Health and Safety: Chapter 3 – Knowing Why
The inhabitants of Paternoster Row swap nervous glances as we sail through the time vortex. No one on board this snog box can say where we're going to end up. The Doctor's hands are pressed against my face again, seemingly more worried about me than the fact that we could land somewhere decidedly not nice. I start to breathe heavily and despite myself, my eyes start slipping shut again, his voice is calling me but his face is fading away...
Sara Clisald was reading under the shade of an old maple tree. She was far enough away from her brother's cricket match so that she wasn't in danger of getting hit by a stray ball, but was still close enough that she could hear him laughing and shouting with his friends. Her brother loved playing cricket; it was his escape from a stressful job, his time to just have fun and not worry. While she'd never been as keen on the game, Sara loved to see her brother so happy, and she often came to watch them play. She looked up from her novel to see a handsome blond man appear from out of the blue. He approached her brother and asked if he could join them. Despite her best efforts to continue reading her book, Sara spent most of the afternoon watching this strange man. When it began to get dark out, he graciously thanked her brother for including him, and tipped his hat in her general direction. She felt herself blush a little as she gave him a wave. She'd always believed her brother never looked more cheerful than when he was out on a pitch, but this man had seemed even happier, she thought he must have had a very hard life indeed to take such pleasure in something as simple as a friendly game with strangers…
As soon as my eyes are wide again, the cracking noise bounces off the TARDIS walls, echoing because of the enclosed space. The Doctor's face is right in front of me, his eyes tightly shut and lips curled into a grimace.
I have no doubts about what he is trying to do now; he's reaching out to me with his mind, meaning to protect me from getting lost in myself. The thought of him in my head scares me. I know that a Time Lord has powerful telepathic capabilities, the Doctor rarely uses them, but I know what he can do…he could explore my mind as easily as reading a book if he wanted to.
The TARDIS falls silent. And no one wants to be the first to look out the door to check where we've ended up. Strax eventually steps forward, standing up into a rigid posture.
"I shall claim this land for the glory of the Sontaran Empire!" He declares as he marches to the door, throwing it open and exiting in a dramatic fashion that shouldn't be possible for such a small being.
Vastra turns to her wife.
"Jenny dear, please try to locate the wardrobe and bring the spare set of swords."
"Right away madam."
The Doctor has barely moved at all. I keep my eyes trained on the ground in order to avoid his gaze. Jenny returns a few minutes later carrying a pair of short swords. She ties a silk sash around her waist and tucks one sword into it, before passing the other and a similar sash to her wife. Strax's head reappears at the TARDIS doors.
"After preliminary scouting, I have concluded that it might not be worth the effort to claim this land after all…"
Vastra takes Jenny's hand and follows Strax back out the door, with the Doctor and I bringing up the rear.
As soon as we step outside of the TARDIS, the temperature skyrockets; a bright sun is right over our heads, beating down on us. There is nothing as far as I can see except for tough yellowed grass and dust. The TARDIS has apparently brought us to the middle of nowhere. Off in the distance, I can see some faint outlines that appear to be moving, but they are too far away to be sure.
"Shut the door." The Doctor says to Jenny before taking a few more steps forward, moving me farther away from the TARDIS and taking in our the surroundings.
"Sir, may I request a report as to our current location in order to best plan our next strategy?"
The Doctor makes sure I can stand on my own before crouching down, running his hand over the ground, picking up a handful of dust and letting it trickle through his fingers. He looks worried.
"Earth as far as I can tell, North American Prairies based on the plant life, or the lack thereof… Not much else to go on right now."
Off in the distance, that outline really does seem to be getting closer.
"Doctor." I point to the horizon, my other hand finding his without thinking about it, closing my fingers around his giving a gentle squeeze. Vastra's gaze follows my finger to where I am pointing, eyeing up the figures in the distance, she uses one hand to loosen the sword from the scabbard at her hip while taking a step back to put herself in front of Jenny. The day's events have made us all wary for the people we love it would seem.
Wait, what? Oh, no, no no no no no…
I scrunch my eyes shut like it will somehow undo the thought. My strained expression brings the Doctor's worry back to me instead of whatever might be coming towards us, his hands flying to my face like I'm about to vanish on him. I bat them away and turn my head so I'm not looking him.
But that's it isn't it? I'm done. Finished. I can't tell myself no anymore. I can deny it to everyone else, and I certainly will, or feign ignorance at least, but I can't make a convincing lie to myself, I can't trick myself, not once a day, not twice a day, not even a hundred times a day.
Because why else would I have done what I did..? When I asked River what would happen to me, I already knew. The Doctor had told Simeon, or the Great Intelligence, or whatever it was. Anyone that entered the Doctor's time stream would be scattered across the tracts of his tears, dying but living as echoes all across of time and space.
And I didn't need River to tell me that the echoes wouldn't be the 'real' me. The Doctor had already told me that on our first time out, at Akhaten. When Merry had thought she should give herself up, he had told her exactly what that meant. That meant no more Merry Gajelh, and because she was unique in the universe, as we all are, that wouldn't be a sacrifice, that would be a waste.
What I did wasn't sacrificing myself though, not really. I wasn't some innocent lamb brought to the slaughter. I wasn't giving myself up, I was protecting him, my Doctor, the only way I could. It wasn't a passive decision, it wasn't a rash decision. Nobody made me do it, nobody asked me to do it. I chose to step into his time stream, knowing exactly what the consequences would be.
But that leaves the why, why would I do that. Why would I willingly and knowingly do what I did? There is only one possible answer; I can't con myself with anything else.
I did it because I love him.
And now I've said it, or rather just thought it properly, connected those words together, those words I should not be allowed to think.
It's the only way to save him, isn't it?
That's what I asked River. It was Vastra who went outside, worried about everyone else.
A universe without the Doctor. There will be consequences.
To me it wasn't about the universe, instead of worrying about the uncountable lives he has touched I was only terrified for him, one single person whose entire life was being altered and attacked from within.
The Doctor has moved so I am facing him again, his eyes running over me with a questioning look. His hands are easing up to my face but I pull them down onto my shoulders instead, resting my forehead on his chest for a moment. He drops his head to press a quick kiss against my hair. There is no way I can risk letting him in my mind now. Not after having actually properly thought that through.
When I turn my head back out to the plains, the outline that had been far off in the distance has gotten close to us, it looks like a group of wagons, but with the sun so bright it's still hard to tell. One lone figure has left the group and is coming towards us on their own.
"Sir, permission to engage approaching hostile?"
"How do we know it's hostile?" Jenny asks disapprovingly.
As the figure comes closer, I can see that it's a person on a horse cantering towards us. They slow down once they are a hundred or so feet away, approaching us warily.
Strax postures aggressively and Vastra steps in front of Jenny again.
"Hello, are you okay?" A female voice calls out, one that definitely isn't from anywhere in Britain.
"Um, we're a bit lost actually." The Doctor answers.
She continues to walk closer, and Strax leaps out in front of us.
"Human male, do not come any closer or you will be obliterated!"
"That's a girl Strax." Jenny hisses impatiently at him.
"It's not the first time someone has made that mistake while I am covered up in all this." The girl says with a laugh.
She has a Stetson on her head and a soft looking scarf pulled up around her neck. Most of her frame is hidden by a long, faded grey coat. She swings gracefully down from her saddle, which looks like the kind you always see cowboys riding in.
"Can I help?" She asks, a little hesitant.
Everyone turns to the Doctor, unsure of what to say.
"We… we were heading somewhere when we were attacked, some of us got… hurt. We really need to find someplace to try and recover while we sort out something to do next."
She nods at him.
"Well that's a lot of 'somes.' I can get you out of here at least. Who attacked you, and who are you for that matter?"
The Doctor reaches into his pocket, pulling out the psychic paper.
"How's this?"
The girl eyes up the paper for a few seconds, tilting her head a bit.
"That's blank." She says simply.
All of us gawk at her, somewhat astounded.
"You quite sure bout that miss?" Jenny asks her.
"Well it is now, when he first got it out there were some swirls on it, but it's just plain white paper now." She says quickly, suddenly looking shy.
"We really are lost and we really do need help." The Doctor tells her earnestly.
She looks at the TARDIS for a minute.
"Did you crash land?" She asks.
"No… sort of… We didn't really crash but we didn't end up where we meant to either."
"Okay. Why didn't you just tell me that, instead of trying whatever the trick with that bit of paper is?"
"I didn't know if you would help us or not." He admits.
"Why wouldn't I?"
No idea. Never met you…
I shake my head and manage to focus my thoughts again before the Doctor notices I was temporarily gone. Luckily he's pretty intent on this young girl, well I say young, older than Angie by several years but still a bit younger than me. The Doctor and Vastra finish saying something to her I missed, before she points to the TARDIS.
"Guessing you want to take the ship with you though?"
"Yes… Where are we exactly?" The Doctor asks her.
"Several miles out from Bordure, you're just above the 49th Parallel."
"Lovely. I didn't catch you name?"
"You didn't catch it because I haven't given it. You still haven't told me who you are either. And I asked first." She retorts a bit tersely.
Jenny interrupts before the Doctor has time to reply.
"I'm Jenny Flint; this is Madam Vastra and this is Strax."
"Clara Oswald." I say to her, smiling, I'm still impressed that the psychic paper didn't work on her.
"I'm the Doctor, if anyone else asks its Doctor John Smith."
She tips her hat politely before vaulting back onto her horse.
"Call me Ria. Look, I'm going to recruit some help from the caravan guards, I know you don't really have anywhere else to go, but stay put for now eh?"
A/N: Thank you so much wonderful readers for the reception this has gotten thus far!