Now the evil in me is coming out, you're all going to hate me for the next couple chapters, but I promise you it will all be worth it. You just have to trust me. It will be more than worth it.
Olivia woke up to Brian's lips on hers. She started to kiss him back and rested her hand on the side of his face. She felt him pull away and she smiled, looking at him, realizing he was up and dressed. "Where are you headed off to?" she asked with a small smile.
He gave her another quick kiss on the lips. "I have a couple errands to run, I'll be back soon."
"Errands?" She raised an eyebrow, not totally buying it, but she figured if he wanted to share what he was doing with her, he would. She trusted him. Just then she heard some babbles from their daughter over the baby monitor. "I got her. I'll see you later?"
"Absolutely." He kissed her again quickly and stood up, walked out to his car and took off to run his errands.
Olivia got up and walked into the nursery and picked Charlie up, changed her diaper, put her in a onesie and then sat in the rocker with her, feeding her as she hummed a lullaby to her. Charlie was still so little, all she really wanted was to eat, sleep, and poop. She was starting to recognize her name, and she was starting to track things with her eyes. As the days passed, Olivia could see more and more of Brian in their daughter. She was perfect.
Once Charlie finished feeding, Olivia fixed her top and held her daughter to her shoulder and burped her. Hearing a loud burp come from her daughter she giggled. "You get that from Daddy, too." She stood up and walked downstairs. She didn't see Amanda on the couch. "Amanda?" Olivia heard sobs coming from the bathroom. Olivia set Charlie in the bassinet and called Calvin down to watch her. She knocked on the bathroom door. "Amanda, sweetie, open up."
She heard Amanda's voice, weak and shaky. "Go away, Liv."
Olivia rested against the wall. "It doesn't work that way, you're in my house." She tried to open the door but it was locked. "Amanda, open the door." She didn't get a response and she took a deep breath. "Amanda, I'll break the damned door down if I have to, let me in." She heard the lock turn and she opened the door, the sight before her was enough to break her heart.
Amanda was sitting on the floor, a half-empty bottle of Southern Comfort next to her, and a razor blade in her hands. Amanda wouldn't look into Olivia's eyes; she was ashamed of what she had done. She just couldn't handle everything. "I'm sorry," she spoke in a barely audible whisper.
Olivia knelt next to her and took the razor blade from her hand, throwing it in the sink. She took her arms and inspected them. Amanda moved and showed Olivia her hip, a small, somewhat deep cut glaring back at her. "My God, Amanda, what did you do?" She stood up and took the hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin, and a band aid from the medicine cabinet and returned to her spot. She took a length of toilet paper and poured a little peroxide on it, holding it against Amanda's hip.
"I… I don't know. I woke up… whenever; I had a text from Amaro. He was mad that he had to find out about my rape when he got back to DC, through someone else. He wanted to know why I didn't tell him. I told him that I just didn't want to hear his 'I told you so' about Nate and…" she shook her head. "I don't know why. I felt like such an awful friend, an awful person. I grabbed the bottle of SoCo and just started drinking. I drank to stop feeling anything and when I was numb, I found the razor and cut to feel something. Liv, I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't you apologize. Amanda, cutting is a coping skill. It's not the best or most favorable coping skill, but it's a coping skill. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad I came downstairs when I did." Olivia hugged the younger blonde woman in front of her. "Why didn't you come get me, Amanda? You know I'm always here for you. I don't want you hurting yourself."
Amanda shrugged. "It was early; I didn't want to bother you. Plus, I'm not a child." She paused, looking down at her hands. "I've never done that before, Liv. I'm scared." She lied. She had done this before.
Olivia nodded. "Promise me, Amanda, you're going to get some help. And that next time you want to do this, you'll knock on our door."
Amanda nodded. "I promise."
Olivia hugged her again, closing her eyes. She took the toilet tissue that was against Amanda's hip away and put a little Neosporin on the cut and then put the band aid over it. "Come on, let's go get you some toast, soak up some of the whiskey." Amanda just nodded and walked with Amanda and sat on the couch. Olivia put the whiskey back in the cabinet and made Amanda some dry toast. She brought it over to Amanda along with some water and a dose of Midol.
"Liv, I don't need the Midol."
Olivia smiled. "It'll help with the impeding hangover. Trust me. A lot of my guy friends in college got made fun of for having a good supply of the stuff. They swore by it, I tried it out, and I don't think I've ever found anything that helps as much."
Amanda nodded and took the pill, and took small bites of her toast. "Where's Brian?" Amanda asked gently.
Olivia shrugged. "No idea, he said he had errands to run. He'll be back later."
Calvin walked over to them. "Amanda, you okay?"
Amanda smiled and nodded. "Yeah," she said gently. "Sorry you have to see me like this."
"I've seen worse," Calvin smiled gently. "I'm just glad you're okay." He hugged her gently.
Olivia couldn't help but smile at the scene before her. Her little family was the perfect example that blood isn't what made a family. Sure, her daughter was related to her by blood, but no one else in the circle of people she considered her family was her family by blood. Sometimes, blood just isn't thicker than water. It was love that made a family, and her little group of family had a whole lot of love for each other. That's what happens when you work with people day in and day out. And Brian, she may not work with him, but she loved him more than anyone she had ever known in her entire life.
Brian grabbed his bag and looked at the woman standing in front of him. "See you tomorrow?"
She nodded. "Yeah, same time okay?"
Brian smiled and nodded. "Perfect." He walked out of the brownstone to his car, putting the bag in the trunk and sliding into the driver's seat and pulled out his phone, calling Olivia.
She answered the phone. "Hey, Bri, you on your way?"
"Yeah, I was going to stop and pick up lunch, you want something?"
"Uh, yeah, you know what I like."
"Babe, what's wrong?"
Olivia took a deep breath, making sure her bedroom door was closed. "Amanda kind of had a little bit of a breakdown early this morning. I'll explain more when you get home. She's asleep on the couch, and will probably wake up with a wicked hangover," she spoke softly, cradling Charlie in her arms, Calvin sitting next to her on the bed.
Brian took a deep breath. "Wow. Okay, you want me to call when I get somewhere to pick up food?"
Olivia smiled gently. "Yeah, that way Calvin can figure out what he wants." She looked down at Charlie. "I love you, Bri."
He smiled gently. "I love you too, baby." They hung up and Brian drove to a little Italian place down the road from the house he just left, calling back to get everyone's order for lunch. He ordered, waited for the food, and then drove back to the house, entering quietly, unsure if Amanda was still asleep. He snuck upstairs and knocked on the bedroom door.
Olivia opened the door and she smiled. "Hey, you." She kissed him gently, bringing the food over to the bed, setting aside Amanda's lunch for when she woke up and felt like eating. "So, Savore, what were you doing in SoHo?"
Brian smirked. "Errands." Olivia took a deep breath. She wanted to know what exactly these errands were, but she didn't want to pry. She kept her mouth shut and ate her salad, without asking any more questions. Brian sensed the tension and he rested a hand on her knee. "Hey, I love you."
She looked over at him and gently caressed his face. "I love you, too." She kissed him softly, dropping her hand to meet his in his lap. They finished their lunch in silence, Calvin went to go play his Xbox and Olivia lay on the bed with Charlie on her chest.
"So, what happened with Amanda?" he asked, lying on his side looking at his fiancée and daughter.
She took a deep breath. "I went downstairs to make breakfast, and noticed that she wasn't on the couch. I heard her crying in the bathroom… After some coaxing she finally opened the door and let me in. She was sitting on the floor, next to a half-empty bottle of SoCo , with a razor blade in her hand."
"My God, did she—"
Olivia nodded. "Yeah. Thankfully it was small, it wasn't too deep. I cleaned and bandaged it up." She took a deep breath. "I made her promise me that she would get some help, and that if she ever wanted to do that again that she'd talk to me."
Brian kissed her shoulder gently. "You did the right thing."
Olivia nodded. "It's all finally hitting her, and I'm afraid if she doesn't get help soon she's going to self-destruct."
The days passed, and Olivia noticed that Brian was leaving and coming home around the same time every morning. He would always bring home lunch from a place in SoHo, and he would always come home smelling like lilies. Well, today, Amanda took Charlie and Calvin to the park so Olivia could confront Brian. This was getting too suspicious for her taste. She saw him come in the bedroom. When he walked over to kiss her, she gave him her cheek.
"What's wrong?"
"Who is she, Bri?"
"Who is—"
"Don't… don't you dare lie to me. It's been almost two weeks," she said in a furious whisper with tears in her eyes. "You leave at eight thirty in the morning and don't get back until almost one. You aren't in your work clothes, and you come home smelling like lilies. Who. Is. She?"
"Liv, you don't understand."
"Apparently not, why don't you fill me in on what the hell is going on."
"I can't."
Her eyes widened and she scoffed. "You can't? You can't tell me what you're doing?" She nodded and then closed her eyes. She rolled her neck and then looked over at him. "Brian, we are getting married in less than three months, and now you're sneaking around with another girl and won't tell me what you're doing with her?"
"Liv, please, baby." He let out a breath and caressed her face. She jerked back. "It isn't what it looks like."
"Then tell me what is."
"Liv, I can't."
"It's not a case. You'd have told me about it. So all I have to go on is that you're cheating on me," she fought the tears. She wouldn't look at him. She wanted to be wrong, but he wasn't doing anything to prove to her that she was wrong. What was she supposed to think?
"Olivia Benson, I would never cheat on you. I love you Olivia. You can trust me."
She shook her head. "I did trust you Brian. But now you're sneaking off to SoHo every morning, what the hell am I supposed to think?" She got up and walked out of the room. "I'm going downstairs."
He put his head in his hands and let out a groan. "What have I done?" He walked downstairs into the living room. He saw her lying on the couch, one leg bent up, the other crossed over her knee, her hands covering her face. She was sobbing; he could see her body shaking from the sobs. He walked over to her and gently ran his fingers through her hair.
She shot up, not bothering to wipe her eyes. "No. Don't you dare."
Brian looked at her. "Liv."
She put a hand up. "If you're going to leave me and the kids, then get out. I'm not playing this fucking game, Brian, I can't." She felt her heart breaking. "You don't get to come home from fucking your little whore of a mistress and tell me you love me and expect everything to be okay."
He stood up and pulled her close, not letting her go, despite her best efforts to get away. "No, Olivia, look at me." He took her face in his hands and forced her to look into his eyes. Her tears were undeniable. "I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'm not cheating on you, Olivia. I can't tell you because it's a surprise for you."
She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "What, are you building me a lily garden?" She shook her head. "I can't stand a heartbreak, Bri, especially not one that's long and drawn out while you decide what you want."
He pulled her closer. "I'm never letting you go, Olivia. I promise you, I love you, and only you. I'm not cheating on you." He had tears in his eyes. He couldn't lose her, not now. Not after all they had been through. "Please, baby, you have to believe me. Please, don't leave me. I can't lose you. I can't imagine life without you."
She saw his tears, she searched his face for any sign that he was lying. She found none. She pulled him in for a passionate kiss, never wanting to let go. She needed him. After a few moments she broke the kiss and looked into his eyes, starting to cry harder. "I'm sorry."
A/N: What IS Brian doing in SoHo? What is Olivia sorry for? Is he actually building her a lily garden? Does Brian have a whore of a mistress, or is it something else? Could this be it? No wedding? No Paris? Olivia raising their children as a single mother? You will have to keep reading to find out.