a sense of what might be happening, what is happening in each other's lives.
"No, actually. He asked me to move in with him."
Oh. Lanie's always been one to run from commitment. That's been one of the core reasons they've never quite managed to make it stick.
"…and you said?"
"I'd think about it."
"And are you?"
"I'm here at lunch talking to you, girl. That counts."
A small smile steals briefly over her face. It definitely counts. Brings back memories of the many conversations they've shared over the years, over wine, over dead bodies, over dinner and forensic evidence. About Josh, and Espo, and…Castle. Mostly about Castle. The one that's stuck most vividly in her mind is the one about the holding pattern. Lanie had been right. The fuel had run out on that one, and it had ended in one spectacular crash-and-burn.
"So, are you going to do it?" She asks just to get her mind off that unpleasant thought.
"I think…I think so." The words escape her friend's mouth in a rush as if she just needs to get them off her chest, verbalise them, become okay with them. "It's time, you know?"
"Yeah, it sure is." She grins at Lanie, offering her silent support and reassurance, knowing she doesn't need to talk her into anything more, that Lanie will get there by herself, as she always does.
"What about you, anything interesting or new I should know about?"
She debates herself internally whether to talk to Lanie about this or not. He has been a taboo topic for them over the last few years, Lanie having talked herself hoarse giving her advice about how to deal with things. But still.
"Yeah, I've been having a weird sort of month, Lanie."
"Weird how?"
"You know that lecture I gave at Columbia at the start of the month? I ran into Alexis there."
Lanie fixes her with one of her patented looks, all curiosity but at the same time reproval for not having come clean earlier. A month earlier.
"And?"
"It was strange, but not as strange as I'd imagined. She wasn't as angry as I thought she'd be…more sorry about how everything ended."
"So were we all. So are we all."
"And then, get this, because the universe has a cruel sense of humour- I ran into Gina and her new fiancé earlier this week."
"Ex-wife number two and editor Gina?"
"Yes. Apparently he's not writing. She wants me to fix it between us." A small, sad bubble of laughter escapes her at the sentence. Fix it, like it was a just a light-bulb that needed changing or something. "Talk about the last person to be giving advice on Castle."
Lanie sighs.
"Kate. It's been three years. What if this isn't the universe being cruel? What if it is the universe giving you a sign? You tried to move on. You haven't. You can't. You tried to do things the 'right' way. It hasn't worked. Why not try to do them the wrong way? Why not try to fix things?"
"Yeah but Lanie…"
"I know, I know. He asked you to put him above your mother's case."
"He had no right." The words, once strident and fiery in her throat, now just sound trite and tired. She wonders if she even believes that mantra any more. It seems to depend on which side of the bed she's gotten out of each day.
"Do you even believe that any more? I know things weren't ever easy between you two, but damn if there wasn't something that was worth the struggle and pain waiting at the end. We could all see it. We could see it in the way he looked at you, the way you never could not laugh at his jokes or engage with his banter. It was real."
"I was just waiting…"
"To be ready, yeah. But are we ever really ready? Or sometimes do we just have to throw caution to the wind and go after what we want anyway?" Lanie raises an eyebrow at her, emphasising the rhetorical nature of the question.
She toys with her fork in response, unable to do anything but shrug. Because if the last three years have provided any evidence to her, it's all in overwhelming support of Lanie's point.
"All I know, Kate, is that he made you happy. And ever since he left you or you left him, whichever damn way you want to spin that, you've been utterly miserable. I know we don't speak about him anymore because damn you stubborn, girl, so this is my last word on the subject for today. Reach out to him."
She walks away from lunch with a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, and it is certainly not the food.
You know the formula- more reviews = faster updates.
I don't want to address any concerns explicitly, just keep reading and let things unfold. Remember that all characters are unreliable narrators to some extent.