"How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode." ― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil
She hadn't planned on spying on her husband. Never had she been one of those women – the kind that needed constant reassurance of their love, their attention, their fidelity – and she refused to start now. But when she stepped out of her pricey sedan that morning, a spy is precisely what she became.
In his haste to get out of the house that morning, Wes had forgotten his wallet. Stumbling across it on the kitchen counter as she was leaving, it occurred to her that he might need it sometime during the day. As a partner, Travis was top notch. As a source of monetary favors, however, he was somewhat less stellar. Making an effort to ease the sting of their recent arguments, Alex decided to play the courteous wife and drop Wes' wallet off to him at the precinct on her way into the office, even though it put her quite a bit out of her way.
She needed to show him she was willing to make an effort if she expected him to make one after all.
"Can I help you," the youngish blonde at the security desk asked as Alex approached.
"I'm looking for Detective Mitchell," she stated.
"He and Detective Marks just left for coffee. They usually head to the cart over that way," the woman waved vaguely to the south, "when they get sick of the crap they serve us in here."
"Ah, thanks," Alex said, turning to leave the station and find her husband before he had to ask Travis to buy him a coffee.
Luckily, she knew the cart the officer had been referring to, having met Wes for a quick cup a time or two in between court appearances. She headed in the direction she knew it to be in and halfway there, pulled up short. Her keen eye had caught sight of Wes in her favorite suit – charcoal grey with a subtle pinstriping of ivory – and a smile formed on her face. Travis was, as usual, adorable in his beat up jeans and fitted t-shirt, even if it made him look more like Wes' suspect than his partner.
Feeling good about the upcoming encounter, Alex strode more purposefully towards the two men. She noticed Wes slipping a hand into a pocket, reaching for the missing wallet only to find it absent. Instantly, his other hand slipped into his remaining pocket and, not finding it there, either, he visibly deflated.
"Damnit," she heard him complain, even from this distance.
"Damnit," Wes growled, hands patting his pants, trying unsuccessfully to locate his wayward wallet.
"What's pissed you off already," Travis teased lightly, unsure of what had suddenly turned the tide of their previously low-key conversation.
"I can't find my wallet. I had it when I left the bathroom this morning and – oh. Shit. I left it in the kitchen." He looked at his partner, apologetic and a bit embarrassed. "Travis…"
Travis held up a hand, palm outward. "Say no more. I've got it." He dug out his own much battered wallet and pulled out some cash.
Wes took his drink from the barista and sipped. "Thanks, I'll pay you back tomorrow."
"Nope," he disagreed. "You buy my coffee every day and always refuse to let me return the favor. Today, I return the damn favor, so deal with it." He softened his jibe with a playful shove to Wes' shoulder.
Wes pushed him back. "I never said I was going to pay you in cash, did I?" His vibrant blue eyes met Travis' over the white plastic cup lid, hiding a suggestive smile behind the rim.
Travis started to make a sarcastic rebuke when the words sank into his caffeine deprived brain. "Oh. OH. In that case, can I buy you lunch, too?"
Alex stopped walking. She couldn't be sure what, but something important was happening before her eyes. The two detectives were walking away from the coffee cart now, but not heading towards the station like they should be. Instead, they were heading towards the stretch of grass and trees that acted as a makeshift park, pushing and shoving each other like siblings as they went.
Wes and Travis had always had an odd relationship that much was true. They loved each other and they hated each other, but somehow, they always made the job work. Currently, it seemed like they were on good terms, happy as they both seemed, but something wasn't quite right. They smiled a bit brighter and stood a bit closer. Wes watched Travis more intently as he spoke, and Travis seemed to give Wes' words more credence than he generally would.
Something had changed between them in a major way.
"Do you ever think about it," Travis asked.
"About what?" Wes knew what he meant, but he wanted to hear the other man say the words. He focused his attention on the well-worn path moving beneath his feet while he waited.
Travis sighed. "About us and what happened."
Keeps happening, Wes clarified silently.
"I mean," he said, interrupting Wes before he could respond, "I get it. I knew all along that this couldn't ever be a real thing. And honestly, I can't say I wanted it to be anything but what it was at the time."
"But?" The blond stopped walking, allowing Travis to move past him a handful of steps.
"But, maybe things have changed is all I'm saying."
Travis was saying much more than that, he could feel it in his partner's every move. He'd stopped walking, but he hadn't turned to face Wes. With fingers clenched around the paper coffee cup, Travis just stood there, waiting. For what? Most likely for the one thing Wes couldn't give him – a promise that twice wasn't enough.
"Of course I think about it," he said. And it was the truth. How could he not think about the fact that he'd slept with his partner not once, but twice. Was thinking of taking a chance on a third. "You've always had my back, Travis, but you've done so much more for me since Alex and I started having problems. I can't ever thank you enough for what you've done."
"Sounds like it's my turn to say, 'but'."
He looked away from the back of Travis' head, suddenly ashamed of himself. "But as much as I'm done with her games, her ultimatums, her goddamn insistence that I stop being a cop and become a lawyer again, I – I still love her, Travis."
Wes focused his attention back on his partner in time to see his shoulders slump in defeat. "Travis, I'm sorry…"
Spinning on the balls of his feet, Travis turned to face Wes, one hand held aloft to stop any further words. "I really want to yell at you right now, to rip you apart, but I can't. I know you love her, I knew it that first night, and I knew it that second night, even though you led me to believe otherwise. It's painfully clear to me now, too."
He was quiet, letting the words sink in. "So, to reiterate today's word of the day – but?"
"But nothing," Travis said a sigh heavy on his lips. "Just as long as we're okay."
"We're better than okay, Marks," Wes said.
"Good, because I need a hug."
A grin lit Travis' face when Wes held out his arms. He moved into them like he belonged there, like he had always rested in that warm circle of flesh and muscle and man. Wes held him tightly, saying with the strength of his embrace what he couldn't ever say with words – that he loved him, too, and more than ever, he needed him by his side. Praying that Travis could understand why he'd done what he'd done and why he couldn't let it continue. Although he knew it would, because he was helpless to tell Travis no.
Alex stood down the path watching her husband embrace his partner. She knew without a doubt that her instincts had been right – that Wes had been having a clandestine affair - but never in her lifetime would she have believed that it was with his partner. No, never Travis. Maybe one of those badge bunnies that hung around the station sometimes, or maybe even that new redheaded computer geek, but never him. Noticing the way Wes traced the tips of his fingers along the length of Travis' spine, how Travis arched into Wes' touch, she knew now that there wasn't any uncertainty.
Wes was sleeping with his partner.
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't relieved to find the house empty when he'd arrived. After the insanity of the day – coupled with Travis' near confession (not to mention his near capitulation on the matter) – Wes wasn't in any mood to discuss the state of their marriage or anything else with Alex. All he wanted was two fingers of scotch on the rocks and a hot shower.
Pulling a crystal tumbler from the dry bar, he added ice from the freezer. He'd gotten as far as a hand on the bottle of Glenlivet when he heard the voice of the last person he wanted to see tonight. Alex.
"Wes," she said from the doorway, "we need to talk."
"About what?" Without turning to face her, he poured his measure of Scotch and waited. He had so many things he could confess to at that precise moment, that he wasn't even going to hazard a guess. Last thing he needed to do was give her more ammunition for the impending divorce.
Alex sidled up behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He tensed beneath her touch, having learned not to trust it recently. "About a lot of things, Wes. Things like going back to practicing law, fixing our marriage and oh, the affair you seem to have been having with Travis. You know, little things."
Wes forced himself not to react, to take a deep breath and think his words through carefully before responding. Slowly, he took a sip of his Scotch, savoring the taste on his dry tongue. On impulse, he lifted the glass to his lips again and poured the remaining contents down his throat. The gentle burn of the high quality whiskey numbed the last of his doubts.
"What about my affair with Travis bothers you exactly?" He set the empty glass down on the bar top and turned to face her finally. "Is it because he's male or is it because I went to him instead of giving in to your insensitive demands?"
"Insensitive?" Alex shook her head. "No, Wes, it's because he's Travis. And last I checked, we're still married."
Lifting his hands up, palms outward, he looked at the ceiling as if searching for an answer. "You know what, we might still be married but we haven't been a couple since I stopped being a lawyer and you know it. I needed a friend, because you sure haven't been one, and honestly? Travis is all I've got. How'd you even know?"
"That it was him?" She looked away, embarrassed. "I came by this morning to bring you your wallet." She pulled it out of her purse and handed it to him, watching as he shoved it into his pocket. "I saw you two at the coffee cart, playing like two kids in love. And then, I followed you into the park, curious. It was the hug you gave him that gave it away. You haven't hugged me like that in a very long time."
She'd spied on him, unintentionally at first, but then deliberately and that last part pissed him off. He pushed past her, his shoulder brushing her arm. "Where are you going," she demanded.
"Out," he snapped. "I can't do this right now."
Wes had left the dining room and entered the living room, stopping before looking back over his shoulder. "On second thought, I think I can do this. Tomorrow morning? File the petition because I'm done with this - us."
Miraculously, he managed to make it out of the house and into his vehicle before the truth overwhelmed him. Lost and confused, there was only one logical thing to do. He put the key in the ignition and drove off into the night.