Chapter 6: The Lady in Red/The Lady in White
The Riders of Rohan, plus two Shieldmaidens and one hobbit, had been traveling steadily toward Gondor for two days. Just now they had stopped to set up camp beside an idyllic lake which was dazzlingly blue and smooth as a mirror. In the distance a range of mountains could be seen, showing that they were nearing their goal.
Having finished setting up the tent she was to share with Lady Debbie, Éowyn sat down to rest on a convenient rock. She pulled off her helmet and scowled at it as she shook out her long, golden tresses. It really was giving her the most awful case of helmet-hair. Perhaps she should start going without one, like Lady Debbie; after all, it wasn't like she was trying to hide anything. She set the helmet down and rested her chin on her hand, watching as Rick Cottontree and Meriadoc Brandybuck struggled to erect their tent.
Eventually the Man and the Hobbit succeeded in getting the tent upright and wandered over toward where Éowyn sat. As they came nearer, she could overhear their conversation.
"Blueberry pies," sighed Rick longingly.
"Ale at the Green Dragon," said Merry.
"Pipes in garden after supper," said Rick.
"Estella Bolger," said Merry.
"You too?" said Rick, taking a seat on another rock next to Éowyn.
"Oh yes, Estella's most friendly," said Merry as he sat on the ground. "The most generous lass that ever lived. Except for Lady Debbie, of course." At that, he sighed wistfully and looked around the camp. Debbie the Red had disappeared into Gamling's tent as soon as it was pitched, and had not yet emerged.
"Variety is all very well," Éowyn mused, "but it would be nice to have one man I could come back to after sampling the others."
"Provided you ever finish sampling, of course," Merry said in the same wistful tone. He picked a stalk of grass and chewed on it meditatively. Lady Debbie had been making most free with the Rohirric smorgasboard available in the camp, with the result that he had hardly seen her since the muster had been called.
At that moment, the flap of Gamling's tent opened and Lady Debbie the Red emerged, adusting the straps on her red lace lingerie. Her cheeks were flushed to a becoming shade of pink and her chestnut hair was attractively mussed.
"Hi, everyone," she called cheerily as she walked over to them. "What are you up to?"
"Just talking about things we miss from the Shire," Rick answered. "Merry says I can go back with him after the war's over."
"That's great!" Debbie responded. "By the way, we've got a date for tomorrow, right?"
Merry glared at Rick. "Traitor," he muttered.
Debbie blinked innocently at the angry hobbit. "Is something wrong, Merry?"
Merry blushed and looked and down. "It's nothing..."
"No really, you should tell me if something's bothering you," Debbie said earnestly. "It's not healthy to keep your emotions all bottled up."
Merry raised his eyes to the red-clad vision before him and took a deep breath. "Lady Debbie...I know you're surrounded by all these big, handsome warriors..."
"That's true," Debbie agreed dreamily. "Big, hunky guys who know how to ride..."
"Yes...well...I'm not a knight of Rohan. I'm only a little hobbit," Merry continued. "But there is a saying among the Breelanders that sometimes small men may do the greater deeds. Could we perhaps...see how great a deed I can manage?"
Debbie sniffled and nodded. "Oh Merry, how could I resist a request like that? I'm touched."
"Not yet," said Merry happily. "But soon enough." He led her off to his tent.
Éowyn and Rick watched them go. Suddenly Rick turned to Éowyn. "Where am I supposed to sleep now?" he asked plaintively.
Éowyn looked him over. He was a bit inept, but not bad-looking. Well, there was nothing wrong with a little more sampling. "You might as well come with me," she said with a shrug.
Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Debbie the White had been traveling for some time on the Paths of the Dead. The group's horses had refused to enter the haunted mountain and instead had bolted off with the saddlebags, so the party was traveling on foot. Despite the dustiness of their surroundings, Debbie's white baby doll nightie was still as spotless as ever. It glowed faintly in the dim light from the torch Aragorn carried.
Debbie peered around her at the rocky walls. "You know," she said, "This isn't really a path so much as a cave. They should call it the Caves of the Dead."
"Except there aren't any Dead," Legolas pointed out.
"They must be here somewhere," insisted Aragorn. He was leading the way with Andúril drawn, searching through the gloom for any sign of the mountain's ghostly inhabitants. So far, all they had found were a few quite alive lizards.
"You might as well put that sword away if there's no use for it," Gimli commented.
"I can't," said Aragorn. "The scabbard is still attached to Brego's saddle."
"There's an old Dwarvish saying about walking around with your blade unsheathed..." Gimli continued suggestively.
"Not a chance," Aragorn replied through clenched teeth.
They rounded another corner and came out into a huge, high-ceilinged cavern. The walls glowed with a sickly green light which seemed to form itself into phantom buildings, like the ghost of a massive underground city. Wisps of greenish mist rose from the floor and brushed against their bodies, creeping inside Debbie's loose white nightie. "Stop that!" she giggled.
"I think we've found them," said Legolas unnecessarily.
Sure enough, hundreds of translucent shapes were materializing all around them. One, who seemed to be their leader, stepped forward. He seemed to be wearing tattered wisps of once-fine clothing, and his face wavered oddly between flesh and bone in the eerie glow.
"Who dares to disturb our rest?" he asked in a raspy voice. The other phantoms watched silently.
Aragorn stepped up to meet the Ghost King.
"I am Aragorn, the rightful King of Gondor," he announced impressively. "I have come to summon you to fight against the forces of Sauron. If you do, I will release you from the oath that keeps you bound to this world so that you can go on to your final rewards. What say you? Will you regain your honor and follow me?" He emphasized his speech with a wave of the sword.
The Ghost King looked back at Aragorn with disdain. "You don't have the bearing of a King," he said. "And you're obviously compensating for something with that ridiculous sword."
"It's the Sword of Kings!" Aragorn sputtered. "Don't you recognize the Sword of Kings?"
The King of the Dead, however, was not listening. His eyes (or rather, his empty eye-sockets) were glued to Lady Debbie, who stood to the side watching the encounter. "Is she with you?" he asked.
"Er...yes," said Aragorn.
"We'll follow her," said the Ghost King. The other phantoms nodded in agreement.
Debbie smiled radiantly, flashing a dimple in her cheek. "Thanks, guys! Let's get going, then." She started down a tunnel leading out of the cave. The host of glowing green warriors followed her silently. Legolas and Gimli brought up the rear, leaving Aragorn standing alone in the ghostly city.
"But I'm the King!" he wailed. His voice echoed dismally through the empty cavern.
NEXT CHAPTER: Debbie the Black meets Shelob, and Debbie the Purple has dinner with Denethor!
Aranel Manveri: Glad you're still with us, and thanks for the review!
Bookworm: Yay, glad someone got the trollop joke!
Ariel3: Thanks very much for the review, and for your help in finding the quote for this chapter. We hope this one is sufficiently depraved!
Twoflower2: Hooray, thanks for the review! Gothmog? Is even Debbie that brave?
Jeanne1: Thanks very much for your detailed comments! I (Rose/Cressida) responded on TORn a while back; did you see the message? But I forgot about the merrywidow question. Wikipedia gives this definition: "a short, strapless corset with half-cups for the breasts and long garters." Hope that helps!
Nariel Naurfea: Thanks for the review, and we're glad you approve of Debbie's Nazgûl control methods!
Dragon Empress: Oh good, glad you're still reading! Maybe the Nazgûl are extra-susceptible because they probably haven't seen a half-naked woman in a few centuries?
Raksha the Demon: Thanks for your review! The Tower Guard...hmm...Debbie with her pick of various Gondorian hunks? No, probably not the same! And of course Faz is a gentleman, but then we knew that! As for Denethor, you'll see what we have planned for him...muhahaha!
Elektra12: It's gratifying to know some people are still following the story even though we were bad about updating for a while there. We will try to update more regularly and get this story finished! Glad you liked "not the first Lady Debbie." That was one of those lines that made us giggle when we wrote it!